She Says, She Says

 

 

        - Cute -

 

        Taeyeon hated the word.

        Four letters of pure ****.

        A word meant to torture her existence.

        A word meant for furry puppies, fluffy fanfictions, or baby penguins.

        And she was not any of those.

 

        ...Well, her mother had dressed her up in a white one-piece puppy costume back in pre-school. It made her teachers shower her with hugs, pinches, and wet-kisses on her full cheeks.

        And not to mention repetitive shrieks of:

 

        "Ohmygod!"

        "She's so cute!"

        "Can I keep her?"

 

        The word plagued her during high school...

 

        She would always get weird looks from creepy, old erts in the subway. She had to stay seated next to mothers and office ladies.

 

        ...And all throughout college.

 

        The security guards from her department building never took her seriously. She would always get teased with, "Day-care's that way."

        On better days, she would receive a bottle of strawberry milk. 'Another inch won't hurt, :)' written on the post-its stuck on the lid. She never knew who were regularly sending them.

 

        And she never forgot to take her IDs with her.

        But even so, she once got accused of faking them.

 

        It was plain ridiculous.

        She had considered bringing a copy of her birth registration with her just to make sure.

 

*

 

        "Cute."

 

        She knew Taeyeon hated being called that...

 

        Tiffany bit back a smile as she watched her study at the other end of the small desk.

 

        ...But she couldn't help it.

 

        The other's lips were formed into a pout. Her eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Her fingers running through her soft brown hair. The tip of the pencil she was holding moved over the pages as she read. She also broke into mumbling a few times and often whispered, 'Oh? I didn't know this!'

 

        All of them naturally done.

 

        Because Kim Taeyeon was -- a natural cutie.

        Even if she became serious, she would be cute-serious.

 

        Oh, those reading glasses are just...

 

        "Is there something on my face?" Taeyeon was looking at her suspiciously. She adjusted her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

 

        Tiffany shrugged, looking away.

 

        She recognized that tone in her voice. She had come to know about it months ago, after Taeyeon heard what she had said under her breath -- "So cute."

        It was met with a hostile -- "I'm going out to buy beer. You wanna come?"

        They were just having breakfast then.

 

        Taeyeon raised an eyebrow and tried again. "Tell. What is it?"

 

        Tiffany didn't reply. She didn't even spare her a glance.

        She was in a teasing mood...Well, she almost always was.

 

        "You're stuck with a problem again?" Taeyeon asked, cocking her head to the direction of the books between them.

        "You'll get your answer once you get rid of that annoyed tone off your voice," Tiffany replied, not taking her eyes off her notes. Without the need to look, she could feel well the sulky aura Taeyeon was giving off.

        "It's because you were staring at me." The reply was still indignant.

        "Is it wrong to stare at my girlfriend?"

        "Still, it's staring. It's rude."

        "You're mine and I'll do whatever I please," Tiffany said dismissively. She flicked a pen away from the page she was reading. "I'm yours too, so you can like, do whatever."

        "'Whatever?'"

 

        Tiffany couldn't remember the last thing she read after Taeyeon reached over and idly closed her book with a pencil.

 

*

 

        "Cutie."

 

        It was what waiters usually call her after giving her lollipops, cakes, or sometimes bonbons.

        "Complimentary sweets for the cute kid."

 

        At first, she was embarrassed.

        ...And also thankful that she was with her mother and not with her friends when it happened... Or she would never hear the end of it.

 

        She was 21 years old! Not 'barely legal' or 'just-turned legal' but LEGAL.

 

        However, when a fourth time came, she was close to exploding.

 

        "I'm currently working on my degree, you punk." She almost snapped at the waiter.

 

        But when she saw the small pack of gummy candies he was giving her, she held it in.

        In the end, she accepted the candies after saying a timid, "Thank you."

        She swore to herself that it would be the last.

 

        She headed back to her dorm afterwards. She tried to rant it out to Tiffany, in need of a sympathetic ear... But Taeyeon ended up being pressed against a wall, a pair of lips already on the attack.

 

*

 

        Cute.

 

        It was what came to mind the first time she saw her.

 

        Tiffany was sitting by the window, a few meters away from the corner table where a cute and petite girl was occupied with what looked like a scrapbook of some sort.

        Paper strips, photos, markers, and a tube of glue were scattered on the expanse of the girl's table. A tall glass of chocolate milk shake seemed forgotten beside her.

        Tiffany took a sip from her strawberry tea, hiding an amused smile. Through the rim of her cup, she observed how the girl's cheeks puffed while struggling with wiping off the glue that dropped onto a page.

        She felt relieved upon spotting a university logo patch on the jacket the girl was wearing. She was not pining over a minor, after all.

 

        If I managed to ask her out before she leaves, I'll transfer to her university right away.

 

        Tiffany had been eyeing her university in the first place. Just a few more admission papers to be done and she was as good as admitted.

 

        And after seeing the girl, there was nowhere else she'd rather be.

 

*

 

        Cute.

 

        Tiffany had called her that the first time they met.

 

        Taeyeon was just minding her own business, working on her art journal and struggling to fix the ugly, sticky mess on her collage artwork, when a shadow loomed over her.

 

        "You're cute."

 

        Taeyeon wrinkled her nose in disgust at what she just heard. She tilted her head up, ready to show that she was not 'cute' but 'mean-when-disturbed.'

        However, ready as she was to just snarl at the interruption, she was met with a girl who was looking down at her expectantly with large brown... beautiful eyes.

        A girl who readily broke into an eye-smile.

        An eye-smile so captivating that she momentarily thanked her parents for passing on such awesome, awesome genes that made her 'cute.'

 

        Taeyeon smiled in return. "Uhh, hi..."

 

        "I'm Tiffany Hwang. Can I sit here with you?"

 

*

 

        So cute!

        Seriously.

 

        And Tiffany couldn't understand Taeyeon's need to shed that 'cute' image off of herself.

 

        Why can't she just make the most out of it?

        Her attention was caught because of that anyways. So she figured that it was never a bad thing.

 

        Tiffany liked how other people gushed over Taeyeon, openly or not. She wanted to let her feel that she was always special. It didn't even bother her at all when she found out that those strawberry milk her girlfriend received on a regular basis, secretly came from the joint efforts of their own professors. They seemed to have grown so fond of Taeyeon after she lost her way into the faculty room once.

 

        It amused her too, to witness different aspects of Taeyeon's life that add greatly to how 'cute' she was.

 

        There was that first time Taeyeon's parents invited her over at their house for dinner.

 

        "How is Park doing?" Mr. Kim asked, not looking up from a bunch of reports in his hands. He got back from a busy night at the office just to meet her.

        "Park who, Uncle?" Tiffany asked back, throwing a questioning glance at Taeyeon beside her.

        Taeyeon rolled her eyes. She picked on the salad they had helped prepare. With a sigh, she answered, "He's as dandy as ever, Dad."

        Then, Taeyeon turned to her and whispered, "My Dad is friends with my high school's principal."

        "He thinks you're still in--"

        "Easy there, Fany-ah."

 

        And then, there was that time when she was helping Taeyeon out in cleaning up her dorm room. They were on the bed, surrounded by her freshly laundered clothes.

 

        "I haven't seen this one before." Tiffany picked something out from the heap of clothes and held it up while biting on her bottom lip.

 

        It was a pink and white lace bra.

 

        Tiffany giggled, amused, as Taeyeon's eyes widened in recognition.

 

        "Yah! Hands off of my undies!" Taeyeon snatched her bra away and shoved it under a pillow behind her.

        "I didn't know you're hiding interesting stuff from me," she said, leaning forward.

        Taeyeon sat up straight. She pulled a sweater from the pile and started folding it.       

        "They're just clothes," she mumbled.

        "If you don't mind me asking..." Tiffany leaned closer until she was merely inches from the other's ear, until Taeyeon's back was against the headboard. "...What's your cup size?"

 

        "I don't know. Mom still buys them for me."

 

*

 

        - y -

 

        She would like to be called that... At least once, she would give anything to be called 'y.'

        After a lot of resounding 'cute,' 'I want to keep you' in her life, who wouldn't want that?

 

        And she wanted to take charge. Especially in her relationship with Tiffany.

 

        Tiffany had more 'experience' since she grew up in a liberated family. Her older brother had multiple names tattooed on his arms and back, including Coby, a fling he met on a backpacking trip. Mr. Hwang personally ran their toy shop during weekends. Mrs. Hwang gave her daughter an illustrated book on Kama Sutra for her 20th birthday. Her family was open to anything! If Tiffany took home a 50-year-old divorced man as her future husband, her parents wouldn't mind. As long as their daughter was happy.

        So it was known to them... to her that Tiffany was already familiar with the big S.

        Well acquainted with that aspect of...life, actually.

 

        But she was also liberated... liberated enough!

        She--she had seen !

        Alone!

        Once.

 

        Although, it was not the most comfortable thing to go through, she didn't back out.

 

        All she could think of was she needed to catch up to Tiffany.

        She could not be innocent forever.

        She would not be called 'cute' forever.

 

        Taeyeon had sat rigid, in front of her then contaminated laptop, and kept her hands stuck to her sides. She bravely sat throughout the orchestrated positions, and fake-sounding moans and grunts.

 

        And after the whole ordeal, she was close to crying. Her chest was aching from all the air she held in in her lungs. Her hands, that gripped the edge of her seat with vice-like strength, were white and numb. Her eyes stung.

        It felt like she had just witnessed two of her oldest professors dance to a Latin song, .

        Her mind that was meant to take mental notes during the video, came up with nothing.

        So, with weak, shaky hands, she closed her laptop instead.

        Then, she reached for her bulky pencil cases, poured all the contents out and arranged her colored markers according to all shades of ROYGBIV.

 

        The only good her new experience gave her  was that, what she just did could never be called 'cute.'

 

        Could it?

 

*

 

        Cute.

        ...and bothered.

 

        Taeyeon had been acting a bit differently the past few days.

 

        Tiffany couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was but the nagging voice, the gut-feel, was there. And as she observed Taeyeon through stolen glances, the nagging voice was still spouting gibberish and sending cryptic messages.

       

        The lunch they had shared at the dorm cafeteria was a pleasant one albeit the bland kimchi stew, and bland side dishes. Even the rice seemed bland, if that was even possible.

        They talked about the stuff Taeyeon would need to bring and leave behind if she ever decided to move in with her at her apartment downtown.

        Her apartment was a good one. It was more spacious than the dorm rooms and the windows are wider. It was close to the town cinema, and the cafe where they first met. They could cook for themselves too, which meant no more bland cafeteria food, and less pizza and chicken delivery.

        She could tell that Taeyeon was agitated about the move... and also about something else.

 

        They had been dating for eight months already. They weren't rushing anything so nothing was final yet. They were just considering taking another small step in the relationship. A healthy change.

        But if Taeyeon wasn't that ready, she would understand.

 

        "Maybe I should tell the dorm managers  as soon as possible..."

 

        Tiffany nodded, absent-mindedly.

        Taeyeon's voice snapped her out of her thoughts but something else caught her attention almost immediately.

        One of their good friends, Jessica, just walked through the cafeteria doors. Her blonde wavy hair flowing. Her face lacking the usual expressions. She headed straight towards the refreshments and didn't seem to notice them at their table at the middle of the cafeteria hall.

        Tiffany sharply eyed the new hot pants and the cropped shirt Jessica was sporting. She breathed out through her nose.

        Jessica had a lot of confessing to do. She had been going around, shopping for clothes without her.

 

        She only stopped staring when Jessica's girlfriend, Sooyoung from Literature, came in. Then, they walked, holding hands, out of the cafeteria.

 

        When she turned her attention back to their table, Taeyeon was looking at her weirdly.

        Taeyeon placed her chopsticks down and pushed her food tray aside. She looked at her straight in the eyes and asked in an uncharacteristically low voice, "What were you thinking?"

 

        "It's nothing." She shrugged.

 

        Taeyeon pouted her lips. She seemed to be thinking hard, and for some reason Tiffany couldn't figure out yet, she looked a little upset.

       

*

 

        She Says...

 

        Taeyeon lay on her side, facing Tiffany, who was resting her back on the bed.

        She edged closer.

 

        "Hmmn... What is it, Tae?" Tiffany asked, her eyes were still closed.

 

        It was one of those summer days, where staying in on the bed seemed way more appealing than enjoying the afternoon sun. The A/C was set on low and the drone was lulling them...Tiffany to sleep.

 

        She felt a bit...

        The time they spent at the cafeteria a while ago was--

 

        Taeyeon let out a soft huff. She swallowed down a fresh wave of bile as she remembered what had happened, all over again.

 

        With mounting annoyance clouding her usually tolerant self, she slid an arm over Tiffany's waist and sneaked her hand inside her top. She began tracing light patterns on her skin. She bit the insides of as she anticipated the different reactions she would get.

        Tiffany's sides were ticklish.

        But at that moment, even her attempts at something like 'make Tiffany only see and feel her' was met with a letdown.

 

        Tiffany turned her head sideways and looked at her with curious eyes. "Tae, what is it? Are you in a cuddly mood?"

        Taeyeon propped herself up on her elbow. She frowned at her. "Cuddly?"

        Tiffany raised her eyebrows.

        "I'm trying to be y here and you--" she sat up, her back to Tiffany. Unpleasant chills ran down her spine, making her head blur in confusion, and anger.

 

        Tiffany always gushed at small dogs that did nothing but yap, jump in place, and yap! She even dreamed of owning a pug and naming it Taetae!

        She was already placed in the Cute category!

        Whatever she did could never be y in Tiffany's eyes.

 

        Jessica had to come, walk in, and trample all over her wannabe-y self!

 

        Taeyeon had seen how Tiffany stared at the taut abdomen Jessica's cropped shirt revealed, how her eyes lingered at the exposed skin.

 

        "What is it, really?" Tiffany started rubbing her forearm, her voice thick with concern.  "Ever since we got back, you've been acting..."

       

        Insecure.

       

        Like ****!

 

        'Insecure' didn't even come close.

 

        Taeyeon suddenly grabbed the arm that was trying to comfort her. Then, she turned around and trapped Tiffany's thighs in between her knees. Her other hand went to the back of Tiffany's head, raking her hair back.

        Taeyeon tightly held onto her wrist and trapped it aboveTiffany's head. She hovered over her with only one intention in mind.

        Tiffany's surprised eyes were the last things she saw before she dove in for a rough kiss.

        She pushed her tongue past Tiffany's parted lips, not waiting any longer. Her whole body shook. She tightened her hold on the other's arm, trying to hold back the rising ill feelings within.

 

        Until Tiffany let out a whimper.

 

        Taeyeon froze.

 

        It was soft. The sound should make her feel blessed to have Tiffany with her, on her bed.

        But it sounded pained...

 

        She sounded hurt.

 

        With tears pressing behind her eyelids, she leaned back without opening her eyes.

        She was afraid of what emotions Tiffany's face might show.

        She slid away from her without saying a word.

        Without looking back, Taeyeon darted out of the room.

 

        She felt smaller with every step.

        ...So small that all she could feel was the unbearable hurt when she tried to breath in.

 

        She had felt ugly feelings well up inside her.

 

        And Tiffany deserved none of them.

 

*

 

        She Says...

       

        She found her sitting by the doorway, fumbling for her sneakers.

        Her shoulders were shaking.

 

        Taeyeon buried her face in her hands.

        She seemed so small, huddled up in the dark. Her shoelaces, undone.

 

        Tiffany clenched her own hands on the fabric of her shorts. She took a step closer.

 

        "Sorry."

        A muffled whisper.

 

        Taeyeon looked up, meeting her eyes with misty ones.

 

        "I'm so sorry," she repeated.

        "I know," Tiffany whispered back.

        "Did I hurt you?"

        She shook her head. She gave a weak smile. "I'm not gonna break."

        Taeyeon wiped her eyes with the back of her hands, sniffing.

        "Can we talk about it?" Tiffany offered, taking a seat beside Taeyeon.

        "Yes, please. I want to." Taeyeon shifted closer.

 

        Tiffany's arm, the one that was tightly gripped...held a while ago, was pulled once again. She felt fingers gently rub the inside of her wrist.

 

        Tiffany smiled into the comforting touches.

        But it crossed her mind that Taeyeon needed it more than she did.

        So she lightly ran her fingers along the back of the hand that was soothing her.

 

        Taeyeon heaved a shaky sigh, before she started, "You're so confident."

 

        Tiffany lifted her head up, surprised.

 

        "You're always the one initiating." Taeyeon looked straight into her eyes. "Always the patient one. Always the one waiting for me.

        "I learned how to kiss, with tongue, from you," Taeyeon added, a hint of amazement in her voice.

 

        Although she wanted to smile, blush, gush at what she just heard, Tiffany stayed still and waited. She needed to hold back some teasing, especially then that Taeyeon was finally talking about what was bothering her... the two of them.

 

        "You're so confident about us. About me." Taeyeon hunched up a bit.

        "And I felt like you would leave me if I couldn't keep up," she went on, more quietly.  "I mean, I watched alone just to learn...stuff.

        "And when I saw you gawking at Jessica... I felt it even more," Taeyeon almost choked on her words. She let go of Tiffany's wrist. Then, she wrapped her arms around her own knees instead.

 

        Tiffany couldn't help but feel warm even in the sensitive situation they were in.

 

        Taeyeon's honesty and how much she tried to give even if she felt that she was lacking so much...

        They reached her heart in ways that only her Taeyeon could do.

 

        And Tiffany wanted to make her feel that same warmth too. Not sharing it could be the most unfair thing to do.

 

        So she reached for Taeyeon and held her close to herself. "If I wanted someone else other than who you are, and something else other than what you can give, I would've gone to Yuri from Creative Writing class instead."

 

        Taeyeon pulled away, frowning. "You're talking about another girl while we're making-up?"

        Tiffany shrugged. "To prove a point."

 

        Taeyeon stared at her, wounded.

        And Tiffany wanted to laugh, in turn. Taeyeon looked like she would break down completely if she added more names into their conversation.

 

        She held her arms open again and waited for Taeyeon.

 

        "Come back here, you."

 

        It sounded like a threat... but she didn't care.

        She was feeling warm and fuzzy, and Taeyeon needed to know that it was all because of her...

 

        All because of her.

 

        When Taeyeon leaned sideways, she wrapped her in a warm embrace.

 

        "You're you, Taeyeon-ah," Tiffany whispered onto her hair. "And I like everything about you. Everything. the cute and not-so cute things. Even the way you sulk and all."

 

        Taeyeon buried her face further into her neck. She nodded her head.

 

        Tiffany smiled against the other's ear. She was tempted to squeeze Taeyeon really tight, in uncontainable affection.

        She hoped, with all her might, that she was really comforting Taeyeon, that she was making her feel the same warmth she was feeling every time she was around her.

 

        "Fany-ah... About what happened earlier..."

        She whispered back, "We'll get there."

        "Thank you," Taeyeon said, her shoulders relaxing a bit.

        "That won't do." Tiffany suddenly held her at arms' length.

        Taeyeon's eyebrows rose.       

        "Make a cute expression for me," she demanded.

        "You're seriously getting a kick out of this, aren't you?"

 

        Tiffany giggled. "You know that I like to tease you when I'm happy."

 

        Taeyeon scrunched her nose, biting on her lower lip to stop a grin from breaking.

        Tiffany could recognize that expression all too well.

 

        "So... You watched without me?"

 

 

 

 

 

-- END --

 

 

 

A/N:

I hope you liked She Says, She Says. It's basically like 'He Says, She Says.'

I wanted Taeyeon and Tiffany to have different opinions, argue over them and make up in the end still.

 

If I get into another spell just like what I had when I wrote this, I might make She Says, She Says a multi-chaptered one, definitely with happy endings, and more Taeny x SooSica as university students.

 

Anyway, do comment, if you have the time.

Thanks again and have a great day~!