There was something about this day that just never felt right anymore.

He wasn’t sure but the way he woke up, the shiver running down his back, they were all tell tale signs that this certain day wasn’t going to be a good one.

Taking a brief glance at the wall, he noticed what day it was.

It was the anniversary.

He didn’t say anything, choked a bit on the coffee that he was drinking. It was always a bit too bitter for him now, but that wasn’t something he could change. Rushing over to the sink, he dumped the coffee into it before retching. 

Of course. It all made sense now.

“Are you okay?” He could hear Suzy’s voice calling out to him, and he shook his head, waving her away.

“I-I’m fine,” he coughed, wiping his lips with his sleeve before turning around to where his girlfriend was standing, watching him worriedly.

“Don’t worry, love, it’s just…” Myungsoo’s eyes widened, before he furiously rubbed at his eyes. Was he hallucinating? It always happened on that day. 

Quickly striding over to her, he grabbed her by the shoulders … but his hands just went straight through.

She’s dead Myungsoo you can’t keep ing doing this to yourself stop it stop it she’s not there she’s gone stop you’re going to hate yourself what are you doing?

He knew he should let go, but it was hard to let go of a memory that haunted him. 

-

It had been a year, and he wasn’t ready to move on yet. He had immersed himself in work, not having her to distract him had obviously caused the money to roll it, but it was also taking a toll on his health.

This was the first day off he had taken that entire past year. He had refused to not work, knowing that if he didn’t, he would never be able to get up the next day and continue on with his life.

It had helped numb the pain, but in no way did it lessen it. It was what all doctors/Healers knew. You could always numb the pain, but once you stop taking the anesthetic it would come back full force.

He had to visit her today. 

Closing his eyes, he gripped his wand in his hand as he thought of the place that he was to go to today. He couldn’t avoid it any longer.. it was rather late in the afternoon, and he had to work bright and early tomorrow. That was the only thought keeping him sane.

Opening his eyes, Myungsoo took in his surroundings. France was always a beautiful place to visit, but not for the reason he was doing so. It always reminded him too much of her. The silhouette of the Eiffel tower brought tears pricking the back of his eyes, but he refused at that moment to let them fall. He continued on his way, the familiarity of the place made his heart ache; he never would’ve gotten to know the surrounding area so well if he didn’t come to visit her all the time.

They were supposed to move in together… when would that ever happen now?

Reaching the cemetary, he couldn’t help but think of how serene it looked in the late afternoon, the sun beaming down at him as if congratulating him on making it there.

He walked past rows and rows of headstones, nodding to people who were there visiting their loved ones as well. As he finally reached his destination, Myungsoo took in a breath before walking up the hill. Suzy had been buried under a blossoming tree in the middle of the spring, with a beautiful view and as he looked around, he realized how perfect it was for her.

She had always appreciated beauty, he remembered, but he was always too busy to see it. 

Why did he only remember these things now?

He waved his wand once, a wreath of white flowers appearing in the air and he gently placed it on top of the grave.

“Suzy…” he paused, not knowing what to say, what to do. The last time he had been here was the day she was buried, and all he remembered was trying to jump into the grave, be buried with her. So great was the pain in his chest, that all he wanted was to hold her one last time.

“I don’t know what we argued about that day… I just know it was something dumb, and I know I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have said… Maybe if I had tried to hold you back, apologized, ran after you or something, this wouldn’t have happened…” He gulped, the tears streaming down his face. 

“I hate you… I hate you for leaving me behind, for leaving me to go through all of this… I know it’s not your fault but I can’t help but think it is…

“It was my fault, completely. And I miss you so much more everyday.. It’s hurts Suzy, it hurts that when I wake up, I know I can never wake up to your beautiful face anymore, or to the smell of breakfast cooking, or waking up to see you sketching me on the side…

“I remember everything now… how you always made that cute face when I teased you, or the way that you used to scrunch up your nose when you didn’t like something but didn’t want to tell me… or even the way you smelled…

“I still buy the same shampoo that you chose for me that day we went shopping… and I can’t bring myself to throw out the notes you used to leave for me to see when I came home… You were my other half, love… and now I’m just going through day by day, incomplete…” 

Myungsoo trailed off, the tears choking him up. Everything that he wanted to say, everything meaningful wasn’t coming out. It wasn’t going how it was supposed to. Leaning against the tree, he sniffled slightly, not bothering to wipe the tears as he knew there were more.

He tried to speak again, but his voice came out in a hoarse whisper.

“Why- why did you run off like that? I… I didn’t know what to think when I went to work and I found out that you were dead, rushed into the emergency faculty… I don’t know what happened, to this day… but I miss you so so much, I don’t know how I keep living… this whole past year was a blur…

“I’m so ing sorry that I couldn’t save you. It wasn’t your time yet. I just… I just wish I could hold you in my arms again, kiss you and just… live with you again. I miss you.”

He paused, running a frustrated hand through his hair before collapsing onto the grassy ground. What else was there to say? He wasn’t sure if she was even hearing any of this so he probably sounded pretty insane, ranting to the air and the heavens… where she should be. He hoped she was there, listening to him as he told her all of these things that he had hidden and bottled up inside for so long. A watery smile made it’s way onto his face as he remembered endearingly that time when he had exploded and she had told him not to keep things bottled up. 

Covering his face with his hand, he started to hum a song, a song that he had written for their first anniversary - an anniversary so much different than this one, a happier day and time. He wished he could go back. He began to sing the song, first in a whisper before full out belting the song to her, hoping it would reach her up above.

As the song came to an end, he sighed, looking up.

“Suzy, love, I hope you’re happy up there. It’s probably better than seeing me mope around down here, I guess.” Myungsoo chuckled, a stray tear escaping his eye and sliding down his face. 

“I hope you get to draw all you want up there, with unlimited amounts of paints and watercolors and everything that you always used down here. I love you so much, and I promise I’ll get my life back on track… Are you a guardian angel now? I hope you’re mine, but if not… remember I’ll always be yours.” He paused, a serene smile on his face.

He felt as though he could see her right now, standing in front of him. She was nodding, agreeing that he was an idiot for the past year and hoping that he would keep his promise - but knowing that he would. He always did. 

“You better be happy up there, or I’ll have to kick some angel when I get there. I’d say the sooner the better, but I think my time won’t be for a while longer. Wait for me, yeah?” Myungsoo stood up, feeling lighter than he had all year. The image of Suzy that he had in his mind smiled at him, shaking her head in amusement, as if she knew that he just needed to get everything off of his chest.

“Oh by the way, I love you.” He murmured, blowing an air kiss towards her and she laughed - he could practically hear it, he had missed it so much - and she blew one back. He pretended to catch it, holding it close to his heart. He could see the words on her lips before the image disappeared into thin air.

“I love you too.”

Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay in Snowflake Kiss ~ 

If you've seen this before (probably on Tumblr) I wrote this a while ago so I decided to share it with you all! 

I've been swamped with school work lately, so it might be a while before I can fully place my attention on writing again.

ALSO (THIS IS IMPORTANT): None of these little drabbles are connected. Imagine them as different little one-shots that all happen in different worlds or something ~