The next time you open your eyes, you find Kai sleeping on a chair by you bed, clutching at your hand like his life was on the line.  Luhan’s necklace is around your neck again and you shudder at the memory of losing Aeri right after you lift the necklace over your head.  It was something you would never want to repeat again.  It felt worse than being Jihye, worse than all the pains you have gone through, because you’ve learnt the taste of painlessness.  Gazing at your best friend, you smile gently at his direction and run your thumb over his knuckles.  You know he’s trying to be strong for you.  You know that everything about being Jihye and being Aeri at the same time, and that you’re asking him for the favor of you life, all about this, is too much for him to take.  But Kai is Kai.  And he’s not Kai for nothing.

“If you didn’t meet Lay first, you’d be with Kai right now,”

Your head snaps to look up and you meet Tao’s eyes, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, and his eyes gleaming like he was trying to draw you in.  “What the hell are you doing he-“

“Relax, I won’t touch your friend here,” In contrast to his words, Tao reaches to play with the strands of Kai’s hair, and you find yourself unable to move. 

“You’re reading my thoughts, aren’t you?” You blink repeatedly, clenching your jaw in anger.

“Your first kiss was with him,” Tao blinks lazily and looks up to catch your surprise.  “You said nothing when your boyfriend kissed you and thought that it was your first.  And your boyfriend doesn’t know.  Or should I say, ex-boyfriend?”

“These are my thoughts! My feelings! You’re not allowed to-“

“Who are you to tell me what’s right and what’s not?” Tao’s eyes flicker dangerously and he leans forward to run a line down your temple, your jaw and your collarbone. 

Panic rises up your throat as the secret is spoken out loud.  You never found the courage to tell Lay about that kiss.  Kai, back in middle school, had came out after school and sat down with you on a bench.  He was there to tell you how he felt but you were already in love with Lay.  You were apologizing repeatedly, frightened that all of those feelings would be runing the friendship you had with him but he suddenly stopped you by pressing his lips onto yours.  “I’m sorry about that, Ji, I’m really sorry,” He cursed under his breath, apologizing back, repeatedly regretting what he just did.  You didn’t know what to do about it, and the way he acted the next day made it easy for you to forget aobut it.  Until Tao had to read your head and go through your memories to find it, digging it out of its grave.  A ton of bricks come to crumble upon your head, shoulders and back, the guilt smashing you into pieces.  How are you going to tell him?

Slapping Tao’s hand away, you yelp at the skin contact that sent a rough jolt up your spine.  He grabs your wrist tightly and leans forward to whisper at your ear.  “Want me to help tell Lay about that kiss?”

“Sh-shut up!! Leave!!”

You find yourself sitting up, prespiring heavily and shaking.  Kai’s eyes snap open at the noise and he reaches out to cup your cheeks, forcing you to look at him.  “What’s wrong, Aeri? I meant-Jihye? What is it?”

In exchange, you reach out to touch his cheek.  “A-are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? Do you feel sick? Is there anything wrong in-“

“I’m fine!” He stops me sharply, shaking his head in panic.  “Why are you asking me all this?”

“H-he touched you,” You shudder, eyes flickering around the room feverishly, afraid that Tao is still present in the room.  “The last time he touched me, I lost days, weeks and months to my life!”

Kai’s eyes darken and he looks into your eyes, anger coloring his low voice.  “Who touched you?”

You pull back your hand, relieved that Tao is nowhere to be found and leaning into Kai’s hands for warmth as you close your eyes.  “Not in that way, Kai.  It’s fine, I’m okay, I’m glad you’re okay,” You take a shaky breath in and press your lips to the heel of his hand. 

Kai takes a moment before he relaxes, sitting back properly on his chair and still not letting go of your hand.  “No wonder we get along so easily,” He peers into my face.  “You’re Jihye,”

I smile weakly, staring off into space. 

“Are you going to tell him?”

As quiet as he asks, the fear and worry seeps in through your head, understanding what Kai meant without him having to explain.  “No,” His hold on your hand tightens and you shut your eyes.  “No, I’m not telling him,”

“Good, because I know how much it hurts,” He leans forward, setting his elbows on your bed, sorrow melting his expression.  “Why did you tell me, Ji? You know how I feel towards you and-“

“And you know mine, towards you,” You stop him, putting on a hard face.  “That’s why you still have a chance to let go, to move on, to find someone else to complete you, Kai.  I love Lay and nothing is going to change that.  He loves me back just as much and it’s going to be harder for him to forget me,”

Kai’s eyebrows shoots up in surprise and drops back down in sadness.  You know he expected the answer but your heart pains at having to spell it out for him.  “I hate myself for using you like this,” You whisper quietly,  clutching at your bed sheets.  “But I have to, Kai, do you understand?”

“I don’t want to, but I do,” He kisses your hand and you shy away at the gesture.   “I know what you want to apologize to Lay-hyung about, Ji, but you can’t do it on your own.  I’d have to talk to him about it,”

“No,” You pull away from his hand and cross your arms.  “I’m talking to him, not you.  Whatever it takes and however it should go.  You’re not talking to him about it,”

“Bu-“

“I’m dying and the last thing I want to do is ruin your friendship with him, Kai,” You growl.  “I’m going to be a dead person in less than-“ Stopping yourself, you look away, hiding the words. 

“How many days?” Kai asks, urgency in his voice.  “How many days, Jihye?! Tell me!”

“I’ve told you everything,” You say sternly.  “You don’t have to know.  You’ll know when the time comes, Kai.  Just please,” You look into his eyes to let him know how hard it is to go through this and how much pain you’re in right now.  “No more questions,”