[Baekhyun’s POV]

I wasn’t sure if he was asleep. Half of me hoped he was, but the other half hoped to get some answer anyways. I mean… he had kissed me. He didn’t move away from me after… I didn’t even know how long it lasted! My heart was beating out of my chest and I knew I was blushing like crazy, because the whole time since I had met him in the morning, I had been thinking of is there more to us than just friendship… But regardless of if he was sleeping or not, the words rolled off my tongue before I knew it.

“Yeollie-yah… You basically kissed me…” I bit my lip, wondering if I should have said more now that I heard him tense up. He had been awake. “Why did you… and why did you not mention it later…” I whispered because even though I knew he would hear me, I was afraid of his answers.

“Baekhyun. I kissed you.” I was sure my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. He admitted it so easily, even though we had been avoiding the topic.

“But you didn’t mean to, right?”

“That didn’t mean I didn’t do it. And you didn’t even push me away.” The whole time, I had my back turned to him, but as he said that, I turned around immediately and regretted seconds after. I had rolled straight into his arms and he held me. “Why not?” It was easy to tell that both of us were confused, but I didn’t know to what extend my feelings were obvious. I didn’t know if he was playing with me at the moment, but the look in his eyes told me he wasn’t.

“I… don’t know.” I croaked out, voice unsteady and slightly squeaky. I had known Chanyeol as someone who was straightforward, but not like this, I really hadn’t expected him to take my hand and hold it against his chest while his other hand was still resting behind my back, making sure I wouldn’t roll away from him again. I could heel his heart pounding against my hand with the same intensity I could feel my own. The most confusing part however, was that he didn’t say anything anymore. For a few seconds, I was pulled in a hug to which I couldn’t respond because he let me go too soon before he rolled to his side, leaving me to stare at his back.

“Goodnight Baek.” Goodnight Baek. Goodnight… Chanyeol, why do you sound so sad? Why did you turn your back to me… Why won’t you let me look at your face instead? Yeollie-yah… do you not understand me? Am I not making myself clear?

 

[Jongin’s POV]

I couldn’t leave him there, on the ground. I hadn’t realized the impact of my words until I saw him stumble down, on his knees, crying over something I had said. I realized I kept blaming Kai, but whatever Kai was, he didn’t exist. It was me, I hurt Kyungsoo by telling him those things. Why would I have said he had to get over himself if he apologized to me… Was it because I was afraid he’d find out what he had meant to me? I shook my head thinking back, I even covered my face before going there, telling him it was not me. Well in reality, it was not the person I showed him before, I was actually being myself when I picked him up from there.

I had hugged him, tried to comfort him. I didn’t even realize that it calmed me down as well, because I had been an emotional wreck until the moment I saw what it was doing to him. I was making a fool out of myself and if comforting him, comforted me, then why not? Why would I not show I had a heart, too? Because I don’t want to be looked down upon. Because I don’t want to be tossed away again. Which was why I told him that it hadn’t happened. I didn’t want him to know that this was actually me… well on one hand I did, I wanted to be accepted by him so he had to know what I was like.

And he had said okay to me, he would act as if it hadn’t happened, but really, how possible was that? As I looked at him, curled up on the couch, all I could think about was that it had actually went down so how would he be able to forget?

“I’m sorry Kyungsoo… I guess I don’t know what to do anymore.” I mumbled while going to my room, but seconds later, I stopped and turned around. He had followed me. “What is it?” I asked, knowing my voice had lost its strength completely. He took my hand and led me to sit down on the couch where he had just been lying down and we sat down. He didn’t let go of my now sweating hand as he started talking, hints of sadness in his voice.

“I have been a fan of yours… I’ve been to many of your performances and I liked you a lot… As in, I liked your fierceness, your manliness, rapping style, your dancing, I just… I always hoped you weren’t like that off-stage, I hoped you would be more, how do you say it, human, but you showed me so much already and I have only met you today. I–” I ripped my hand from his and felt the pain sting in my heart. He had crossed several lines, I wasn’t willing to go there yet, I couldn’t just push aside what I had built like that.

“Didn’t I tell you not to act as if you know me? I don’t care if you’ve been my fan,” of course I care, but what happened, didn’t happen and you don’t know me. “I don’t care how much you like me,” I just value that more than anything else in the world, because you're D.O, my idol, the only one I need in the world. “Me being the same on- and off-stage is not something that has anything to do with you.” I stood up and this time left for my room permanently, if it wasn’t for my guilt eating me.

Not only had I just been saying things I didn’t mean again, I had also left him there without anything to sleep in. He didn’t have a change of clothes, I hadn’t even given him a blanket. What I had done, though, was hurt him again. Thinking about it, that had been the only thing I had been doing since the moment we had met each other, only this morning.

I waited until I was sure that Kyungsoo was asleep, though… how asleep would one get when in an uncomfortable position, in a house with someone who treats you badly, nothing to keep you warm… I snuck out of my room, trying to be as silent as possible before checking the living room. I bit my lip, I was the most terrible host in history, I hadn’t even pulled the curtains closed and all the night-lights that filled the city, flooded the room. You’re the worst, Jongin, the absolute worst… I nodded to myself before I hesitantly stepped forwards to his sleeping figure, noticing he was indeed worthy of being not only a singer, but an idol. He was a beautiful person… And all I had done was hurt that beauty.

Breathing in slowly to calm down my insecurities, I decided there was no other option. If I had gone through the trouble of getting him here, he had to get some decent sleep as well – even if that meant that I would be lacking that, again. I scooped him up in my arms, hoping he wouldn’t wake up, and carried him to my bed, lay him down softly on the mattress as I had already pulled the blankets away to make room for him. After I had done so, I covered him and had to actually hold back tears because I hated the man I had turned out to become.

Not really caring about my own sleep at the moment, I prepared some clothes for him that were undoubtedly to large, but he might want to change into something clean tomorrow morning… After adding a note – trying to be the least bit nice because I didn’t want all those years of hard work to be in vain – I went to the kitchen to prepare him some breakfast for when he woke up tomorrow. Would he even want to eat something made by me… And why did I not think of eating, myself, but just the thought of him wanting to eat something, had actually made me prepare something for the first time in ages. After about an hour, I admired the cold dishes I had prepared and suddenly, it sunk in that I was acting out of character – or rather, out of Kai’s character. But seeing as I had put such effort in trying to make his stay be at least… not mortifying, I decided I wouldn’t throw anything away and I would just hope that he would see this as one of the things covered by this never happened.

I passed out, I was exhausted. I fell asleep on the couch, somewhere in the back of my mind hoping that Kyungsoo would appreciate what I had done for him. Or at least, that he wouldn’t be scared to death by what I tried…  

 

[Baekhyun’s POV]

As I was in the middle of waking up, I noted to myself that this was probably one of the best sleeps I had ever had. My body was completely relaxed instead of tensed in every possible way. Maybe it had something to do with the additional warmth against my body? Maybe it was the fact that I knew my arm was being hugged? Maybe it had been Chanyeol’s comforting smell that filled my nose…

Alright. So I was back hugging Chanyeol in both our sleep, I had my arm wrapped over his shoulder and he held onto it, more like, clung onto it for dear life. As the situation seeped through, my heart started beating maniacally and my cheeks had turned red in less than a second. I was hugging my Yeollie-yah in my bed. I had been sleeping in one bed with Yeol. I had missed this so intensely, that I really didn’t want to let go of him ever again. Selfish Baekhyun had kicked in. I wanted more than this. Hugging him wasn’t enough for me, sleeping in the same bed wasn’t enough for me as long as I wasn’t sure of his feelings for me. I could guess them, but what if I was wrong in the end?

“Baek-ah, you’re awake, aren’t you?” his deep morning voice rumbled. My hand that was pressed against his chest, started to sweat as if I was caught doing something I shouldn’t have. I didn't really know what to say to that, he obviously already knew. “Do I have to turn around for you to answer me?”

“No!” I said way too quickly. I didn’t want him to see my sweaty, beet-red face right now. I didn’t want him to know how nervous he made me and even more importantly, why he was making me so nervous. “I mean… you better not turn around…” I mumbled, hoping he wouldn’t take my offensive ‘no’ as actually offensive, which it wasn’t. But instead, he tried to pry my hand away from him, but… well what more could I do than wrap myself around him completely? “Yeol, I didn’t… I don’t know how to express it very well.” I said once I had gotten a good grip on him, my leg strangling his hip-bone while I had forced the one hand that wasn’t already holding him, to his front as well though I had to sneak it from underneath his sides so… well I was glad the process was behind the back and I had him securely in my hold now.

“Baek… what’s with this all of a sudden…” Oh. He sounded sad. “Let me turn around and see your face.”

“I can’t…”

“You have to. I need to see your face.” My stomach turned. He was going to know exactly why I was like this, he was going to know I had fallen in love with him, he was going to know I couldn’t… I couldn’t just let that happen, but he wanted it. He wanted to turn around and he wanted to see my face. I slowly lifted my leg up to let it rest beside my other and my arms retreated to my sides. No more than seconds later, my heated cheeks were in his sweaty palms. “I’ve been throwing it in your face lately and you deny it… why do you keep doing that, Baekhyun?” I swallowed hard, completely unsure if anything I had to say, would have been good enough to cover up the fact that I loved him. “Is it because… because you feel something for Kai?” What?

“How did you get to that conclusion?” I asked, almost sick at the thought. Because yes, Jongin… attracted me, but I knew somewhere at the back of my mind that I was just being used by him. And hey… I liked – liked didn’t even cut it anymore – Chanyeol. His hands were about to drop from my face again, but I liked them there, he wasn’t just going to take them away from me… “Yeol please listen to me.” I almost begged and I knew the tone of voice I used, startled him because his eyes were widened. “I…” love you. I averted my eyes before hugging him tightly, nuzzling the crook of his neck. “I love you.” I whispered.

 

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