“Good luck for later, Jongdae,” Lu Han winks over the counter as he orders his drink for the day.

   It’s almost surprising, Lu Han thinks, since he had never seen Jongdae behind the counter before. Every single time he’s been to the café, Jongdae doesn’t take the position of the cashier. He’s always the one by the bar, mixing ingredients together to complete the customers’ beverages.

   It’s a pleasant surprise though, Lu Han thinks. It means that Jongdae’s getting braver, and much willing to approach people now. He’s no longer the shy boy hiding behind the blending machines or the espresso machines.

   “You’ll be there for the performance?” Jongdae asks in reply, his cheeks painted in a pretty shade of pink that Lu Han had grown to love seeing on his face over the weeks.

   “I will be,” Lu Han smiles, and then he couldn’t resist himself. Leaning over the empty space over the counter, Lu Han pecks on Jongdae’s lips lightly before retreating like nothing happened. “Do your best, my nightingale.”

   Jongdae blinks, standing at utter shock. He doesn’t hear the gasp of surprise from Sehun who’s just right beside him. Did Lu Han just—at his work place! Jongdae’s cheeks flush a darker shade of red as he glares at the smirking Lu Han.

   He’s genuinely taken aback because he didn’t expect Lu Han to do that, but the corner of his lips curve upwards to a smile even if he tries to stop himself from smiling Sehun’s whooping in delight beside him, which led to a chortle from Minseok.

   “I knew it, I knew it, hyung!” Sehun laughs, “Lu Han hyung totally likes you.”

   “Gosh Sehun,” Minseok chuckles, “You’re even more happy about it that Jongdae—you’re not even the one kissed.”

   “It doesn’t matter you doofus,” Sehun teasingly snapped back.

   “You did not just call me a doofus, you insolent brat!” Minseok chortles as mock-scolded, making a move to grab the younger male.

   Jongdae and Lu Han burst into laughter as they watch Sehun writher under the mercy of Minseok’s nimble fingers, knowing very well that the youngest of them all is very sensitive and ticklish.

   “I need to go for my lecture now, I’ll be there to support you later.” Lu Han says.

   “I’ll do my best later on,” Jongdae nods to shoo the elder male out of the café, laughing in happiness.

   Vibrant hues of red and green decorated the set, with people busying themselves with hanging Christmas balloons around and setting up the Christmas tree. It’s much larger than the mini-sized one in the café, presents of different sized carefully wrapped litters the ground surrounding the tree.

   The late afternoon sun’s already setting, washing the sky with a gentle hue of blue and pink, splashed with burnt orange and smoky red; the air getting brisker as night soon follows. The crowd only grows in size, the people gathering to find themselves a good seat before the performance starts.

   Donned in a simple grey sweater and long pants to cover himself from the cold, Lu Han pulls on his red scarf around his neck loosely; squeezing himself through the never-ending sea of people.

   He finds himself a seat in the front few rows, satisfied because he knows Jongdae will be able to locate him here from the stage. Sehun and Minseok plops themselves beside Lu Han with an exaggerated sigh.

   “I definitely did not expect such a crowd,” the youngest among them whines softly.

   “Most of them are parents, others friends.” Minseok chuckles in reply, grasping Sehun’s hand in his tightly with their fingers interlocking, “I heard that there are a few agents here too, to find some good talents for their companies.”

   “The Seoul Art’s Academy is one of the finest schools in the nation,” Sehun replies with a quick nod of his head, “Where else is the best place to search for potential talents?”

   Lu Han listens to their conversation quietly; one is that he didn’t want to disturb the two having a sweet time to themselves; two is that their words suddenly got Lu Han deep in thoughts. He sweeps a swift glance at the still empty stage, biting his lower lips.

   Recruiting potential talents? Lu Han thinks about Jongdae and his heaven-kissed voice. If nothing goes wrong, Lu Han’s almost ninety-nine percent confident that Jongdae would be one of those talents that Sehun and Minseok are talking about. It would be a huge waste if Jongdae’s not appreciated.

   Lu Han cannot be the only one appreciating Jongdae.

   He’s jolted out of his thoughts when the deafening sound of claps arose. He joins the excited Sehun and Minseok, clapping his cold hands together in anticipation to the start of the performance, his features cracking into a huge beam as he yearns to see Jongdae finally on stage.

   It’s the final performance held by the academy for the year, in both celebration of Christmas and the upcoming graduation for the final year students. The lights before the stage finally lit up as the hosts of the performance stepped on stage.

   They introduced the theme of the year for the entire performance, and then invited the academy’s director on stage for the speech. Lu Han zone out the moment the director says the first word because he had never been interested on such speeches.

   Finally the first performance starts and Lu Han’s interested is piqued again. The band of four guys and one female singer has great coordination together, Lu Han muses. The girl has a nice voice too, but Jongdae’s better than her, Lu Han thinks to himself selfishly.

   He chuckles to himself at the weird thoughts, shaking his head before returning to focus on the stage. “They’re starting with bands, then solo performances?” Lu Han turns to ask Minseok who’s beside him in a whisper.

   “Bands first, followed by duets, finally solos.” Minseok whispers back the information he read of the leaflet the students had given out before the start, knowing that both Lu Han and Sehun aren’t the type to bother themselves with such things, “It’ll take a while before Jongdae’s up on the list.”

   “I thought that soloists usually begin first, and then end with bands?” Lu Han whispers back.

   “That’s the lineup for last year,” Minseok agrees, “But they change the lineup every year and for each performances of the year; so it’s not surprising.”

   “Well, save the best for the last,” Lu Han shrugs, thinking about Jongdae.

   “Yes, Jongdae is the best for you, isn’t he?” Minseok laughs.

   Excitement rippled through the entirety of Lu Han, and he knows it’s the same for the other two beside him. Finally, after 2-hours, Jongdae’s finally going to be on stage. He isn’t sure of the exact line-up for the soloist performances, so he could only fidget in his seat.

   “Do you think Jongdae hyung will be the first?” Sehun whispers to Minseok.

   “I’m not sure,” Minseok replies, “The leaflet doesn’t tell how many soloists are there, so I have no idea if he’s going to appear first, or after a few people.”

   “It’d be nice if the leaflet shows the exact line up,” Sehun sighs, “It’s getting tiring to keep on waiting with an end in mind.”

   Lu Han thinks the same as he keeps his eyes peel on the stage. Minseok chuckles lightly as he calms the youngest down with his soothing voice and comforting pats. He sneaks a quick glance at Lu Han, thinking that if Sehun is already so wind up, it’ll probably be much worse for the older male.

   They didn’t have to wait any much longer, as it turns out. Lu Han squint slightly when the lights dimmed and a familiar figure walks on stage towards the center. Even from his distance, he could clearly see the light tremors. Jongdae’s nervous, Lu Han can tell.

   Everything about Jongdae, Lu Han came to a slow realization that he know very well.

   Soft murmurs surround the trio, mostly whispers of who’s the guy on stage. Lu Han knows that Jongdae isn’t the type to make a name for himself at school, thus there’s a very small amount of students that actually knows him.

   Only a handful from the same class recognizes Jongdae and gave him supporting cheers which Sehun and Minseok cheers along. Lu Han smiles softly, happy that Jongdae still had people supporting him.

   I had the same dream again
   I was at an endless desert
   There is a dazzling city
   But it always vanishes before I get there

   I’m going toward the place I have to go

   The familiar melody rises and Lu Han recognizes the background guitar chords. Jongdae had recorded it down one day when the two of them were together. It blends in well with the soft notes from the piano. Lu Han assumes that the one playing the piano is Ms. Tiffany, the teacher Jongdae often mentions.

   His gaze trails back to the person standing in the center of the spotlight, the corner of his lips quirking into a soft smile. Jongdae likes to sing with his eyes closed, he says it gets him into the mood better.

   Sharp eyes trail over the features of Jongdae, the younger seeming angelic under the spotlight. His voice is soft and smooth, but strong to hold the notes. Lu Han had heard Jongdae sing before, but it had always been a simple hum or a soft voice. He hasn’t truly realize how powerful Jongdae’s voice is.

   He’s focusing on Jongdae, he knows. Lu Han thinks that it’s only right, for Jongdae to be in the spotlight. He knows how fearful Jongdae had been previously, filled with worries and fear. Jongdae didn’t think he deserves the attention; he never realized how amazing he truly is.

   At least now, Lu Han knows, someone else realizes that. He knows that there will be more people – other than him – that will appreciate Jongdae a lot more than he will.

   In this dangerous journey, obstacles keep coming
   But we’ve become one and have overcome everything
   The light is getting bigger
   No pain no gain, this is a world of mystery
   Add all ten fingers to the circle above, we are one

   In that moment, when Jongdae finally open his eyes and interlock gazes with the older male, Lu Han thinks it’s infinite. He had read the quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower, at that point of time he hasn’t been able to understand exactly what the sentence meant.

   Right now, as Lu Han felt his heart skip a beat, he thinks he understands now.

   I will prove that those who believed in me were right

   The song slowly comes to an end and everyone burst into applause. More whispers were exchanged, talking about the song and Jongdae. Sehun and Minseok cheers the loudest, exchanging glances at each other with sweet smiles.

   Lu Han claps his hands lightly, knowing that Jongdae’s looking at him. He shoots the younger male a soft smile, and watches as Jongdae bows before taking his leave off the stage.

   Sehun, Minseok and Lu Han quietly creep out of the crowd of audience at the same time, rushing backstage to find Jongdae. Lu Han doesn’t think twice but holds the other in his arms the moment he saw him, pressing a kiss to Jongdae’s temple.

   “You did well,” Lu Han whispers, “You did amazingly well.”

   “I promised you I will,” Jongdae chuckles lightly, closing his eyes to enjoy the warmth radiating from Lu Han’s body, hugging him tight.

   “Let’s go back to the café soon,” Sehun pipes up, “Joonmyeon already gotten the café ready to celebrate Christmas.”

   “Would you like to join us, Ms.?” Minseok asks Ms. Tiffany who was beaming at the side, her eye smiles clearly showing her happiness at the success of Jongdae’s performance.

   “Oh no—I wouldn’t want to bother anyone,” Ms. Tiffany laughs, carefree and joyful, “Besides, I already have a date for the night.” She winks at Minseok mysteriously, her phone ringing at her last words. Chuckling to herself, she walks away as she answers the call.

   “It’ll be just us, then,” Minseok laughs, “Let’s not let Joonmyeon wait too long.”

   The tinier version of Christmas tree in the café is just as piled up with presents as the Christmas tree at the academy. Most of the presents were a gift of appreciation from their customers; some others are gifts by themselves.

   It’s snowing once again by the time they reach the café, ushered in by Joonmyeon who offered each of them a cup of hot chocolate to warm themselves first. Lu Han exchanged glances with Joonmyeon as he took the mug of warm deliciousness, a small smile gracing his lips.

   After everything that happened, Lu Han had not met Joonmyeon until today. It’s not that Lu Han stopped blaming Joonmyeon for what happened to Yifan anymore, it’s just that he understood that things happen in life and it’s already the past. It’s never good to dwell on the past.

   Lu Han knows, Joonmyeon knows, and Yifan definitely knows.

   The party starts with Christmas carols, led by Jongdae and Lu Han. The two joked around, cracking their voice at every given chance. Sehun doubled over laughing when he started a high note battle which Lu Han and Joonmyeon lost out at the beginning.

   Jongdae’s up against Minseok and neither of them are backing down. The trio watches from the side in amusement as Jongdae panics whenever Minseok reaches the note.

   “Minseok’s actually quite a good singer,” Sehun comments from the side, “He can reach the high notes, but he can’t really control them that well.”

   End game to Minseok who won the game. Jongdae doubles over laughing into Lu Han while Minseok goes around shrieking around with his high note, smug about his win against Jongdae.

   Lu Han offers Jongdae a cup of caramel latte, but the latter shakes his head since he doesn’t enjoy coffee. He finds himself another cup of hot chocolate as they watch the next in line to make a fool of themselves.

   Sehun’s up against Minseok in a game and they’re both neck to neck. Sehun’s confident in the game as long as it’s not a competition of who’s stronger because unfortunately everyone knows the outcome easily.

   An hour later everyone’s already exhausted. Sehun’s in the arms of Minseok, Lu Han and Jongdae has their hands clutched tightly together and Joonmyeon’s sitting by the window.

   “It’s getting late,” Minseok comments, “We should open the gifts now?”

   “We should,” Joonmyeon agrees.

   They exchange the gifts that they bought for each other, getting the gifts that their customers bought for them as well. Sehun laughs in happiness when he opens the gift Minseok got him, but refused to let the others take a look, a soft blush flourishing on his pale cheeks.

   Minseok chuckles before pressing a soft kiss to Sehun’s blushing cheek, much to the surprise of everyone since he had never been this open before. Most of the time, it’s hard to tell if Minseok’s serious about Sehun since he’s always flirting. Surprisingly, Sehun didn’t physically retaliate like how he’d usually does whenever Minseok teases him.

   It doesn’t take a genius to know that they’re both interested in each other. Joonmyeon chuckles lightly, holding an unopen present in his hand. Jongdae shoots a look of question towards the older male, but doesn’t ask anything.

   Lu Han got him a music box, something which really delights him. In happiness, Jongdae kisses Lu Han shyly, something that also surprises people since Jongdae doesn’t seem to be one who’d initiate something like this.

   Lu Han’s really happy though, because Jongdae had definitely never initiated a kiss between them before. The bunch of them laughs through the night, exchanging jokes and incidents that happened to them in the year.

   “Thank you, for everything.” Jongdae says; his voice earnest and sincere.

   There’s a lot for Jongdae to thank Lu Han about. If it wasn’t for Lu Han, Jongdae doesn’t think he’d be able to perform tonight. Maybe he would have let his final chance slip past like the previous years. Jongdae had too much worries and fears, but Lu Han slowly melts them away.

   If it wasn’t for Lu Han, Jongdae knows he’d still be the shy and meek boy, accepting reality without a fight. He’d miss his chance; he’d forever be the one in the shadow because he doesn’t have enough courage to take a stand. Then Lu Han barged into his life, changing him and everything around him.

   Jongdae closes his eyes as he leaned against Lu Han, accepting the warm embrace that the elder male gives him. The edge of his lips quirk into a tiny smile, Jongdae sighs in content. He had not expected his life to end up like this, but he thinks he’s truly content.

   “It’s very late, we should go back now.” Lu Han chuckles softly.

   Everyone agrees and finally departed; Sehun and Minseok together, Lu Han and Jongdae, and there’s Joonmyeon alone. Lu Han glances at Joonmyeon once, but Joonmyeon only smiles back in return. They have more things to say, but not now.

   Jongdae’s leaning on Lu Han as the two of them rests themselves on the sofa. He doesn’t remember telling the elder male about his sleeping habits, but somehow Lu Han came to understand anyway. They never spoke about such matters, only taking the time when Jongdae doesn’t sleep to stay together.

   At least there’s a whole bunch of shows waiting to be watched since its Christmas. Jongdae’s trying to focus on watching a special episode of a variety show, but it’s hard when Lu Han’s kissing him.

   “Lu Han—” Jongdae laughs.

   Lu Han kisses Jongdae’s nape, trailing his kisses to Jongdae’s earlobe. Jongdae’s as ticklish as Sehun, so he ends up squirming while laughing, trying to break away from Lu Han’s constant attack of kisses showered on him.

   “Lu Han—stop,” Jongdae laughs as he tries to stop Lu Han again.

   “I love you,” Lu Han mumbles back sleepily, pressing his lips to Jongdae’s nape once more.

   “I love you too,” Jongdae smiles back.

   He flips himself so that he’s facing Lu Han, pressing a shy kiss to Lu Han’s lips. His eyes trail over Lu Han’s cherubic features, fingers trailing along feather light. Lu Han is indeed very beautiful, Jongdae thinks to himself, like the first time he had met him.

   He presses light kisses to Lu Han’s collar bone, while the elder’s hands are around his waist. Jongdae lays himself on Lu Han, continuing to watch the television as Lu Han slowly drifts off to sleep.

   He doesn’t think he had ever said those words to Lu Han before, and neither had the elder male every said those three words to him before too. Jongdae holds himself close to the sleeping Lu Han, thinking through a lot of things.

   Jongdae had long stopped watching the television, only letting the noise serve as a background. He really does love Lu Han, he realizes belatedly. When the elder male had first confessed to him, Jongdae had believed it to be a joke. Then he realized that Lu Han really does like him.

   He had thought that it’s just a simply infatuation, some fleeting emotion that Lu Han had for him that will pass soon. He hasn’t realize how strong Lu Han’s emotion for him is, and he doesn’t realize how dependent he had become on Lu Han.

   Jongdae’s eyelids start to droop despite the sound of people talking and laughing from the television. He knows he feels safe because there’s Lu Han. As long as Lu Han’s around, Jongdae’s confident.

   “How’s Lu Han?” his voice hasn’t changed much, Joonmyeon thinks, still as smooth and gentle.

   “You’re the one in the hospital, but Lu Han’s the one you’re worried about.” Joonmyeon chuckles, but his eyes sad.

   “I know my health best,” Yifan smiles softly, “But I wouldn’t be able to know Lu Han’s.”

   “… Between us, you’re only worried for Lu Han?”

   Yifan doesn’t reply, only looking out to the window. For three years he had been staying in this hospital room. He had never known the reason why Joonmyeon left him, because they had been truly happy together back then. The day Joonmyeon left, it was a rainy day.

   Unlike today, Yifan muses. The sky is crystal clear after the previous night of snowing. That day when Joonmyeon left without words, he hasn’t known it from the start. He had simply thought that Joonmyeon went to do something and would be back. He didn’t realize that Joonmyeon would be back 3 years 11 months later.

   When he finally realized that Joonmyeon left him, he had been in a daze. Afterwards all he felt was pain, then blackness as he lost all conscious. He woke up hours later right in this hospital bed with someone else that isn’t Joonmyeon hovering over him.

   Ever since then, Yifan had been in this hospital room.

   “It’s nearly four times around the sun,” Yifan says, “Between us, there are three years going four. I have no idea how to face you again, Joonmyeon; if I’ll be honest.”

   “When have you ever been not honest?” Joonmyeon chuckles bitterly.

   From the very first time he came to know Yifan, to the day he left, Joonmyeon knows that Yifan had never been to lie. Honest to his soul, upright in his character and not one to bend himself to reality; that’s the Wu Yifan that he knows.

   “Four times around the sun,” Joonmyeon remembers, “You always liked Nell’s songs.”

   “Why are you here today?” Yifan finally asks the question that he’s wanted to ask ever since Joonmyeon barged back into his life, his tone weary.

   He doesn’t ask why Joonmyeon left him years back. There must be some reason, even if there isn’t a reason. The past is the past, one must learn to let go and flip to the next chapter. It doesn’t do well to dwell on the past; it doesn’t do well to linger and doesn’t move on when time stops for no one.

   “I’m worried about you,” Joonmyeon says.

   “You don’t just walk out of people’s life and then walk back in like nothing ever happened, Joonmyeon.” There were tears in Yifan’s eyes.

   Joonmyeon knows he’s blinking back the urge to cry because that’s what Yifan always does; when his mother calls him from China, when he misses home, when he’s terribly sick. Yifan never liked crying, never liked showing his vulnerable side to anyone.

   He remembers that Yifan had only cried once to him. He had been having a terrible fever that day, after forcing himself to go to school despite the slight discomfort he felt. It was Joonmyeon’s fault too, now that he remembers. He had dragged Yifan out in the middle of the night because there’s a beautiful view he wants the Chinese male to witness.

   He remembers kissing Yifan that night. The next day Yifan fell sick because he had been stressing himself over all the matters in Korea. That day when Joonmyeon dragged him back home, Yifan had end up crying in his arms because he misses his mom, his family, the stress and responsibilities that came with being a single child, and everything that the unfamiliar grounds of South Korea couldn’t comfort him with.

   “I’m sorry,” Joonmyeon says, his voice thick with pain and tears, “I really wasn’t expecting this to happen. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I made a mistake, Yifan.”

   “There’s a Chinese saying; nián shào chī kuáng. We were too young back then,” Yifan says, his voice weary towards life and everything else, “We both made our fair share of mistakes, Jùn Miǎn.”

   It has been so long since Joonmyeon heard Yifan call him by his Chinese name. When they had first met, Yifan had learnt of Joonmyeon’s name, and then learnt how his Chinese name goes by and ever since then, made it a habit to call him by his Chinese name.

   Joonmyeon had always liked it when Yifan calls him by that. It sounded special, slipping past Yifan’s nicely shaped lips and how his tongue rolls to call him by that name. No one else call him by that, not even Lu Han. Joonmyeon dislikes anyone else apart from Yifan calling him by that name.

   When Joonmyeon had first kissed Yifan, the taller male had to bend down to match his height. Yifan had been laughing then, calling him by his Chinese name. When they had first given themselves fully to each other, Yifan had called him by his Chinese name. He could still clearly remember the bright smile that Yifan gives him, his lips shaping the words to his Chinese name.

   “I still owe you an explanation—”

   “It’s been three years, Joonmyeon,” Yifan looks away, “I don’t care for an explanation anymore.”

   “No, you still does,” Joonmyeon shakes his head with a sad smile, “You called me Jùn Miǎn.”

   “No, Joonmyeon,” Yifan replies, emphasizing on the Korean name, “I don’t care for an explanation anymore. Please leave, I don’t want to see you.”

   “Yifan—”

   “Joonmyeon, just let me go, just as I let you go.” Yifan pleaded, “You shouldn’t have returned after walking away. Please go.”

   Joonmyeon remembers the rainy day he decided to leave Yifan. It had not been an easy choice, a decision that he never wanted to make. He had left him once; he doesn’t want to leave him again.

   “Yifan, please—”

   “Joonmyeon, go.”