AN:
English
'Thoughts'

Pulling my one big heavy luggage with me in this cold night city of Seoul is not a very good idea at all. But what could I do?  The taxi drivers were kept on ignoring me when I try to hail one. Sighing, I went to the bus stop instead.

A few minutes later the bus came and I pulled my luggage with me. The truth is, I’m not very familiar of the places here in South Korea. I just asked a kind lady earlier about the routes and rides should I take.

It’s been years since the last time I went here. Looking at the neon lights made me missed this place more. But heck when I live here, I didn't have a chance to wander around because I was strictly forbidden to. Don't ask me why because I don’t know what to answer.
Getting off the bus, I started walking to block that was written on the paper I was holding, looking for a certain house. Good thing it was not that scary to walk alone, thanks to the bright street lights and there are few people who are walking. Probably going home. They gave these foreign looked but I on the other just gave them a sweet smile. They also smiled back, some. I was on my third block when I found the house I was looking for.

Rolling my heavy two luggage to the front door, I rang the doorbell and wait for few moments for someone to get the door. I was looking around when the door opened.

“Yes?” a familiar voice asked.

“Hi eonnie. Missed me?” I smiled at the blonde lady with barbie girl features who was standing in front of me.

“Who?” she paused for a second, thinking who I was “Zoe?” she asked.

“Bingo!” I smiled brightly at her. She stared at me from head to toe before she gave me a bear hug. "I missed you Sica eonnie." Oh how I missed her hug. She was like a big sister to me.

After the hug she ushered me to go inside. “Come in, its pretty cold out here.” I grabbed my bags and entered the house. Setting aside my bags, I took a seat from the couches. “Its been a long time since we saw each other, how are you?” she started, as she took the seat beside me.

“Still breathing.” I giggled. “How about you, eonnie? How’s life here?” I asked back.

“Well I’m doing great and oh! I just opened a clothing line last month” She smiled, beaming at the thought about her clothing line. But the grin on her face faded after she glanced behind me, where my bags had placed. With furrowed brows, she stood up from the couch and went beside my bags.

“What are these?” she pointed and raised an eyebrow.

"Bags?" I said, like it was very obvious. It was obvious that those were bags.

Rolling her eyes at me, "I'm not dumb, Zoe. " I only chuckled. "When did you arrived? What are you doing here in Seoul? Does your mother knows? And should you be heading to your father's house instead of here?" she crossed her arms on her chest as she threw questions after question.

"One question at a time eonnie" I chuckled but I only received a groan from her. My stomach suddenly growled. Wrong timing, I know.

"Lets go to the kitchen and eat. Looks like you're hungry." she chuckled as I followed her to the kitchen. "Sit down and answer my questions young lady" she pointed me the spoon she was holding. I obliged and sat one of the chairs at the counter.

 I let out a sighed as I began to answer every questions while she prepare me my meal, "I just arrived today at exactly 6:15 pm. I'm here because my mom" -I pursed my lips- "mom told me to come here and about dad?" I paused for a second. "Why would I go to my father? Do I even have one?" I said without any trace of sarcasm when I asked the last question. "I can'r stay at my mom's friend's place forever. I heard her talking to my dad and I don't like there conversation. So I ran away." Yeah, I can be very straight forward at times.

"You what?!" Jessica gaped. "Oh gosh" rubbing her temples. "Zoe, I know you're not in a good terms with your dad but you should go to him. Not here." She placed the food in front of me, "Eat." I started to eat the she made.

I stopped from eating and looked down at my food. "Mom" I mumbled. "Mom was gone, eonnie."

Letting out a gasped, "Z-zoe, what do you mean gone?" I looked up to her with sad eyes but I still managed to smile.

"We got into an accident, didn't you know?" 

"A-accident?" She repeated.

"She was in coma for two weeks and four days after"- swollowing the lump in my throat- "that accident two months ago. I-I thought when she woke up, everything will be alright." I pursed my lips trying not to cry. "But God has other plans. She only lasted for like a week. She kept on saying 'I love you' and she kept reminding me to take care of my health always." I said with a bittersweet smile. "She even asked for my brothers, but what can I do? I do not know how to contact them."

"Oh Zoe, I'm sorry. I was so busy that I didn't know what happened." Jessica hugged me. Practically guilty for what not knowing what happened to us. To me. To my mother. But I would never blamed Jessica eonnie because I know she was busy with work and its not her fault from what happened.

"She kept on saying 'I'm sorry' to me and to me brothers. If only we didn't lost our contact with them, I'll call them right away and maybe eomma will get the chance to hug them once again." I smiled, thinking how my mom will be smiling from ear to ear when she hugs my brothers. Her sons. "But I forgive her even though I don't know why she kept saying sorry. " I continued. "She was smiling as she closed her eyes in my arms." I was in brimmed in tears but I threaten my tears to fall. I'm a strong girl. "She told me to come home, to go to my dad. I did promised..."

"Then why don't you?" Jessica was still hugging me. Rubbing my back in comfort.

"After what he had done to us? After leaving us?" I scoffed.

"How about your mother's wish? She said you must go to your dad, right?" Holding my shoulders as she stared at me. "You made a promised to her, right?"

I looked away, avoiding her eyes. "I-I don't know eonnie. Maybe I need time. I don't what to do once I faced him and besides will he recognize me right away? Its been a long time since we saw each other and I'm not sure what he looks like right now, even my older brothers. Do they even know that mom was dead? Are they even looking for me?"

"I'm sure they are. You're family to them."

"Then why don't I receive any calls, e-mails or letters from them?" After many years, I had waited for there calls, e-mails and letter but I recieved none of them. Days passed and unconsciously I forgoten about them. I started a new life as well.

Jessica let out a sighed, "Alright. I'll let you stay here with me but not for a long time. My parents will be back next week and you do know that they are friends with your dad. Sure my mom can keep a secret from Mr. Lee but my dad?" She rolled her eyes. "He can't. He's very talkative." I chuckled. "There's that smile." She ruffled my hair.

Her dad is a very closed friend of my dad. They were buddies since they were in elementary. But Jessica's father didn't know that her wife and mom were still meeting up when we're still living in New York. But we lost contact with them when my mom, aunt and I moved to New Jersey and their family- except her younger sister- moved back here in Seoul.

"Finish that food of yours as I ready my sister's room upstairs for you to sleep, okay?"

I nodded. "Thank you, eonnie" I hugged her. I felt her smile.

"Anything for you, Zoe." Jessica gave me a peck on the forehead before she walked towards the stairs.

"One more thing eonnie, call me, Jaerin." She looked at me. "Jaerin is my name from now on." I grinned.

She raised a brow before let out a smile, "Welcome to Seoul, Lee Jaerin."

* * *

As the morning sunlight lighten up the room. I rubbed my eyes and I stood up from bed, and do some little stretching. I checked up on Jessica eonnie, if she's still sleeping. And I was right, she still was. Her back was facing me back but I could tell that she was still on dream land.

We did sleep late last night because we were catching some few things from each other. She told me how great that her business is doing. Based on her smiling last night, she really loves her job. It is one of her biggest dreams, having a clothing line of her on. Her younger sister Soojung or Krystal was still in California. Finishing her studies there.

I told her my life from the other side of the globe when she left. Well there's nothing much to talk about my life, it was same old. Apa