^{Alright, I know, it's just a small chapter, but hey, it's still an update! I tried might are some spelling mistakes. I'm sorry.}

^{Some of you said Youngmin would die because he’s trying to cut deeper. Well, he’s not cutting THAT deep. And he’s not cutting his artery, I might should have explained more detailed… I’ll do so soon ^^}

^{Author thoughts: (you can skip that part, nothing important for the story is said here c: )   I'm kind of sick again, yeah, yuhu, back to all the I tried so hard to stop...}

^{School's giving me a pretty hard time too right now... But still, I'm kind of happy I can go to school, I don't want to work TT.TT}

^{If my parents just had some kind of stop button I'd press it... But then again, it's my own fault for not learning enough and all the other stuff... Yaya, I know... I'll try better... Now enjoy the chapter.}

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I cleaned up the mess I did. I wiped my blood off the flagging and took a quick shower afterwards. Just when I had finished and had turned off the water I heard a soft knock on the bathroomdoor.

"Youngmin? Are you still in there?", I heard Jeongmins voice from the other side.

I slightly jumped when the doorknob moved down a little bit.

Just then I remembered I had locked the door when I'd entered.

"N-ne, hyung!"

"What are you doing again? You're in there like for ages."

I hastily dressed myself and once I'd looked trough the bathroom, checking it one last time, I unlocked and opened the door.

"Ne. I'm sorry. I just decided to take a quick shower...", I said while I slid past Jeongmin.

»All of a sudden? Why the hell?«

»You know hyung, since I already know all the episodes, I got kind of bored...«, I lied quickly.

Jeongmin looked irritated. He blinked his eyes and then there was something like anger in his gaze.

»Next time say it right at the start.«

»Ne, I'm sorry«, I repeated once again. With that I finally left and went to my room. Though I wanted to get back in the bathroom, back to the bloody embrace of my little monster. I did wrong. I had made Jeongmin angry. It was all my fault. Why had I have to be me? So disgusting, so me. Here we go again, still the same old story. Unfortunately I knew it was true.

I looked around my shared room. It was jokingly called the maknae room, since I shared it with Minwoo and Kwangmin.

Kwangmin. At night we'd sometimes even share the same bed. How could he be so close without noticing, without caring. No, I had no right to think that way. I had no right to make him noticing, no right to force him to care; I had no right to destroy his happy, carefree life.

I had no idea what to do now. Jeongmin now was angry with me and Donghyun, Hyunseong, Minwoo and Kwangmin had gone for a walk like what felt a whole lifetime ago.

Something was off with my sense of time lately. Everything seemed to take so much time, yet time passed agonizing slow.

I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted it to stop.

After stripping off my sweatpants I sat down at the edge of my bed and after staring at the bedroomdoor for some time, I finally laid down.

I had nothing better to do with myself anyway, so why not sleeping away the oh so viscous time? I slept a lot lately too.

My stomach made some funny, growling noise and I got startled a little bit. I hadn't even noticed I was hungry. Moreover I felt nauseous.

If I'd just sleep, it would be alright, wouldn't it. Everything would be fine again when I wake up later. With that thought and some tears in the corner of my eyes I fall asleep unbelievable fast.