[Kyungsoo’s POV]

Why did I have to be so inconsiderate the moment I told him not to touch me… it wasn’t as though he tried something and somewhere, I knew that but… you know that when somebody shows sympathy, it’s harder to hold back the tears? I guess that was what I felt, but I said it so heartlessly that I was sure he took it the wrong way. I knew he blamed himself, for no reason.

I felt horrible when he punched the wall, hurt himself over something he didn’t do wrong. It was just that I couldn’t tell him why I did all of that without crying and I didn’t want to cry anymore. He already thought I was the weakest person alive and that affected me more than I would have thought. I brought him home and he didn’t even tell me off, for which I was really grateful.

“Please Jongin, please listen. I know I didn’t tell you when you asked me but that’s because… because I can’t just… You know everything went wrong when I cried and you doing all those things for me, it’s too much, I don’t– I can’t take all of that, just like that, because I make you suffer and I hate it but I couldn’t tell you because it makes me cry and I don’t want to cry anymore and I don’t want to hurt you or make you feel bad.” Somewhere in the middle of my rant, I had to suppress the tears that eventually streamed down anyways because I was being my weak self again. All the while I had my back turned to Jongin because I didn’t want him to see me like this again, this time even confessing why I had been so weird. And then I hadn’t even told him why I had been an . “I’d have cried, Jongin. I’d be crying like ing this if I’d let you so I couldn’t and I hate myself that I’m doing it now because the world isn’t revolving around me and I shouldn’t be crying when you’re the one in pain.” He hadn’t said a thing at all while I was telling him everything I needed to get off my chest – even though it hadn’t been making any sense at all – and I just stood there, awkwardly, in the middle of the room, waiting for him to say at least something. Or maybe laugh at me… I didn’t mind, as long as he showed a sign of being–

“My world revolves around you though.”

 

[Chanyeol’s POV]

I waited in front of the large building, knowing Baekhyun would be later than me because his shifts were considerably longer than my own. Eventually, when the sun had long set and I had, to my surprise, seen Kyungsoo leaving together with Kai, a familiar soft smile appeared through the doors. I began walking towards him, knowing that my smile was covering my whole face because god, I had missed him, but when we neared each other, we both slowed down and awkwardly looked away.

“So…” he said and I mentally face-palmed our behavior, we weren’t supposed to be like this… “Shall we go to your place this time?” I nodded eagerly, partly because I had forgotten that I didn’t clean up the mess I left behind this morning and partly because I wanted to have him over, for the first time we were a couple – an awkward couple. And it only got worse when we started walking. We walked near enough to each other to brush hands, but we didn’t quite dare to hold the other or say anything except for some apologies for non-existent mistakes. When we got to my apartment, I had enough though. I unlocked the door, let him inside and took off my shoes before heading for the messy living-room – happy to know that Baekhyun had never cared about things like that.

“Okay… Baek, we have to settle this once and for all, okay? I can’t stand it! I’ve been waiting … years! And now we’re like this… I … I want us to stop being awkward.” While talking – and obviously not paying attention – I had cornered him and it wasn’t until his hands were on my chest to keep at least some distance, that I noticed what I had been doing.

“So what do you suggest we do about it?” he asked, though it wasn’t all that hard to tell he had wanted the words to come out stronger than they did. He was about to pull his hands back, but I was sure I liked them better where they were.

“For one, keep those there.” I said while covering his hands with my own, leaning in closer to his face. Even though my heart was beating loudly in my chest, I wanted to kiss him – something I had wanted to do for such a long time that I couldn’t even remember. “And two… I’ll kiss you again.” I said, the second before I pressed my lips on his, feeling his fingers clench the shirt I wore and his lips moving against my own. I held his face and closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of his burning cheeks as our kiss grew more intense. We continued kissing for some time, until I had more to say than what I had just done and pulled back. “So did that feel uncomfortable?” I asked, though it made me a little bit embarrassed to ask something like that.

“No, definitely not.” He smiled and I knew I did it too, before he let his fingers find my neck and entangled them in my hair. “Are you trying to say that we shouldn’t hold back when we want something?” Shivers ran down my spine because I wasn’t completely sure about what he would be doing with the answer I was about to give him.

“That’s exactly what I’m trying to say.” Then we kissed again and I had never expected his tongue to caress my own, for him to actually dominate the kiss or for myself to be so willing to give in to him. I had loved him for so long, but I could never imagine myself enjoying him kissing me like this, because I had always been afraid it had been one-sided after all. “I really love you Baek, I do.” I said after catching my breath, still holding him as close to me as possible.

“I love you too, Yeollie… I’m happy I realized that.”

 

[Kyungsoo’s POV]

“You’ve seen my collection of albums right? Not a single one is missing, I have the special editions, the rare ones, I even have a few signed ones. I’m your fan, I have been since the day you debuted. I don’t know what I am to you, but my pain isn’t worth your tears.”

“But Jongin–”

“I didn’t expect to meet you at the café, or rather, I didn’t expect Kyungsoo to be D.O. I didn’t expect seeing you show up at work, because I thought you were cute. I’m sorry I was insensitive towards you then, I hope you know that I didn’t… I didn’t mean it like that but I… I get too emotional at times, while I’m trying to keep it all in, I don’t want anyone to know what I’m thinking.” Yet, he was telling me everything at that moment and yet again, it made me hesitant of what I felt. The fact that he let me know what he felt, made me… happy, but at the same time, because he didn’t want to share it with anyone, it made me feel as though I had forced him. I decided I couldn’t decide about which one was the better one to feel and changed the subject without trying to be subtle about it. I wiped my tears and turned around to face him, seeing him avert his eyes immediately as I did so.

“Let me take care of your hand for you.” He didn’t respond and even if he had, I would have done so, not caring about whether his answer would be yes or no. I got to the bathroom and after looking through various cabinets, I took the first-aid kit and when I got back, Jongin sat in a position that seemed to express desperation. His hands were in front of his face and his shoulders shook lightly and I knew that he wasn’t aware of my presence. I think I could understand what he felt though, he had let his feelings out after such a long time and maybe he was regretting it. I took a few moments to let his earlier words sink in. His world revolved around me. He owned everything I ever brought out, but he never saw my face. I felt… weird. I didn’t know he was such a fan of mine, even though I had seen his apartment filled with my stuff. I didn’t… understand.

But here he sat, on my couch, covering his face and muffling his sobs with his hands because of something I didn’t quite grasp. His hand looked bad, but it wasn’t half as bad as the condition he was in, so I didn’t let myself think about it any longer before sitting down next to him, embracing him the way I had done back at the company and waited for him to get shocked and pull away, but he didn’t. This wasn’t the challenge I expected to face, I thought I would be dealing with an arrogant, ually frustrated bastard, but I got this. I was dealing with Jongin.

“Why did you tell me if you don’t want to?” I asked even though I had avoided it before; I needed to know if I wanted to help him. Did I still want that? I thought I had left that idea behind the moment I knew I was hurting him… apparently not, because I asked with that reason.

“I… I don’t– I can’t–” Probably without him being aware of it, he gripped around my waist tighter with his face still hidden against my chest. “I can’t do it anymore… I can’t do it on my own, not anymore.” His voice sounded weak, as if he was tired with everything and I could really say I blamed him; I felt it too.

“Why me though…” I pushed, because his obsession over my music wouldn’t be enough to push him over whatever edge it was that held him from telling others.

“I don’t know. You’re so indecisive, one moment, you push me away, the next… you do this. And I think this is why I told you. When you don’t push me away, I feel safe here.”

“I… won’t push you away anymore, I think I understand a little bit better now.”

 

[Chanyeol’s POV]

“So…” Baekhyun started after we had eaten and watched some TV which wasn’t nearly as interesting as the guy who sat beside me. “If I want to hold your hand…?”

“You should.”

“If I want to cuddle with you?”

“You should.”

“If I want to kiss you?”

“You definitely should.” With each question he asked, my smile grew wider, until a knot formed in my stomach at his last question.

“If I want something… else than kissing you?” Color just drained from my face.

“Well that… that depends on what else you mean… if you mean… leave me, then hell no, you can’t.” For a moment, he just looked at me with a surprised expression before he burst out laughing.

“Yah Yeol~ Where did you ever get the idea that I’d want to leave you… I didn’t mean that kind of else.” He buried his nose in my neck and I felt those familiar tingles again, he actually wanted to be this close to me… it felt really, really reassuring after all the time I had loved him from a distance. “I meant the other kind of else. Maybe I should have said it differently.” No, Baek, baby, there’s no need, I know what you– “What if I want more than kissing, Yeol? Would you be fine with that too?” Oh god Baek, what do you take me for… You’re the most attractive guy in history and you’re wondering if I’d want more than kissing… Maybe not now though, god, I’m not mentally prepared for that but… but I– “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Who are you scaring… I was just thinking about it, baby.” I pushed his shoulders to look in his eyes before capturing his lips again. “I’d be perfectly fine with that.”

 

[Kyungsoo’s POV]

We sat for a long time, just me holding him in my embrace. His breathing was evening out and I knew he was falling asleep and I could impossibly deny that I was tired, too. I wanted to fall asleep, but I didn’t want it at the same time, because it reminded me of when I was at his place and I was afraid that he’d leave too, before I could wake up.

But eventually, I couldn’t stay awake any longer since I was too tired and too comfortable. I dreamed about him, it wasn’t even possible to be otherwise since he was closer to me than anyone had been since my parents died. I dreamed about being at his concert, rapping along the best I could and his eyes would meet with mine every ten seconds and I realized that it was exactly the way I wanted it to be. I wanted to be noticed by him, I wanted it to not only be my music he liked.

I was shifted and it woke me up. Two hands prevented me from falling over and made me lean back against what I assumed was the back-rest of my couch. Images seeped through to my consciousness and I remembered. I had fallen asleep with Jongin nestled up against me and now he was entangling himself from me. Well, he was, until one of his hands rested on my left cheek and I felt his breath ghosting over my other cheek and lips.

“Thank you so much.” His whisper came, before he made sure I was balanced and I wondered if he didn’t see my face reddening, or if he just ignored it. A few minutes later, I heard the front door close gently and I finally dared to open my eyes. He had bandaged his own hand without waking me up.

 

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Ahh I hadn't thanked you guys last chapther ;_; Thank you all, this chapter then :D I hope you enjoyed it ^-^ Quite a lot of things happened here, right? :)) I feel sort of proud of this chapter for some reason xD