Present Day

“I tried to make the appas hurry, but they didn’t want to,” Minhee pouted as she stood in front of the headstone. “Jiyong-appa didn’t want to get up again this morning.” She sent a glare back to the others before turning back and frowning. “I was afraid he was sick again, but Seungri-appa said he was just being lazy.” Jiyong wanted to turn and give the man next to him a look, but it was talking all of his effort at that moment to keep his outer calm.

“School started back up,” the little girl continued. “We had a parent day and all the other kids had their ummas and appas come in, but only Jiyong-appa was allowed to show up. The teacher said it was because he was my real appa, but I think that’s silly. You and Jiyong-appa and Seungri-appa and even Daesung-appa and Youngbae-appa are my real appas.” Jiyong felt a hand take hold of his as his eyes filled with tears. “I know you couldn’t have come, but I wish she had let all of the other appas come. It was a little lonely just me and Jiyong-appa.” He glanced to the side and saw a teary eyed Seungri holding onto his hand.

“I also met a boy in my class,” she said with a giggle. “He tried to give me a present, but I said no. Jiyong-appa said I should have taken it. I told him I wanted to wait for a bigger present, just like you always said.” This time Jiyong wasn’t able to keep his sniffle quiet. He brought a hand up to his mouth and covered it as he took in a deep breath.

“Oh! And Seungri-appa and Daesung-appa have been teaching me more Japanese! Youngbae-appa says English is more important and tries to teach me that too but…” The little girl glanced back at the men behind her before turning and whispering loudly “I like when he teaches me dancing better. I can already do this!” Jiyong felt the man on his other side tense up a tiny bit when he first heard his name before relaxing as she gave a twirl and giggled. “Youngbae-appa said you couldn’t dance, but I liked dancing with you before, so I want to learn that way next.” A small smile pulled up on Jiyong’s mouth as he remembered Seunghyun picking Minhee up and dancing around with her when she was younger. He felt an arm go around his waist and he smiled over at his best friend.

“I miss dancing with you appa,” Jiyong heard a small sniffle accompany the statement and his heart once again felt like it was breaking. “I know you went away last year, but I wish you didn’t have to. I’m happy I can talk to you whenever I want now, but some days I feel sad.“ She let out a sigh and it was only Youngbae’s arm and Seungri’s hand that kept him in place. “Jiyong-appa still gets sad too, but now that Seungri-appa is with us, he is happier. I’m happier too, and appas look after me really, really well! Plus Seungri-appa is a better cook than you were.” He heard Seungri chuckle a little and felt himself smile as well. Though there were times, like today, that he actually missed those burnt meals.

“Oh! Seungri-appa has been teaching me to cook! We brought a picnic and everything!” Minhee turned around to walk back towards the men, but Daesung quickly grabbed the food and started walking towards her. He exchanged a small, sad smile with the others before turning his brilliant smile on Minhee.

“How about you and I set up the food for Seunghyun-hyung?” He asked as he held his hand out.

“Okay!” Minhee replied with a smile as she grabbed his hand and started babbling again, telling Seunghyun the words Daesung had been teaching her and teasing the headstone about how she had seen some of his videos and he still needed to learn how to say things right in Japanese.

“Seunghyun…” Jiyong felt himself sigh as the tears continued to fall.

Seungri gave his hand a squeeze before a quick glance had him turning and pulling his love into a hug. “I know, sweetie… I know,” he said to the older man, the high level of emotion causing his voice crack. Jiyong buried his face in his partner’s chest even as he felt his best friend place a reassuring hand on his back, resting his head against the taller men’s shoulders. Slowly, their whispered reassurances caused Jiyong’s silent sobs to subside.

---

Flashback

He honestly could not say how he made it through the next day, week, or even month. He remembered glimpses of the hospital, his friends and other artists showing up as well as Seunghyun’s mother and sister. Someone took Minhee for the next week, one of the ladies from 2NE1 maybe, while the other members came and stayed at the house with Jiyong. On one hand he never wanted to leave that place again, with the memories, the clothes, his toys… on the other hand he wanted to leave it and never be reminded of what was gone. Turned out he didn’t have a choice.

The day after the funeral, a day he still can’t fully remember, the others took him and Minhee to a laywer, Seunghyun’s lawyer. They met his mother and sister there and it was on that day that they came to know the truth. If Jiyong had fully been aware, he might have been ashamed to have the two women find out he and their son/brother had been lovers, but he honestly didn’t care at that point. They also found out about Minhee and the steps Seunghyun had taken to protect her.

He relinquished all rights as the biological father, meaning Jiyong was Minhee’s sole guardian now and not even Seunghyun’s family could take her away. He also left a majority of his possessions and money to her. There was an account set up for his mother and sister and a few of his items he willed away to others, but the house? The house was Minhee’s, to be kept in Jiyong’s possession until Minhee turned 18. Jiyong had almost refused, still stuck between hating the house and cherishing it, but the sniffle from the little girl currently curled up on his lap kept him silent.

The next few days passed with an endless parade of people coming into the house to cook for them and help them in any way, including Seunghyun’s mother, who now was adamant that Minhee call her Halmoni, and his sister, now Komo to Minhee. Still, it was all Jiyong could do to get himself up and try to look after Minhee every day.

The battle with depression was a constant thing for him. He knew it was silly and that Seunghyun would be upset for letting it get that bad, but he felt powerless against it. As much as he hated it, it caused the days and nights to start running together. The constant feelings of worry and sadness seemed to drag him down, and it wasn’t until a whole month had passed since the accident that his friends decided enough was enough.

Jiyong woke up that morning to the smell of pancakes. Before he could react, the door to his bedroom was opened. “Wha- Seungri?” He groggily looked at the younger man now framed in his doorway.

“Morning, hyung. I just wanted to let you know breakfast was almost ready,” he replied with a smile.

“But… What are you doing here?”

“Oh, actually Princess here called me.” He moved aside as the little girl stuck her head in and hesitantly smiled.

“Minhee-ya, why would you do that?”

“I have to go to school today, but I knew appa was tired,” she remarked as she looked at the ground. “I didn’t want to wake you up again so I asked Seungri-appa to come over so you could rest,” Minhee finished, sounding much older than a six year old should.

“Sweetheart-“ Jiyong started before Seungri cut him off.

“Minhee-ya, why don’t you go gather your stuff for school and sit down for breakfast while I talk to Jiyong-appa, alright?” After she nodded and left, he walked in and sat down on the bed with a sigh. “I was planning on coming one of these days anyways,” he admitted as the older man just looked at him. “Hyung, we’re worried about you.”

“Why? What do-“

“And we’re worried about Minhee.” When Jiyong remained silent, confused, Seungri continued. “Her teacher apparently tried to call during the day every day last week because Minhee kept forgetting her lunch, but you never answered.” Jiyong tried to remember what he had done during those days but… nothing. He glanced up as his memory sparked. He had gotten up with Minhee, fed her breakfast, sent her to school, and gone back to bed, sleeping until she got back. Had he given her a lunch? He tried to think back even more. When had been the last time he had made her lunch? He thought he remembered giving her money for lunch but… how often had that been? “Minhee gave her my number instead and, well, we all talked about it.”

“Who?” Jiyong asked, still sounding detached as he tried harder to remember what he had done for Minhee recently. Or himself even.

“The hyungs and I. We know how hard it has been on you so… how about if one of us comes and helps in the morning for a little while? Just until you feel a little better?” He smiled at the older man who continued to look at him blankly. “I even promise you can sleep in on my days.” His smile grew as Jiyong’s mouth twitched.

“Fine,” the older man replied before laying back down and rolling over, the laugh that had almost broke through being quickly drowned by his thoughts concerning his daughter.

“Alright. I’ll just let myself out once Minhee is gone then?” The youngster took the sound to be an affirmative as he closed the door.

And over the next month, Seungri slowly became a permanent resident at the house. When Jiyong ventured around the house after the first week, he saw that it was clean, cleaner than it had been in a while. The laundry had been done, Minhee’s room was clean, and the fridge was stocked. After the second week he realized that the only voices he heard in the mornings were Minhee’s and Seungri’s. The third week saw Seungri bringing him breakfast after Minhee had left and staying until he had finished, just sitting and chatting about everything and nothing. Slowly, Jiyong began to realize he was looking forward to the maknae’s visits and chatter, and suddenly he felt like things were becoming a tiny bit brighter again.

Plus, anytime he started to feel sad or depressed again, there was one phrase that that kept him going. That one, tiny phrase Seungri had uttered: “And we’re worried about Minhee.” As he spent those weeks trying to pull himself out of the darkness that kept threatening, the thought of Minhee, his Minhee, Seunghyun’s Minhee, helped. He started staying out of his room longer after Minhee got home to see how she was doing, no longer just setting her up at the table or TV and making a hurried meal. Now, not only did he start spending more time with her, he spent time over the weekend out of his room watching Seungri and Minhee clean and play and cook. And every time he saw her smile, he was reminded that it wasn’t just himself he had to worry about. So in the end, it was thanks mainly to Minhee that Jiyong started returning to normal. Well, Minhee and a certain younger man.

At the end of the fourth week, two months after the accident, Jiyong woke up and smiled at the sound of Minhee laughing, as usual. After he heard her leave for school, he quickly got up so by the time Seungri opened his door, he was awake and dressed.

“Oh, morning hyung,” Seungri greeted him with a surprised and somewhat forced smile. “What do you feel like this morning?”

“Well, um,” the older man felt silly as he mumbled his response. “How about we go get some food?”

He glanced up and the genuine, happy smile that had replaced the fake one made him smile in return. “Sounds perfect.”

And day by day, Jiyong woke back up. Finally, after 3 and a half months, he felt almost normal again. He apologized to everyone for his behavior, especially Minhee, but all of them remarked that they understood.

“I know why you were sad, and I was sad too. But Seunghyun-appa wouldn’t want us to be sad forever,” his daughter had told him with a smile. He had started tearing up then, feeling horrible for how he had abandoned her during that time, but she quickly changed the subject and made him laugh with one of the stories about her schoolmates.

Seunghyun’s mother and sister made monthly visits to the two, but the visits from the others died out when they realized Jiyong was back on his feet. Except Seungri. He had gone back to work, this time only as an MC in Korea, and yet anytime he wasn’t at work or sleeping, he was with Jiyong and Minhee. It surprised Jiyong when he got back from the studio one day to find only Seungri was at the house.

“Seungri, where is Minhee?”

“Daesung-hyung took her out to eat,” he replied as he continued setting the table.

“Oh. Well, why are you setting the table then?”

“For dinner.”

“Uh-huh…” Jiyong responded as he leaned against the wall, watching Seungri scurry from the table to the stove. “For who?”

“Oh. Um,” he saw the younger man stiffen for a second as he paused before continuing with his scurrying, “us.” Jiyong was certain that his maknae was doing everything in his power not to look in his direction, and that thought, plus the knowledge that Seungri was making a dinner for just the two of them, brought a small smile to his face. He stepped forward and put a hand on the younger man’s shoulder, making him stop on his path between the table and stove. The two stood like that for what felt like minutes, but was more like seconds before Seungri finally looked towards his hyung and gave a small smile. The sudden warmth Jiyong felt surprised him to the point that he dropped his hand. He saw Seungri’s smile falter a little before the younger man spoke. “If that’s okay. If not I can call and-“

Jiyong cut his words off as he pulled the younger towards him, into an almost crushing hug. He waited until he felt Seungri relax and hug him back before he spoke. “Thank you,” he said softly, trying to control his voice even as he hid his face in the other’s shoulder. He thought of how Seungri had stuck with him, pulled him out of where he had been, looked after Minhee even when he didn’t need to… Jiyong felt the warmth spreading as he realized just how much he looked forward to seeing Seungri every morning, how he loved spending time with him and Minhee on the weekends, and how he enjoyed this right there: the simple gestures his maknae did just because.

Seungri let out a small laugh before he replied. “For what? It’s just dinner, hyung.”

But Jiyong shook his head, tears prickling his closed eyes as he tried to bury his face even more. “Not for dinner. For… for everything. Just… for everything.”

The two stood that way, silent, until finally Seungri moved his arms so that he was hugging Jiyong instead of the other way around. “I’ll always be here for you, you know that, right?” He rubbed circles on the back of the man in his arms as the older man nodded his head. “Always.”

And it was right then, at that exact moment, that it hit Jiyong. He wanted it to be always. He always wanted to wake up to Seungri being there, making breakfast, he always wanted to spend time with Seungri and his daughter on the weekends, he always wanted to enjoy the silly little gestures Seungri did just because, and he always wanted to have him there, to hug him and hold him, just like this. But he couldn’t say it. No, not then, not when the memory of Seunghyun was still so vivid. Yet he wanted- he needed the younger man to know how he felt and what he thought.

So, after a relaxing in his embrace for a little longer, Jiyong pulled back slightly. He waited until their eyes met and tried to convey it all right then, in that single look.

And that became just the first of many dinners for the two men, from then on almost always accompanied by Minhee.

---

Present Day

After a minute or two, Jiyong finally pulled away from the hug. He turned his back towards the gravesite and his daughter as he hurriedly tried to wipe away the evidence of his tears. A tissue was handed to him and he sent a smile towards his best friend, who simply smiled and nodded in return.

Jiyong turned back around once his face was dry and the three men silently watched the scene in front of them, listening as Daesung bragged to his hyung about how amazing Minhee was and Minhee kept getting embarrassed. Seungri’s hand found its way inside Jiyong’s, while Jiyong's arm found its way around Youngbae’s shoulders. They stayed there, silently comforting eachother, until finally Jiyong spoke.

“I miss him. So much.”

“I know, sweetie,” the younger man replied.

“We all do,” Youngbae agreed.

Jiyong shook his head as he continued. “Some days I wish I had-“

But he was cut off as Seungri squeezed his hand. “Ji.”

“I know,” he sighed. His arm dropped as Youngbae turned and gave him a sad smile before he took a deep breath and walked towards the two figures in front of them, leaving the lovers alone.

They stood that way, hand in hand, watching their daughter and their friends, lost in their own thoughts but their mere presence comforting each other silently. Finally, Jiyong squeezed Seungri’s hand and sent him a small smile before they began walking together towards the headstone in front of them.

“And appa won’t let me have ice cream at night like you used to,” they overheard Minhee complain as they reached the trio. “Sometimes he and Seungri-appa can be such big meanie pants!”

“Hi hyung, long time no see,” Jiyong said as both he and Seungri bowed before taking their places on either side of Minhee. “I see our little girl is telling you lies again.” The others chuckled as Minhee pouted. “Tsk, even after I bought her a pretty new outfit just for this.”

“You bought her a new outfit? Please,” Seungri said as he handed Minhee a bite of food. “Everyone knows you would put her in something weird if it was up to you.”

“That’s right! I picked it out all on my own!” She said with a smile after sticking her tongue out at Jiyong.

“Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?” This time Seungri pouted as the others, including Minhee, started picking on him, but Jiyong stayed silent, his gaze fixed on the headstone.

‘Seunghyun, I miss you. So very, very much,’ he thought. ‘I still think about you almost every day. I’m trying my hardest but… I wish you were here. Please forgive me for almost giving up. I know that we promised to do this together, to lean on each other and give each other strength, but it has been hard.' He sent a loving glance towards their daughter and his new love before turning back to the headstone. 'I know that some things are different since you're gone and... I know you always teased me about Seungri liking me, so please don’t be angry about us. He is very good to both of us, and he helped so much. Not just with getting better, but with Minhee as well. Plus, I don't have just myself to think about now. If anything were to happen to me now... Well, you were right when you said everything would change the moment when we became appas, and I know that Minhee is the reason you did what you did a year ago... but I want you to know that even though you're gone, there is one thing that will never, ever change. And that is that love you, and I always will.’ Jiyong felt a sense of peace flow over him as he let out a sigh and turned his head back towards his family surrounding him.

So that was how the Kwon family spent their Children’s day in 2019. Sometimes it was just Jiyong, Seungri, and Minhee, sometimes they joined by others, but from then on they were always there every year, having a picnic and spending time with the loved one who had left them behind.

Choi Seunghyun

Nov 4, 1987 – May 5, 2018

Son, Brother,

Friend, and Father