“It’s ok.”

She hears an echo of his whisper, not quite believing this was real. She thinks she can hear herself shout back at him.

“It’s not ok!” Meaningless words. “I hate you!” Words she never meant to say.

The next words seem muffled as his long arms pull her head towards his shoulder, his chin placed above her head. He coos and shushes her softly, “it’s ok.”

The girl remains unconvinced, but the fight was drained out of her weak and gangly arms. She thinks she can feel water falling down her eyes. “Don’t touch me,” she whines. “I hate you.”

But the man merely holds her closer. “You’re stupid,” she whispers.

The deep-set baritone of his chuckle flitters into her ears. “Not as stupid as you,” he whispers back.

She remembers glaring at him even though he smiles and ignores it. “Pabo-yah,” he said. “I love you,” he said.

She should’ve known he couldn’t be trusted.

A small knock on her door snaps her out of her reverie. The vision that filled her mind faded into the white walls of her room taking her back to her seat situated near the window. Her eyes staring straight at nothing.

“Noona,” came the careful voice of the young nurse.

She manages to smile at the younger man. “Jinseok-ah.” Her voice rough from crying. Her fingers trembling from the memory she so wishes to erase.

The boy smiles back. “Noona, the doctor wants to see you.”

Jinseok helps her to walk from her seat, her legs almost like jelly. She thinks she’s gotten old.

The girl finds herself in front of the doctor once again after their little argument yesterday.

“Eunkyung-ah, it’s good to see you again.” Insoo smiled and took a deep breath. “After much deliberation, and a fair bit of convincing… we have decided to put you in grief counseling.” The long and awkward silence following dragged on even as Insoo’s smile never wavered.

“Grief counseling?” She managed to say at last.

“It was hard to convince the other doctors but,” the man’s tongue clicked, “yes we are putting you in grief counseling.”

“Why?”

Insoo’s ever glowing face turned gloomy for a brief moment. “Your connection with your kidnapper is on an emotional level.” The doctor took pauses, seemingly unable to form the right words. “You come to his defence, you- you have strong feelings towards him. Right now, we are looking at these as signs of the Stockholm syndrome. But sometimes you show more than just signs of the Stockholm syndrome. There’s not a single person that can explain this psychological phenomenon.” The doctor waved his hands and spoke like nothing made sense. “You think of him constantly, cry every chance you get and you just…” he sighed, noticing how he strayed from his point. “You told me once that you see him everywhere… you have these negative emotions whenever you think of him… simply put… you’re grieving.”

Eunkyung still doesn’t understand what the doctor meant exactly but she guesses she could live with that. Eunkyung doesn’t really know the difference between grief counseling and victim support. Some information would be nice.

Grief is an emotional response to loss.

Loss can include

• divorce/relationship break-up

• death of a loved one

• death of a pet

• loss of health

• loss of financial stability

• a loved one’s ailing health

• loss of secur-

Eunkyung looked up from the blue and white pamphlet to see that others have started shuffling in and sitting themselves around the circle of seats.

“My name is Park Eunkyung and I…” her voice falters, small tired eyes scanning the other faces. What does she even say? “…and… I’m here because someone left me.”

“You mean like a break-up?” A girl a few years younger than her suddenly spoke up. “I’m here because of a break-up, don’t be scared to just admit it.

“Yah, blabbermouth.” A young male shouted at the talkative girl. “The purpose of these sessions is so that you can all admit freely what happened… and it’s not your turn.” The young man turned to Eunkyung and smiled. “Please continue.” The younger girl poked her tongue out to their instructor.

Eunkyung smiled crookedly and nodded, “Yeah… a break-up.”

Introductions took a few minutes and Eunkyung didn't even bother remembering anyone’s names. Even as they were given instructions to write a letter to whoever or whatever is the centre of all their grievances, she lost interest and stopped paying attention. So now Eunkyung was left with pen and blank paper wondering who she could ask to repeat their instructions when she didn’t even know anyone’s names.

“Eunkyung-shii,” a cheery voice called her.

Oh good, maybe he can help. But she glanced up only to see their instructor walking towards her, bright smile implanted on his face. Mocha brown hair laid softly atop his head.

He stopped just in front of her seat. “Let’s take a walk.”

“Yah what about the rest of us?” Blabbermouth from before pouted.

He turned back towards her. “You’ll live.”

Eunkyung held on to her pad and pen as the younger of the two led her outside where some other patients walked around with their respective nurses.

“Dr. Kang told me about you.” He smiled gently, twinkle in his eyes. “He told me you were special.”

The girl wanted to say something, anything but the awkward silence passed by too long.

“I’m Seyong by the way. “ The younger man smiles. “In case you weren’t listening.”

Eunkyung let clear. “The people inside… they’re waiting for you.”

Seyong wore a lost look. “Oh no, I’m just a volunteer. I used to be here for grief counseling too.”

“Bad break-up?”

A small laugh escaped Seyong’s throat. “No… no break-up. My older sister… was in your position once.” The younger man purses his lips. “She was kidnapped, but, unlike you… she wasn’t so lucky.”

A small ‘oh’ was all that the girl could say.

In Seyong’s mind, he decides that it’s best to move on to the day’s lesson. “Did you manage to write something?”

Eunkyung looked at her blank paper. “I wouldn’t know what to say.”

“It’s ok. Say what you want, tell him how you feel. If you’re angry, tell him how much you hate him for leaving you. Blabbermouth inside writes ‘I hate you, you’re a jerk’ letters everyday.” The two manage to laugh. “She could use a little imagination.”

Another long silence precedes a response from the girl. Seyong knows how hard it must be to write such personal letters.

I hate you.

It would’ve been so easy to say. She could say it again like she did before he left. She could say it everyday and not grow tired of it. So she takes her pen and places it against the paper. Every of the blue ink and every new crease on the paper makes her hands tremble and her heart weak. With every word she writes, she writes it with conviction. And as her hand finishes engraving her three words, she lets a tear fall. Freedom for her first confession.

I miss you.

the Stockholm syndrome is a confusing condition that baffles even psychologists. I just wrote out what I researched please don't take it to heart :)

ah i finally updated! :D

please comment, i feel lonely over here :(