Few months later …

I stared at the woman in front of me. Short haircut, styled into a bob, messy uniform like all the queenkas has done to their uniforms, skirt quite higher than wanted by teachers. Her dark brown eyes were complimented by her long lashes that soaked in mascara and her lips as plump and red as a cherry. A doll-like, fake character. This was me now. I placed my palm on the mirror and sighed. I turned around from the mirror and walked back to class.

It’s been 4 months since my first day of school, that humiliating event in my first gym class. I realized the only way to survive in this school was to avoid becoming the victim by becoming the aggressor. Few weeks after the first day of school, I showed Hae Ra a darker side of me, a dark side I never knew existed. She approved, and since then, I became one of them. Heartless. Cold. Fake. At least, I try to be. I excelled in each course besides Gym class, I sit at the back table with all the other kingkas and queenkas, I would go hang out with them downtown after school, no one would bother me. I was satisfied. Until, that one day, where I had to show them, that I was truly worthy.

Flash back:

“You see that girl over there?” Hae Ra smirked. My eyes shot directly at a young girl, probably a year younger than I am, working and keeping her eyes directly on her paper.

“Yeah, what about her?’ I hissed, staring at my nails, pretending to not care.

“Rip her project.”

My hands stopped from what they were doing and I felt my heart froze. My head shot up and stared at a smirking Hae Ra who yearned for another’s pain. “You want me to what?” I asked in panic.

“Look. You’ve been hanging with us for so many weeks yet you haven’t done anything that truly satisfies me. You always seem to avoid us whenever we, you know, just have some fun.” I stared back in terror and didn’t know how to reply. “Look. Are you just using us for your own protection?”

“No! What the hell, Hae Ra?’’ I couldn’t let her see through me. So I did what I had to do. I walked up towards the girl. Once I’ve reached the table, she stared at me, with a smile. She probably didn’t know what was coming. She smiled and went back to work until my hand slammed onto the edge of her paper.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered. The young girl stared back in confusion. But before she knew it, I pulled away her assignment and ripped it in front of her. Silence filled the room. She stared back in horror as I stared at her with pain.

“Hahaha!” Hae Ran ran towards me and held me from behind. “I’d knew you wouldn’t fail me.” Refusing to show pain, I faked a laugh and walked off as the young girl grabbed what was now her assignment ripped in pieces. I felt her grieving stare and her glare. But I walked off. I couldn’t forget that day. Since then, it continued. I kept picking on others. I truly became the bully. Soon, my heart turned dark as coal. Heartless. I became.

End of Flashback

“What took you so long, ____-ah?” Hae Ra blew on her nails and gestured me to sit down beside her.

“Sorry. Had to fix my make-up.” I smiled and whisked my bangs from my face. Hae Ra stared back amusingly and flipped her hair, having the ends of her hair brush my cheek. Hmm… I continued sipping on my juice and rested my head on my palm.

“Hey babes.” I looked up and stared at Hae Ra smile at her boyfriend. Pft. Kibum. Hae Ra wrapped her arms around Kibum’s waist as he brought her closer to him. Hae Ra whisked her soft caramel hair onto Kibum’s arm as she leaned closer to his face for a kiss. Once they kiss, I’m out of here. Usually, the kiss leads to a long make-out session. Who wants to be a part of the audience? I got up and grabbed my Jansport bag until Kibum realized that I was leaving.

“_____” I halted and turned around. Kibum let go of his precious girlfriend and approached me. “Where are you going?” I rolled my eyes as he spoke soothingly. Whatever comes out of his mouth are foul lies and foolish remarks.

“Well. You two seem busy. I wanted to leave you two be. Was that a mistake?” I glanced at Hae Ra who was puzzled by her boyfriend’s actions. Kibum smirked and grabbed my arm.

“Kibum! What are you doing?” I hissed as I tried to pull away from his grasp. I looked over his shoulder as I eyed Hae Ra for help, but all she did was stare and smile. Hae.. Hae Ra? Kibum grabbed my hand and dragged me down the hallway. He held my Jansport with his other hand and held my hand tightly. Wh-where are we… “Kibum -ah! Where are we going? Let...let go of me!”

He did not obey my plea. Kibum. What are you doing? Hae Ra… what are you up to? I struggled to escape his grasp but he was too strong. Of the corner of my eye, I saw my Gym teacher who watched me get dragged down the hall. I stared at Eli with terrified eyes but he turned away.

 Kim Kibum. Doubled his last year of high school. Good-looking? Sure. Built? Yeah, you could easily tell. Scary? He is. Traitor? He can be. After all, he IS Hae Ra’s boyfriend. We stopped at an isolated corner and I felt the chills go up my spine. What are we doing here? I stared at Kibum in terror once he pushed me against the cold surface of the wall.

“K-Kibum! What are you doing!?” I yelled, covering my face before he could lean in any further. “W-we can’t. I-I…” His cold hand grabbed my hands away from my face. I stared at the mischievous smirk on his face. This guy. I squirmed and struggled as his hands pinned my wrists against the wall. “S-stop!”

“Why should I?” He his lips and his eyes were filled with lust. I… no! What did I do for him to think I would want this? Why.. Why would Hae Ra just let him drag me away like this? He leaned in closer and his lips grazed my innocent neck.

“N-No!” I screamed. Filled with terror and shock, I kept squirming and tried to kick him, but he dodged every possible thing I’ve tried. I felt my legs tremble with fear. Once Kibum’s lips grazed my own, in panic, I bit his lip harshly. Doing so caused him to curse and growl. His eyebrows furrowed and with the swipe of his hand, he slapped my face. Everything soon went dark.

I out.

***

Urgh… My head would not cease the pounding. Wha…what happened? K-kibum. I closed my eyes tightly and felt my pulse race at a high speed. I… I! I opened my eyes quickly and greeted the shining light with my hand, covering my face. Where am I? I sat up and glanced around. My hands instinctively grabbed onto the sheets. Sheets? B-bed sheets? Did.. Did Kibum.. Did he… My eyes became watery and I grabbed the blanket to cover my chest. I covered my face and thought of the horrible and possible things Kibum must have done. I don’t remember anything. I… I don’t.

“Don’t slouch.”

My head shot up as I heard the masculine voice. M-Mr. Kim. I felt my breath cut short and my eyes widened by the sight of the gym professor. Reflex, I covered my chest and turned away. My Jansport! I scuffled through the bed sheets and went to reach for my bag, but a hand grabbed my shoulder.

“You shouldn’t exhaust yourself. Just rest. You suffered a blow to the head. You might have a concussion.” Eli sat on the bed and placed a bandage upon my cheek. I slapped his hand away and hissed:

“Why are you taking care of me!?” I glared at him and he stared back, unmoved by my reaction. It was as if he expected it. I turned away and tried to reach for my Jansport once again. Eli walked to the other side of the bed and sat between the Jansport and I. I sighed in frustration and looked the opposite way.

“I’m taking care of you ‘cause you’re my student. You’re my responsibility.” Eli explained. “Hey. ____, look at me.” I kept staring at the opposite room until he sat closer. I watched him gaze at me and his eyebrows furrowed. “That guy, Kibum, you mustn’t worry about him anymore.” I looked back at him and asked how did he know that?

“Well, you saw me earlier. He was dragging you down the hall. He was trying to take advantage of you. Wasn’t he?” He asked seriously.

I gulped and nodded. Soon, tears stung my eyes. “D-did he.. did he do anything to me while I out?” Eli grabbed my shoulders and smiled as he shook his head.

“He slapped you once. Before he could try to hurt you again, I had to obviously intervene. You fell and hit your head pretty hard on the locker that hid you guys.” I smiled at his answer and felt the tears fall. “Shh. It’s alright. You don’t have to worry anymore.” He cooed.

Without any warning, I felt like I had to hug him. I wrapped my arms around him and cried against his right shoulder. I… I can’t thank him enough. I was..I was so scared. “T-thank you. I.. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m a bad person. I’ve become a bad person. I probably deserved for what happened to me. I’m so scared, Mr.Kim. I really am. I don’t know how to thank you. At all.” I felt Eli hesitate but slowly, his hand reached my back. He my back in hesitation and cooed:

“Shh. It’s alright. Just let it all out. You’re alright now. Kibum, he got expulsed for ual harassment Don’t worry, Ms. Hyun. But. Explain something to me.”

I pulled away from the embarrassing embrace and wiped the tears away. “What is it?” I asked him.

“You changed. And why did you? The student I met on the first day of school doesn’t suddenly change into a bully. It isn’t necessary at all. So, tell me. Why?”

I looked away and sighed. He wouldn’t let me leave so I explained everything; from the feeling of embarrassment during the first gym class to the bullying. Eli stared at the ground and apologized if he was the cause for all this.

“No. no.” I smiled awkwardly. “I guess I was just afraid of Hae Ra.”

“I’m your teacher.” He repeated. “You could tell me. I could help you. You know that.” Eli smiled confidently and crossed his arms.

I nodded and smiled. I got up slowly and grabbed my Jansport. “I better get going, Mr. Kim.” He stood up and smiled as well.

“Head home. Get plenty of rest. And… change back to who you were. You are strong enough being yourself. Not like this. You’re hanging with the wrong crowd.” He lectured. “If eve—“

“I don’t know who I am.” I murmured silently. Eli stared back quietly.

“If you keep going down this path you never will.” Eli whispered. “Restart. A new semester will be in order in a few days. Change who you are. I don’t think you’re a bully and I don’t know your background, but I know you’re a good girl.”

I put on my jacket and walked towards the door that leads the exit of the infirmary.

“Thank you, Mr. Kim. I’ll see you in gym class.”

“Take care, ___ Hyun. Smile. You’re most beautiful then.”

I turned back to look at him and stared at his smile. Thump. Tha-dump. Thump. I placed my hand on my chest and shook my head.

“You alright?” My gym teacher asked.

I nodded and smiled just as he asked. “Thank you. Mr.Kim. I… I’ll try. I’ll try to find myself. But first I have to deal with a few things…”

“You know where my office is. You’re my student. I’ll gladly help you. So, keep your head up. Alright?”

Thump. Tha-dump. Thump. Thump.

“Y-yes sir. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Miss Hyun.”