His fingertips brushed her side as he walked past her , sending her what little assurance he could offered to give , his touch lingered behind as his steps neared the chair and he lowered himself to it , that simple gesture left a fading scent of his desire and longing  and she found similar feeling rising within her . She wanted to grab his hand, intrust her body within his arms and let there never wavering lust after one another do the rest.

Yun with her arms crossed in a gesture to comfort her self just minutes before found herself blushing furiously, her thoughts drifting to dangerous grounds and all too vivid images. and Youngbae now seated on a high wooden chair held a look that managed to take her already rapid breath away, his face unmasked, telling her of his own thoughts, the ones that flowed on the same track as hers, his lips seemingly satisfied with what her face portrayed, awarding her with their own sense of appeal, a small smug smile that still managed to have its effect on his smiling eyes.

Of all the emotions Youngbae managed to portrait in their time together this was the one she feared the most, for him to turn her mind to a mess that easily, that quickly wasn't right. And at that moment Yun finally came to realize that he was doing just that, pulling her away from her thoughts, replacing the sad echo they held, turning her away from her shivering heart to her now shivering knees.

Her eyes unconsciously tightened, her mind hating how easily she turned away from it, yet she found herself sending out a small thankful smile, her heart grateful for him...

Lim Yun heart was always grateful for him, for he was the man that held her close despite her rough edges, the person who passionately listened despite her unwise words and it was him ... and only him that she would so trustfully give her future to.

The room she found so awful at first , the place she so dreaded walking into held its weight on her no more and when Youngbae turned the chair breaking their gaze , the slightest shadows of the previous thoughts  seemed to creep up back again but only to be broken by his melodic laugh ...

" I don't see this ending well , my dad is going to butcher my hair ....i just know it " looking at the tall mirror leaning against the wall Youngbae playfully complained  , his hands reaching up to touch his lengthening hair and Yun couldn't help the sadness that showed in her intended light hearted smile .

“he couldn't be that bad " she defended and it was only with effort that she managed not to yell to him not to talk about it, but as soon as his eyes locked with hers, this time through the mirror, his playful expression begin to wear out, tense lines appeared around his eyes and lips and she cursed at herself for making whatever he seen in her face slip.

She held his stare for a second, willing her face to loosen and said with thankfully a lighter voice “i just don't get why this of all things is considered a family tradition!”

He looked away from her for a second, then back ….  again the mirror their only connection " it's just is ... grandpa did it for dad, and dad just thought of it as a valuable thing to share with his sons, he did it when Hyung went and it's my turn now " Yun found her self-captivated with the emotion his voice held, yeah, she easily picked up the deep pride he felt in it " i guess it a Dong kind of thing " he added.

What could her possible replay to that? Could she admit just how much she hated it, how hard she wished she could leave and not be present to witness his hair being chopped off as a final or was it considered the first act in his army enlistment. The Dong's family and their home always brought warmth to her, as awkward as the first time she stepped in it was, she would never want to forget it, she didn't want to forget Youngbae's mom snug hug or his father's compliments but this room sent chill down her back and she wanted her time in it to end.

That day didn't start much different ... if not more intimate than that first visit and she appreciates the inclusion in their farewell family dinner. She felt touched, in return all she could offer is her grateful smile and her rushed clumsy helping hand to Youngbae's mother, when dinner was over all that was left was this troublesome tradition and she couldn't help meeting it with a heave heart.

Behind her came the loud voice of Youngbae's older brother HyunBae, in a carefree conversation with his soft spoken father as they walked to the room they were in, she hurriedly pulled a smile to greet them and as she was turning toward the door she caught a troubled look on Youngbae's face, what was its reason she didn't know but when she took a second look it was gone, in its place a deep smile she didn't dare call unreal.

“Dongsaeng” HyunBae called brightly “you better not be sulking back there” Yun didn't know who he was addressing, maybe the both of them but she decided to keep quite either way.

It didn't talk long after getting there for her  to realize the effort HyunBae was making to lighten the mood , his usual voice wasn't much higher than Youngbae’s or their father's . His actions always held a more playful taste different from his other family members but it was too obvious how extravagant his actions were that afternoon.

The two older men gave her a smile as they entered the room; HyunBae hand reached toward her and riffled her loose hair, Yun put up with it for a second then grumpily moved her head from under it.

“We should cut your hair while we're at it” he teased, refereeing to her almost waist length hair.

“We should cut your tongue while we're at it as well " his mother walking with a bowl of fruits added , she placed it on a table in the corner and smilingly gestured to Yun to eat something , who declined softly .

For some reason the room fell into an ugly silence after that, everyone at a loss of what to do or say next.

“why is everyone acting like we won’t be seeing him at all for the next two years, he will have his first day off in less than two months " HyunBae said but at their unresponsive still gleam faces he added with fake anger " no one cared much when i did it, you cut my hair in five second then sent me out of the door and i was three years younger than him then"

“i guess we should get it over with before Hyung turn this to a mild drama " Youngbae affectionately spoke up and just like that life was breathed into the rest, his dad moved to the table holding the fruit bowl and grabbed something from behind it that Yun hadn't noticed before, she stared at the electric razor he held, tightened, then moved to take one final look at Youngbae. He had left his hair to grow at her casual request on morning.  unstyled , it's front lay covering his forehead and she wished to run her hand  through it for one last time but with self-control managed to only clinched her hands tight .

when the machine was started, Yun flinched at the noise she deemed as cruel and as if only then hitting her, a small thought came to the upper front of her mind, taking hold of her every sense ... what will she do when she wake up at night missing him, not even the phone she saw as insufficient would be there for him to comfort her through ... in two days’ time he would be gone.

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“What’s the point of me standing here if i have to keep my eyes shut ?" she tried raising her voice over the sound of the razor but whether they heard her or chose to ignore her cry she didn't know .

Two more minutes passed and aloud roar of laughter came from all three men, Yun was afraid to ask about it and couldn't sneak a peek knowing too well that HyunBae would be watching closely, so she was stuck facing the wall with her eyes tightly shut.

" Isn’t that the Mohawk you used to have back then , oh wait it was hair in the middle and shaved sides  ..  " the older brother sent her way in an effort to tease  but Yun already found a distraction from wondering over their childish action .. How long was Youngbae's mom gone from the room she didn't know, where's to she could only guess but she didn't want to stand there anymore so she left the room and the boyish games of the men.

The house wasn't that big , so she didn't think she would be lost if she went to explore the never visited before rooms but decided to play it safe and only check the kitchen ... if the older women wasn't there then who was she to go looking for her in more private places .

" Ajumni " Yun called from behind the other women back , the hand that was rinsing the plate paused for a second , a long sight and a small " Yun”  but when she turned to face her  , the hand was already moving again and a smile was painted on the mom's face . Yun wasn't much fooled but decided to go with it.

"Didn’t you say i could help with the cleaning up?” she tried a fake hurt tone but her acting must have been too strong or too real because the smile from the other face was gone.

“I .. I wasn't really cleaning " Yun was taking back a little by the broken sound of YB's mom , knowing she wouldn't be much comfort to the older women if she decided to speak up , she wanted to leave her be ... but her legs wouldn't move  and still at the foot of the kitchen door she wondered if she should leave her like that even if she could?

" Youngbae ... " his mom whisper ".... all the wrong i did with that kid "

" Ajumni  " Yun softly tried , her desire to leave forgotten .

" I know , i know .. He turned out well ,he is a good man but dare i claim credit ! "  Seemingly unable to face Yun anymore she turned sideways ... her hands arranging something on the counter and continued " leaving this cursed house might have been the best thing that happened to him "

Yun knew of Youngbae's childhood ... of his many young days sleeping at houses that he couldn't call his own and his hard trainee nights but she couldn't bring herself to quiet the other women . She wanted to listen …. Wanted to know what made him the man he was and not by his dismissing distant voice that made little of the things she knew her own childhood would have found horrible  , she did feel guilt for that selfish thought , for taken advantage of the emotional  openness of Youngbae’s mom .

" While we were working our boy was out there somewhere growing up  . Even before YG , didn't i willingly send him off to my sisters ...aargh how much he hated her children ! And when there was trouble all i did was scold him , biting my tongue while knowing perfectly well it wasn't his fault " Yun looked around helplessly as if she could find the words to comfort the teary eyed women somewhere in the room .

" I'm sorry .. I don't know why I'm saying this to you “wiping her eyes with the hem of her blouse, she stopped talking .

“don’t be " Yun found herself saying, her arms reaching out and hugging the older women, a distend memory of Youngbae telling her that his family wasn't all that expressive, in words or action made her stiffen a little, thinking of the other women possible reaction but only to be greeted with a slight tug in the hug and when they both pulled out, Yun was glad to find an easier smile on the other face.

“And you’re a good girl too ” her delicate hand reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind Yun ear “i wasn't blessed with a daughter, always stuck with these three  ... but if that meant i get to have you as my daughter in law , all these tiring days would be worth it  "

“But we're not ..” Yun objection was cut off .

" If he doesn't plan on marrying you then he should start looking for another mom right now " she smiled sadly up at Yun .

Not believing her own boldness , Yun with her heart between her feet’s spoke up … not knowing what she well be told , or how she would feel about any of it “ tell me about Youngbae “