“Very nice,” Kris remarked in–surprise!–English upon seeing the helicopter on the roof of the building.

The woman standing on the helipad waiting for them smiled good-naturedly and extended an arm to usher the twelve inside the flying vehicle while commending Kris on the perfect pronounciation.

Kris, of course, led the way with Tao dutifully acting as his shadow, clambering in silently before Xiumin, who stumbled slightly but was steadied by Luhan. He offered the excited male a nervous smile of thanks before hesitantly taking a seat beside Kris.

In the back of the group was Sehun, who was wordlessly staring at the sky, wondering how exactly he had gotten there.

Sehun opened his eyes and blinked sleepily at Suho, wondering what the hell was going on and why he was up at–what time was it?–six. Why in the world was Suho up at six? Or the more important question, why was he being so loud? Sehun groaned and rolled on his side, pulling his pillow over his head in the universal sign of 'Don't bother me.'

Suho turned after pulling on a flattering skin-tight shirt with the EXO logo and smiled at the tired teen. He flopped on the bed and patted the younger's covered legs, earning a whine. He let out a chuckle and stood up once more to exchange his pajama pants for a pair of skin-tight black leggings. No. Not leggings, Suho corrected himself. Skinny jeans. Baekhyun would murder him for the mix-up.

“What are you doing?” Sehun asked, which ended up as more of a muffle considering his face was still stuffed in a pillow.

“Getting ready for the day.”

“Why.”

“You forgot,” Suho said, more of a statement than anything else. “We have an appearance. Some reality show. Or variety. But either way, you'll have to get up soon. We're meeting one of the PD's in an hour.”

“No,” Sehun whined quietly, burrowing further into the bed and slowly pulling the thick sheet over his head.

“Are you sure?”

“I wanna sleep,” He tried to swat Suho's voice away, but the other man wasn't quite in his reach, so he let his hand drop in time with a low groan.

“It's a pretty big show, I guess.”

“So?”

“That means Luhan is going to be there.”

Sehun pushed away the blanket and found himself face to face with a grinning Suho. “Sorry, what was that?”

“Show. Luhan. Be ready in an hour. I'll be waiting in the kitchen.”

Sehun watched as Suho left their shared room and then rocketed out of bed, dashing toward the dresser and haphazardly throwing on a pair of branded pants and an almost see-through shirt. The company loved it when he did that. Or when Kai wore see-through shirts. But either way, they would be noted for fanservice while Suho tried in vain to force a jacket on the underage boys.

Sehun threw open the door, still shrugging on a light jacket to combat the remnants of cool winds during the start of spring. He entered the kitchen and found that he was the last up.

Kyungsoo was making toast with Kai hanging on his shoulders, wearing a thin white shirt that was already beginning to ride up his middle. He must have planned that. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were off to the side, fixing each other's hair and collars, even though Baekhyun was wearing a v-neck. Chanyeol made up for the difference by making sure the shirt wouldn't slide off the shorter's shoulders.

Suho watches s with a small smile and greets Sehun before ushering him out the door along with the others, voicing his belief that they will be fed when they arrive.

Sehun vaguely remembers getting in the van and greeting their manager, who had woken up earlier than everyone else, and leaning against the window while they drove away to their destination.

They meet their counterparts on the roof and the helicopter is already there, rendering any small-talk that would have been exchanged impossible.

Sehun nodded silently and straightened up. The rotor above him had just started. He glanced around the cabin, leaning away from the doors after the woman kindly asked Kris and Lay to close the exits so that they can take off. Sehun stared out the window in wonder as the machinery slowly lifted off the ground. He'd never been in a helicopter before.

“Hello, and good morning,” the woman began, bringing the attention of the others to herself. “I would like to thank you all on the behalf of our staff and myself for agreeing to come on the show.”

“Of course,” Now it was Suho's turn to speak as the representative of EXO as Kris quietly translated the brunt of the message to a half-awake Tao who looked hopelessly confused.

“So what's the show about?” Chanyeol asked in a happy little voice after staring at the pilots for a couple of minutes.

“Well...” She paused for a moment, wondering how to phrase everything, “have any of you watched Survivor?”

Kris was the only one to nod.

She sighed. “Well, it's like that. Sort of a wilderness challenge or a backpacking adventure!” She elaborates, voice full of excitement. Chanyeol's eyes twinkle in anticipation.

Having lost interest, Sehun caught Luhan's attention and engages in a whispered conversation to the side.

“So how are the contestants doing?” The question is soft and hesitant, coming from Xiumin.

“Oh, it hasn't started yet.”

Suho tilted his head. “I'm sorry?”

“Oh... didn't you know?” The woman worried her lip and grabbed her purse, pulling out a blank DVD case and inserting it somewhere in the wall behind her. Three previously blank screens come to life to display an ad for the show, detailing a week-long struggle in the wild and a race for riches.

After it comes to an end, the woman turns with a smile, hoping that the video cleared things up.

Chen frowned, “So we're going to the first episode?”

“No,” The woman said slowly, “you all are the contestants.”

The silence lasted for a minute.

“We never agreed to this!” Suho all but shouted.

Worry lines appeared in the woman's forehead. “We have a copy of the signed contract.” She slowly pulls it out of her purse before it is taken by Kris.

“Lee Soo Man,” He hissed under his breath, shoving it towards Suho, “go figure.”

“Sometimes I hate this job,” Yixing mumbled, “but then I remember that hundreds of people love me.”

Chen shook his head and stared at the woman. “You can't be serious.”

“Oh, but I am,” She gently retrieved the paper. “We're on our way now anyway.”

Suho sighed. May as well accept it now, and then argue when they get there. “So, what exactly do we do on this show?”

“Oh, just like the ad says.” The woman grinned in excitement. “Seven days in the wild with a race to the finish for a prize!”

Kai, who had only just begun to listen, ran a hand through his hair, “Well, as long as we have Kyungsoo, then we can survive on seafood or something.”

The woman shook her head, “It wont work that way.”

Tao finally spoke, “What.”

“You see, we worked it so that you'll all be competing in pairs,” She elaborated, “The show is called Shipping Wars.”

“We're staying on boats?”

She laughed at Kyungsoo's question. “No, ships as in pairings that the fans come up with. You know about those, right?”

“Of course,” Kai leans forward, rolling his eyes and leaning into his open palm.

She went on, “We believe that this will give a huge amount of views. Are you all up for it?”

Baekhyun and Chanyeol locked gazes whilst Tao leaned into Kris and Kai grabbed Kyungsoo's hand.

The actions didn't go unseen. The woman laughed awkwardly and pulled attention back to herself so that everyone apart from Sehun and Luhan were focused on her, both of whom were in their own little world. “Actually, we thought it would be better if the pairings were different.”

“This keeps getting worse!” Kai growled, stomping his foot.

Suho leaned forward. “What do you mean?”

Chanyeol nodded, “Different how?”

“We chose names from a hat. Those shall be your pairings for the show. Completely random. This will encourage teamwork and greater relationships within the band.” She demonstrated by threading her her fingers together.

Chen sputtered.

She ignored the troubled Korean, “Shall I read them out?”

“Please do,” Kris forced out, trying to take everything as it came.

“Right, well we have Sehun and Lay, Kai with Kris, Chanyeol and Tao, Xiumin and Suho, Chen and Kyungsoo, and Luhan with Baekhyun,” she glanced up from her hands and donned a polite smile, “now if you could sit in your pairs that would be wonderful.”

There was a lot of shuffling before Yixing could shimmy over to Sehun and tell Luhan to sit next to Baekhyun. Sehun started beside his shorter bandmate.

“What's going on?”

“We are being subjected to torture,” Yixing answered quietly.

The woman began talking once more, “Welcome to Shipping Wars, EXO! We are delighted to have you on, and even more pleased that you all agreed to cooperate. The show will last seven days, and the destination is the Hotel Interciti in Daejeon. The grand prize for the winner is the Presidential Suite and three days of the hotel's food. I wish you all good luck.”

Suho blinked from beside Xiumin. “Wait, that's it? It's just a race?”

The woman laughed. “Hardly. But I have some rules I would like to go over first. As you exit, we will be handing you equipment. If you are to find a camera in or on that equipment, you may not remove it. This is crucial to the filming of the show. Secondly, you can't harm or hinder another group. Also, no using your status as an idol to procure free food from locals. Finally, you may surrender at any time. Just say 'I surrender,' and we will come pick you up.”

“What happens?” Tao asked, leaning away from Chanyeol,” If you lose?”

“Shame,” The woman laughed, “No, you'll just have to sleep in a double bed with your partner in the Hotel Interciti for the three nights we are there. One room, one bed. We believe that if you finish last, or forfeit, the bond between the two is not deep enough and needs to be strengthened.”

“And that's going to help?” Xiumin asked incredulously.

“Well, what would you do?”

Xiumin stayed silent and moved away.

The woman nodded to herself. “Oh! I almost forgot! Please hold out your wrist that is beside your partner and close your eyes for a minute.”

The pairs wearily did so, and all that could be heard for a minute was the whirr of the rotor and quiet clinking of metal.

“Okay! Done!”

All twelve opened their eyes to find handcuffs as a new addition to their wrist. Kris lifted his arm, dragging Kai's along with it. “What the hell?”

“To strengthen the bond,” She explained, “Oh and one last rule, you can't remove that, either. Please keep it on for the next seven days. Speaking of which!”

Chanyeol groaned quietly.

“For the first three days, your task will be merely live off the land. Create a structure. Have fun. Bond!” She paused, “Please remember that you will be graded on creativity, excitement, and romance. We and the viewers have to feel the bond!”

“We're being graded?” Lay whimpered, trying to work his thin wrist out of the metal.

The woman ignored him and turned to speak to the pilots.

It was all Kris could do not to kick the woman.

“Are you kidding me?” It's Baekhyun who catches her attention.

“Nope,” The woman chirps happily as the pilots shout somethings. “Oh, we're here. Luhan, Baekhyun, could you please stand over here?”

“Don't do it,” Chanyeol hissed, reaching out to grab a hold of Baekhyun, but succeeding only in pulling Tao forward, earning a glare from the young Chinese man.

The two hesitantly stand and make their way over to the woman, who hands them two backpacks.

“One has everything you need in an emergency, medical tools, toiletries. And the other has your parachute.”

“A parachute!” Luhan shouted, “Why would we need a parachute?”

The woman debates on answering, but decides not to and pushes the two out of the open door–when it had been opened, nobody really knew–with Luhan clutching the necessities bag and Baekhyun hanging onto the parachute for dear life.

“YOU JUST KILLED THEM!” Chen shouted, rushing to the side and unknowingly dragging Kyungsoo along with him. The others watched, not breathing, as the two figures continued to fall. A collective breath is exhaled as a large parachute inflates and the helicopter turns away.

“They were fine!” The woman rolls her eyes at the bunch.

“You were going to kill them,” Suho muttered, worrying his lip.

The cabin is silent until another shout comes from the pilots. This time it's Chen and Kyungsoo. When they are handed the two bags, Kyungsoo fumbles the one that is handed to him and Chen opens his own. The rest watch as Chen turns to Kyungsoo with wide eyes and starts to shout something before they are both pushed out.

Kai and Kris jump out of their seats and wait until a brown shape expands before sitting back down and shooting glares at their hostess

The cabin empties out as each pair jump out, those left watching in worry until the tan material expands.

Finally it's just Suho and Xiumin, and the woman bids them adieu with a secretive smile and a soft push.

Alone in the helicopter with the pilots, the woman opens her briefcase and activates the cameras, watching with glee as each comes to life. She politely asks the pilots to bring her back to Seoul as the show begins and the battle starts.

“This isn't so bad,” Luhan wheezed, working his way out of the parachute material as Baekhyun struggles to work the bag off of his back. “We just have to stay alive. For seven days.” He turns to Baekhyun, “You can cook, right?”

Baekhyun shrugs. “Not really.”

Luhan tumbles down face-first into the sand. “WE'RE GOING TO DIE!” He pays no mind to the thud as Baekhyun hits the ground beside him, yanking uselessly at the handcuffs. 

A/N: Noooooo. I wrote this at 3am and I was half-asleep for most of it but I'll probably end up going back and rewriting the whole thing but whatever. I just needed something here. As a placeholder. It'll get better, I promise.

12/27: I fixed it as best I could. Not going to look at it again.