Crap, Lu, do you really have to come at a time like this? I was having a good night’s sleep,” You scrunch your nose at him as you rise from the hospital bed, leaving your body behind.

“They are too, so it’s probably the best time,” He nods at everybody sleeping in your room.

You turn to face all six of them; Kai, Lay, Junghoon, Kyungwoo, Yumi and Kyungsoo, all scattered around your hospital room.  “Aww, man,” You swallow a lump in your throat and pull out a stack of paper from your bedside table’s drawer, setting each and every one of it in their hands, named and written with the last of your life.  “This is it, huh? I really have to go, this time,” You mutter to yourself and peck everybody on the head, taking a last look on their faces, free of lines and worries, calm with rest and sleep.

“You wouldn’t want to be at the funeral, Ji, you can’t take it,” Luhan says, reading your mind, just as you thought about attending your own funeral to see who came to visit.

“Then take me somewhere I can’t think about it,” You reach out to take his hand and seeing the desperation in your eyes, Luhan nods, kissing your forehead and pulling you into his arms.  “Two minutes, Ji,” He pulls away and taps the necklace around your neck. 

“I hate Tao,” You snap suddenly, growling at the memory.  “I mean, okay, this isn’t fair for any other people, but heck, did he really have to?”

Luhan, keeping hold on your hand, nods and shrugs.  “That’s their job, Ji.  I’m the one who’s wrong here,”

“But I like you, you’re nice,” You grin at him and in the blink of an eye, feel your stomach churn painfully, wiping the smile off of your face.  The hand Luhan is not holding comes to clutch at your stomach, and as you drop onto the floor, your head is pierced with hundreds of knives of pain.  Gritting your teeth and clenching your jaw to hold back a loud scream, you press your forehead onto the ground, letting go of Luhan’s hand and digging your nails into the heel of your hand until it bled.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do any better,” Luhan says through clenched teeth and you realize that he’s pulling your soul away from your body.

You start wheezing as the pain creeps up from the tips of your toes towards the crown of your head, so painstakingly slow, as if it were savoring the pain you’re feeling.  Your eyes snap open while you roll around to your back, to meet Luhan’s, as he crouches beside you, pushing his palm onto your stomach and your forehead, concentration etched in his complexion.  As the pain passes your arms, you are unable to feel your body anymore and numbness envelops your body with a final, loud pang, ringing in your ears.

“It’s over, it’s done,” Luhan whispers by your ear and a fresh rush of cold water runs through your whole body and you find the pain gone.  “Gosh, I’m so sorry,”

“It’s okay,” You breathe out, glad that you’ve gone through it.  “So I’m really dead now?”

He nods, solemn.

“I can’t touch them, anymore?”

He nods again.

“Can I be like you, Lu?”

He freezes immediately and shakes his head.  “No,”

“Is it ‘no, you can’t,’ or ‘no, I don’t want you to be like me,’?”

“Both,” He sternly says, trying to stop the conversation from progressing.

“Why?” You push.

“Because it’s even worse than hell, Ji, trust me, please, don’t try to be like me,” His grey eyes are clouded with fear and worry, and you reach out to cup his cheeks.

“Okay, I’m sorry,”

He leans in to the warmth of your hands and for once, you see him as a child, who is lost.  He pulls you to stand and comes to stand behind you, tracing two parallel lines down your back and when he lets go, you hear a familiar flap of wings and realize that it’s yours.

“The least I can do,” He smiles apologetically and you try moving your own pair of wings.  It flaps heavily, majestically, beautifully, and you notice that your clothes have turned into a simple, single-strapped, white dress, touching your ankles with a subtle split up your thigh.  You’re barefooted and as you flap your wings, you’re in the air.

In a sudden urge, you take Luhan’s hand and pull him out the hospital room’s walls, soaring up high towards the sky, touching the clouds, passing through them so effortlessly, the chilling cold doing no harm to your body.  The hot tears free itself into the air from the corners of your eyes, falling downwards as you fight gravity. 

The wind, the way it sweeps your hair back and away from your face, the way the humid clouds get cut by your wings, the way the sky seems so endless, everything just seems so sad to you.  You stop abruptly, ignoring the fact that Luhan hasn’t been holding on to your hand since who-knows-when.  You whip your head around, turning to see everything in sight, and your heart sinks in sorrow when you realize that nobody is there.  You start sobbing, crying, with all your might, and find yourself folding back your wings, letting you fall so freely towards the earth, towards where everything seems real. 

It hasn’t been 5 minutes and you’ve missed the presence of real human flesh.  Of their beating hearts, of the warmth they have, of the company your friends give you, their love, their care, their affection, their feelings, their happiness, everything.  You feel so empty, and crying just doesn’t help, this time. 

You’re so sad, you lost track of feeling happy.

Not even a tinge of nervousness touches your consciousness.  You just fall, down, down and down, crying like there is no end, when, ironically, you’ve gone through the end.

“You do know that falling endlessly hurts more than meeting the ground?”

You open your eyes and in front of you, falling down at your pace, is your grandmother’s young self.

“It hurts more when you know that nobody is there to catch you,”

You turn your head to the side and see your mother and father, falling down in each other’s arms.

“And although you don’t want to admit it, you know, that you’ll be falling forever, just like that,”

Your fall is quickly halted by Luhan’s strong arms, as he catches you softly, your grandmother and parent’s translucent figures stopping to surround the two of you.  “But I’m here,” He pushes your head into the crook of his neck.  “Sooyeon,” He nods at your grandmother, his eyes longing for her touch.  His expression is reflected back on your grandmother’s beautiful face, the two of them sharing a look that seemed so ageless, eternal.

“Jihye, dear, don’t lose yourself,” Your parents come to peer down into your face and you reach out to touch them as fresh tears find its way down your cheek.  You sob as your hand goes right through them, clutching at Luhan’s shirt at the numb pain you feel. 

“Didn’t I tell you this was going to happen?” Your grandmother says to Luhan and he nods. 

“Being a dream seer your whole life, I know why you’d try to take your own life,” Luhan shakes his head.  “It’s a good thing I was there, back then,”

The two of them share the same wistful smile and they all disappear into thin air, except for Luhan, who is holding you tighter than he ever did.

“They live on, Ji, but here,” He taps the place where your heart is.  “That was them, talking to you, through me,”

“Will I live on too?” You ask, looking up at his jaw.

He nods quietly, gently placing you on a lump of cloud as the two of you watch the sun rise. 

Softly, gently, but surely, you find yourself letting go of your past life.

And still, you live on.

***

Well, well, there goes 99 Days of Lay and you

I know this story wasn't very romance-y and rather slice-of-life-y instead

Real sad, too, especially the last couple of chapters

But I mean, it has a lot of lessons

You should learn to let go, eventually, right? So keep that in mind

It's finally over

I feel bittersweet, really

Not all stories have happy endings, and this is probably one of the ones that end without a smile

But remember, whatever makes you smile and makes you happy, enjoy it thoroughly, all the while.