Sungjong was in his room silently staring out the window at the busy city below when the door swung open with a crash. He turned with a start to see Dongwoo, Woohyun, and Sungyeol crowding around the doorway. They all wore almost the exact same mischievous grin.

            They piled into Sungjong’s bedroom and closed the door; making shushing sounds to each other as if they hadn’t just alerted the whole neighborhood to their presence.

            “What is with you guys?” Sungjong asked; finally losing his patience.

            “Shhh… lower your voice. Noona’s in the kitchen,” Woohyun whispered as they crossed the room to crowd around Sungjong.

            “You hyungs are dumb she can’t hear us from the kitchen. She isn’t superman.”

            Normally, Sungjong tried to hold back his attitude when he was speaking to his hyungs, but these three were a special case. They were not surprised whatsoever by his disrespect, though. And they didn’t seem to care. They knew they were ridiculous.

            “Did you hear the news Sungjong?” Sungyeol asked with big excited eyes. He looked like he was trying not to jump or scream for joy as he danced a little in place.

            “What news would that be?”

            “Noona and Sunggyu are going to appear on a show this week that is filming in Busan. They are going to have to stay overnight!” Dongwoo informed him excitedly.

            “And….”

            “And that means Sunggyu and noona won’t be here!” Woohyun looked at him like he was an idiot. “That means we can do whatever we want for once.”

            Sungjong did not like the sound of this.

            “What are you guys planning?”

            “There is no plan. That’s the point! With Sunggyu Hyung there is always some plan or schedule. We are just going to all go out and have fun. What do you say Sungjongie? You with us?” Woohyun’s voice raised to the point he was almost shouting by the end. Noona wouldn’t need super hearing if he got any louder.

            “What did Myungsoo hyung say?”

            “Myungsoo and Hoya are both in too. We just need our maknae now.”

            He looked into their pleading faces. Maybe a night of fun wasn’t such a bad idea.

            “Alright. I’m in.”

            Luckily it was fall, because if it had been summer they all would have looked ridiculous in their disguises. They were very popular now so sneaking around alone at night was not only crazy, but dangerous. Sungjong couldn’t help, but feel excited though as they convened in the main room.

            They all wore hats and winter coats with high collars, scarves, or face masks. Sungjong smiled a little when he saw that Myungsoo had also chosen a large scarf that only left his eyes showing. Sungjong could tell just by his eyes though that he was smiling when he looked at Sungjong.

            Adrenaline started pumping through his veins before they even left the apartment building. They exited the apartment in a close pack and just like that they were spotted by fans. They had left out the front entrance without even thinking about the fans that liked to hang around their building. Sunggyu and Julia really had the wealth of the brains in this family. Sungjong should’ve realized they shouldn’t leave through the front, but he was too excited.

            “Run!” Sungjong heard someone shout before the six of them took off down the street. They ran together in one large clump down the crowded city sidewalks. It should have been easy to outrun the female fans, but they were only calling attention to themselves and gaining more screaming followers.

            Sungjong had turned back to see if the fans were catching up when he felt himself pulled sharply to the right. Someone had his hand and was dragging him down a darkened alley. Long delicate fingers strung through his own as the grip tightened. Sungjong was disoriented already, but then the other hand disappeared. He wanted the hand back, but the person that was leading suddenly turned and grabbed his shoulders. They spun together as if dancing before Sungjong was forced into a sitting position on the ground.

            He went to let out a complaint, but a hand covered his mouth and another hand wrapped around the base of his head; fingers lightly grazing the skin of his neck under the scarf. He looked wide eyed into Myungsoo’s face as he hunkered down in front of him. Sungjong wasn’t making a sound, but Myungsoo’s hand stayed there as he peered down the alleyway towards the entrance. Sungjong took in his surroundings and saw that they were hiding behind a dumpster in the alley.

            Myungsoo’s scarf still covered his mouth and Sungjong listened to his muffled breathing as he huffed and puffed into it. Sungjong too was struggling to breath with his mouth covered. His chest rose and fell violently as his lungs searched for oxygen. Hot air came out of his nose and brushed over Myungsoo’s hand. Even as he struggled to breath he found that he couldn’t do anything but watch Myungsoo and concentrate on the warm skin of his palm over his lips. Myungsoo’s fingers of his other hand subconsciously tightened on the back of Sungjong’s head and neck. Sungjong would have found it painful, but for some reason he didn’t mind it.

            When Myungsoo was finally satisfied that they escaped the fans he looked back to Sungjong. His eyes turned concerned as he quickly let go of Sungjong’s face. Sungjong immediately started to nosily gasp for air.

            “Jongie I’m sorry. Are you okay?” Sungjong had never heard this tone from Myungsoo before. He wasn’t only concerned, but almost fearful.

            Myungsoo’s hand came under Sungjong’s chin and he gently tilted his head back so that he could look into his eyes. He searched them critically for a moment before letting him go.

            “I’m fine,” Sungjong said when he finally had enough air in his lungs.

            Myungsoo nodded and looked away quickly. “Well this is a fun night out,” he mumbled.

            Sungjong laughed and it bounced off the alley walls. Myungsoo’s eyes twinkled with amusement as he looked back at Sungjong’s smiling face. He looked like he was about to say something when his phone started ringing.

            “Hello,” he answered calmly.

            Sungjong watched his eyes as he listened only to Myungsoo’s half of the conversation.

            “Yeah he’s with me. He’s safe…… Hyung do you really think that’s a good idea?......Alright alright we’ll be there.”

            “What’s going on?” Sungjong asked as soon as he hung up.

            “That was Sungyeol. Apparently we are to meet them at the Han River down by the carnival. They also plan to procure soju along the way.”

            Sungjong wasn’t a big drinker and wasn’t of age, but he had a feeling that a little bit of soju might help him to calm down. He gave Myungsoo a cheeky grin but it was only met with a worried look.

            Myungsoo had thought the night out sounded like a good time, but so far he had only felt anxiety. He had been running for his life when they were being chased by the fans, but Sungjong had started to fall behind. Myungsoo had always felt that he had to keep an extra close eye on Sungjong. He was the only band member that was younger than Myungsoo. He naturally felt more protective of his one and only dongsaeng.

            His eyes scanned every street they went down as they slowly made their way to the carnival. He scoped out possible escape routes the whole time just in case he had to grab Sungjongie and run again. Luckily, they made it to the carnival without getting caught.

            They met the other guys by the Han River like they said. Myungsoo could hear the others before he saw them by the dark river. They had managed to find soju and it was apparent that they had already started drinking it. Dongwoo was the oldest one there and Woohyun had leader like qualities, but the two of them were already acting three times more ridiculous than usual as they finished off a bottle. It turned out it was very easy to bribe an already drunken ahjussi to buy them alcohol.

            Myungsoo had soju on occasion and he liked the way it made him feel.  It had helped him to forget things and loosen up. He was going to grab a bottle when he saw Sungjong open one and start drinking greedily. Myungsoo put his bottle down untouched and let out a quiet sigh. Someone had to be sober and keep an eye on their maknae.

            Sungjongie was a skinny thing and Myungsoo saw that his eyes were duller and his cheeks were redder in no time. He decided then that he wasn’t going to leave his side the rest of the night.

            Once the others were feeling good they started shouting excitedly about going to the carnival. Sungjong’s face lit up in the brightest smile Myungsoo had ever seen. He felt his heart warm a little at the sight. Sungjong had been going through a lot lately and as crazy and dangerous as their night time adventure was it somehow suddenly felt worth the risk. And Myungsoo didn’t like risk.

            Myungsoo had a small smile on his face as he followed Sungjong and the others around. Sungjong would turn to look back at him every once in awhile as if to check if he was still there. His eyes smiled back at Myungsoo over his scarf every time.

            When they got to the ferris wheel everyone started pairing up in line and Myungsoo quickly grabbed his best friend’s arm and claimed him. Myungsoo didn’t really like heights, but what worried him more was Sungjong’s drunken state. He imagined ridiculous things like him standing up and falling off. He shook the image of him falling like a star from the sky and tightened his grip on Sungjong’s arm without even realizing it. Sungjong gave him one of those wide eyed looks he’d been giving him a lot lately. Myungsoo often thought when he was alone at night about the strange differences in his best friend’s behavior, but at the end of the day he was still Sungjongie so he just ignored the rest.

            He loosened his grip a little as they sat in one of the metal seats and the bar came down over their laps. He let go of Sungjongie to grab the bar and yank it up with all his might. It moved a little, but it stayed in place.

            Sungjong was giggling beside him like a little school girl as he watched Myungsoo check the rides stability. Myungsoo just gave him a little eye smile and looped his arm back through his. He still was not trusting the safety of the ride or Sungjong’s lack of sobriety.

            Sungjong looked uncomfortable at first when the ride started and Myungsoo wasn’t sure why. Sungjong loved rides and heights. He was their fearless maknae. Myungsoo gripped his arm tighter to comfort him, but Sungjong almost looked more uncomfortable. He really had been acting strange lately.

            When they got to the top, the ride stopped and Myungsoo suddenly felt queasy. He really didn’t like heights.

            “Are you alright Hyung?” Sungjong asked him in his angelic voice. His voice soothed his nerves a little. And the fact that he called him hyung. He loved it when Sungjong called him Hyung because no one else did.

            “Yeah Jongie, I’m fine.” He wasn’t, but he was glad Sungjong didn’t look uncomfortable anymore at least.

            “No you’re not. Your scared,” Sungjong said in a near perfect impersonation of the way Myungsoo talked. When Myungsoo looked at him he saw that Sungjong had narrowed his large eyes and he was wearing a little lopsided smirk.

            “Is that what I look like,” Myungsoo chuckled nervously.

            “Yup!” Sungjong’s face changed back to his bright happy one as he laughed. He was beautiful when he laughed.

            The ride started moving again and it made Myungsoo queasier. Sungjong seemed to notice and he moved closer to him; suddenly concerned. Sungjong’s thin leg was pressed against his now and he could feel the warmth from it. Sungjong’s arm was the one to tighten its grip this time. He found Myungsoo’s hand and strung his long fingers through his and gave him a comforting squeeze. It helped.

            The ride stopped again with them a little lower than the very top, but it was almost worse. Myungsoo didn’t have to look straight down to see the people below that looked so small. He watched nervously as they roamed around like ants. He had to find something to focus on.

            “Look there,” Sungjong pointed with their attached hands. Myungsoo tried to follow where he was pointing, but only saw the carousal. The carousal was a particularly large one and had lights running all along it’s every surface. Each pole that connected the top to the bottom was strung with white fluorescent bulbs that made him think of Christmas. At the apex of the carousal’s roof was a large star that lit up and blinked steadily like a beating heart. Behind the carousal was only the dark Han River.

            “What are you pointing at Jongie?”

            Sungjong was looking towards the carousal with a faraway look in his already slightly glazed eyes.

            “Hope,” Sungjong spoke quietly into the night air.

            “Hope?”

            “The star. I like the way it fights through the dark. Even though it’s surrounded by blackness and gloom it shines brightly. The darkness around the star only makes it brighter. It even pierces through the dark at times. See the reflection,” one of Sungjong’s fingers separated from their joined hands to point at the river. Myungsoo saw that the star was reflecting a stretched distorted version of itself onto the water; making it glow. “At least with the star there we can tell what the dark is. It’s just the river. It’s not as scary when you can face what the dark truly is.”

            Sungjong’s voice had gotten quiet as he stared dreamily at the star.

            “Hope,” Myungsoo repeated as he nodded to himself thoughtfully. He wasn’t sure if it was because Sungjong was drunk, but he had never heard him talk like that before.

            “We all need a star,” Sungjong smiled looking at it for a moment more before he turned his gaze back to Myungsoo. His eyes cleared a little when he looked at him. Myungsoo had the sudden urge to brush his hair behind his ear, but he held back. His bang was always falling out of place and hiding part of his face. Myungsoo wanted to see all of his face.

            Myungsoo felt relieved when they finally got off the ride, but for some reason he felt even more anxious about Sungjong. Myungsoo kept his eyes trained on him as he yawned loudly. Sungjong’s scarf fell down his face a little from the movement. Myungsoo leaned over and wrapped the scarf around Sungjong’s neck again and brought it up a little so it covered up to his nose. Myungsoo could feel Sungjong smiling at his being over protective and he couldn’t help but smile to himself. He is such a girl sometimes.

            When the whole group was all together again they all started discussing what ride to go on next. Myungsoo followed them silently until he saw Sungjong stumble a little on his shaky legs. Myungsoo looked in his face and saw that his energy was waning.

            Myungsoo wanted to get him to bed. Ever since those days where Sungjong couldn’t sleep Myungsoo had worried about him even more than he usually did. He had watched hopelessly as Sungjong walked around the house like a ghost. Now if Sungjong looked even the least bit tired all he wanted was to see him sleeping peacefully. He remembered the time he had woken up in the living room using Sungjong’s body as a pillow. Sungjong had fallen asleep on the floor too and Myungsoo sat there watching him for a few minutes. He wanted to move him off the hard floor and bring him to his bed, but he was so afraid to wake him. He just wanted him to rest.

            “Guys we should head back,” he suggested to the others.

            They all started to whine; even Sungjong.

            “It’s getting a little late and I’ve seen a few people giving us odd looks,” he lied. They all looked around with slightly anxious faces all of a sudden.

            “Just a little longer,” Sungyeol offered brightly. The rest nodded their heads. He wasn’t going to win them all over. But maybe Sungjong.

            “Alright well you guys have fun. I’m going to head back,” he said as he his heel and started walking away.

            “Wait,” he heard Sungjongie yell out. He couldn’t help but smirk. He wiped it off his face before he turned back to his best friend.

            Sungjong ran up to him as he waved bye to the others.

            “You can’t leave without me, Hyung.”

            Myungsoo just smiled and couldn’t help but feel a little victorious as they left the carnival together. The walk back was long and he was tempted to take a cab, but he didn’t have much money left. When Sungjong started to stumble though he stopped.

            “Hyung, what are you doing?” He sounded so drowsy. Myungsoo’s anxiety doubled. He just wanted to get them home already.

            “I’m getting us a cab.”

            “Noooo,” Sungjong whined as he grabbed his arm and pulled it weakly. “We’re almost there and I like the air. It’s soft.”

            “The air is soft? Sungjong your delirious. I need to get you to bed.” He still stood by the street and attempted to hail a taxi.

            “I am not delirious,” he said through a yawn. “The chilly air feels soft on my face like a blanket that someone put in the freezer.”

            “Sungjong, you turn into the world’s worst poet when you drink. You know that right?”

            Sungjong just smiled at him with heavy lidded eyes. Myungsoo couldn’t stop himself from chuckling at his friend. When he finally hailed a cab, he forced Sungjong inside.

            By the time they got to the apartment Sungjong was barely awake. Myungsoo had the driver pull into the parking garage so no fans would be able to spot Sungjong in his drunken state. He was mumbling stuff about stars and blankets as Myungsoo stood him up against the taxi. He bent down a little with his back to him and allowed Sungjong to climb on.

            Myungsoo gave Sungjong a piggyback ride up to the apartment. Myungsoo held Sungjong’s hands together as they laced around his neck. Sungjong’s legs were loosely wrapped around his waist. It didn’t feel much different from giving a girl a piggyback ride. Sungjong was a little tall, but he was skinny like a girl. He was as beautiful as one too. Myungsoo often found that Sungjong was prettier than half the girls in the female bands.

            He struggled to get them both into the apartment without falling, but he somehow managed as he stumbled towards Sungjong’s room. Myungsoo stood in front of the bed trying to figure out how to lay him there without dropping him or waking him. He turned his back to the bed and eased them both down onto it as gently as possible. His body was positioned a little on top of Sungjong’s now as he tried to roll to the side, but Sungjong suddenly tightened his grip on Myungsoo. His long arms wrapped around Myungsoo’s chest in a big back hug. Sungjong’s beautiful sleepy face was on the side of his. Sungjong nuzzled his nose beside his ear and rested his chin on his shoulder.

            Myungsoo froze in place as he felt a weird flutter in his chest. What was that? Sungjong mumbled something in his sleep and Myungsoo felt his soft lips moving against the sensitive exposed skin of his neck. Shivers ran down his spine and his hearts rhythm was thrown off again.

            He pried Sungjong’s arms off of him and backed away from the bed while sitting on the cold floor. He stared in shock at Sungjong’s sleeping face. Myungsoo rested his hand over his beating heart and tried to take deep breaths. He waited as he felt it slowly go back to the normal steady beat he was used to.

            Myungsoo was suddenly very confused. He had never felt anything like that before, but he shook his head and continued his task. He had to take care of Jongie. Myungsoo approached him now with more caution as he carefully unwound his scarf from his neck. Myungsoo managed to remove his coat and shoes without waking him up. Once he had pulled the blanket up to Sungjong’s neck and he looked comfortable and peaceful Myungsoo stood up to leave. He stopped though to stare down at his friend.

            Sungjong’s long bang was partially hiding his beautiful, serene face. Myungsoo bent down to push it behind his ear, but stopped with his hand hovering over him. For some reason he felt like he shouldn’t.

            Why not? You always push his hair behind his ear. What’s wrong with doing it now?    

            Myungsoo fought with his own thoughts for a minute before he finally brought his fingers into his hair. It was slightly sweaty from the walk home. Myungsoo didn’t mind the sweat as he delicately brushed the hair off of Sungjong’s forehead and tucked it behind his ear where he wanted it. He moved every stray strand until he could see all of Sungjong’s peaceful face.

            Myungsoo stayed in the room watching his friend’s face and wondering why he wanted nothing more than to stay there and continue to watch him sleep soundly.

            What is happening to me?