Thursday, October 21, 2010, 5:12 PM

Title: 5/5
When I first saw the title, I was thinking the story was going to just be a cliche. I wasn't expecting it to be that literal. But after reading the story, it makes sense. The title fits perfectly. Love it.

- actually I didnt first know how to place the title.

i gave some other suggestions to mary

for the title and in the end she picked "Shadow of an angel" 
 

Background/Poster: 5/5
I, being a designer myself, find it easy to "nit-pick" at every little thing in a poster. But the graphic isn't the main focus, the storyline is. So all in all, I think the poster (as I said with the title) fits very well. HyunJoong looks very 'angelic,' Taecyeon looks calm and proud, and Yoona is kind of just blankly staring out. The colors and arrangement suit the mood. The clock obviously symbolizing time, and if I'm not mistaken the watery scene represents a haven-like place (heaven). Everything clicks in the right position.

- well I can't Take credit for this one

cause Mary did it. Well as far as I know Mary has some great MOJOs on BGs

Forewords: 10/10
I thought it was very catchy putting each of your chapters' one word titles in the forewords. It's clever and doesn't reveal too much of the story. Good job.

- i love my forewords for this fanfic also..

kekeke I am kind of bragging about this part

 

Plot: 13.5/15
The whole idea of god and angels slightly shook me away from the plot. I'm a very literal person most of the time. One thing I have to pick at. You gave the all powerful "God" a name. I think that was revealing too much. You should've kept the being nameless, shroud him (or her, but clearly him) in enough mystery to have him/her keep the 'superior being' title, but still shed enough light to achieve the same effect of showing that HyunJoong was going against what his god wanted him to do.

- i didnt get this part about giving "God" a name,

i'll try to read later to get some idea how to revise the story

Creativity/Originality: 15/15
Although other people may say that anything to do with angels is cliché, I disagree. I think cliché means that the gist is a duplicate. Your gist is not. Your story implies a lot of meaning and out of the box thinking. I liked that. 

- Thanks you saying this. and I agree about angels not cliche stories.

for me at the moment the cliche stories are that of vampires and warewolves.   
 

Flow: 7/10
The beginning of your story really had me thinking that I wouldn't like the story, but as I kept reading I noticed that your story had more meaning than literal text. When someone starts out reading a story, you want to pull them in and keep them in. At first, you pulled me in, but then you lost some of your grip on my interest when you introduced Heechul. From there, the 'kiddy' insults took control of your flow. You did very well in the second half of the story, but you were kind of lacking in the beginning.
 

- i do know that THIS is the part where I have to work on also

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6.5/10
Some things in your story were...poorly worded. They were grammatically 'rough.' You should re-read entire sections at a time to make sure everything sounds right. You had some run-ons, a few spelling errors, some verb-tense disagreements in the beginning, and some missing punctuation. Try not to use more than two commas in a sentence. It keeps the sentence from dragging on.

- this was seriously the part where I was most scared of.

I am the writer who just writes what is on my mind then

just goes ahead and post it with out checking for grammatical

/spelling errors. this is my greatest problem.

I will try and re-edit some parts.. any suggestions..?
 

Characterization: 13/15
I can't really take off here because you only had three characters and usually kept updated on them throughout the story. There are just two things. One: you introduced Heechul in the beginning. I was expecting him to be an important character, but you kind of just made him disappear after the first chapter. Try not to put too much emphasis on one character that you're not going to use ever again. And two: the constant POV switching. It got a little confusing. In the middle of your story, I kept on wanting to get HyunJoong and Taecyeon mixed up. I think you should add some more physical details to the characters to help the readers distinguish between them. 


Writing Style: 10/10
Your writing style seemed like you wrote the way you would tell the story out loud. It supported your mood.


Overall enjoyment: 5/5
In the beginning I enjoyed the story, and in the end I enjoyed it. The middle was a little confusing, and when it wasn't confusing it was moping-moping-moping. :( I didn't take off for the moping part because the storyline called for it. I didn’t take off for the slight confusion because that made the story interesting and complex. And reflecting back on your story, I really enjoyed it. :]


 

TOTAL: 90/100

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