D O U B T

Doubt - To waver, hesitate or be undecided in opinion or judgment or belief; and to be in uncertainty as to belief respecting anything.

HyunJoong

He never thought that it was possible for him to feel these strong emotions all on his own. He never thought it was even possible for any angel to feel anything other than the feelings that of humans, specifically their wards...

And these feelings were overwhelmingly strong & potent. He could literally taste it on his tongue - strongly potent, bitter and sour. Its taste was stronger than the taste of blood.

Emotions he could clearly recognize as that of betrayal, unfairness and pain. And beneath all those emotions that were new, strange and unidentifiable for him.

With all those feelings converging into him all he could think of doing was confronting Uriel - the head of the entire soul-Guide angel. Cause he was literally getting lost in his emotion and situation...

"Uriel... Uriel... Uriel...” he called. Silence was rebounded back to him. And he screamed his lungs out, "Uriel...!”

he screamed and screamed some more until wind came rushing through the room and in came a winged angel..

"HyunJoong what do you need...? " asked the winged angel before him. He was face to face with the mentor he had respected for more than a thousand years, "Uriel, WHY didn’t you tell me..?"

Uriel's face was impassive despite the accusing words he fired at him.

Uriel gave a question in answer, "you are asking why i didnt tell you that when Luna saves people in turn a part of her dies?"

Upon hearing the confirmation, his eye sight became dark. He was at loss for words and clinched his hands together to restrain himself, slowly anger was taking over him.

"Remember you are an angel HyunJoong. We were created by God as guides for the Humans on Earth." the angel advised him mightily.

"And you HyunJoong are one of my own, and we are specifically duty bound to guide these souls to the discovery of their path. And in this instance it is Luna's true path to heal and to give a part of her in exchange..." he said now more solemnly

He looked at Uriel with Burning gaze, "...but why this path, when it only leads to her agony and death... waeyo...? waeyo uriel..?"

Uriel looked at him puzzled, "before i answer that, answer me first: why are questioning our duty now when for centuries you have never questioned..?"

he had no clear answer cause he himself has no clear reason of his strong emotion, "I do... do--don’t, I mean it's cause its unfair that she should give up her life after going through all the agony of losing all her loved ones. and now she has no one by her side cause we have taken it all from her but what you are saying is that it was not enough. Now we are taking her life as well... isn’t that too much..?"

Uriel looked at him, "HyunJoong, you are one of my oldest and most wise angels. And you should understand more than anyone that the path towards God is not easy. And in this case sacrifices must be made."

"and in this instance I think your ward understands this... so why cant you..?" Uriel asked looking directly in his eyes.

He interrupted Uriel saying, "its cause she is blinded by her own reasons her reasons that has nothing to do with her true path and destiny..."

Uriel Shook his head & said, "you must understand this duty you have Hyunjoong, cause this is your fate as much as that her sacrificing her life is her fate..."

the words given by his mentor seemed too hard too comprehend, it was nothing like anything he lived his whole being for,'God is good..'. and uriel added, "right now you are losing yourself… Dont let this be”

"No I am not, I am still the same HyunJoong.." he denied

"I am myself, I just dont understand this duty anymore..." he said more vehemently

He continued pleadingly now, "...But tell me why like this, why does she have to suffer, why her..? why this sacrifice..? Couldn’t she just live the way she is..?"

Uriel shook her head and looked at him "Hyunjoong we are first and foremost soldiers of God. as i have said our duty is to lead humans to their True path to God. And Luna is just doing what she is supposed to do and you are also tasked to lead her to that path...."

"But this is wrong.." he shouted.

he was lost, he didn’t know where he was...

he was numb, he didn’t know what to feel...

he was full of emotion but he didn’t know what they were....

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Luna

She woke up, and she felt his absence. She called him but he never answered. she longed for him but he wasn’t there...

She closed her eyes again and suffered through the pain and agony alone. She was feeling the pain more and more each moment. And now as she was confined in the Bed of the hospital. She felt lonelier than anything she has ever felt before...

She called him through the wind, "hhHhh--HHyyu--..Hyyuunnnn---jjooOOnn---HyUN---JJJoooONNnnnGGgg..."

she called him again, in a whisper, "hyun-- Joooonggg----"

But her words were drowned in the wind...

- * - * - * - * - * - * -  * - * - * - * - * - * -

HYun Joong

He ran to the gates of heaven & earth and looked for the man he knew would be the only one who could help him.

He called him, "Taecyeon... Teacyeon..."

"Yes...?" asked the ethereal soul of Taecyeon. Looking at him, even as a soul he radiated.

"Please help me... help Luna... Please...” he begged

"You are Kim HyunJoong right... one of Uriel’s angel..?" Teacyeon said

They were facing each other at the borderline of the gates to heaven and earth, he belonged in this place but strangely enough right now he was feeling more out of place than anything on earth.

He ignored the question and went on to demand, "please save Luna, you love her right... then save her.. Talk to her... Convince her..."

Taecyeon looked at him questioningly, "convince her..? Save her...? Only you can do it...”

"How can I..? when I am here...?" Teacyeon asked

"You can call her, she would hear you out and listen if you say that she has to stop healing... you will be the only one to convince her.. i can bring you to her..." hyunjoong said with heat in his words

Taecyeon was pensive for a while, "...but why are you doing this... isn’t it her destiny to do this..? And isn’t it your duty to guide her in this path...? Why are you asking me to undo the path you have laid for out her..?"

He didn’t know how to answer...

Then Taecyeon continued "and ultimately this is her choice, so what ever i tell her she will not listen... that is LUna..."

he contradicted him fast, "anyo, she will listen to you. You are her oppa who until now she mourns for... her oppa who is the reason she is sacrificing her life… her oppa who she wants to be by her side... the oppa she wants to see so much so she is sacrificing her life until death.."

Taecyeon looked at him, "but then you didn’t answer my question , why are you doing this. An angel stopping his ward toward her destiny…. Why..?"

"And it’s because of that… I am asking you this cause she is my ward and I don’t want her to be in agony anymore..?" he answered with pain.

"chenchwa..?" taecyeon asked in a whisper

"Yeah... DE.." he forcefully answered.

"This time you have been by her side you should have understand by now that I will not be able to help you… I will not be able to convince her… I no longer have that right & power...” Taecyeon reasoned

"Waeyo.. Of course you have because you are her Oppa…” he looked at Teacyeon striaght in his eyes.

“No HyunJoong. you are misunderstanding some things…” Teacyeon tried to clarify

“No, I am not, I understand perfectly & clearly. I know that she is doing this so that she can to come to you... and if you tell her not to do it she would listen to you, please" he begged again.

Taecyeon shook her head, "anyo, I think you are totally misunderstanding her..."

He was going crazy and this Taecyeon that she loved so much didnt even care, "hey you, come on just do it. Just save her..."

Taecyeon shook his head, looked at him with his gentle eyes and said again, "you have been with her for more than 2 months, Right..?"

" reading her every thought, sensing her emotion. " he continued.

"I think you should be able to understand now about her. And her decision to heal people is more than because of me….” he said now more solemnly.

He was seething with emotion and this Taecyeon was calmly continuing his explanation as, “her being your ward, you should have been able to understand the real reason she wants to do this..."

Then hyunjoong left taecyeon at the gates with those puzzling words.

He left him confused and more volatile in emotion than anything in this world

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Luna

Wind rushed through the window caressing her cold cheeks. She sighed in the cold night. She concentrated yet again, trying to will her legs to move but like the million tries before, her legs remained unmoving and unfeeling.

She knew that this path she walked on had been her choice. But even knowing and deciding it through, fear still lingered in her mind. And now lying in bed alone, fear was consuming her heart like cancer - slow and agonizing...

And even in the loneliness of the night she tried to call him, to sense him, to feel him but nothing.

she was alone...

And once again her gift had become a curse; another person in her life is yet again gone due to her curse of healing...

In the cold & dark night with just the quarter moon as her witness tears flowed though her eyes as well as her heart. tears as hot and as painful as blood seeping through her flesh..