P A I N

Pain - is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage, or described in terms of such damage.

HyunJoong

He watched her from his position like a cat watching its kittens. He stayed with her, never leaving her presence. He stayed at her side like her shadow and her guide -- feeling her...

He watched as her fingers seem to skim through the white & black blocks of the piano with sad longing and heart wrenching melody. As her fingers moved from one high "do...” to another flat "re.." the melody engulfed his heart and mind with her true and real heart. the melody of her present music tells a story a sad harmony of life. He felt her pain -- agonizing, unbearable and heartbreaking. It was possessing her whole entire being to the core.

As he watched her, heard her and sensed her; he felt her soul at the point of darkest of oblivion. With her emotions like that of a dragging-on old movie from the 20's, slow and agonizing.

He sat in the corner of the room looking at her and listening to her sad music. He battled with himself with what to do. To comfort her thus showing himself to her or stay as his silent guardian and be the shadow  in the crevices of her existence.

Just when he thought that the music finished with a crescendo of high notes, she banged all her hands to the keys of the piano and called into the dark night of the room, "oppa, I need you... come back..." she called to the empty space with her unshed tears feeling like hot lava on her eyes.

"Taec-oppa, my superman, I need you..." she whispered brokenly and unshed tears still lingered at the corners of her eyes. As she placed her head on her hands..

The room was taken over by sad, heart-wrenching & uncontrollable weeping and cries, "oppa.... oppaa.... oppa.."

As much as he would have like to be right next to her -- hugging and comforting her. He knew that she needed time, she needed to breathe by herself, & she needed to stand on her own 2 feet.

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Luna

She watched as snow flakes shower the earth with its pure white confetti. She could still see the pureness of the white blanket in the street. And through her straining eyes from the endless unshed tears she watched the beauty that was called nature.

Each passing day she wakes up from a dream. a dream where her Taecyeon-oppa will come to her bed and kiss her forehead gently, but when reality finally ushers itself in her dreamlike state, pain seeps through her heart that crushes every single will she has. and her nightmare of a reality begins where everything she loves is taken from her.

Now looking at the white blanket of purity she sat there hating the beauty and creation that was bestowed upon earth. she looked up at the sky and though darkly, 'God are you really real..? if you are why are you so unfair..?'

'why do you make such useless things like this in nature and for me you give endless pain... why...?'

No one answered. the silence ruled everything in her life, 'huh i guess there is no such thing as God..'

She held her right wrist with her left hand. Turning her hand around it a dozen times, feeling her pulse..

'i want it to end..' she thought brokenly as she felt her heart, mind and soul crumble. Slowly & torturingly she has been feeling the breaking of every single cell of her body from pain. she looked around her room and realized that there was no one by her side.

There was no one to care for her, no one to love her and no one for her. everyone that was by her side was taken.

she thought 'I am alone', at the realization of her present nightmare

'Please oppa can you hear me...' she cried brokenly, calling to the silence

'you said you were my superman, that will always be by my side.." she grudgingly accused Taecyeon

'Please come back, you promised me...' she cried to herself

Then screaming her hearts out she cried, "make it end... "

She clutched & hugged herself into a tight ball. The tears that seem to shy away from falling felt like blood in its unshed pain. As her sobs came with the same intensity of a typhoon she called out in the silence of the space. Her screams was racking her body like the earthquakes in the faultlines.

'Why not me?', she asked and there was no answer

"It should have been me..." she screamed to the walls 

'This is my doing...' she cried her guilty heart to the isolation of her apartment.

And in the lonely & empty room, her voice, pleas, screams came and resounded, echoed back at her answering her with pure deafening silence.

It has been 3weeks of mourning for her loss. and as she hibernated to her apartment, the intensity of her loneliness and the agony of guilt was simply crushing all sanity in her...

With the 3 weeks of pure silence, her sanity snapped and finally she screamed, "oppa I will follow you.. Okay..?" she asked to the wind. Hoping that it will carry her heartfelt message to where her Taecyeon oppa was. "okay oppa..."

And as if her Taecyeon-oppa was just there by her side, she heard him call, 'Luna... don’t be hurt anymore...'

'oppa..?' she looked up wishing it was Taecyeon

"Please don’t hurt anymore.." said the familiar yet unfamiliar heartwarming voice that seemed to call for her

"Live Luna... please live..."called the voice from the wind

She looked around, hair flying all over the place, "o-o-oo--op-pp--opppaaa.." she stutteref

"Please Luna... live & fulfill your life to the fullest..." his voice that seem to double & echo was filling her thoughts and head

'oppa, you're here right..? This is not a dream...?', she asked standing up on her weak jelly-like legs

Then she felt a very familiar warm presence, 'oppa where are you..?'

"hmmnnnn..." answered the voice.

'oppa please...I don’t care if I go insane just as long as you are with me..' she turned around looking for the source of the voice but to no avail. she seemed alone.

"oppa..!" she screamed with her straining throat making her to feel the a million pins pain

Then as a very familiar warm feeling came upon her she started to turn, then she felt him on her back stopping her every movement.

Then she felt the a whisper saying, "please live...”

She felt the warm familiar touch on her right arm. She marveled at the touch, it had felt like forever since she felt a touch from another being and she called ".. ooppaa.." in a broken whisper

and with more presence and warmness he said,"please live..."

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Hyun Joong

He stood just millimeters away from her, touching her right arm gently. He felt her leaping emotions like a panther on a prey hunt. He knew she was on the edge of everything. She was at the bounderies of sanity and insanity. He knew and felt that she was also in the border of life ad death. And he felt compelled to call her, to comfort her, to talk to her..

"Luna..." he said as he caressed her arm

"Oppa...?" she whispered under her breath.

He felt the tremble in her body, it started from her feet straight to her heart, and the arms he was touching was shivering..

She turned around with her head bowed. He felt her dreams, doubts, wishes, hopes and guilt engulfing her entire being all at the same time.

Looking at her bowed head he felt her head shook and the eyes that never shed a tear now racked with convulsing tears came...

And with her weak legs already struggling to stand her up, she stood unbalanced. The screaming sobs racking her body like a volcano was dominating the apartment. Suddenly lost his hold on her arms and she feel on her knees.

He placed both his hands on her face, her crying & screaming dominating her body and spreading all over the room. Her voice was being carried to the corner of the street.

He kneeled in front of her. Looking at her, he felt her heart wrenching and heart breaking pain. He felt a peculiar pull from her. He felt gravitated to her like the moon to the earth, like a positive magnet to a negative one.

And in a split of a second his arms circled her in an embrace, an embrace that was intended to comfort her. the embrace and comfort that has been nagging at him for the longest time.

It was an hour of screaming cries and incoherent pleas from her. and all through out her outburst he imprisoned her in the embrace that was full of understanding and comfort.

"Are you him..?" came the silent voice in a the most low volume whispered he has ever heard.

He knew what she was asking. As much as he wanted to fulfill her silent plea, he knew that she knew the answer to her question...

And as much as he wanted to break the truth to her, he couldn’t add another nail to be pierced to her heart and all he could say was, "Luna you must live... "

"Live..." he whispered to her again with much heat.

"Live..." he repeated in a more powerful voice

"And live your destiny...” he said with finality.

Because they both knew that he was not him..? He was not Taecyeon. He was not her lover. He was not her dead lover come back to life. He is not Taecyeon come back to life to be by her side...

And also because they both knew that she knew who he was,  Or more of, felt who he is. Because she knew that he was not of this earth. And that he was a messenger to her, especially to her.

And through all the silence all he wanted to say was, ‘my name is hyunjoong..’

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Luna

She knew he was by her side again. She can feel him as much as the cold breeze of the winter season on her skin. She tried to block him from every senses of her being but he seemed like the air that she breathes, he was always around her.

She hated him & hated the fact the time when he finally revealed himself to her. She wished he had been her Taecyeon. Because those people that she love that was taken from her never ever comes back to her side. they leave her forever.

'That is how cruel life is...'. she thought.

And now looking at the tall, boyish guy playing & frolicking like a grade school kid in the cold snow she recalled 'that' moment as she closed her eyes at the present

'oppa, its you right..?' she thought as she was slumped on the cold floor crying, sobbing, weeping her heart out. She felt him - warm, somewhat comforting and surreal..

She closed her eyes afraid to look, to see and to sense him.

She was taken into his embrace. a bear hug and and within the confines of his warm, securing, gentle, pure & familiar yet unfamiliar embrace she felt somewhat at peace.

she sobbed, screamed her pain into his arms for what seemed like eternity.

it was a reveal for her to have a shoulder to cry on now 'it is truly you taec-oppa, right..'. No one ever cared about the weirdo jinxed little girl named Hwang Luna that was she. But now with his presence she marveled at how a simple touch of another being, was a marvel to experience.

But in the slightly comforting moments her thought went to Taecyeon, 'please, it’s you oppa... right..?'

As she cried and cried, she knew, felt the truth of his true identity.

After eternity of crying, she restored her courage & finally stopped herself from believing an illusion that her oppa was back. She slightly moved her head and motioned for him to let her go.

When she did, she was welcomed by the sight of his glowing and warm sight. she looked at his mystical eyes she saw the age of his soul.

She knew upon looking at him, recognizing him as the man who helped her when she met heechul that she was not of this world or not of this plane.

She knew of who he was, what he was and what his purpose was into coming & finally revealing himself to her. And the confirmation that he wasn’t what she wish he was and the truth of his true identity was like a double edge sword pierced in to her already broken heart...

She was watching him from a distance, she knew now that he is an angel 'how ironic is that' she thought half heartedly.

she knew his mission from the words he spoke to her a couple of day ago, "you have a gift, a gift to save people, you must use it.." he had said & all she wanted to do was scream the unfairness of the whole experience

She refused to do the higher powered bidding, 'what have they ever done for me....'

'They take everything important to me, no one is left.. For me...' she thought at her loss.

She hated his presence, as warm as comforting it was, his presence was like the plague to her. and she hated what his presence signified. The unfair bids from the most unrighteous person

Then from the corner of her eyes she saw a dog staggering on her feet, she ran to them looking at the sad looks of the from the dogs eyes, he was pleading to be save, struggling to live...

she sat beside the wounded dog, then words stuck and buried came back up words she never wanted to say & think again. Cursed words that made her lose all that was dear to her, 'please save her...' she cried

as she felt the familiar squeaky sensation of warmness traveling to her body towards the dog, she felt him coming back to life & safety. But she also felt steady physical pain on her leg that she has never experience before in her healing.

she continued her cries in her head, ignoring the unfamiliar sensation, 'please save her...'

And as higher power hear her prayers the dog now stood in its 4 legs - steady & strong. She patted the dog and her barks seemed to express gratitude was conveyed to her efficiently

Looking as the dog ran around of her, she saw the life she has saved & felt the losing of sensation of her leg and a tiny feel came over her, and she understood now the consequence of saving the dog.

she thought out loud, "since i have no more loved ones to in exchange for a life saved so this pain means that the consequences if this.. Me..."

She closed her eyes and  fully sense the physical pain. in her physical agony she thought, 'this is painful but not as the agonizing as the pain in the heart'.

She watched again as the angel that was her unwanted guardian play & frolic and she understood that the pain in her foot was his gift. but as she lingered of the pain she knew that no one was non the wiser about the truth..

She now see the path laid out to her, 'save people like all the loved one said to her before - her umma, her appa and her oppa. And the best part is no one needs to suffer but her...'

She stood looking at the horizon as the sun sets with its golden beauty over the white blacket of the mountain. Her face was blank as the snow in the mountain, But then she had years of poker game with her life, to deceiving everyone of the truth about her, her agony and her fear....

Healing and saving with a price. There had always been a price & now it was her...

The human creator was asking for payment, and she is going to pay with life as much as her loved ones paid for their life. She was slowly giving her life away...

She feels it now - burning inside her...