Dear Taemin oppa, 

 

I dreamt of you last night and your presence made me unwilling to wake up this morning. In the dream, you were wearing your favourite white t-shirt as usual and you were smiling my favourite crooked smile of yours. I tried to reach out to you, but you gently pushed my hand away. Then, you sat on my bed and pulled me in a tight embrace. Greedily, I inhaled in your arms, trying fervently to remember the familiar scent that you had in you last time and you chuckled at my action. 

 

"Sulli-ah, heaven is a nice place, so don't worry about me." 

 

I nodded in your arms, desperately trying to clutch you with my small hands. It would be too painful to let you go again. 

 

"Oppa, why did you leave me... Now I'm really alone... Appa and omma are both overseas working hard for my future. So now I'm stuck here, unable to do anything but to mourn for you and cry. I walk alone, watch tv alone, I get drunk alone. Oppa, can you please stay this time?" 

 

However, oppa only my hair gently and whispered, "no Sulli, I came this time to say goodbye, since I didn't have the time to do so the last time." 

 

My mind flashed to that fateful day when you left me, oppa. The smell of disinfect and medicine filled my nostrils as I entered the hospital but I ignored them, running towards your ward. 

 

"Taemin got knocked down by a car..." I remember your mum's broken sobs over the phone. And I rushed to the hospital, hoping that a miracle would happen. When I bursted through the door of your ward, I realise that I was one step too late. Everyone was in tears and wails and cries reverberated through the ward. 

 

I slumped onto the floor, sobbing my heart out. Oppa... How could you leave me alone just like that? 

 

I tried to shake out that memory from my head as I pulled the strands of my hair hard. Oppa pulled my hands away and held them tight. Eventually I calmed down and oppa planted a kiss on my forehead. 

 

"I'm sorry Sulli. You have to be strong for yourself, understand? Now that there's no one to remind you to eat your lunch on time, no one to warm your hands during winter, no one to listen to your complaints, you have to take care of yourself okay?" 

 

"Oppa!" That was when I totally broke down. Oppa you my hair gently again and cooed, "Sulli-ah, I'll sent another person to protect you like what I once did. Promise me, you'll laugh with him twice as much like you did to me, love him twice as much like you love me and smile to him twice more." 

 

I shook my head vigorously again, but you nodded your head so firmly that I didn't dare to refuse. Then you wrapped your arms around me again and hushed me to sleep. 

 

I knew it was only a dream, oppa, but when I woke up this morning, my eyes were no longer red and puffy and I actually had a smile on my face. 

 

I love you oppa, and I miss you too. 

 

Love, 

Sulli