I was standing at the mouth of a cave.  Where, I wasn’t sure.  I just knew that the inside of the cave looked dark from the outside, but as I crept closer, I saw that it was brightly lit.  There was a beam of solid stone.  The beginning of it was only a few feet in front of me.  The entire floor of the cave was gone.  Having been replaced by a pit of fire.  The flames being the source of light.  I stood closer to the edge of the pit, flames danced and at the beam.  I began to sweat.  It was stifling hot in here.

                The rational part of my brain told me to turn and run.  Run far, far away from here.  Go back.  Back to my apartment in Seoul.  No, back to the school.  Back to where Seung Ri would be.  I wanted Seung Ri.  I wanted to kiss him again.  I wondered if they could crank up the AC.  Did they have AC in the school? 

                Heaven help me, it was so hot.  It felt like the fire was inside me.  Burning through me to get out.

                Nikki, hurry.  Come to me.

                Seung Ri?  That was Seung Ri’s voice, but I hadn’t heard it.  Not out loud anyway.  It sounded like it was coming from inside my head.  That was strange, I thought creeping to the very edge of the pit of fire.

                I peeked over the edge to get a good look at the flames.  The fire inside the pit was blue.  All blue.  What did they teach us in chemistry class?  The blue part of the flame is the hottest?  The red part at the top has more hot gases burning because heat rises, but temperature wise, the blue part is hottest.  Damn, why didn’t I pay attention in class?

                Who cared anyway?  Fire is fire.  No matter the color, if I tried to cross that beam and fell in, my skin would still melt off my bones.

                Nikki!  Come on.  You can do it.  I know you can.

                I closed my eyes and inhaled deep.  And then coughed heavily.  Breathing in such hot air was too hard.  My lungs rejected the hot air and I coughed hard.  When I opened my eyes, I was standing on the beam.  Right at the beginning.  Then I froze.

                We can be together, if you just come to me.

                SeungRi, where are you? I thought.  We can’t be together.  What about Yeon Soo?

                Come on, baby.

                You can’t call me that, I tried to say.  Did I say it?

                Come here.  Come to me.  I’m right here.

                Where?  On the other side of the pit? I wondered.

                I bent down to crawl along the beam, but the flames felt like they were touching my face.  I couldn’t breathe.  The flames flicked at me as I lowered myself to the beam.  Everything was so hot.  My hands touched the beam.  I stood up so quickly, I had to step back onto the cave ground to regain my balance.  The flames made the beam so scorching hot that I couldn’t touch it without burning the skin on my hands.

                You can do it, Nikki.  I know you’ll be alright.  Everything’s going to be ok.  Come to me.

                I was glad one of us felt so confident.  But that was odd, my body still felt like the flames were deep inside me even though I’d moved away from the pit.  I stepped onto the beam again.  I held my arms out level with my shoulders.  It never really helped when I was in ballet class as a child, but I figured it must not have worked then because I was on flat ground.

                Not teetering on a balance beam.  Seung Ri?

                I’m here, Nikki.  Come on.

                I shuffled forward ever so slightly.  My feet were on fire.  They burned.  I began to cry.  My insides, too, were boiling.  My heart was pounding so fast, that hurt too.  This was worse than anything I’d ever felt before.  I remember one time when I was younger, really little, I got sick.  I had a fever.  It felt like my skin was on fire.  I remember that to this day.  The nanny my parents had hired took care of me.  She kept cool wash cloths on my forehead, but I still felt hot all over.  This was different though.  I felt like I was on fire back then.

                But now, I really was on fire.  The flames had begun to melt the soles of my sneakers.

                You’re doing so well, baby.

                No, I can’t, I told him.  I think.  Where are you?  You come to me. 

                I didn’t hear him.  My teeth ground together.  I kept moving forward.  Well, shuffling forward.  Centimeter by centimeter.  My feet began to slip the weaker my soles got from the heat.  I barely made it to the halfway point when I had to stop again.

                Seung Ri! I wanted to scream.  The flames were rising.  The tear that escaped from my eye didn’t have a chance as it began to roll down my cheek.  It was absorbed with the sweat that was already streaming down my face.  Seung Ri, I cried.  It’s so hot.

                I know, but you just need to come to me.  Everything will be fine once you come to me.

                I felt myself sob.  I wished I’d dressed differently.  Had I known I’d be crossing a pit of flames, I would have worn shorts and a tank top instead of these heavy jeans and this tee shirt.  As the flames rose higher, the heat inside my body was becoming unbearable.  It was literal heart burn.  My heart was burning.  My brain too.  They were on fire and the fire was spreading.  Outward from my heart, through my blood, to my limbs.  Downward from my brain to my lungs.  They were sizzling.  I couldn’t breathe if there was nothing to breathe.  The air was too hot, too fiery.

                Let go, Nikki.  Come to me.

                Let go?  I opened my mouth and choked.  But if I let go, I’d fall.  I’d burn.  I’d die.

                Yes.  Just let go.  You trust me, don’t you?

                I wanted to scoff.  Trust him?  We’d only known each other a short while.  A real short while.  Weeks.  Barely nothing at all.

                I can protect you, Nikki.  I won’t let anything happen to you.  Let go.

                Something about the way his voice sounded in my mind.  The caring way he said my name.  His tone.  I did trust him.  I my toes, arms still outstretched, and let go.

                I waited for my skin to catch fire.  To blaze up.  I waited to be engulfed by flames.  I waited for the pain.  I waited for my heart to melt, my blood to boil and bubble up, but nothing happened.

                I was on my back on the ground.  I didn’t feel the impact.  I also didn’t feel the heat anymore.  The flames had been extinguished.  I sat up and looked around. 

                Snow.  I was lying on snow covered ground.  Vast empty plains as far as the eye could see.  Vast empty snow covered plains.  White everywhere.  Pure, white, untouched snow.  It was almost blinding.  I was grateful that the fire had been put out, but now I wondered…why wasn’t I cold?

                Why wasn’t I frozen?  I didn’t have a sweatshirt on.  I touched the snow.  Picked it up in my hand and held it on my palms.  It felt soft, like snow, but it wasn’t cold.  And it wasn’t melting.  It just sat on my palms as if I were the same temperature as the snow.

                But this isn’t possible, I reasoned.  It didn’t snow like this in Seoul normally.  Not to mention, it wasn’t even wintertime.  Where did all this snow come from?

                It began to snow.  The snow fell in large, crystal flakes.  They got caught in my hair and stayed there.  As if landing on the ground.  Or tangled in a spider’s web.

                “I told you everything would be alright.”

                I turned toward the voice.  “Seung Ri,” I breathed.  He had miraculously shown up right there next to me.  He sat on his knees and looked at me.  He was holding Bamboo in one hand.

                Where did he find my little stuffed panda?  I scrambled up and grabbed the panda out of his hand.  I threw my arms around his neck.  “Seung Ri, you’re here.”  I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to hold him closer.

                To Hell with Yeon Soo.  Seung Ri was mine.  I clutched handfuls of his uniform shirt.

                But he’d still managed to disappear.