02. A Moment to Breathe...Not

"Cut it out!" I hissed quietly to Donghae as I walked by him. He had been staring at me since Kibum and I had rejoined the barbecue in the backyard, and it was starting to make me feel really self-conscious.

I heard him chuckle behind me, and I clenched my fists in frustration. Why did I like the jerk again? I asked myself. I already knew the answer though. Donghae was not really a jerk, he was far from it actually. He was just as sweet as Kibum, he just acted like this when he was hurting. Over the six years that I had known Donghae, I had realized that he hid behind his jerk self. What killed me the most was knowing that I was the one causing him to act like this.

"Hey beautiful. You okay?" Hands grabbed my waist from behind. I whipped around, taken off guard. My thoughts instantly flew to Donghae, him holding my waist in his room. When I discovered it was Kibum, I was immediately ashamed that I had even thought about Donghae. I should have been thinking about my boyfriend, not his brother, afterall.

"Huh? Oh, yeah I'm fine," I smiled, waving my hand dismissively. Truth was, I was far from fine. I was a wreck.

"You look stressed," Kibum stated, gently pushing my long brown hair behind my ear. I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand.

He cupped my cheek, and lightly kissed my nose. I giggled, opening my eyes. He smiled at me, with his perfectly straight and white teeth. I examined his face slowly, taking in his short light brown hair and his eyes the same shade of brown as his brother's. Though, where Kibum's eyes were always soft and kind, Donghae's were mysterious. People could never tell how or what he was feeling. Except for me. My mind added. I had seen him when it was just me and him, and in those moments, his eyes were softer and kinder than Kibum's. Okay, stop comparing those two! I mentally scolded myself. Kibum's your boyfriend, focus on him.

"I'm not. Just overwhelmed by all the people here," I finally responded to his stress statement, looking around the big backyard. There had to be ten families here, at least. I had only been expecting five, maybe six, definitely not this many! So, I wasn't really lying to Kibum about that, I just left out the whole Donghae problem. No matter how understanding and amazing Kibum was, I don't think he would be okay with me being somewhat in love with his brother.

"I know. Mom pretty much invited the whole neighbourhood. She's just so excited that Donghae's back for the summer and she feels the need to celebrate," Kibum laughed, rolling his eyes. I laughed too. We both knew that his mom was abit, well enthusiastic. I had never seen that lady without a smile, unless the boys had something bad, then she got scarily angry. Other than those few times though, she was the sweetest woman I had ever met. She was short, and had the same brown curls as Kibum, but her hair was dark brown like Donghae. She had pixie like features, with wide blue eyes. She was like my second mother.

"That's your mom for you. Speaking of whom, where is she?" I asked, looking around the backyard.

Over by the gigantic pool, there were small kids running around, playing and yelling. There was a group of men gathered around the grill, where Mr Lee was cooking the hot dogs and hamburgers. Other people were just randomly spread out, chatting and laughing. Then, I saw Donghae. Our eyes locked, and I realized how angry he looked. He glanced at Kibum, who's back was to him, and his jaw clenched. He was definitely jealous, and of his own younger brother. Oh gosh, I was going to ruin their relation, and tear their brotherhood apart! I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that. I mean, they weren't particularly close, but they still had their brotherly moments.

Donghae's eyes returned to mine, and his expression changed a little to one of longing. I looked at him sadly, trying to send him an apology with my eyes. I don't know if it had gotten across to him or not, because our moment was interrupted by a hand waving back and forth in front of my face. My eyes snapped to Kibum, who was looking at me amused.

"Earth to Yoong! I said that my mom's in the pool house with a couple of her friends. She wanted to show them the newly painted walls. Not that they care, but she thinks they do," He said, rolling his eyes. "Anyways, I'm hungry. Want me to get you a hot dog?" He asked.

I nodded, smiling. "Sure."

He kissed me on the lips quickly before heading over to his dad, who was now serving the food. I loved the fact that Kibum knew I would want a hot dog instead of a hamburger. I only ate hamburgers when absolutely necessary. I'm not a vegetarian or anything, I just hate the way they taste.

Feeling a bit thirsty, I headed for the sliding glass door of their house. I walked in, towards the kitchen to grab a glass of water. There were drinks outside like juice boxes, sodas, and alcohol for the adults, but I have a for cold iced water. Yeah, I'm weird but who cares. Plus, I wanted a moment to myself, just to breathe.

I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with ice and water. As soon as the icy water went down my throat, I sighed in bliss. Sometimes cold water is my best friend. It tasted like heaven. If only it's a real person, I would marry-

"Taste good?" A familiar voice asked behind me, breaking me away from my thoughts. Gosh, why was everyone coming up behind me today? I spun around slowly, already knowing who I would see.

Donghae was leaning against the doorway of the kitchen, arms crossed, smirking and looking as comfortable as ever. He pushed off of the wall, and walked over to me. I stood my ground, not sure if I should just leave, or find out his reason for being here. I decided on the latter, I mean, we had to talk sooner or later.

"Do you need something?" I asked, a little irritated. He was in his jerk mode right now, and I didn't feel like dealing with it. I had to get out and go back to Kibum too.

"Just wanted a glass of water," he stated before grabbing my glass. I didn't even have to protest before he put his lips to the  glass and gulped it down. I stared at him incredulously. That jerk! I wasn't even finished with that water.

I frowned at him. "Okay then. Bye," I said, moving to walk around him and out of the kitchen. He grabbed my arm as I passed him, preventing me from leaving, then pulled me back in front of him. I tried to avoid looking him in the eyes, afraid that something would happen that should not have. Sometimes I just could not control my heart around him.

"Where are you going?" Donghae asked, seriously. I finally decided to look into his eyes. Bad idea. He was looking at me, his real self showing through. He was still in his 'jerk' mode, but it was fading.

"Outside. Kibum was getting me a hot dog, so I should get back." I said without thinking. I instantly regretted mentioning Kibum, because when I did, Donghae clenched his jaw and let out a breath. He recovered quickly though, and returned to his calm self. That's what I admired about him.

"I thought you liked your hot dogs microwaved, because you don't like the taste of charcoal and burnt food?" Donghae questioned, genuinely interested. I widened my eyes at him, looking shocked, wondering how he knew that. Sure, I would eat a hot dog off a grill, but I thought that they tasted so much better out of the microwave. But I hadn't complained about that in years, so I wondered how he knew that. I recovered my face quickly, then narrowed my eyes.

"Hey, how did you know that?" I asked, suspiciously. I don't know why I cared, but I needed to know how he knew that. He looked at me, confused.

"You've been having microwaved hot dogs for as long as I've known you." He said, smiling a little.

"Okay, but how did you know it was because I didn't like the taste of charcoal?" I continued asking. I don't know what the interrogation was about, but something in me told me to keep going. I was pretty sure I had an idea of what I was waiting to hear, but I needed to hear him say it.

"You told me a couple of years back when I asked you why you always ate them microwaved," he shrugged.

"Why do you remember that?" I asked, looking straight in his eyes accusingly. I wasn't mad that he knew, I was just getting irritated that he acted like him remembering and knowing things about me was no big deal. In reality though, it meant the world to me. His face became serious when I asked this question. He was finally understanding what I was trying t0 do, that I was trying to determine how he really felt about me.

"You know why," he said, narrowing his eyes. I could feel my eyes beginning to moisten, remembering three months ago. I shook my head, still staring at him intensely.

"No, I don't." I whispered quietly. That was a lie, though. I knew why, or I at least had an idea.

"Have you already forgotten what I said on my last vist?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "I meant what I said. I love you. I remember things about you. I know you, Yoona. I understand you, like you understand me." His voice was so low and quiet, it was hard to hear. There they were; the words I had been searching for.

I closed my eyes as the tears came down. I was hoping that after three months, his feelings for me would have faded. Apparently not. The thing was though, I liked him saying this to me, because I knew I felt the same. Yes, it was very wrong seeing as I had a boyfriend who just happened to be his brother, which was exactly the problem. I loved Kibum too, and I knew I couldn't let him go.

"I'm so sorry Donghae. You deserve better than this, better than me." I said, opening my eyes and sighing.

He surprised me by placing his hands on either side of my face as he bent his knews so we were eye-leveled. I looked at him curiously.

"Yoona, there is no 'better than you',"he said sincerely, running his fingers through my hair. Oh my, that felt so good. No. I was supposed to be helping him get over me, not encouraging him. I grabbed his hands, and pulled them off my face. I didn't let go of them though, I held them between us. He straightened back to his full height, and my eyes stayed locked with his.

"I can't have the relationship with you that you want. I'm sorry, but I'm with your brother." I gave his hands a little squeeze as tears filled my eyes again. I looked at him, as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, I could see they were moist, like he wanted to cry. But he was refusing to. I swear my heart shattered seeing him like that. Macho, confident, and handsome Donghae didn't cry. In all the years I had known him, I think I had only seen him cry once, and that was when he broke his arm at the age of twelve. Even then, it had only been a few tears that escaped. He hadn't even cried when his best friend a.k.a his grandma died! This was harder than I thought it would be. I didn't know that him hurting could have sucha an affect on me. I reached my hand up and touched his cheek. He leaned into my touch, putting his hand over mine, still looking broken. I stood on my tippy toes, and gave him the hardest hug I could managed, throwing my arms around his neck. He gently hugged my waist, pulling me tightly against him. I fit so perfectly against his body. It felt so right.

I began to pull away, but he pulled me tighter, refusing to let go. "I'm so sorry, Donghae. I wish I could make it better." I whispered in his ear, as he shivered. Oops, that was probably a bad idea, a little too ual for a moment like this. He still held me to him though, encirling my waist with his arms.

"You can. Just be with me. Choose me," he whispered back, burying his head in my hair.

No. I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that to Kibum, and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to do that. I mean, I loved Donghae, but more than Kibum? I wasn't sure. I wasn't really sure about anything anymore. Even a part of me was telling me that I was making a mistake right now, that Donghae was the one I should be with.

"Donghae..." I began to protest, not knowing what to say. I decided the truth was the best. "I love you, I really do, but-" My explanation was cut off by his hands grabbing my face his lips crashing onto mine.

I pushed on his chest, trying to get him off of me. That had been the complete opposite of what I had wanted to happen. Plus, we were in the kitchen, where anyone could walk in at any moment. He pulled back, but only slightly, and still held my face, making it impossible for me to move.

"That's all I need to hear, Yoona. I've been waiting for you to say that for as long as I can remember. Nothing else matters," He smiled, before kissing me again. This time I was too shocked to push him away. When I recovered, I had no idea what to do. So, I just stopped thinking, and did what my instincts told me. Stupidly, I kissed him back.

Hi, my fellow readers! I feel like talking to you guys right now. ^^

Oh you see, I have a new story right now. And it's about Yoona too. I don't know if anyone of you are thinking to yourself that if I'm a fanytastic, why did I make Yoona the main character of 'Beautiful' and not Tiffany. I mean, my first story is about Yoona, why Yoona again?

Well, I haven't found the right guy for my Fany. No one is good enough for Fany! /:< Siwon is the perfect guy for her, but NO! Fany's mine! xD ahaha, nah I'm just kidding.

That's one of the reason why. But the main reason is that, I TOTALLY ADORE YOONA & DONGHAE TOGETHER. <3

Aren't they just the cutest couple ever? ^^ ainkaink.

xGummyBears ♥