Day One: Maybe 2 hours of sleep

            Sungjongie was tired, but he kept smiling. As soon as he got up in the morning noona pestered him and asked him if he was okay, but he said he was fine. It was their day off so Sungjong spent most of the day by himself. He cleaned, he cooked, and he went for a walk down to the Han River and back. Noona wanted to join him even though it was a long walk, but he said no. He just needed to think.

            Day Two: 2 hours of sleep at the most

            It was harder to keep a smile on his face. Luckily, they were practicing anyway. They took practice very serious; every last one of them. Sungjong struggled to keep up with everyone at first, but practicing was actually a relief. He was able to stop thinking about Myungsoo. At least for a little while. When they got home he went right to bed. Noona came in a few times to watch him as he pretended to sleep soundly. For some reason he couldn’t bring himself to talk to her. She was happy. She didn’t need his problems. He would bear them alone.

            Day Three: 3 hours of sleep but fitful

            Everything . It was too sunny out. The floors were too cold. What happened to the old wood floors? Everyone’s laughs were too loud. Noona made American pancakes for breakfast and they were too heavy on his stomach. He felt queasy the whole day. It was the stupid pancakes fault. Noona knew he liked waffles better. The waffles were thinner and airier. He liked the ones she made with the blueberries in them. Myungsoo liked the heavy pancakes. They were thick and fluffy like Myungsoo’s hair was in their last photo shoot. She filled them with chocolate chips and then Myungsoo covered them with that expensive syrup from America that noona insisted they owned even though it cost way too much money. As if the pancakes weren’t sweet enough. She probably wanted to have the syrup around because Myungsoo liked it so much. Wouldn’t want to upset Myungsoo.  Maybe he’d get fat eating all of those pancakes. The image of a fat Myungsoo was the only thing that day that brought a smile to Sungjong’s face.

            Day Four: he couldn’t keep track anymore

            He was being a grouch. Everyone avoided him. Except for noona. She was still pestering him. She said he needed rest. She wanted to know what was wrong. She kept feeling his forehead to see if he had a fever. She kept mentioning taking him to see a doctor. Maybe he could prescribe antigay pills, he thought morosely. That was what he needed. That was the only thing that was going to help him. Maybe she could hunt some down for him. She certainly was persistent. She was starting to get annoying. She was  like a little bug buzzing in his ear.

            On his way to the bathroom Myungsoo touched his arm saying something in Sungjong’s ear as he did. Whispering; like he didn’t want anyone else to hear that he actually cared about Sungjong. Wouldn’t want anyone to know that. Sungjong recoiled from him like he was on fire. Myungsoo’s beautiful eyes widened in shock, but he said nothing as he grabbed his coat and left. Good. Sungjong didn’t want to look at him.

            Noona had been watching them. Of course she was. She wouldn’t leave him alone.

            She grabbed his arm; towing him towards the bathroom. When they were in the room she placed him in front of the mirror. His reflection was ghastly. His eye sockets were sunken and grey. Giant bags hung below each of his eyes; which stared back at him dully.

            “Sungjong look,” she nearly cried. “You’re sick. I’m bringing you to the hospital. Please just let me.”

            “Noona how many times do I have to tell you that I’m fine. Leave me alone,” he shouted angrily in the tiny room. His voice bounced off the walls with a booming effect he didn’t know he was capable of producing. He saw her step away from him fearfully in the reflection of the mirror.

            He took a look at his own scary face. His lips were curled in an inhuman snarl. His eyes were narrowed now as they glared at noona. He looked like an animal facing off against a predator, but when he looked into noona’s eyes all he saw was a frightened bunny rabbit. He finally broke down.

            “I’m sorry,” he cried as he leaned on the sink; he’d suddenly lost all of his strength. She moved forward and touched his back tentatively. She was still scared of him. He felt a terrible pang in his heart as he saw her eyes start to water. “I don’t know what is wrong with me noona, but I promise you I’m not sick.” Not physically, he thought to himself as he cried harder.

            Someone was banging on the door now and noona went to open it. Of course it was Sunggyu’s concerned face at the door. He was worried about Julia because she was the woman he loved. Myungsoo wasn’t there. Myungsoo didn’t love Sungjong. Not like that. Not enough to worry about his every move. He left. He was probably going shopping for new hair gel or delicious smelling soap to drive Sungjong crazy.

            Sunggyu looked between the two of them quickly before he approached Sungjong. His leader’s hands wrapped around his own gently as he pried them off of the sink with difficulty. Sungjong hadn’t realized how hard he was gripping it. He wanted to help by letting go of it himself, but he couldn’t for some reason. Once his hands were released he collapsed forward; plummeting towards the sink. Sunggyu was there to catch him though. He didn’t mean to fall, but his legs suddenly weren’t working.

            “He’s shaking. What’s wrong with him?” noona cried as he felt himself lifted into Sunggyu’s arms. Just like he was a child. Or a girl, he thought bitterly.

            “Put me down,” he groaned as Sunggyu carried him out of the bathroom and to the front door.

            “What’s happening?” Hoya asked loudly. Sungjong couldn’t see anyone but Sunggyu now as he stared up blankly.

            “I’ve had enough. I’m bringing him to see a doctor whether he likes it or not,” Sunggyu said gruffly.

            “Should I call an ambulance,” he heard noona ask. “Or a c-cab?” He could hear her hiccupping. She only hiccupped like that when she was holding back noisy body wracking sobs. Was this really that big of a deal?

            “Hoya, please call the manager for me,” Sunggyu sighed as he stood hopelessly by the door. “We should wait here. If I take him myself we’ll be seen by fans.”

            Sungjong felt his stomach drop like he was on a rollercoaster ride. He quickly realized Sunggyu had slumped to the ground with Sungjong still in his arms.

            “Everything will be okay Sungjongie,” he heard Sunggyu saying quietly. He realized that he wasn’t seeing him anymore. He wasn’t seeing anyone. Just darkness.

            “What’s happening? He’s just sleeping right?” noona’s voice sounded far away, even though he felt her small hand on his cheek.

            “I’m fine noona,” he mumbled.

            “What did he say?” She was panicking, but that wasn’t a surprise.

            “He’ll be here soon. He’s bringing a doctor with him. I’m calling Myungsoo and Sungyeol,” Hoya said. He sounded really really far away.

            Myungsoo would be with Sungyeol, Sungjong thought to himself glumly before he finally succumbed to his exhaustion.

            He woke a few hours later to find himself in his own bed with just their Manager and a stranger in the room. The stranger introduced himself as Doctor Kang before he jumped right into asking Sungjong questions. Sungjong probably should have told him what was really wrong, but he couldn’t even talk to his friends. Why was he going to reveal himself to this stranger? And with the manager’s eyes scrutinizing him. Sungjong lied.

            When the doctor and manager left the room, Sungjong stumbled out of his bed and made his way to the door. He silently opened it a crack to listen.

            “What’s wrong with our Sungjong?” he heard noona’s tremulous voice asking. It really bothered him that he made her worry.

            “I talked to him and he is having a lot of anxiety lately with your band’s new found popularity, the fans attention, and the recent move you guys have made to this apartment. It all seems perfectly normal. A boy his age being under so much stress every day… it is not surprising to me that he has been struggling to find sleep.”

            “But you’re going to do something to help him right?” Sunggyu Hyung asked.

            “I have here a prescription for a mild sleeping pill. I have prescribed a low dose and he should only take one when necessary. If you notice that he still is not sleeping call me, but I think this should help. Just have him take one pill any night he is having a particularly hard time sleeping and it should help him to relax and find the sleep he’s been needing.”

            “They aren’t dangerous, right?” His breath caught when he heard Myungsoo’s voice ask the question.

            “No, so long as he takes the correct dosage he’ll be fine. You can let him take two once in awhile when he is having a particularly difficult time sleeping, but I honestly think this will work fine. Hopefully, he won’t need them in time. Otherwise he seems like a perfectly healthy young man. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

            “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he heard Julia practically gushing. “I’m going to go to the pharmacy and  fill the prescription right now.”

            He ran back to his bed as fast as he could as he heard her come sliding down the hallway. He didn’t quite make it there fast enough. She noticed he was up immediately.

            He was worried she’d still be scared of him after the way he had yelled at her, but she smiled with relief when she spotted him.

            “Sungjongie, how are you feeling? Oh wait sorry I know you’re fine. And I talked to the doctor and he says so too.”

            She came over to his bed and knelt down; grabbing his face as she did. She looked him right in the eyes and smiled brightly. He tried not to laugh as she attempted to make her eyes narrow like Sunggyu’s, but hers were too big. She liked to try anyways. It made her look crazy; adorable, but crazy.

            After her silly smile she proceeded to plant noisy kisses all over his cheeks and forehead. She had gone delirious with relief. He was just glad she wasn’t upset with him.

            “I’ll be back. I’m going to get you medicine to help you sleep,” she said before grabbing her coat and running to the door. She stopped before leaving and asked, “Do you want anything at the store?”   

            He thought for a second. “Lollipops.”

            “You mean the doctor didn’t give you a lollipop before he left?” she asked with mocked sincerity. “When I was young the doctor used to give me a lollipop after my exams.”

            “Noona, I’m not five,” he said with a groan.

            “I know Sungjongie. I’m just messing with you,” she laughed. “Lollipops it is.”

            He should have known that when she came back she would have every brand and flavor of lollipop the store had to offer, but he was still surprised.

            She came back in the room with the grocery bag, but he hadn’t notice that she had company. Myungsoo strolled in behind her and stood at the foot of his bed. Sungjong sat up and tried to give them both a warm smile.

            “I am sorry for the way I acted earlier,” Sungjong said his voice quiet.

            “Don’t worry about it, Jongie,” Myungsoo smiled down at him. His eyes were serious though.

            “If I hadn’t slept in days I would’ve wanted to bite my head off too,” noona laughed as she gave him the bag of candy.

            “What’s in there,” Myungsoo asked as he tried to peer into the bag.

            “Nothing,” Sungjong replied quickly. He hid the bag; suddenly embarrassed.

            “It’s just lollipops,” noona said from across the room as she went to hang up her coat.

            Sungjong peeked up at Myungsoo to see him nodding to himself. His expression was unreadable.

            “Well, I’m going to go.  I just came in to check on you. Get some rest, Jongie.” He started to move but looked at him again. “It’s been a little lonely without you,” he said quietly before leaving.

            Noona had been watching from her closet, but as soon as Myungsoo left she came over and plopped down on Sungjong’s bed. She grabbed a lollipop and quickly stuffed it in as she stared towards the door where Myungsoo had disappeared. She tapped the lollipop against her plump lips thoughtfully as she squinted at the door.

            “What’s wrong noona?” Sungjong asked a little worried. What is she thinking?

            “Am I really not your best friend?” she said suddenly as she stuck the lollipop back and and attempted to pout around it.

            He couldn’t help but laugh with relief. She didn’t notice anything weird. “You’re my noona. That’s better than a best friend.”

            “Promise?”

            “Pinky promise.” She was all smiles as they locked pinkies and touched their thumbs together. He couldn’t help but grin, too. Sitting on his bed with his noona, eating candy and making pinky promises. Soon they’d be braiding each other’s hair, he thought to himself a little less glumly than usual. Maybe he was just being a big baby lately.

             They heard a throat clearing at the door and looked over to see Sunggyu watching them with a smile.

            “Yah! Get out of here you stalker,” noona yelled with a smile as she threw a pillow towards him. It was one of Sungjong’s pillows, but he just laughed. She had good aim. Sunggyu caught the pillow and held it against his chest casually as he stared at her.

            “You might as well sit instead of being creepy,” she said as she moved her hand over the seat next to her with a cheesy wink. Sungjong watched in silence as they flirted like he wasn’t even there.

            Sunggyu looked like he was going to join their little party, but his eyes suddenly widened a little. Sungjong looked to noona and saw that she had her lollipop back in and was twirling it around her lips. To him it was cute, but apparently Sunggyu saw it differently.

            “On second thought I just remembered I have to… ummm… take out the trash,” he said before leaving. In his haste he had taken the pillow with him.

            Noona snorted beside Sungjong. “He doesn’t take the trash out. That’s Dongwoo’s job.” She was still twirling the lollipop around slowly; staining her lips blue.

            She was so oblivious. He started to laugh.

            “What? What did I do?” She asked seriously; only making Sungjong laugh even more.