Dear Taemin oppa, 

 

Yesterday I was wandering around all alone again. Though you had advised me an umpteenth number of times to go outside with more people, I still preferred going out alone. I mean, it's just quieter and it gives more liberty to ponder over the whirlpool of things that I have in my head. 

 

So I was wandering, and before I knew it tears were rolling down my cheeks. It's winter, oppa, and the restless winter winds are here to disturb me again. I remember the last year's winter when you were still around. With the winter wind blowing in my face, my lips were soon cracked and I was complaining how cold and annoying the wind was. So you stood up and yelled at the top of your lungs, "Yah wind! Pick someone your own size! Don't disturb my girlfriend! She's mine! Only I can disturb her and bully her!" Miraculously, after you had made such a din, the winds stopped blowing and "peace" was restored. You sat back down beside me and flashed me a bashful smile and I could only giggle at your sudden confession. 

 

How I miss those times. 

 

Back to yesterday's events. I was reminiscing our time spent together that I didn't realise where I was wandering to. Then, a warm voice greeted me. "Why, isn't this Sulli? How are you doing dear?" I looked up and saw that I had wandered all the way to the orphanage that we used to volunteer at. The person who had spoken so warmly to me, was none other than the kind caretaker, Ms Park. Upon hearing her greetings, her husband Mr Lee came running out too and he flashed me a radiant smile. I forced the corners of my lips up, barely smiling, but Mr Lee ushered me into the orphanage. 

 

"Sulli-ah, the kids missed you so much! Are you here to visit them?" 

 

NO! I felt like screaming. WHAT'S THE USE OF COMING HERE WITHOUT TAEMIN OPPA BY MY SIDE? However, I saw the expectant smiles on their faces and I knew I couldn't reject them. Hence I agreed. 

 

Ms Park then brought me into the kids playroom. Immediately, they swarmed over, showering me with hugs and kisses. 

 

"Unnie! Where have you been? We missed you so much!" 

"Noona! I finally knew the dance that you taught uslast time! E-e-electrick shock!" 

 

This time round I couldn't help but to smile wholeheartedly. The kids are as adorable as ever, oppa. Then, Luhan asked me the question that I had been dreading. 

 

"Noona, where is Taemin hyung?" 

 

My head jerked up at the mention of your name, oppa. Immediately, this overwhelming sadness drowned me and I couldn't breathe. Fighting back my tears, I replied, 

 

"Luhan ahh, There's a really mean person in heaven that won't let me meet up with him. And he, is none other than your Taemin hyung." My voice shook as I mentioned your name and that brought me a fresh round of tears. Little Luhan quickly grabbed my hand and said, "Sorry noona! Don't cry. Taemin hyung is too mean. I'll beat him up for you when I see him next time!" 

 

"Yeah!" 

"So mean!" 

"He made unnie cry!"

 

As I heard the vehement shouts from the rest of the kids, more tears began to fall, but this time, it wasn't due to sadness. In fact, I was touched by the pure, genuine hearts of those kids. In this world so cruel and dark, perhaps the only solace of warmth available was at that place, where all the kids were. In the end I spent a good afternoon playing with them and I felt much better after that. Before I left, Ms Park gave my hand a tight squeeze and reassured me that everything would pass. 

 

"It's fine. You'll be just, fine." She had said. 

 

Yes oppa, I'll be fine. You wouldn't want to see me crying too, right? Take care of yourself, the weather's getting cold. 

 

Love, 

Sulli.