Kris swore in Cantonese as the water hit the very expensive custom-made pants he was wearing. “You landed us in the water, you .”

“Do you hear that?” Jongin began, bobbing in the dark water. “Yeah, that's the sound of us being alive. You're welcome, by the way.”

Kris curled his lip and rolled his eyes, reaching up to begin a hellish paddle towards land.

“Whoa, wait!”

Kris groaned and paused in raising his other arm. “What now?”

“This thing is still caught and-” Jongin held his breath as he bobbed below the surface and then back up again. “I can't get-” He went under once more.

Kris groaned and grabbed the younger's collar, watching indifferently as he struggled out of the backpack and stayed still as it sank into the dark depths. “You ready now?”

“No.”

Kris rolled his eyes and pushed Jongin's head under, ignoring a gasp in favor of swimming towards the land.

Kris stood on firm sand, taking a minute to slow his breathing.

“What the hell?”

He glanced over his shoulder at Jongin, who was still struggling to stay afloat in the shallow water. Kris snorted. Oh, right. Short people.

Jongin snarled in response and, with all the dignity in the world, paddled forward.

Except not really.

Because he caught his foot on a rock and went under again.

Kris ended up dragging Jongin ashore, eyeing the boy with a raised brow when they had escaped the supposedly deadly grips of water.

“I thought I was going to die,” Jongin admitted, flat on his back, every single part of him drenched.

Kris ran a hand through his completely dry hair. “Right. You were totally going to die.”

“I was in death's icy grip,” Jongin continued, using his closed fists for emphasis.

“The water was actually kind of warm.”

“Almost died.”

“It was water.”

“This close, man.” Jongin eyed Kris seriously. “This close.”

Kris rolled his eyes, done with the drama. “Right. Get up.” He tugged on the handcuff harshly, pulling Jongin to the side. The teen narrowed his eyes and tugged back. Kris sighed in exasperation. “I trade in five kids and I get a toddler,” he groaned, sliding his hands under Jongin's arms and hoisting him up. “Upsy daisy.”

“I'm not a toddler,” Jongin whined, pushing Kris back as far as he could go and dusting himself off.

“Could've fooled me,” Kris grumbled, nose wrinkling at the smell of salt all over him, completely masking all the cologne he'd put on that morning to try and get that host to favor him. “Goddammit.”

“What? Is Kris allergic to water?” Jongin cracked a grin. “Are you going to melt? That would be really awesome.”

“I'm not going to melt, ,” Kris hissed. “I just need a shower. And BB Cream.”

Jongin let out a long laugh. When Kris didn't join in he stopped and blinked. “Whoa, wait. You were serious?”

“Do I look like I'm joking?”

Jongin squinted. “Well, I honestly can't tell. Sometimes you look completely stone-faced and then Luhan laughs and ten minutes later I find out that you made a joke and I don't really have a Luhan with me right now so... are you?”

“No, I'm not ing kidding.”

“Calm down, there, sasquatch,” Jongin laughed, patting down Kris' hair that had been standing up after Kris had run his hands through it multiple times. “Let's just take deep breaths and stay away from the water.”

Kris gritted his teeth and spun on his heel, away from Jongin. He felt the boy dragging behind him. “If I could leave you and swim somewhere else, I would.”

“As would I,” Jongin replied, rather poetically. “Except, you know, minus the swimming.”

Kris turned around to retort, but walked into something hard and painful. He reeled for a second, clutching his hand with one hand, squeezing his eyes shut.

Jongin laughed, skipping around Kris, grabbing onto the attacker and hoisting himself onto the low branch. He kicked his legs carelessly in the air and raised an eyebrow at the pained M leader. “Be careful for branches. Deadly stuff.”

Kris grumbled back an incomprehensible response.

“I think nature's out to get us,” Jongin noted, his head thoughtfully cupped in his palm. “The water's trying to drag me down with it and trees are trying to maul you. I think you got the shorter end of the stick.”

With a harsh tug, Jongin falls from the branch and Kris opens his eyes, staring at the fallen dancer. “How'd that happen?” He smirked.

“Bastard,” Jongin spat, pushing himself to his feet.

The rest of the walk through the sparse woods was silent, save for Jongin's infrequent cusses when he stubbed his foot on a trunk or an almost invisible sproutling that was surprisingly painful.

After a loud growl from his stomach, Jongin took to collecting small little blue berries from bushes, eating them handfuls at a time after making sure he remained sickness-free from the first berry.

Kris glanced almost worriedly out of the corner of his eye at the brunet.

“Food,” Jongin stated simply, practically swallowing another handful.

Like the special snowflake he was, Kris refused Jongin's blue berries and instead took to eating larger pea-like green spheres from branches that he had to reach to get to.

“They're less likely to be poisonous if they're higher up,” he explained upon Jongin's steady glare into the back of his head.

“Did you just insult my berries?”

“I didn't say they were poisonous,” Kris popped a pea into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully, “it was just implied.”

Jongin stuffed his face with his berries and promptly choked, doubling over. Kris chuckled and came to a stop, waiting for the dancer to breathe.

When Jongin straightened, he shot Kris a glare and popped another berry into his mouth, starting forward.

They came to a stop in a small oval-shaped area with fallen branches and soft ground. Jongin gathered a few leafy branches and single-handedly constructed a small nest. Pleased with himself, he turned to see Kris lying on just the ground, staring at the sky.

Feeling far superior, Jongin curled up on his nest and pulled a particularly leafy branch over himself.

When he was settled, Kris stood, hunched over so that his arm wasn't raised too high.

“This is my side, and this is your side,” he explained simply, using his foot to pull over a hollowed trunk, not that large, but big enough to lend both boys some privacy.

Kris laid on his side once he was done and closed his eyes.

“What, no bedtime story?” Jongin joked, shaking the chain that connected them.

“No.”

“... you're not even going to sing me a song?”

“Jesus, I thought Joonmyun was joking when he complained about how annoying his kids were.”

Jongin crossed his arms. “I'm not annoying.”

“I'd give you a dictionary to prove you wrong, but we're on a remote island.”

Jongin yawned, fiddling idly with a leaf. A few minutes passed and Kris' side was silent. “Hey! You still awake?”

“No.”

Jongin grinned. “Entertain me, I'm bored.”

“Go to sleep, I'm done dealing with you.”

“Duizhang, you're stuck with me.”

Kris groaned. “Okay, A, that was the worst pronunciation I've ever head. Seriously. Chen speaks better Chinese than that. Chen. And B, I'm actually really tired so let me go to sleep and I'll drown you in the morning.”

“That's not very entertaining.”

“Speak for yourself.”

Jongin pursed his lips. “Hey, what if stars were dead people? When you died, where would you want to be?”

Kris sat straight up. “Are you one of those philosophical people that asks really stupid questions right before they go to sleep? Because if you are, we're going to have problems.”

“Why isn't blue called red? What makes blue 'blue'?”

Kris flopped onto the ground and groaned.

Jongin grinned, done with pestering the other for a while. He yawned and closed his eyes. Seconds later, they shot open again. “Hey, Kris?”

“What now?”

“This show we're on...”

“What about it?”

Jongin bit his lip. “Isn't it supposed to be a couple thing?”

“... .”

So, I don't know if you all know, but EXO got into the Idol Olympics (by EXO I mean Tao, Luhan, Suho, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Sehun). They filmed today and it was the single bestest day ever. 

So much gay. They won the gay award. 

Quick highlights (only a few and then I'm done, I promise) 

But yeah it was amazing and there's more but I'll stop sorry.

Good job EXO. Well done. You would have never known it was about sports.