They’re all getting on my nerves.

I hate working with amateurs. I thought a good education and a stern upbringing meant I’d be able to pick and choose only the cream of the crop to collaborate with. My boss and my teammates ended up being an irritating blend of self-centered, lazy, immature, disorganized...just...ugh. Thinking about it just boils my blood.  

As the youngest, I thought the others would be people I could look up to and rely on. Over time, I eventually had to take care of myself. I started bossing our “boss” around because I realized I was entitled to do so. I had a better work ethic than she did! An Na was okay in the beginning, but the more I got to know her, the more I noticed all her flaws. Soon I couldn’t see her qualities anymore. Her bark is louder than her bite. She’ll promise the world and give you nothing. Her promises are empty.

And not to be petty, but...her ticks and mannerisms get on my nerves. We’re both alpha (fe)males, so I know we’re born to get under each other’s skin, but come on! She’s gotten so annoying, I can’t be around her for more than a few minutes at a time. I used to like playing video games with her because we were the only two in the dorm that liked killing zombies. Frankly, I’m glad she quit the group. She made us dance around her like monkeys while she got to sing all the good parts of the songs.

I was supposed to be the second main vocalist, so how did Qiu Qiu walk away with the majority of secondary and backup vocals? She’s not even that good at it. She should really stick to dancing. Her choreo is good, I’ll give her that much. Though for the most part, she just aggravates me. She’s everyone’s favorite. She’s always laughing, smiling and cracking jokes that aren’t funny. Her sunny countenance just makes me want to drown myself in gloomy darkness.

I laugh when I watch her perform with Coser. Sure, she’s way more skilled than her groupmates, but she’s still amateurish. Her singing makes my ears bleed. It’s like she’s singing through her adenoids! I can hit those notes, yet An Na never offered me a fighting chance to be in Coser. Well, whatever...Coser won’t go far with Qiu Qiu as their leader. I hope An Na has no plans of using Qiu as the leader of MissTER. That would be more careless than making her lead Coser. Yet who else does An Na think she can hire to take her place? She says she’s been searching for the perfect candidate for months, so why hasn’t she had any results yet? There’s got to be someone who can sing and dance with more enthusiasm than An Na had. Half the kids I studied music with could do it.

Although MissTER had its issues, I do want it to work out for the four remaining members. Okay, Qiu bugs me because she’s everyone’s sweetheart, but I guess she’s alright to work with. And when I harmonize with her, her vocals sound passable.

I do miss Zi Lun and Niu Nai though. Niu Nai and I were pretty close before joining MissTER. It’s disappointing that our time in the band put a rift between us instead of strengthening the friendship. I miss her, and it’s weird that we barely talk even while on hiatus from the music industry. I’m not even up to date on what she’s been doing these days. She posts sporadic updates on Facebook but they’re usually cryptic. It’s probably stupid, but because she doesn’t go out of her way to contact me, I won’t make the first move either. Sometimes I’m stubborn that way. But she knows how I am; why wouldn’t she at least try to open the lines of communication? Well, as the saying goes, “No use crying over spilt Milk” (pun may or may not be intended).

I guess Zi Lun and I have retained status quo. We were never super close but never really hated each other either. Nothing’s changed in our relationship dynamic, but I sort of resent her for pulling a disappearing act when we could have benefitted from her support against An Na. I get it, they had words, and she probably dislikes An Na more than I do, but without her musical expertise, I’m the only musician in the group. We had a healthy amount of artistic competition between us, but we also made a good musical team. She has a big mouth and tends to speak her mind. That’s why I wish she hadn’t faded into the woodwork. If we want to continue as a group, I feel like she’s the only one who can force An Na to listen.

Maybe I should call Zi Lun. I can’t expect the others to do anything constructive. Maybe I’m the only one on relatively okay terms with her, so I’ll bite the bullet though it shouldn’t even be my responsibility. She’s been self-absorbed and self-righteous, but I hope she’s ready to listen. And then ready to help me fight An Na. As an alliance, maybe we can speed things up.

I don’t know about the others, but I am still really eager to get into the studio to make a CD that blows fans away after they waited so long for our comeback. They keep asking where I’ve been. I see all those messages on Weibo, on Facebook, and don’t know what to say. Hey guys, there’s no MissTER so I’m at the beach? An Na would absolutely kill me.

Then I’d have to return from the dead to kill her.

Ah, zombies! We were always happiest when killing zombies together.