[Jongin’s POV]

My head was spinning when I woke up, Kyungsoo had left. Kyungsoo had ing left after I did all those things. I tried so hard to get out of the hole I had fallen into and this was how I had gotten rewarded. A lame excuse on the note I had used to tell him– he was wearing my clothes. ing hell. He was wearing my clothes, I still had his lying around – okay maybe not lying around but neatly folded – somewhere in my room and… and I had let him sleep in my bed and… he just took off. Jesus. Were those tears in my eyes or was I really going crazy… Why did I want him to be here anyways? I tried to get people off my back – I didn’t want to get hurt anymore. And yet, I had let him in so easily, as if it was nothing to me. Which it was, opening up to him like that was harder than going all Kai on him. Which meant that I had tried for him, I actually wanted to be myself around him even though I allowed nobody to know who I was.

What made things even more complicated in my mind, was that text he sent after I had spent hours to create a text that wasn’t too much of a whiny one. But the truth was, I was hurt already. I wouldn’t even be able to say ‘after such a short time, it had only been one day’, because that wasn’t true. Kyungsoo was none other than D.O and I had adored D.O since the moment he debuted. I knew him, I knew his songs and to do what I had done for him, was something more to me than just opening my house for someone. I had showed him how much he meant to me and that was just one more mistake to add to the long list I already owned.

And then he said he was sorry. He had meant it and wanted to meet up for work. I didn’t know what to reply, first of all because I didn’t want to meet up for work. I wanted to meet up so that he could explain himself, I wanted to know why he was sorry all of a sudden and why he said he had been a burden to me. I didn’t want to do anything work-related and I wondered why, was it because I was stuck up with all of it, finally? Or maybe I was just afraid to make changes, to let things take a different path for once?

So that was pretty much why I hadn’t slept again last night. Why I was stumbling through my room, stopping at the neatly folded pile of Kyungsoo-clothes I at least wanted to get out of there, but didn’t dare to touch because of god-knew-what. I didn’t eat before leaving because I wasn’t hungry and I didn’t care to wear the layers of BB-cream and other make-up I usually did. Because today, I didn’t care.

 

Pushing the door open to enter the building, I didn’t pay any attention to the fans that still screamed my name as if I looked like a god – trust me, I didn’t. Maybe the sunglasses I wore did a lot to hide the bags under my eyes but more than that… I shrugged it off before taking the elevator to get to my floor but before the doors even closed, I got a heart-attack. Probably with the same amount of sleep and bags-under-eyes, Kyungsoo ran to stand beside me, looking like a wreck and I knew it was my fault.

“Good morning.” I muttered, trying to at least show that I cared about what I did to make him like this. I didn’t look up from the ground to see his face, but I noticed he was looking at me. I couldn’t see his expression and it bothered me, but I didn’t have the courage to face the damage of probably his anger towards me at this point. And he didn’t reply to what I said, making me feel worse if that was possible.

 

[Baekhyun’s POV]

Cursing Jongin for -blocking my kiss with Chanyeol would be one thing. Not seeing Chanyeol for at least today, would be something of a whole different level. We had… kissed last night, well sort of… A huge smile spread across my face at the thought of his lips on mine, even if it hadn’t even been for a second because that little Jongin needed to know Kyungsoo’s number and I had to ask Chanyeol for him. I huffed, he hadn’t even said thanks to me. But I couldn’t really deny that my mood had skyrocketed because of yesterday and I couldn’t be more happy – yes I could, if Chanyeol was here to celebrate it with me. But on the other hand, wouldn’t that distract me so much more than I already was?

Like for instance when I ran into a man, about my age, about my height, pale skin, nervous smile on his handsome face… He seemed to have been looking around the place for something before I bumped into him and we both apologized while bowing.

“Ah, maybe you can help me?” he asked after the slightly awkward encounter and I nodded eagerly, being in a good mood certainly helped me through. “My name is Joonmyun and I am Kyungsoo’s manager… He uh… he seemed to want to get in the elevator as soon as he saw someone standing in there, but he left me alone here while I have never been here before so maybe… can you tell me if you have seen him somewhere?” We were already on the level Jongin and Kyungsoo used for their work together, as well as my own and it wasn’t too hard to tell this Joonmyun where Kyungsoo had gone.

“Ah, of course. My name is Baekhyun, nice to meet you.” We exchanged another few smiles but before I could let my thoughts wander off to the person who caused all those smiles in the first place, I showed him to the small office I used together with a few others in which we managed our idols. “As long as you are working here, you can… use this space together with us.” I offered and saw another of his smiles. This man seemed to be a nice guy. “Now, Kyungsoo-ssi will probably be in the practice room together with Jongin, should I guide you there as well?”

We went to the practice room and through the one-way window, we could see into the room while they had no idea we were there. Along with their instructor, they were learning some random moves since there was no music to practice for yet. It was obvious to see that Jongin was the dancer of the two, but Kyungsoo proved to be quite good as well as he picked up the moves quickly and reproduced them almost as gracefully.

“I didn’t know Kyungsoo-ssi could dance so well.” I said, partly distracted by the two guys who were dancing as if their lives depended on it.

“He has been taking training recently, he likes things he can’t do instantly, ‘challenges’ he always says… I don’t know if I can just say it, but Kai is pretty impressive up-close like this.” I chuckled because this was something every-day like for me, seeing Jongin dance didn’t really affect me anymore. Which somehow made me want to see Chanyeol dance for once and a massive smile grew on my face at the thought; Chanyeol was possibly the worst dancer one could imagine… which made him all the more adorable for me of course. “Do they get along?” Joonmyun shook me out of thoughts.

“No… unfortunately. It seems as though they really can’t get any worse; they had a bad start. But maybe things will change. I hope they will.”

“Hm. I hope so too, then. Maybe we can start working out a few schedules? Introduce them to the public together to raise interest and all that?” I smiled and nodded before we both got out of the small room into the office.

 

[Jongin’s POV]

We didn’t talk to each other and really, we just met up for work. I regretted that I didn’t take a second to ask him why he left, but it was hard for me. I couldn’t show interest like that so easily, especially not when we were in the same room with the instructor because that guy wasn’t the nicest. Admitted, I wasn’t the nicest either, not towards just anybody.

“Jongin-ssi…” Kyungsoo started once we had a small break and I felt my heartbeat rise. He didn’t call me Kai and I didn’t mind it at all, I wanted him to say my name, my own name. I swallowed when I looked up to meet his eyes, they were watery. “You know I… I tried.” You tried? What did you try… Kyungsoo I can’t ask you, just… spill it, please. He didn’t. He just looked forward and tilted his head back a little, as if trying to stop tears from falling.

“What did you try…” I asked hesitantly, hoping fiercely that I wouldn’t come off as weak or nice because I would never be able to handle the consequences of that.

“It’s… I’m sorry, it’s nothing. I didn’t say anything. Just. Let’s get on with practice.” I didn’t know what caused it, probably a little bit of anger, discomfort and something I couldn’t quite grasp, but I wouldn’t let him stand up. I had my hand on his shoulder, something I usually didn’t do and looked into those watery eyes, which were now shock-glazed.

“No please, it’s not nothing. I want to know what you tried, I want to know why I wasn’t good enough to make you stay, I want to know why you left and why you didn’t eat any of the food or wake me up.” I forced all the words out in one go because I didn’t want to risk forgetting something.

“Just don’t touch me Jongin.” He pushed my hand away from him and stood up, messily wiping at his eyes to remove tears that eventually fell. Just don’t touch me. Somehow, that hurt more than I thought it would, more than when any of the others told me not to touch them. I think I knew exactly why. I touched him in a Jongin kind of way, something I hadn’t done for so long… And he rejected me so easily, while I only tried to understand.

“Fine. No problem.” I answered while getting up, repeating the same dance-steps over and over again.

 

[Baekhyun’s POV]

Joonmyun turned out to be a year older than me and I found out that he and Yixing knew each other distantly. It was a simple nod in the hall-ways from his side and Yixing had sent the other a tight smile. I wasn’t that confused over the last one, Yixing had been uptight for quite a while now and now that I met him, I had a feeling it had something to do with Kris, but how could I have been sure if I had never asked him… It wasn’t my business anyways.

We had managed to arrange a short meeting with a broadcast studio to introduce the two of them to the world, as a duo that worked together and they would ask some questions and it would all be very short and brief. I had specifically told the studio that, because I knew how uncomfortable the two were with each other, but of course I didn’t tell them that because that way, who would want to see them perform together?

The meeting would be tomorrow and I had yet to tell Jongin. I was scared because he looked as though his mood had dropped even lower than it was before. We had passed the practice room a couple of times and each time I checked, it was clear that he wasn’t happy. But right when I was about to interrupt their training session, my text-tone rang and a message from my Chanyeol popped up.

 

Hey baby~ I miss you ;_; Meet up after work? <3 Chanyeol~

 

The butterflies were roaming my stomach as I read the words over and over again, wanting to meet up to make the awkwardness from last time go away. Or just… kiss already. I wanted to kiss him. A blush crept up my face, I wanted to freaking kiss him. I had never really thought about those things, but kissing Chanyeol was something that appealed to me very much at the moment.

 

Yes, let’s meet up! <3

 

I didn’t dare to actually type the words, so I stuck with that, looking at his words again, until I got distracted by the sight in front of me. Jongin stormed out of the practice room, more distraught and hurt-looking than ever before and when he met eyes with me, things only got worse and he punched the wall with such strength that I could see the ripped skin as he pulled back, slowly sinking to the ground, tears streaming down his face again.

Hurriedly, I put my phone back into my pocket and ran to meet him, but a hand on my shoulder stopped me and I turned to see Joonmyun with a worried look on his face.

“Kyungsoo wants to take care of it.” I let my eyes wander off towards the fourth figure to enter the hallway and he pulled Jongin up by his wrists and probably because Jongin was so out of it, he didn’t struggle. “I know him well, he’s probably mad at himself right now, maybe he’s the cause, I’m not sure.” But still. I was worried, it was already getting late and tomorrow would be the meeting and what if something happened when those two were alone…

 

[Jongin’s POV]

He was right. I was the cause for everything bad that happened, even though he hadn’t used the words. His avoiding me was all the evidence I needed, to know what he meant. He kept glancing at me though and I didn’t know why he did that. He had just told me to off and yet, here he was, looking at me. Well of course, we had to work together, but that didn’t mean he could just…

And yeah, frustrated me threw a punch against the wall and I had scraped my knuckled open before I just believed that I wasn’t supposed to be there. I had done a lot of things I regretted and even just seeing Baekhyun’s face, added to that feeling. I had taken advantage of him, I had gotten angry with Kyungsoo and now I just had to face it. I was wrong and I couldn’t handle it any longer.

He hauled me up though. He held me in an embrace that was warm and undeserved by me. The feeling of his warm hands through my sweaty tank-top was something I shouldn’t have experienced but like before, I took advantage of him and just let it happen because I wanted it. I wanted to feel safe and secure even if I didn’t deserve any of it.

“Come on.” he said softly before ignoring everybody and leading me out of the building.