Reviewer's Comment: YeoJaGaSu

Aright, thanks for requesting! I'm clearly not Grandma; I'm The-Not-A Sister, Bee, and it's nice to meet you. If you want a better and more accurate review, request again later when you have finished your story. Another thing, my reviews are harsh, unlike Granny's, so I tried to be nicer! And sorry, for this taking so long. I was typing up the last word when suddenly, BAM, my laptop goes and dies on me. Sorry.

Title: 3/5

It's interesting, that's for sure. However, as original and different as it may seem, it's not. It's relevant, though. I think that it would sound better as 'The Legend of the Hearts'. I will explain the 'hearts' part later, but the 'the' does not need to be capitalised unless it's at the beginning. The 'Sunsu' part throws it off, but I don't actually mind it there. I can see where it is coming from.

Description and Foreword: 6/10

I hate starting with a negative, but I really hate that author's note/introduction at the bottom. Go take it out and kill yourself. Big NO. Can't you develop more of it into the story? It'd be so much more easier and better! The description. It's a bit too long, don't you think? I know it's the MV introduction... Also, when readers scroll through, what they will see is 'Sunsu...'. Would you be interested if you read that? The foreword only consists of Character Pictures, and could be used so much more wisely. I mean, you describe the people anyway.

Presentation: 8/10

It's very neat and I love that! The paragraphing is delicious, the poster is sumptuous and let's just stop with all the food analogies. I'm eating dinner... I realy love the way everything is just set out. The poster is beautiful; simple, but effective. Your writing is neat and well placed, though some places are doubled spaced and/or have spacing between the puncutations (e.g. ...blah, blah . ) However, the background is just ugly. It makes sense, I suppose, but you could have chosen something better or even a plain background.

Plot: 15/20

There are lots of EXO Planet Legends on the market, here on AFF. You really need something that just sets you apart from the rest; a different plot. This is where 'hearts' come in! In all stories, there are always protagonists and antagonists. What if, it is Chunjie that is the Red Forces and Hana is the Sunsu? What if there are two hearts? What if the life Chunjie was living was all her imagination and that she was actually being strapped to a dream inducing machine by the Red Forces? You have to keep readers on the egde of their seats, anticipating what is going to happen next. Then when the end arrives, BOOM, they fall off their chairs! Don't give away too much, yet give it all away. Don't let this be as predictable as I think it will be. I like the idea of two girls involved with EXO, but it has already been shown that Hana is the bad guy. So throw in an amazing plot twist, I know you can!

Creativity & Originalty: 6/10

I have to admit, that I didn't find it cliche at the first glance. However, as a reviewer, I break stories down, I force them to spit out all that is going to happen. I investigate, I know things. And, as much as it sounds like it does, I don't hurt stories. This one has told me that's it's cliche and predictable.

Flow: 3.5/5

It flows really well. The few things I could point out when I'm being seriously picky is the unnecessary colour changes and the short sentences. Otherwise, it's perfectly fine.

Spelling, Grammar and Vocabulary: 6/10

I don't usually correct people's work when I'm doing reviews, but I have made an exception for you and will help only with your first chapter. That way, you can get a feel of what you are doing wrong and i will point them out to you as well.

1. ' "...I thought she's sleeping, but..." ' should be ' "...I thought she was sleeping, but..." '
If we went technical, one could argue that 'she's' is correct, but don't you think adding 'was' sounds better?

2. ' "She never floats before," Kris stated... ' should be ' "She's never floated before," Kris stated... '
Or 'has'. The other sentence just makes no sense.

3. ' ...on the bed and then lay her down on the bed gently. ' should be '...on the bed and then laid her down gently. '
It's probably just me, being picky, but the repitition of 'on the bed' is annoying and your tense changed in this sentence. 'Laid' instead of 'lay'.

4. ' I have learnt that sacred realm like this... ' should be ' I have learnt that sacred realms like this... '
Plural. More than one realm since she is referring to all types of realms that are sacred.

5. ' This young man... is young. '
No duh. Do I really need to? It seems you have a problem with repeating your words.

6. ' He is reminded me a lot of Luhan. ' should be ' He reminds me a lot of Luhan. '
Okay, it's not tense this time. Just wording.

7. ' But something is different from him. ' should be? ' But something is different about him. '
That sentence was weird. Again, it's your choice of words that is the problem.

8. ' Worries were written on his... ' should be ' Worry was written on his... '
Okay, now your plurals were off. You would know about this since I did see the same sentence again, but correct.

I'm hardly half way through the first, but I can find all these mistakes. Clearly, English isn't your first language. And if it is, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. However, you must edit! Look, reviewers are not editors. It is not our job to correct every mistake you make. Get yourself an editor, there are many who can help (even I have my own shop) and fix your writing. I can see that you did hire one, or got someone to help, but get yourself a better one. No offense, but really.

Details: 6.5/10

It is detailed and I can see that you tried. However, the details are bit standarised. I can't really help you on this, but to suggest reading more stories and learning decriptive words and phrases.

Writing Style: 7/10

I like your writing style. It's a bit simple, but I do usually encourage writing in a way that is comfortable with you, so I don't mind.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

I did enjoy it. I love reading EXO fics, so yeah.

Bonus: 2/5

First review at LoL Review Shop and effort.

Total: 62/100

Hi! Yeah. I hope my review helps you. Again, I apologise for being late. I feel that an editor is really needed, and if you can't find one, I'm happy to just lend a hand! Don't get too stressed about your writing. It's really just for enjoyment. If you don't enjoy writing the story, how can you expect your readers too? The most important thing is to have fun, learn, develop and one day, you'll be the best! Hwaiting~