I know it’s hard for you to swallow all that I’m saying. But believe me. I’m being honest. With you. For the first time. Right now.

***

Sitting on the bed. Alone. It’s lonely. Never felt like this. So hurt. Like this. I remember. Still remember. When I first see the world. Before mother gave birth. To me. How I’ve always wanted to go out. And see the world. I can’t wait. I can’t stand. Staying in mother tummy. Because I can feel. How she hurt. Carrying me around. At that time, I thought. I must be heavy.

            When I come out. For the first time. I see the real world. I feel the coldness. Slapping my bare skin. I can feel the touch of human’s hand. Human being. Like me. How happy am I. But now. I regretted it so much. I never imagine. How cruel this world is ? How cruel ! How I wish someone could take me. Back to mother’s tummy. How I wish. I’m not hoping to come out.

            “ Kyung Kyung ?”

            Someone’s calling. Turn my head. To the room door. I see. Sunggyu oppa. I smile. “ Yes. Oppa,” replied to him. He entered. The room.

            “ Are you okay ? “ he ask. I nods. Smiling. “ You miss mom ? “ he saw me. Holding mom’s photo. And bracelet. I nods. “ Me too,” he said. Look at him. His eyes teary.

            “ Don’t cry,” I . His back. Because if he cry. I’ll cry.

            He look at me. “ I’m not,” he wipe. His eyes. And smile. Wide as he can.

            “ You know what, oppa ?” I ask. He look at me. Signaling. For me to keep talking. “ I’ve always happy that I was born to this world. But now, I feel regret. Because. Having me in this world. Equal to trouble. Right ?” look at him.

            He nods. “ Because. You won’t exist if I don’t,” he said. My head. Full of question. What does he mean ? By that ? I won’t exist. If he don’t ? “ You know why my dad left mom ?” I shook. “ Because mom was pregnant. On me. Dad said he can’t accept mom’s pregnancy. Because the living cost, with having a child would be high,” he look at me. “ That’s why I love your dad. Not because of his wealthy. But because, I’m not his son. But he loves me just like how he loves you. He’s not showing. But I can feel it,” he said.

            “ But your dad left you when you were child. Right ?” I ask. He shook.

            “ He left when mom was pregnant of me. This. Only us three knows. Your dad, mom and me,” he said. I smile. Nods.

            “ No matter what. I still love you. And you still my brother,” told him. He nods. my hair. And hug me. I hug him. Back.

            “ Ah ! “ he broke. The hug. “ I heard from Eun Eun,” he said. “ You like someone in your college,” and smile.

            “ I thought so Naeun,” I sigh. He chuckled.

            “ So, what about him ? “ he ask.

            “ What ?” ask him back.

            “ Tell me about him. That guy. You like,” he said.

            “ A jerk. Playboy. Likes Naeun. Fall in love with Naeun for the so call first time see her. Trying to make me smile when he only wanted to ask about Naeun and…I don’t know,” I sigh. “ I’ve stop liking him,” I said.

            “ Are you sure ?” he ask. I nods.

            “ Even if one day he’s the only guy left for me to get married, I’d rather die,”

^^

“ Hoya-ah,” I call him. He’s sitting beside me. Looking at me. “ Do you like me ?” I ask. He silence. Look at me. Deeply.

            “ What are you saying ?” he ask. I smile.

            “ I like you. Do you like me ? Can we be couple ?” I ask. He shook. Several times. Cannot believe. What he just heard.

            “ But we just known each other for a week,” he said.

            “ Is that important ? What’s the most important is, I like you. So. Do you like me ?” I ask again. He look at me. Just look. Without saying anything.

            He nods.

            “ I like you Naeun-ah,” he said. Later.

^^

“ WHAT?!!”

I’m shocked. Is it true ? What I just heard ? Is it true ? Oh. My. God. I can’t believe. Just can’t. Is she seriously saying that ? With her own mouth. She smile. And nods.

            “ You’re not lying ? Really not ?” I ask. For confirmation. She nods.

            “ I’m not lying. I’ll bring you to meet him one day,” she said.

            “ What about Myungsoo ?” I ask.

            “ Ah ! Myungsoo. That guy,” she sigh. “ I didn’t tell him yet. I’ll tell him later when I have time. I’m busy right now. With classes. New boyfriend. Assignment. And all,” she said.

            “ No. I mean. Your feelings towards him ?” I ask.

            “ He’s just a friend,”