Hyomin's Point of View

As Jiyeon and I walked to my room, we held hands. I had never felt this good in a long time. Her skin was so soft, cold at the touch, but extremely comforting. Her grip was strong, and it made me feel as though I could rely on it. And that's what I need most, someone to rely on. Someone to lead me out of the dark labrynth I had been trapped in for so long. 

Of course, I thought to myself, there's always the danger of getter her trapped there with me. 

I frowned at the thought, and had been so lost in this thought I didn't realize we were at my room and Jiyeon was trying to remove her hand from mine. 

"Unnie, I'll lend you my hand later, could I have it back for now?" Jiyeon asked sweetly. Her large eyes staring up at me, and her smile slight, but still very sweet. Everything about her, just sweet. 

Immediately I let go of her hand and smiled. "Oh yeah, sorry, I was thinking."

Jiyeon frowned "Well don't think too much, you always over think and get sad". I wondered if she noticed my facial expression changing before. 

"O.k, o.k, go to your room." I said, turning her around and motioning for her to leave. 

I walked into my room and packed my suitcase, clothes, money, makeup, those sorts of things. My pillow was still covering my notebook and so I went over to retrieve it. It needs a better hiding place, so Jiyeon doesn't get to it again. But do I want her to not find it? I thought to myself.

It's so nice to have some one know. Not just anyone, but Jiyeon. There's just something about her, about her smile, about the way she holds me. About the way she kissed me last night. 

Oh god the kiss.

I forgot about that, did she forget? Who went for this kiss first? I feel like it was me. Oh god, what does she think of me? Does she just want to forget about it?

I love you

Well apparently not. 

The more I get involved with her though, the more she'll get involved with me. The more she'll get involved with all my troubles. Why her, of all people? Why the child? Why burden her with all of my , she's only a kid. I'll just be dragging her down with me. 

But I really like her. I want to burden her. I just don't want to be alone, and she's just, the perfect company. It's so selfish of me, but I can't help feeling this way.

I'll be adding another chapter to my notebook it seems.

I finished packing and made my way out the door to our living room. The other girls were already there, Eunjung and Qri busily talking away, Soyeon playing some sort of hand game with Boram. And Jiyeon, smiling at me, apparently waiting for me. 

I reached out my hand and took hers.

"You said you would lend me your hand later, as I remember". She smiled and turned away. How cute. 

"O.k, let's get going" Soyeon stated, and lead everyone out the door. 

When we reached the airport, we were greeted by security and reporters. There were a lot more reporters than we were anticipating, maybe 50? Not to mention hundreds of fans. It all made me really nervous, having them around. Having all eyes on me. 

"Hyomin, could you shed light on your past as a bully?"

"Hyomin, apparently you played a key role in the bullying scandal?"

"Hyomin could you-"

"Hyomin are you-"

"What will ha-"

"Are you-"

I kept my head down. Voices, questions, accusations, from every which side. And there was nothing I could do. Why won't they stop? When will they stop? How  much longer until they realize enough is enough. I'm just so sick. It makes me sick. I just want to fall to my knees and scream. Cry until no more tears come, and even then I won't feel better. Nothing will be better even then. The media is an ocean, and I'm constantly being swallowed up and spat out. Am I even human anymore? Do I even ha-

Jiyeon grabbed my hand. 

I didn't even realize it, but I had stopped walking. It was a good thing I was wearing sunglasses, because I could feel tears welling up from inside me. I looked to Jiyeon. She looked at me. Her eyes bore into my soul. She always knew, she always understood, even though she was young. She grabbed my hand tighter, and we began to walk once more. Hand in hand. She was fighting my fight with me, and for that, I'm grateful. 

Finally we got on the plane. Sadly I was not sitting next to Jiyeon, but I still love all the t-ara girls and at least that gives me time to write in my notebook without prying eyes. Qri and I were seated next to each other, Myself on the aisle seat, and herself next to the plane window.

I loved Qri, she never intruded. I know she's seen me crying a few times. I know she knows the pain in my heart that I bear. Qri is just one of those people who can see everything. But she keeps secrets. She knows all, but tells none. 

"Hyomin" Qri's voice was hushed, as to indicate the importance of her following message. I looked up at her and our eyes met. I know she knows everything. 

"hm?" I answer. 

"Trust Jiyeon." She says. And with that, she pulls out her ipod, and looks out of the airplane window. Lost in thought. 

I pull out my notebook and begin to write.

I was at a beach. 

The sun beating down on my face, the waves lapping against the shore.

The squeels of hundreds of children playing

The sounds of the adults talking among themselves

There was just so much noise. 

It was frustrating

I just want to clear my head.

I headed into the water, at first ankle deep. 

The ocean was comforting, how the waves seemed to pull at me, needingly. 

The sounds of the lively beach quieter than before. 

But still too loud. 

The water was so inviting, they begged me to venture further.

And so I did, one foot at a time. 

I was now knee deep. The waves pulling harder than before. The noise softer than before.

But I was still not far enough away. 

Another step, another step, another step. 

I was chest deep.

The waves becomming more aggresive with every second. 

The noise getting softer. 

Further I went until finally, I was swallowed up by the very waves that had so enticed me before.

My head went under, my body thrown in every direction by the constantly pulling tide. 

The noise of the beach was gone.

But I too, was about to disappear. 

I thrashed widly, trying to escape. 

I was being dragged further and further down. 

My body cried for air

When all the sudden, a hand.

A hand broke through the surface and reached down and grabbed my own.

A strong grip, pulled me onto a boat

I looked back into the waters that had so enticed me before. 

They now were large waves, angrily pushing and pulling a the boat

Demanding I return to my nearly sealed fate.

The sky is growing darker, the waves getting even larger.

A storm brewing.

And now, we have to face it together.