The Monster is Unleashed

Spudgy growled at the sight before him; Martina was on the couch, cuddling with Dr. Meemersworth and cooing sweet words in his ears. Again.

First Monday, then Tuesday, and then the rest of the week. It was upsetting, so he rubbed himself against Martina's foot, but she just kicked him away and held the cat up.

"Spudgy! What are you doing?" She exclaimed. "Can't you see I'm with Dr. Meemers right now?"

The white puppy whimpered and retreated back to his bed located on the other side of the room as the cat practically smirked at him. With his tail drooping in between his legs and his ears flattened in disappointment, he slumped onto the bed and sighed.

What was so fun about having a cat purr on your lap? Wasn't touching a puppy's tummy better? Spudgy thought. He hated the fact that Dr. Meemers was the center of attention. That darn kitten had taken his place in the family and he didn't like it one bit.

C l a n g ~ !

A loud clang suddenly came from the kitchen. Spudgy's ears perked up as he heard some more clanging and clinking of metal and wood. Curious, he went over to the kitchen and looked inside to see his male owner picking up the cooking tools, pans, and plates he had knocked over.

"Man, I'm staaaaarving, but Martina won't make me anything edible to eat!" Simon whined, throwing a mini-tantrum. "I need to eat!"

Spudgy stared at the super mature figure before him and a brilliant plan came to mind. What if Spudgy gave Simon some ranch? Not a lot of ranch, just enough to make Simon go crazy and wreck up the apartment, since everyone knew Simon could only get hyper on his favorite dressing. Once Martina realizes why Spudgy did it, she'll go back to loving him and ditch that rotten kitty.

Yes, it was the perfect plan, Spudgy cackled to himself, walking over to Martina's secret stash of ranch, which was locked in a secret vault behind a random anime drawing of the EatYourKimchi crew. She hid them behind the framed picture on the wall because she knew Simon wasn't smart enough to look there.

Using his head to make the painting swing to the right, he whacked the keypad on the wall with his paw several times before the vault opened, revealing a hidden fridge holding hundreds and hundreds of ranch bottles.

Gnawing on the lids of two bottles, the puppy dragged the dressings back to the kitchen as the vault shut closed behind him and the painting fell back to place. Simon was too busy staring at the ceiling, so Spudgy took this chance to put the bottles on the kitchen table and run back out to the hall.

"Hmm, I wonder how the stains on the ceiling got there." Simon said, lowering his head and seeing the bottles of ranch before him. "Whoa, what do we have here?"

Spudgy peeked back inside, centimeter by centimeter, and watched as his male owner picked the bottles up one by one as a grin appeared on his face.

"Who cares about Martina and what she's cooking for dinner? I have ranch!!" Simon cried. "I HAVE RANCH!"

Giggling like a fourth grade girl that just got her nails done, he screwed off the green cap of one bottle and chugged it all down, drinking it like a refreshing cup of water. Spudgy's eyes widened as he finished it and moved on to the other bottle, throwing the empty one somewhere behind him.

It took only a few seconds before they were both empty. Simon let out a huge burp and rubbed his stomach, sinking down on one of the kitchen chairs.

"Now that was a satisfying meal." He sighed. "But if only I could eat ramen too, then that would be- AWESOME!" In the middle of talking to himself, Simon had felt this weird jolt in his system and sat straight up in the chair, eye twitching and the volume of his voice being unconciously raised. "Whoa, why do I feel so... alive?"

The man from Canada stood up and ran out of the kitchen and into the same room that held his wife and pet kitty. Spudgy, worried about what the outcome would be, followed and stopped walking just in time to dodge a flying table.

Wait, a flying table?

Simon had picked up the table in front of the couch, the same table he did SISTAR19's bear- dance on, and thrown it across the room. Martina looked up at him in horror. "Simon, what are you doing?!"

"What does it look like?" He replied, picking up the table again and aiming it at the door. "I'm flipping a table!"

"Simon-"

Too late; the table made contact with the front door and it swung open, barely hanging on its hinges. With that, Simon skipped out of the door and into the innocent world outside singing TVXQ's Balloons.

Martina just sat there, blinking at the door as Dr. Meemers her finger, trying to get her attention. Slowly turning her head, she saw Spudgy hiding in the corner and motioned him to come closer. "What just happened?"

Spudgy was about to get up and try to explain it in doggie language but then the sound of glass breaking and a car alarm going off was heard outside.

"Okay, now I'm getting a really bad feeling about this." Martina trailed off, cocking her head to the side and her invisible mustache. Then realization hit her and she stood up, forgetting about the kitty in her lap and Dr. Meemers fell to the floor, screeching.

"He's hyper, isn't he?" She said aloud to no one in particular. Then she picked Dr. Meemers up and shook him repeatedly. "He's hyper! And there's only one thing that can get him that hyper!"

Trying to figure things out, Martina went over to the anime EYK painting and looked inside the vault. She spun around with a panicked look on her face. "There are two bottles missing! I remember the last time I checked there were exactly sixteen bottles of ranch in here!"

Pacing back and forth, she bit on her lip and her eyebrows furrowed in worry. "What should I do? This could be bad..." Dr. Meemers, obviously bored that nobody was paying attention to him, crawled over to the TV and turned it in with his paw. Up came the SBS morning news.

A young woman was shown on the screen, standing outside on a familiar street and talking into a microphone. Not really caring about what she was saying, Martina shut her voice out and just glanced at the TV. But that one glance showed her something important.

Martina froze and right there, on the screen, was her very own husband, Simon Stawski. Her jaw dropped at the headline of the screen; Weird Polish Giant: on a rampage on the streets of _____. Very dangerous, four people have already been injured.

Simon suddenly obtained superhuman strength, lifted the newsreporter off her feet, and threw her in a nearby shopping cart. "Now the world is safe, thanks to the Batman and his sidekick Robin!" He cried. "Wait, I need to go find someone to be Robin..." And then he ran out of the range of the camera, flailing his arms like an octopus.

"Oh, no! I must stop him before he goes and destroys everything!" Martina said and ran over to her closet. She flung open the doors and jumped inside. A few seconds later, she jumped back out, all decked out in a white labcoat over a fuzzy brown bear suit. She whipped on a pair of funky pink sunglasses and held up a giant machine gun. "Operation C.A.P.'S (CAPture Simon Before Unicorns Talk Trashy) is now a go!"

With that, she ran out of their apartment to stop Simon from annihilating Korea while Spudgy, curious of the outcome, followed right behind her. Dr. Meemers just shrugged and hopped back onto the couch, his paw.