The melting of ice when the season change is the coldest period of the year. It’s the last week of winter and summer’s approaching almost swiftly, Jongdae thinks. Time seem to have sneaked past him rapidly this year. Or maybe it’s because there’s so much more things happening, and maybe it’s because Lu Han’s there to distract him.

   When there’s nothing to do, with no deadlines to rush, time becomes slower. Jongdae think he’s happier when there’s a bunch of things to do, when Lu Han’s around him, when he’s living with anticipation of the next day. He realizes that he doesn’t have to live his life passionately, as long as he’s doing something every day, it’s meaningful enough.

   Glancing at the sky above, Jongdae wonders when the next time it’ll rain again is. Ever since winter came, rains lessen. He keeps his head lowered, feeling the tension within the atmosphere. Sneaking a glance over to Ms. Tiffany and the guy sitting beside her, he’s wondering why he’s here—why he even agreed to this meeting in the first place.

   They’re in a heated discussion where he could only hear fragments of what they’re saying, most of the time they’re speaking English in hushed tones, which really baffles Jongdae because he’s not familiar with that foreign language.

   “Ms. Tiffany—” he calls out meekly.

   She doesn’t seem to have heard him the first time, so he raised his voice and called again, successfully jolting both of them to attention that he’s still there. If they’re going to be talking about him, he should be in the conversation too.

   “Oh my dear, I’m sorry!” Ms. Tiffany gushes out with an apologetic eye smile.

   “It’s alright, Ms. Tiffany,” Jongdae brushes it off; “I’ll assume that the two of you came to a conclusion?”

   “Well, not really,” she laughs, “But anyway, this is Park Jungsu, an agent from SM entertainment.”

   Jongdae’s eyes widen involuntarily at the name, “The SM entertainment?”

   “I’m pretty sure there’s only one SM entertainment,” the male addressed as Park Jungsu spoke to Jongdae for the first time, chuckling in amusement at the younger male’s reaction to the given name.

   “Why is an agent from SM entertainment here?” Jongdae asks, curiosity thickly lacing in his tone.

   “I heard you sing at the performance night,” Park Jungsu tells him, “You have talents that our company is searching for.” He takes out a name card and passes it over to the still stuck in a daze Jongdae.

   Jongdae blinks, not really realizing what’s happening. He blinks again, and then jolts himself out of his own thoughts to take the name card from the other man in a fumble. He’s not sure if his ears heard him right, or maybe he’s still asleep and this is all but a dream.

   Pinching his thigh, a soft hiss passes his lips for him to realize that no this is not a dream and yes this is real and happening. He takes a good look at the name card, the name Park Jungsu and SM entertainment magnified to a thousand times in his eyes.

   “I know that some companies send their agent to our academy’s performances,” Jongdae slowly says, remembering how two of his classmates got scouted last year, “Are you—is this—are you trying to say that right now you’re scouting me?”

   “You don’t sound very confident of yourself,” Park Jungsu says.

   “I—I’m surprised,” Jongdae admits, “I didn’t think this will ever happen to me. I have hopes and dreams, but I just didn’t think I’m good enough.”

   “Maybe you’re just insecure,” Park Jungsu smiles kindly, “You’re more than good enough. I’m here today because I really like your voice. I recorded your performance that night and sent it to the company; they like you too, Jongdae.”

   “You’re the only one to be scouted this year,” Ms. Tiffany adds on, smiling happily, “This is a good chance that you shouldn’t miss, Jongdae. You have a good voice that the world should hear, don’t let your chance slip you by.”

   “The audition’s set for three weeks later,” Park Jungsu tells him, “Hopefully it’s enough time for you to come to a decision and enough time to practice.”

   “The audition time is already set?” Jongdae asks, taken aback by the sudden turn of events.

   Park Jungsu gives him a firm nod accompanied by a soft smile, “You have amazing talents, Jongdae; but that doesn’t mean that time will wait for anyone. If you miss this chance, it’s probably going to be forever. You don’t get another chance like this coming to you again.”

   “I—I’ll definitely think through it,” Jongdae replies, his tone just as firm.

   Park Jungsu breaks into a satisfied smile and rose from his seat, the two of them shaking hands. Ms. Tiffany breaks into a quick conversation in English with him once more before the two of them sends the busy guy off.

   “You seem to be familiar with him,” Jongdae notes.

   “Jungsu and Siwon are close friends,” Ms. Tiffany smiles, “Siwon’s my fiancé. I didn’t expect that Jungsu will be personally coming down to scout you. He actually holds a higher position that just being an agent.”

   “He sounds like someone important,” Jongdae says, nodding with realization from Ms. Tiffany’s words.

   “He is very,” Tiffany laughs.

   “You seem to be very happy and perplexed at the same time,” Lu Han off-handedly comments after noticing how Jongdae’s behaving for the past hours, especially after the younger dump away the fifth cup of mistake.

   “I just have something on my mind,” Jongdae sighs as he stops what he’s doing, letting Sehun take over.

   Since there’s not that much customers for the day, both Minseok and Sehun crowds over as well. They’re not blind to how Jongdae’s been acting for the previous few hours, but neither of them said anything until Lu Han spoke first.

   “I know you have something on your mind,” Lu Han agrees, going behind the counter to hold Jongdae in his arms. “What exactly is in your mind?’

   Jongdae stares at Lu Han for a moment, enjoying the warmth that the older male radiates. The café is cozy, but he doesn’t mind the warm. He closes his eyes with a sigh, resting his head on Lu Han’s shoulder.

   He hesitates, the words stuck at the edge of his throat, threatening to overspill.

   “You know the SM entertainment, right?” Jongdae asks.

   “Who wouldn’t know about the SM entertainment?” Lu Han replies, his brows furrowing in confusion at the sudden question, “They’re the top entertainment company in Seoul.”

   “I got scouted by that top entertainment company,” Jongdae says, a gentle smile on his lips.

   A look of curious joy mixed with delight takes over Lu Han as he breaks into a wide smile, hugging Jongdae tighter in his embrace.

   “You did it, my nightingale,” Lu Han laughs, “The world is going to appreciate you too.”

   Sehun and Minseok both whoops in happiness behind them. Sehun’s a bubbling mess as he rattles off nonsensical stuffs to Minseok who’s laughing happily as he tackles Sehun into a hug too.

   “That’s great news!” Lu Han’s eyes are bright with a twinkle, like the stars that Jongdae would often see at night.

   “The audition is three weeks from now,” Jongdae informs, smiling shyly, “I should go, right? I mean, I’m going!”

   “Of course you’re going,” Lu Han says firmly, “Don’t you dare miss this chance.”

   “I wouldn’t want to miss this chance either,” Jongdae says, chuckling in the arms of Lu Han.

   “Have you an idea on what you’ll be showing for the audition?” Minseok asks.

   “Jongdae hyung, you’re amazing in your singing; you should show you well you’re able to control your notes,” Sehun suggested, “I’m not sure if you dance, but you seems flexible enough. Maybe you can try and dance something too.”

   Jongdae burst out laughing, “Dance is probably the last thing I want to do, to be honest. I’m not one for dancing.”

   “That notebook of yours; the one with your self-composed songs,” Lu Han suddenly remembers, “Maybe you can sort them out and then send it over to them as well. You know how to compose songs, that’s another plus point.”

   “You guys seems much anxious than me,” Jongdae snorts, taking in their suggestions.

   “You unappreciative little ,” Minseok mockingly scolded.

   Lu Han likes to kiss Jongdae; by the corner of Jongdae’s lips, by the corner of Jongdae’s eyes, the tip of Jongdae’s nose, Jongdae’s forehead, Jongdae’s cheeks, Jongdae’s jawline.

   Sometimes he’d press his lips to the back of Jongdae’s hands, other times it’s to Jongdae’s palms. He likes to leave hickeys on Jongdae too, especially around the neck area. Jongdae once joked that Lu Han seems to have a for his throat, which Lu Han does not deny.

   Jongdae usually doesn’t have many things to do. Now, he’s simply between working at the café, spending time with Lu Han and practicing himself for his audition. Most of the time, it’s Lu Han who’s his solo audience, offering him the best support.

   Lu Han’s into the start of his holiday as well, finally finishing most of his assignments. He spends his day lazing around at Jongdae’s apartment or at the café when Jongdae’s on his shifts.

   They’re not doing anything for today, though. Lu Han’s lazing on the sofa with Jongdae securely in his arms. Jongdae’s humming a soft tune with Lu Han humming along. Somehow, somewhere, sometime, the song that Jongdae sang became Lu Han’s lullaby.

   Jongdae likes it like this. He doesn’t have to do anything, as long as Lu Han’s with him. Sometimes Lu Han has the weirdest ideas, sometimes Lu Han just like to play pranks. Often, Lu Han’s spontaneous as he drags Jongdae around Seoul, even if it’s 3:55AM in the morning.

   “You’ll definitely do well,” Lu Han murmurs into Jongdae’s ear, “You’ll blow them away with your voice.”

   “Then who’ll sign the contract with me, if everyone’s blown away?” Jongdae jokes back.

   “I’m trying to encourage you, you little .” Lu Han rolls his eyes and says.

   “I love you too,” Jongdae chuckles.

Every day is spent sweetly with laughter and silly jokes between the two of them.

   Jongdae’s a mix of anxiety and hysteria as he fidgets in his seat. He would be pacing around, but he had already done that and it doesn’t really calm his nerves anyway.

   Before him are a few other people, all of them are here for the same reason. Jongdae doesn’t recognize any of them, but then again he doesn’t usually remember people well anyway.

   He takes a deep breath and tries to calm himself down when his name was called, startling him out of his daydream. With a trembling body and a suddenly blank mind, he numbly follows the person into the room.

   He spots Park Jungsu first and somehow seeing someone familiar calms him down. His nerves are still a little uptight but at least he’s a bit more confident. He remembers that it’s Park Jungsu who personally came down to scout him.

   It must be because he has something that the company wants, right? Jongdae tells him, remembering the encouraging words from Lu Han. He stands before the four judges before him and gives a stiff bow.

   “I’m Kim Jongdae, 19 this year in my final year in Seoul’s Arts Academy. It’s a pleasure to be here.”

   Park Jungsu sends him a quick, tiny smile to encourage him. The person sitting beside him introduces himself as Kim Heechul before asking Jongdae a few questions.

   Jongdae ends up singing the song that he had performed at the year-end performance, another two other English songs, and played the piano (the other musical instrument that he knows apart from the flute).

   He was slightly intimidated by the tension in the room, especially by Kim Heechul. But he thinks he has done well, since Park Jungsu gave him a wider smile by the end of the audition.

   “We appreciate your time,” another man who introduced himself as Choi Siwon (at which Jongdae almost made a sound in surprise because holy mama that handsome dude is Ms. Tiffany’s fiancé), “We will call you in a week’s time.”

   “You’ve done well,” surprisingly it’s Kim Heechul who tells him when he bows once again to retreat from the room.

   “Thank you,” Jongdae mumbles back shyly and he’s out of the room finally.

   He leans against the wall with his eyes closed, determined to calm his heart that is beating much too quickly. There’s tears stinging in his eyes and he thinks it’s out of relieve and happiness because he did it.

   Screw the outcome, Jongdae tells himself. Feeling strangely relaxed after such a heavy burden has been lifted off his shoulders, he’s grinning as he dashes out of the company.

   Kim Joonmyeon is a very stubborn man.

   Unfortunately, his stubbornness will only be seen as a form of irritation to Wu Yifan. He makes sure he’s at the hospital every day, bringing food that Yifan likes in his memories.

   Yifan only tells him, “A person’s appetite changes easily.”

   He doesn’t bring flowers because he knows Yifan would most definitely throw them at him (if Yifan is even bothered to do anything to him at all). Yifan had never been the type to enjoy receiving flowers.

   There was once when Joonmyeon tried to be romantic and gave him red roses, Yifan’s stuck between wanting to laugh or cringe at the mushiness or just whack the bouquet over Joonmyeon’s head.

   He had said then, “I’m not a girl, Joonmyeon. Don’t you dare treat me like one.”

   But then, Yifan’s eyes had sparkles. It’s like there were stars in his eyes, twinkling resplendently. The opposite of love isn’t hate, Joonmyeon remembers Yifan tell him once. There is no opposite to love; there is only indifference.

   When the love fades away, there’s absolutely nothing left in the shell. Joonmyeon would much rather Yifan hates him; at least that means that Yifan still have some feelings for him.

   For there to be hate, there must be love. Joonmyeon remembers Yifan telling him that too. But Yifan doesn’t hate him, perhaps before, but not now. The only emotions Yifan feel towards him now is indifference, nothing else.

   That thought sends nothing but pain straight to Joonmyeon’s heart; how much he must have hurt him. Retribution, karma, atonement, Joonmyeon thinks. That’s why he’s hurting right now too. He deserves it for inflicting the pain that on Yifan who doesn’t deserve it.

   “Joonmyeon,” Yifan sighs one day, his tone weary, “You should stop coming. You shouldn’t even have come here in the first place.”

   “I’m seeking for your forgiveness, Fan,” Joonmyeon says, trying his best to stop his voice from choking, “You can’t deny me that right.”

   “There is nothing to forgive,” Yifan sounds more than weary with his monotone voice, “You don’t need to seek something that has already been let go. I’d be thankful if you don’t address me as that; what’s past is in the past.”

   Before Joonmyeon could reply, Yifan continues, “You have to learn to accept that, Joonmyeon. You don’t owe me anything; neither do you need to ask for my forgiveness. The day you left, you cut off everything clean between us.”

   “Yifan, I still lov—”

   “Joonmyeon, don’t you even dare,” in a moment, ire flashes through Yifan’s beautiful brown orbs, “Say things that you don’t mean.”

   It’s pathetic, Joonmyeon thinks, that this is what’s left of them. They were once in love, but even love can fade away. Love doesn’t change, but people do; Yifan no longer loves him anymore.

   “I’m sorry,” he says, voice thick with tears and sincerity.

   “Leave,” it’s the only word that Yifan wants to say to him.

   This time, Joonmyeon doesn’t argue.

   “You used to call me Jùn Miǎn.” Joonmyeon says, his smile sad.

   Yifan turns his face away, unwilling to see him anymore.

   The café is in a festive mood – that morning both Jongdae and Sehun came in with good news worthy of celebration. The company had called Jongdae to tell him that he’s accepted, and Sehun came rushing in delight at his entrance examinations’ results.

   “I had no idea our little Sehun is so intelligent,” Lu Han teases as he ruffles Sehun’s hair.

   “I’m not little,” Sehun snaps as he pushes away Lu Han’s hand, “And definitely not yours.”

   “Definitely not Lu Han’s,” Minseok agrees, chuckling as he holds the younger in his strong embrace.

   “Congratulations, Sehun-ah,” Jongdae chuckles at the two eldest antics, “Top 1% of the country, that’s a whole new level of amazingness.”

   “Jongdae hyung is also a whole new level of amazingness,” Sehun replies, “You got accepted into SM entertainment; it’s where the top talented stars comes from.”

   “Both of you are at a whole new level of amazingness,” Minseok chuckles, passing both of them their drinks.

   In his happiness, Minseok told the customers’ that everyone’s drink will be on the house. The customers cheered and shared their joy, even if it’s only for the moment.

   Lu Han leans over to close off all proximity between him and Jongdae and kisses him. Minseok presses his lips to the corner of Sehun’s lips, teasing the younger.

   “Jongdae, I have something to tell you.”

   Jongdae looks over, slightly worried at how solemn Lu Han looks all of a sudden. Back at the café, Lu Han had been nothing but smiling faces and teasing jokes.

   “What is it?”

   “I got accepted into a top university in London,” Lu Han says, “I sent in the application months ago because I wanted to further my studies. But that would mean—”

   “You’d have to leave Korea,” Jongdae finishes for him, a cold dread seeping into his entire body. “You’d have to leave me.”

   “I’m sorry, Jongdae,” Lu Han says, his voice gentle and sad as he brings Jongdae into a soft embrace.

   “… It’s okay,” Jongdae tells him, “It’s what you want, isn’t it?”

   “I’ve always been interested in criminal psychology,” Lu Han tells him for the first time, “My professor recommended me that university because he knows it’s what I want. The university is one of the best out there in the world.”

   “Criminal psychology?” Jongdae asks in amazement, “That sounds really awesome.”

   “My Father is the Superintendent 1st Class in the metropolis of Beijing police department,” Lu Han tells him, “I guess its influence from him; but I have always wanted to become a detective like him too.”

   “So if you go further your studies, you can become a detective?” Jongdae asks innocently.

   “It’s not that easy, my love,” Lu Han chuckles, “I’d still have to start from the normal rank. But if I had the master degree – which is what I’m aiming to achieve – I have a better chance of promotion instead of forever being a common police constable.”

   “Then you better don’t miss this chance,” Jongdae tells him, his smile teasing.

   “I don’t want too,” Lu Han admits, “However, it’s probably going to take 4 years.”

   “Oh,” Jongdae says, “Four years is quite a long period of time.”

   “I don’t want to leave you,” Lu Han tells him, tightening the embrace, “But I don’t want to miss this chance either.”

   “You shouldn’t miss this chance at all,” Jongdae tells him, his turn to be solemn, “It’s just four years. I’m not that fragile that I cannot wait at all.”

   “Furthermore, I’d be a trainee in SM. I’ll probably take four years as well,” he jokes.

   Jongdae knows he doesn’t want to let go of Lu Han. There are fears and worries that he cannot not be scared off, but he trusts Lu Han. He thinks of the times that they’ve been together, it’s a short period, but it felt like an eternity.

   They’re not breaking up, Jongdae knows. It’s just a short moment of separation, although he knows that it’s difficult to predict what might happen in the future (or between the years).

   Lu Han presses his lips to Jongdae’s temple, closing his eyes and take in the familiar scent of freshly brewed coffee and caramel that belongs to Jongdae.

   “Please wait for me,” Lu Han says.

   “Who else should I wait for?” Jongdae teasingly asks.

   Lu Han chuckles in reply, kissing Jongdae.

   Jongdae never realized how dependent he is on Lu Han.

   He couldn’t be selfish; Lu Han had encouraged him whenever he was afraid. If not for him, Jongdae probably would never have performed on that year-end stage, he wouldn’t be scouted and he wouldn’t be a trainee of SM today.

   So of course, he’s going to be fully supportive of Lu Han for his own dreams. Lu Han wouldn’t have hesitated if not for him. There isn’t a need for Lu Han to apologize to him, but he did, over and over again for something that’s not his fault.

   Jongdae kisses the corner of Lu Han’s lips as he watches the elder male sleep peacefully. It had become a habit of his, one that Jongdae doesn’t intend to kick. It’s always peaceful to watch Lu Han sleep.

   He presses his lips to Lu Han’s.

   It’s the late afternoon, the sun at its most blinding moment. Jongdae had specifically asked for a day off for today, and he’s accompanied by both Sehun and Minseok.

   It’s the day Lu Han’s leaving for London.

   “Take lots of photos,” Jongdae says, “And send them to me.”

   “Send me your daily photos too,” Lu Han grins.

   The two are in the corner of Starbucks; Lu Han has his arms around Jongdae. The ice Americano is barely touched at all. Jongdae doesn’t like coffee, and Lu Han just ordered for the sake of having a seat in the café.

   “You sure you’re not hungry?” Jongdae asks for the fifth time.

   “I’m definitely not,” Lu Han chuckles.

   There’s still two hours and forty minutes left before Lu Han has to really leave and board the plane. The two of them are stuck close together, as if they’re glued by the hips, not wanting to waste any time between them.

   Lu Han had told Jongdae about his leaving the moment he received the news of acceptance from his professor. He had been afraid that maybe Jongdae would be angry with him, or that he’d be too upset.

   Jongdae had not been like that, though. They had spent each day in utter happiness, Lu Han making frequent appearances in the SM Company although he’s probably not allowed to enter.

   It’s through Jongdae that he found his old classmates. When Lu Han first visited Jongdae, he once again saw familiar faces that he never expected to see again.

   He’s not entirely surprised; Jongin had always been an amazing dancer and Kyungsoo had always been an excellent voice. He just hasn’t expected to see them again at all.

   At least he knows that Jongdae will be in good hands. Jongdae became friends quickly with both of them; often Jongdae and Kyungsoo can be heard singing together.

   The four of them hangs out together all the time – whenever Lu Han is at the company. Like in memories, Jongin is still the risqué dancer, Kyungsoo and Jongdae often sings together with their great singing abilities. Lu Han is often their best audience.

   Seeing them again, Lu Han’s suddenly reminded of certain memories that he realized he had almost forgotten. Back when Yifan and him had first entered the university, they had still been unfamiliar.

   But first week in and they’ve already made friends. There’s Kim Jongin, the dancer; Byun Baekhyun, the insane scientists, there’s Do Kyungsoo the black belt in taekwondo and of course there’s Kim Joonmyeon.

   Kim Joonmyeon’s a major in financial accountings. Somehow, Yifan and Joonmyeon gotten a bit closer than normal friends would, and then somehow one day, they unofficially officially started dating.

   At one point of time, Lu Han had seriously thought that Yifan would be too much of a coward to even confess his feelings for the shorter boy.

   Out of slight curiosity, and because Jongdae asked him, Lu Han couldn’t help himself but ask Jongin and Kyungsoo about Joonmyeon and Yifan as well.

   Kyungsoo’s utterly clueless, knowing only as much as Lu Han does. Jongin doesn’t tell them initially, not even willing to look into the eye of Lu Han.

   Only after does Jongin tells them that after Joonmyeon left on that day, Yifan actually had a heart attack. Jongdae’s still slightly confused, because he had only heard about the story from Lu Han recently.

   He had no idea that there was such a story to Joonmyeon.

   “There’s only an hour left,” Jongdae says, glancing at the digital watch on Lu Han’s wrist.

   “I’m sure it’s enough for us,” Lu Han says, kissing Jongdae’s forehead.

   Jongin and Kyungsoo had wanted to come along with Jongdae, but Lu Han doesn’t really see a need. It’s easier for one person to sneak away from practice than having all three disappear for the day.

   At least, if there’s any problem then they wouldn’t be dragged in as well.

   They don’t really exchange much words together, just basking in the time they have to each other. Jongdae tries to get Lu Han to drink the Americano, but Lu Han really doesn’t want to.

   “It’s too bitter,” Lu Han tells him with a pout.

   “I thought you need your coffee power,” Jongdae teases.

   “I’d rather sleep on the plane ride,” Lu Han laughs.

   “You’ll be an amazing singer, definitely,” Lu Han says.

   “Please come back in four years,” Jongdae says, his eyes filled with tears that he’s unwilling to shed, “I’m not accepting if you tell me London is nice so you overstay alright.”

   “That sounds like a very perfect idea,” Lu Han teases.

   “Don’t you even dare,” Jongdae mutters.

   “You know I wouldn’t,” Lu Han chuckles, pulling Jongdae close for a kiss.

   Jongdae, Minseok and Sehun watches as the planes fly over their head. They’re not sure which one is the one Lu Han’s one, but Jongdae simply sits there as he watches the planes fly over.

   After the third plane flew past, Minseok decides to finally drag them away. Jongdae’s unwilling to leave, but he knows he must. His training is probably still waiting for him.

   “You have to do well,” Minseok reminds him, “So you can make your debut before Lu Han comes back. Give him a good surprise, alright?”

   “I will,” Jongdae finally turns to look at Minseok and Sehun, smiling softly.

   Jongdae gives the sky once last glance before he walks away with the other two. He knows that even right now, his hurt is still yearning for the warmth of Lu Han.

   Winter comes to a slow end, as summer finally seeps into the every corner of Seoul, warming the country little by little. It’s the start of a new year, just as the start of something new as Jongdae treads into SM.