Narrator’s POV

 

Super Junior was ready to go.

 

Well, with the exception of a few of the members, Super Junior had been up before the crack of dawn, at Leeteuk’s insistence, and yet…

 

“Heechul. Our trip is 3 freakin’ days. Not a year. How much freakin’ luggage are you bringing?!” Kangin growled as he struggled to fit the luggage into the boot of SJ’s van, parked at the side of their dormitory – which looked eerily sinister from the outside, especially when it was five in the morning. Luggage was sprawled all around his feet, and the van was already full. Without the members in it.

 

“Yah! I’m your hyung! Is that any way to talk to me?!” Heechul snapped back, giving Kangin the evil eye.

 

“Well, YOU try fitting in the luggage!”

 

“Hello, why would I need to do that if YOU’RE here?” Heechul examined his cuticles absently.

 

“Heechul, score 1. Kangin – 0” Eunhyuk whispered loudly, oblivious to the fact that he was less than 3 feet away from the Human Tank.

 

“WHY, YOU LITTLE…!!!” Kangin lunged forward, forgetting luggage and hell-bent on strangling the blond member. Eunhyuk yelped and ducked behind Siwon, grabbing him and using him as a human shield.

 

“I’M GOING TO BEAT THE BEJAYSU-“

 

“Hyung!” Siwon exclaimed, shocked and simultaneously the Shibrows appeared. “How could you take the Lord’s name in vain?” Kangin could only huff in response whilst he glowered to himself.

 

“Yeah, hyung. How could you?” Eunhyuk interjected from behind Siwon, foolishly feeling safe enough from Kangin.

 

“Come here, you punk!” Kangin took a swipe at Eunhyuk, struggling against Siwon to get at the blond irritation.

 

“Hyun-“

 

“Ddangkkoming!!!” A small turtle swooped through the air, propelled by Yesung, who was apparently playing SuperTurtle with his tiny pet.

 

SMOOCH!

 

“PLAAAAACCKK!” Kangin gagged.

 

His lunge towards Eunhyuk had situated him right in the path of Yesung’s flying turtle, resulting in his planting a passionate kiss square on Ddangkkoming's reptile-lips.

 

There was a stunned silence.

 

“DdankkoGin?” Shindong finally perked up, breaking the nerve-wrecking silence in the dimly lit morning.

 

“Wahahahahaha!!!!” The members burst out laughing, luggage forgotten, except for a certain Ahjusshi and Cloud who were standing there, dumbfounded – both due to different factors, however.

 

“Ddankkoming! How could you?!? I thought your lips belonged to me!!!!” Yesung wailed as he gazed into his beloved turtle’s eyes.

 

Ddankkoming blinked.

 

“What about KangTeuk?!” The Ahjusshi yelped, outraged. “That stupid turtle just ruined the best SJ OTP!”

 

“Whaddaya mean KangTeuk?! It’s HanChul, people. Can you say it? HANCHUL.”

 

“Hey, it’s EunHae that’s the best! Just ask the ELFs!”

 

“Nu-uh, it’s ZhouRy!”

 

“Speak for yourself Henry, it’s ZhouMin that’s the best.”

 

“Guys, get it right. It’s KYUMIN.” Kyuhyun said possessively, placing an arm around his beloved pink-clad Minnie.

 

“Aww…KyuMin Moment! I need to tweet this!”

 

“SiBum!”

 

“Shut it, Siwon.”

 

“Yesung you traitor, I’m changing to HenWook!”

 

“DdankkoGin? Or should it be KangKkoming?” Kibum mused.

 

“Heck, why do you need to put the double K in? Just put it as DdanGin! Or KangMing! You only use the first syllable after all,” Kyuhyun replied.

 

“How did you even know he was saying a double K?” Hangeng wondered out loud.

 

“EunHae!”

 

“HanChul!!!!”

 

“EUNHAE!!!!!!”

 

“HANCHUL!!!!!!!!!”

 

“EUNHAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

“HANCHUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

“EUNHAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

“ENOUGH WITH THE EXCLAMATION MARKS ALREADY, YOU IDIOTS!” Han Geng finally bellowed, despite the fact that he had been standing with an impassive face behind Heechul for as long as the war raged on that past three minutes.

 

“It's only during times like these when Hankyung speaks Korean perfectly.” Ryeowook murmured, Siwon nodding furiously next to him.

 

“EUNHAE!!!!!!!!!” Eun Hyuk screeched, his eyes still locked into Cinderella's burning ones.

 

“KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Super Junior oppas!!” A scream rang out, followed by the thundering footsteps of thousands of ELFs. Stimultaneously, 15 heads turned, and to their horror, they were face to face with a scene that clearly portrayed a legion of hysterical ELFs stampeding their way towards the pitifully small black van like African rhinos. Not that it was at all surprising, after all, with 15 idiots screaming at the top of their lungs, it wouldn't be hard for a chipmunk to track them down, let along the entire Seoul fan club.

 

“Great. We’re dead.” Leeteuk announced, staring at the incoming horde of ELFs running towards them.

 

“So….We run?” Eunhyuk asked, raising a foot as though ready to sprint down the asphalt pavement.

 

“Get in the car, idiot! What are you waiting for!?” KangTeuk yelled, snapping into action, haphazardly picking up members and luggage and tossing them into the van. They could see the ELFs approaching fast.

 

Too fast.

 

In their desperation, the slightly larger or larger members who hadn't been tossed by Leeteuk, rushed ahead and squished their way like sardines into a can right into the mountain of bags, impedimenta and maknaes.

 

“Eww! I just kissed Hyukkie’s foot!” Yesung gagged, nearly throwing up on Siwon’s Bible.

 

“Yah, you almost desecrated it!”

 

“Well, YOU try kissing Hyukkie’s foot! You’d throw up too!”

 

“Hey! My feet’s not that bad! Fishy likes them! Don’t you, Fishy? Fishy?”

 

“Yeah,” Donghae groaned from under Kangin's heavy torso, “I think I'm alive.”

 

“MY VIOLIN!” Henry yelped, his body invisible, but his arm waving desperately under Zhou Mi and Heechul's collection of hair-care kits.

 

“You’re creasing my shirt!! I just ironed it! It’s Chanel!”

 

“What do you mean YOU ironed it?! You made ME iron it!”

 

“Shut it, maknae.”

 

“Stop shoving!” Shindong yelled hysterically as the screaming rapidly closed in one their eardrums.

 

“YOU'RE TAKING UP THE MOST SPACE!”

 

“DRIVE! DRIVE!” The angelic leader screeched maniacally, snatching the van keys from Shindong before jumping into the driver’s seat himself.

 

“NO, NO, Noooooo!!!” The SJ members screeched in unison, horrified.

 

“I’m the best driver! Who else would drive?!” Leeteuk yelled cheerfully over his shoulder, the disturbingly good mood which had vanished since Kangin and Heechul woke up, was suddenly restored.

 

“We’re dead. We’re dead.” Shindong chanted, banging his head against the window. In response, the engine coughed to life and with excrutiating energy, the van screeched off down the road, narrowly missing a lamppost and a stray ELF, and down the road into the horizon.

 

“This would be a romantic ending scene if there weren't an army of young ELFs cycling after us,” Kibum muttered, his eyes unusually wide as he stared over his shoulder, at the fans who had suddenly upgraded their mode of transportation out of the blue.

 

"They sure run fast too..."Siwon agreed, his eyes widening in awe at the sight a young ELF who was running next to the window, waving maniacally.

 

“FASTER!” 14 members screeched and Leeteuk slammed his foot on the accelerator, grinning immensely.

 

[Somewhere In Another Section Of Seoul...]

 

A soft sound of snoring triggered the other members' attention and B.A.P turned in unison, to see the maknae leaning against the van with his feet on his beloved skateboard, his eyes half-open and his mouth dropping.

 

“He's the only kid I know that snores when he's awake,” Him Chan mused, just then, the air was filled with a sickeningly shrill screech that sent a flight of sparrows hurtling off the opposite direction. Zelo started from his half-asleep stance and looked around, dazed.

 

“What time's our train again?” Jong Up asked, the second-youngest member still half-awake as he squinted in the dark.

 

“Six or so,” Yongguk replied, tapping his heel impatiently on the pavement outside the porch of TS Building. Just then, Daehyun emerged from the concrete building, dragging his puffy-cheeked best friend by the neck.

 

“Are we all here?” Daehyun growled around, obviously annoyed for being forced to skip breakfast.

 

The others nodded mutely

 

“I want cherry tomatoes,” Zelo whined.

 

“Shut it, maknae, we're all hungry.”

 

“Cherry tomatoes...” he went on, doing some stunts on the skateboard and Jong Up sighed.

 

“I'm hungry too.”

 

“Steak...”

 

“Cherry tomatoes.”

 

“Ramen...” Yongguk chimed in.

 

“Ramen? Are you kidding me? The last time we ate that we nearly had to have our tongues cut out!” Him Chan said incredulously, the painful memory of the chilli ramen still burning in both his tongue and mind.

 

“Where's Manager Hwang?” Daehyun asked, anxious to change the subject.

 

“Cherry tomatoes.”

 

“Ramen.”

 

“Steak.”

 

“Ice-cream.” Youngjae said carelessly.

 

“SHUT UP ABOUT FOOD!” Daehyun bellowed and the second flight of birds cawed off, “WHERE THE HECK IS THE MANAGER ANYWAY?” and before he could resist, “I'M HUNGRY!” he added.

 

Him Chan and Yongguk smiled to each other meaningfully.

 

Just then, an elementary schoolgirl appeared at the foot of the stairs of TS Building, her small frame bundled up in a sky-blue jacket and a scarf with pink bunnies on it. She barely reached Zelo's shoulder and she looked up at him with enormous watery eyes in wonder.

 

“Excuse me,” she squeaked softly, “Are you B.A.P's Zelo?” she asked as she scrutinized the blonde from head to toe; from the skateboard to his trademark black mouth-mask. The members stared at her.

 

“Er... yeah?” Zelo muttered, scratching his head.

 

Her eyes widened.

 

She poked him in the rib.

 

He blinked.

 

She poked him on the cheek.

 

He blinked twice.

 

“You're really Zelo?” she asked again, her tiny voice shaking in excitement.

 

“Er, yeah.” Zelo grinned slightly.

 

Then, with the voice that they could never have imagined her of possessing...

 

“KYAAAAAAAA!!! B.A.P!!!”

 

Out of nowhere, there came a huge uproar as every BABY who had been camping out secretly in the alley behind TS Building leapt to their feet and started screaming hysterically.

 

“Daehyunnie oppa!”

 

“ZELO-SSI!”

 

“Him Channie oppa!”

 

“Where? Where? Whereeeee...?”

 

“Time to go,” Yongguk squeaked and in response, they leapt into the van, abandoning the little girl. Out of nowhere, their manager had appeared in the driver's seat and was rubbing his eyes guiltily.

 

The girl wasn't a true BABY for nothing. With claws like of a zombie, she grabbed hold of Zelo's skateboard just as he leapt into the backseat in Yongguk's wake and raised it over her head like an axe.

 

“KYAAA!” she screeched in her banshee voice again as though she had just won a jackpot, “Zelo oppa's skateboard!”

 

“NOOOOO!” Zelo practically screamed, his fingers lashing out as Yongguk pulled him back hastily. Him Chan struggled to slam the door as the screams grew closer, but Zelo had his head at the opening.

 

“Let it go, maknae!” he yelled, desperately avoiding Zelo's long limbs which were lashing out hysterically.

 

“Start the van!” Jong Up cried as he saw a hint of B.A.P signs appearing from the sloped alley beside the building.

 

“NO! MY SKATEBOARD! I will never let you gooooo...” He shrieked, his voice unusually shrill and resulting in the girl's momentary surprise. She dropped the skateboard and Zelo lunged for it, before leaping back into the van before slamming the door lock with emotional tears in his eyes due to triumph.

 

“I thought I'd lost you,” he crooned to the wooden plank,  it adoringly.

 

“WILL YOU GET A GRIP? THE BABYS ARE COMING!” Youngjae yelled, obviously wide-awake and just then, the fans appeared.

 

“KYAAAA!” they screamed, and the glass of the van shuddered. The manager fumbled with the keys and finally, the engine roared to life. However...

 

“YONGGUK OPPA!” the banshee-girl had climbed onto the hood of the vehicle and was plastering her face against the windshield five feet away from Jong Up, her eyes bulged and she grinned with against the glass.

 

“GAAAAAAAAGGHHH!” B.A.P screamed.

 

“I don't think she's human,” Zelo shuddered.

 

“AS OPPOSED TO WHAT?” Him Chan bellowed.

 

“DRIVE!” Daehyun shrieked as the BABYs finally reached the vehicle and hammered crazily, the impact denting the supposedly hard metal.

 

“No! You'll run her over!” Yongguk bellowed, his baritone voice carrying over the others easily.

 

Just then, Youngjae winded down the window on his side, to the others' horror.

 

“Youngjae, what are y...!”

 

“How do I live,” he sang with the angelic voice he's famous for and the fans screamed, out-of-control and waving theirs signs and whacking each other around crazily.

 

“How do I live without you,” he went on, palms sweating as the others realized his strategy.

 

“KYAAA!”

 

“I need to know,” he smiled with all his might and in response, the fans went weak at the knees. Even the girl at the hood slid off and...

 

“DRIVE!!!” B.A.P screamed.

 

The van whizzed off into the easy morning traffic like a coaster in response, leaving the army of fans in a hysterical cloud of dust.

 

"Ramen?"