The rain had been pouring since the start of the day. The crack of dawn was hidden behind the clouds that hung over the sky like cotton balls that up all the inks. Luhan wakes up feeling groggy yet weirdly refreshed. It was only a little while later did Lu Han realizes the reason for him waking up so early on a day without school was because his phone had been ringing exceptionally loud, as if battling against the pouring rain and rough winds.

  Stumbling himself out of the comfort between the sheets, Lu Han fumbles for his phone with eyelids still half-closed. Stifling a yawn, he answers the call without looking at the name. Silence resounds in the room, without the shrill ringtone blasting in his ears; the only sound left is the pattering of the rain against his window glass. He recognizes the voice anyway; Lu Han doesn’t think he’d ever not recognize that voice.

  “Lu Han,” the person on the other side calls out softly, “It’s been a while.”

  “You bastard,” Lu Han said, throat burning and tears stinging his eyes. It had been too long; he almost believed that he’d never be in contact with him ever again. It isn’t that Lu Han didn’t want to keep in contact, but he had simply left without even a single note and changed his address and number totally. It was almost impossible for Lu Han to find him at all.

  “You’re still the same old Lu Han,” the person chuckles.

  “I’m not the type to enjoy change,” Lu Han replies, “How about you? How have you been?”

  “Lu Han,” he calls out once more, voice thick as if he’s blinking away tears. Lu Han knows, because he had seen him in that state before. “I’m at the hospital.”

  The thunderstorm in the morning slows to a drizzle by late afternoon, but Lu Han is still drenched by the time he reaches the café. He’s without his laptop or his thick textbooks this time. He enters and greets Jongdae and Sehun, looking around to try and find Minseok who hasn’t been around for the past few days.

  Sehun gives him a small shake of his head with a casual shrug of his shoulder when he noticed Lu Han looking for Minseok. They haven’t seen the older guy in days, and Minseok had not called in at all to inform anyone about what happened.

  “Are you going with the usual, on such a cold day?” Sehun asks.

  “I don’t think so,” Lu Han laughs, “I don’t want to get a cold in such a way. Get me a venti extra hot caramel latte with extra shot.”

  “You’re in dire need of coffee power today?” Jongdae cuts in, taking the cup written with Lu Han’s name from Sehun’s hand. The corner of his lips quirked into an amused smile at the sight of Lu Han’s hair and clothes, “I think you’re in a more dire need of a new set of clothes.”

  “Considering that I’m already very late for my lecture, I think I’ll choose coffee power over clothes.” Lu Han replies, shrugging. He ruffles his wet hair with a loose sigh, flashing a quick smile at Jongdae.

  “You’re very late, but you’re still here?” Jongdae asks, raising a brow as he passes Lu Han his drink.

  “Like I said, coffee power is very important.” Lu Han winks back.

  Grabbing the hot coffee, he’s about to rush off when the door opens. At the same time, Jongdae calls out to him; Lu Han turns to see Jongdae walking towards him with an umbrella. He smiles as he takes the umbrella pushed into his embrace, as if Jongdae’s afraid that he wouldn’t accept it.

  “Just because you’re already drenched isn’t an excuse to continue walking under the rain,” Jongdae mumbles, glaring at the idiot before him that doesn’t know how to take care of himself, “You can return me the umbrella next time.”

  Lu Han shoots him another wink before laughing it off when Jongdae returns with his killer glare. He turns to walk off, just as the newcomer walks past him. He stood frozen, as if he couldn’t believe who he just saw.

  “You guys are finally back,” Sehun yells out in excitement.

  Lu Han turns to take a good look, but he doesn’t see the guy that walked past him; he only sees Minseok getting tackled by Sehun and Jongdae laughing at the sight. Jongdae shoots him a questioning glance, one that he couldn’t find himself to smile back at.

  The person that just walked past… It couldn’t be, Lu Han tells himself that, but even that sounded hesitant to himself. He remembers the call he received that morning, eyes searching around the café once more even though he already knows that the other guy isn’t there anymore.

  It must have been his eyes playing tricks on him. It must be because that morning he received a call from the last person he had expected to, and because of that person, he’s imagining things now. Lu Han chuckles to himself, bitterness mixed with anger. That person couldn’t be here. Impossible.

  He turns to walk off with coffee in one hand and Jongdae’s umbrella in another. He’s rushing for lecture because he’s very late, but also because he just wants to escape from this little café before his memories attack him.

  Jongdae glances at the view of Lu Han walking off in the drizzle, the image growing smaller and blurry until he couldn’t see him anymore. He’s jolted back to reality by Sehun thumping him on the back because Minseok is finally back with them after the long disappearance, and he isn’t alone; Joonmyeon is with him.

  “Christmas is going to be quite a crowd this year,” Minseok says, the corner of his eyes disappearing into crescents of his eye smiles.

  “I guess not even coffee power is able to help, huh?” Jongdae raises a lone brow as he stares at the figure groaning and tossing around in his bed with a wry smile.

  “Shut up,” Luhan groans, and then grumbles when he felt another throb of headache.

  Jongdae shook his head in both exasperation and amusement as he place the mug of warm water on the bedside table with a few pills for cold and coughs. He helps Lu Han up to drink the medicine and then pushes the whimpering older male back onto the bed, tucking the blanket up to his chin.

  “Jongdae—no,” Lu Han complains, trying to wriggle his way out of the bounds of the blankets around his body, “I’ll be sticky from the perspiration!”

  “That’s why you should have brought an umbrella with you yesterday,” Jongdae mutters, using his strength to force Lu Han down, “Be good and deal with it, alright? You’ll get better faster and then you won’t have to suffer anymore.”

  Lu Han whines a little more but concede defeat once he saw the worried look on the younger’s face. Jongdae smiles a little at how adorable the older male is and decides to leave the room so that Lu Han can get enough rest; and to cook porridge for Luhan when he wakes up and tidies the messy apartment while waiting.

  Lu Han had been coughing for quite a while ever since he gotten drenched that day and blatantly ignored Jongdae’s I told you look for a few days before falling sick. Exasperated and worried, Jongdae accompanied, or had to tow him to the clinic because Lu Han refuses to admit he was sick.

  Lu Han had been grumpy and whining all the way, something that is definitely not actions of his age. Jongdae couldn’t help himself but laugh from time to time whenever Lu Han sent him a withering glare. Afterwards, because of his worries for Lu Han, Jongdae brought the older male back to his own apartment instead.

  Yet, just as Jongdae turned, a hand weakly shot out to hold his wrist.

  “Lu Han, you should rest.” Jongdae says.

  “I know; I am resting aren’t I?” Lu Han grins cheekily, “Stay with me.”

  Jongdae chuckles but sat down by Lu Han’s bedside anyway. Lu Han smiled in satisfaction, neither of them commented on the fact that Lu Han was still holding onto Jongdae’s wrist, but Jongdae doesn’t seem to mind either.

  As Lu Han’s eyes flutters closed, he mumbled, “Sing me a song.”

  Jongdae blinked.

  “Sing me a song,” Lu Han chuckled with his eyes closed.

  Jongdae hesitated for a moment as he watches Lu Han sleep, or he thinks the latter is sleeping. It was quite impossible to tell since Lu Han looks so peaceful with his eyes closed and somehow Jongdae isn’t sure why he’s flushed at Lu Han’s not-exactly weird request.

  “…I can’t sing,” Jongdae mumbled softly.

  “I don’t care,” Lu Han’s sudden whine surprised Jongdae, “Just sing me a song.”

  Jongdae trembled for a moment. Seemingly unsure, he opens his mouth, yet not a single sound emitted from his throat. Jongdae panicked for a moment as he tries to sing – or make a sound – but realized he had somehow lost all ability to even speak at Lu Han’s sudden plea (or request, more likely).

  Starring at Lu Han for a moment longer, Jongdae resorts to closing his eyes and imagining that he was alone by his balcony once again. Ignoring the warmth around his wrist, Jongdae let the music flows out of him naturally.

  He doesn’t feel the grip tightening around his wrist as he loses himself to the music once again. He doesn’t see the sudden flutter open of Lu Han’s eyes, hazelnut orbs widen in astonishment and surreal realization. Lu Han, suddenly muted and unable to do anything, stared at Jongdae in revelation as recognition sink in a moment too late.

  He had not… He had never… and Lu Han found himself at a loss of what to do as he stares at Jongdae who’s song is all too familiar to Luhan’s ears.

  “You have a beautiful voice,” Lu Han comments after he wakes up from the short nap he gotten. “I never knew you could sing. You’re quite the talented one, aren’t you?”

  “Don’t jest me, Lu Han.” Jongdae ignores the flush of his cheek as he place the bowl of potato-and-carrot porridge in front of Lu Han.

  “You should sing more,” Lu Han hums. Getting over the initial amazement, he figures he doesn’t want to let Jongdae know. Lu Han smiles to himself; it was a secret that only he would know. He had not been expecting Jongdae to be the mysterious singer he was curious of, but he didn’t want Jongdae to know either.

  Somehow, it was special like that; knowing a secret that involved Jongdae while not letting him now. Lu Han smiled at how small the world is and wonders if meeting Jongdae is simply just a coincidence or perhaps it was something more. “You should sing more for me.”

  “I…I can’t sing well,” Jongdae stutters like he always does when he’s nervous, “It’s embarrassing.”

  “How rude of you to say that,” Lu Han mocks scolds, though the corners of his lips quirked upwards into a teasing smile, “You have an absolute beautiful voice.”

  Lu Han realizes that he likes Jongdae’s voice a little more than he expected. He could still remember the first time when he heard the voice, the very first night that calmed him down. He hasn’t been focusing much on the song the first time he heard it, since he was overly exhausted at that time.

  There were many nights when Lu Han anticipates the enigmatic voice, curious of why the song was able to touch his heart in ways unexpected. Every time he reached home late, or maybe he had to stay up to finish his essays, he would hear someone sing. At that time, he didn’t realize the owner of the voice is Jongdae.

  Looking at Jongdae, Lu Han decides that he really likes how the soft pink tinges at his cheeks. He laughs when Jongdae throws him his packet of medicine in retaliation instead, knowing that the younger male is feeling very embarrassed.

  “I really like your voice,” Lu Han says with sincerity, “The song is very lovely too.”

  “I—just take your medicine,” Jongdae stutters, changing the topic.

  Lu Han eyes the different colour pills in his palm before reluctantly taking the glass of water given to him. Jongdae isn’t that embarrassed anymore, more amused at Lu Han’s chagrin. Rolling his eyes, Lu Han swallows everything in a mouthful and finishes off with a scrunch of his nose in distaste.

  “Urgh,” Luhan blenched, “Medicines really disgust me.”

  “It’s funny how a medical student hates medicine,” Jongdae mused.

  “I’m majoring in psychology, I read people’s mind, not handle medicines,” Lu Han jokes around, “Sing for me again.”

  “…I don’t want to,” Jongdae find himself blushing once more, something that he didn’t know he’s capable of doing until he met Lu Han.

  “Sing, or else…” the glint in Lu Han’s eyes is really scary as Jongdae gulps, starting to retreat to move away from the older male.

  Lu Han’s sudden attack on Jongdae came unexpected as Jongdae was focusing on creating distance between them. He falls backwards, desperate to scuttle away from the demonic-turned Lu Han. Jongdae hasn’t realized before, but Luhan has an unexceptionally strong grip; he learns about it now as Luhan tickles him, emitting peals of laughter from the younger male.

  “Do you concede and sing for me?” Lu Han grins, “My songster?”

  “I…I concede,” Jongdae giggles, “But must I really sing?”

  Grabbing Jongdae’s hands with his, Luhan smiles at the whining male pinned below him, “Yes.”

  “You’re being terribly unfair.”

  “I know.”

  Jongdae’s voice is heard throughout the night as he sings in Lu Han’s embrace with a flushed face and wonders if something is wrong with him because his heart is beating unnaturally fast around the other male. Jongdae is sure that if this goes on he might just have a heart attack soon.

  Fingers trailing over Lu Han’s cherubic features, Jongdae recalls the year end performance that Ms. Tiffany’s been trying to convince him to join. He hasn’t been sure then, and he still isn’t sure of himself even right now. Yet somehow with Lu Han by his side, Jongdae feels strangely confident, like he’s capable of taking on the entire world on his own; as long as Lu Han is beside him.

  Resting his head on the table, feeling the cold of the marble seeping into his skin, Jongdae thinks about the year-end performance. Perhaps he should really take the chance, and Lu Han seems genuinely sincere about his singing.

  “I should really take this last opportunity…”

  Pit-pat, pit-pat, pit-pat–

  Jongdae watches the rain pour, as if determined to wash the dirty world clean, as if determined to clear away all evidence of his existence too. Times seems to fly, in blink of an eyelid, winter is finally here.

  “Stop moping around,” Lu Han chuckled.

  Lately, Jongdae is suspicious that Lu Han seems to be kicked out of his apartment because the Chinese male is almost in his apartment for the whole day instead of staying only at night.

  “Don’t you have an apartment to return to?” Jongdae deadpans as he asks the question he had been curious of for such a long time.

  “Been kicked out,” Lu Han shrugs.

  “You can’t be serious. Did you not pay the rent or something?” Jongdae shrieks in horror, “Don’t tell me you’re going to stay with me—because that’s a no.”

  “I’m just joking!” Lu Han feigned hurt in response to Jongdae’s reaction, “The landlady couldn’t bear to kick me out. And why, don’t you like it when I crash in with you?”

  “Urgh, go home,” Jongdae joked, rolling his eyes.

  “Go and brew me some coffee,” Lu Han hollers instead.

  “Get it yourself!”

  The two bickered happily through the afternoon before Lu Han plops down on the sofa again (Jongdae did dragged him to the kitchen in the end) with a cup of coffee in one hand and a CD in his other.

  “Come on, I’ve been recommended that this is a good movie.”

  “You already placed the disk in, doesn’t matter if you ask my opinion or not,” Jongdae comments dryly.

  Luhan laughs and drapes an arm around Jongdae, the two of them reading the summary while waiting for the movie to load.

  “Doesn’t seem that bad,” Jongdae shrugs.

  “Let’s see.”

  Halfway through the movie – even though the movie is nice – Jongdae finds himself lost in his own thoughts. The nagging voice that suspiciously sounds like Ms. Tiffany’s keeps resounding at the back of his mind. He turns to look at Lu Han instead of focusing on the flickering images.

  “Lu Han… I—” Jongdae stutters.

  “What is it, Jongdae?” Luhan hums.

  “Never mind,” Jongdae sighs.

  Turning his head to focus on Jongdae instead, Lu Han’s brows are furrowed lightly as he looks at Jongdae and wraps an arm around the latter’s waist, “What is it?”

  “Promise me you won’t laugh at me,” Jongdae asks, feeling insecure against the warmth of Lu Han around him.

  Lu Han laughs lightly, though his eyes flickered with confusion and concern, “Just tell me already, what’s with all this suspense?”

  “…My teacher is expecting me to participate in my school’s end of year performance,” Jongdae explains numbly, “I have no idea if I should.”

  “Of course you should!” Luhan cuts through him, his eyes wide with pure joy, “I told you I’m not the only one who’d appreciate your talents!”

  “I’m afraid, Lu Han,” Jongdae blushes, “I’m afraid.”

  “Why?”

  “The world is a cruel place, Lu Han. Just because I can sing doesn’t mean everyone will appreciate me. Sometimes it’s better to just fade away, to become nonexistence.”

  Holding him close, Lu Han smiles as he rests his chin on Jongdae’s shoulder; his hot breaths sending goose bumps down Jongdae’s neck. “Just try, okay?” Lu Han mumbled, “Trust me.”

  “You’re not exactly trustable, Lu Han,” Jongdae jokes to ease the tension he’s feeling within himself.

  Lu Han whacked Jongdae on the shoulder none-too-gently as the two laughs into the night.

  Jongdae scurries around his school. It felt weird to sign up for a stage he longed for so long yet doesn’t dare to dream off. Jongdae felt like he’s always already in the center of unwanted attention. He was pretty sure no one knows about his participation, yet somehow, he felt like the whole world’s eyes was on him, mocking him, waiting for his failure to laugh at him.

  Calming himself down, Jongdae took a deep breath as he sought for Ms. Tiffany, who had promised she would help when he told her about his decision to finally sign up. Thankful for her support, it gave Jongdae more courage to do what he wants to do (along with Lu Han’s chaotic support).

  Spotting her amidst the crowds, Jongdae flinches as he felt the stares of others on him as he runs through them, almost toppling over someone when he couldn’t stop his momentum, and found himself face to face with the eye-smiling teacher.

  Mrs. Tiffany understands Jongdae’s situation and dragged him away from the crowded canteen the moment he’s within reach. The two made their ways towards the music room which she had booked for the day just so in case anyone happens to disturb them. She wanted to keep Jongdae as a surprise, knowing his ability.

  “This is your chance to shine, Jongdae,” Ms. Tiffany beams, “I’m really happy for you, my dear.”

  “Thank you for being willing to help me,” Jongdae smiles shyly.

  “You’re a talent I wouldn’t want to miss,” Ms. Tiffany chuckles, “Take it that I’m helping myself too.”

  They spend the day with Ms. Tiffany playing the piano with her nimble slender fingers and Jongdae singing along to the pieces she chosen as warm up practices.

  “Jongdae, Jongdae!” Lu Han calls out, awakening the sleeping boy, “Jongdae, it’s a nice day—let’s go to the amusement park!”

  “When did you arrive?” Jongdae groans, rubbing the exhaustion out of his sleepy eyes as he tried to push himself out of the bed.

  He is already used to how Lu Han would sneak into his apartment at random times. Overtime, Jongdae knew better than to shriek in surprise at how in the world did you come in – oh my god tell me you did not at Lu Han’s sudden appearance inside his apartment.

  “A few minutes, not long ago,” Luhan grins and shrugs, dragging Jongdae out of his sweet comfort of his bed and pushing him into the bathroom. “Wash up quick, so we can go to the amusement park sooner.”

  Jongdae makes a mental note to call up on Minseok and apologize. Even though Minseok and Sehun tells him it’s okay, but he still feels bad knowing that Minseok is really short on manpower because Lu Han is forever dragging him somewhere, and Sehun is forever busy on schoolwork.

  Even though Minseok says it’s alright and tells him to enjoy himself with Lu Han, something which Jongdae couldn’t understand why Sehun would shoot him that wicked smile. Jongdae couldn’t say much though, because Lu Han had already dragged him away with a simple “Much thanks!”

  “You’re right, the weather is good today,” Jongdae says. He’s much happier than he usually is; something that he didn’t realize but Minseok and Sehun definitely does. With Lu Han around, Jongdae is more relaxed and started laughing more. Lu Han grins as he walks beside the excited Jongdae, biting into the ice cream they bought a while ago.

  “I’ve never been to the amusement park before,” Jongdae tells him with wide innocent eyes sparkling with happiness, “I’ve heard my classmates talk about the fun rides, but I don’t really know what kind of fun rides are they talking about. Have you taken the roller coaster before?”

  “You got to be kidding me,” Lu Han replies with utter bewilderment, “I thought people who never been to amusement parks before just existed in those idol dramas that I watched.”

  “I’m from the countryside, the countryside doesn’t have such things,” Jongdae’s cheeks tinge with soft pink, though he isn’t very embarrassed about the truth. The countryside had some other type of fun that the urban dwellers would never have a chance to enjoy, “It never crossed my mind to come to the amusement park myself, I don’t have that much friends.”

  “It’s alright, Jongdae. Now we’re here together,” Lu Han smiles, grabbing Jongdae’s hand and guides him to the first ride that they’ll be taking together. “Well, this is the roller coaster; hopefully you’re not too scared to challenge it.”

  Jongdae stares at the ride that he’s seeing for the first time and subconsciously tighten his grip on Lu Han. It looks like a mix of excitement and horror all together and he isn’t sure if he’s up for it; not that he’d ever admit to Lu Han.

  He sticks close to Lu Han and the two of them gets on the ride on the front seat. Somehow Jongdae feels like he’s been tricked by Lu Han when he sees that wicked grin on the older male’s face. Only after the entire ride, with throats sore from screaming and heart still thumping fast against his ribcage, Jongdae finds enough strength to whack Lu Han on his head.

  “You should have warned me,” Jongdae snarls, voice thick with the current discomfort he’s going through right now.

  “But you seem to have enjoyed yourself,” Lu Han mumbles back in indignation.

  “I did—I really enjoy the ride, it’s amazing,” Jongdae agrees, “But still, you should have warned me.”

  (Jongdae pulls Lu Han onto the roller coaster ride three more times.)

  They end the day with a final ride on the Ferris wheel, after Lu Han had brought Jongdae on mostly all the rides in the amusement park. He wouldn’t go into the Haunted House no matter how much Jongdae pleaded though.

  “Lu Han…” Jongdae calls out softly, “You, uh, are you feeling alright?” Jongdae asks, even though he doesn’t think Lu Han’s capable of answering him. Currently, Lu Han’s huddling at a small corner of the seat, eyes shut close tightly and grabbing onto the handle beside him like his entire life depended on him.

  He had wanted to go over and help, but over the gibberish hysteria that Lu Han muttered to him, Jongdae got the picture that Lu Han wouldn’t appreciate it if he went over to him right now. Apparently, it will unbalance the ride and it seems to scare Lu Han even more.

  “You could have just told me you’re afraid of heights,” Jongdae says in exasperation after the ride, holding Lu Han close to him, “I don’t have to ride the Ferris wheel.”

  “They say the Ferris wheel is a very significant ride in every amusement park,” Lu Han replies weakly, his legs still slightly wobbly. It’s been such a long time since he had taken the Ferris wheel, always cautious since he knows his own problems. At least the after effect isn’t as bad as the last time when his friends played a joke on him.

  “I wouldn’t want you to miss such a special ride because of me,” Lu Han smiles, “It wouldn’t be worth it.”

  Lu Han isn’t very sure what’s wrong with him, but he thinks it’s definitely because of Jongdae. Sometime, somewhere, somehow, Lu Han realizes that he’s in love with Jongdae. He’s in love with Jongdae’s voice, with the every quirk of Jongdae’s lips, with Jongdae’s laughter, with Jongdae’s witty insults; Lu Han falls in love with Jongdae.

  He doesn’t know how, what, when, where, why, but something about Jongdae is so different that it attracts Lu Han. He leans over slowly, pressing his lips onto Jongdae’s plump ones. It’s a quick, chaste kiss, as Lu Han’s afraid of waking Jongdae up. Somewhere along chatting into late nights and watching Jongdae brew his coffee, Lu Han falls in love with Jongdae.