Twenty.

BOM

“What did I tell you about curfews, Hana? God, it’s almost 1 in the morning!”

Hana didn’t look at me. But I knew it was only because she was trying to keep me from seeing her bloodshot eyes. She was drunk again, probably with her friends. Or her scumbag of a boyfriend she so proudly told me she loved deeply.

“I told you I had been studying over at Tiffany’s house,” she reasoned. Rather slurred, actually.

“I called Tiffany and she told me you left early—bored with all the studying.”

“That ,” she muttered under her breath. I clearly heard it anyway.

I threw my arms in the air exasperatedly. “What is happening with you, Hana? This is not the way I’m trying to turn your life into.”

That’s when she finally looked straight into my eyes, her own darting with fire and infuriation. “Exactly! Because this is my life, okay?! I should be leading it! Not you or anyone else!”

“The problem is, you’re leading it the wrong way, Hana!” I, myself, was already yelling, too. I didn’t want to, but that had been what’s happening lately, every single time, in my conversations with her. “If Dad and Mom were here, do you think they’d be happy with you ruining your life?”

“Don’t bring them into here!” She pointed a stiff index finger at me. “You always do that! Why do you always have to do that?! Wake up, Bom! Mom and Dad are not here anymore! They wouldn’t care what I ing do with my life!”

“But I’m still here, Hana,” I shouted, pointing to myself, “and I ing care! And as long as I am here, and you are living with me, you are going to do whatever I want you to do!”

“Go to hell.”

“…and that’s when she went to her room, grabbed a bag and then stuffed some of her clothes, bolted out of the door and never came back.”

I gulped the lump that formed around the walls of my throat. I just finished telling the story of that night Hana decided to leave for good to an audience consisting of Seunghyun and Kang Daesung, the private investigator, and it brought a painful tug to my heart.

I nearly cried, but I had to remind myself of the hope Seunghyun had given me to find my sister. It was enough to at least keep the hurt and longing at bay for the moment.

“I need a photo of her,” Daesung instructed, voice sounding very professional, very serious. “And addresses and contact numbers of the people you remember she last came in touch with.”

I wisely deemed that he would be requiring those kinds of information, so I gathered them all ahead and wrote them in a paper. I handed it out to him, including Hana’s latest photo. “I only knew her three friends.  Actually, I called them, even went to their homes and begged to tell me where she was. They swore they didn’t know.”

I went on. “I also tried contacting, Taejin, her boyfriend at that time, but I couldn’t reach him. I didn’t know where he lived and I tried to get that from Namwon State University where they both went to for college, but they don’t give out personal information.”

Then I became hesitant, a little nervous and ashamed at the same time to divulge what I did a few days after Hana left. “I—I stalked the campus for months, hoping she’d turn up…she didn’t. Taejin never as well. I’m not sure but maybe she’s with him.”

Daesung nodded, taking in the information. “We’ll see.” Then after briefly perusing the written data I gave to him, he put it along with Hana’s photo inside his leather bag. “It’s been a year, right since she was gone?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ve never heard from her since that day?”

“Never.”

Daesung heaved a heavy sigh. “I’m going to be completely honest with you, Bom. I’ve had similar cases before, and as much as this may be scary for you to think about, unfortunately, most of them turned out to be already dead.”

I recoiled, literally feeling like someone just punched me on the gut. Or squeezed my heart to excruciating measures.

Daesung added, “I’m not trying to squash your hope of seeing Hana again, but I want you to be prepared for the worst, okay?”

I didn’t want to nod. I didn’t want the option of discovering that my sister is dead.

But forcibly, I bobbed my head, denoting my agreement—a reluctant agreement to Daesung’s deal.

The meeting was over in 20 minutes, and I was left alone in my apartment. But couldn’t take the variety of emotions plaguing me, I decided to take in the sanctuary of Rosemary’s rooftop.

No more than 5 minutes had passed when I was joined in by Seunghyun.

“Where’s Daesung?” I asked, confused that he was here with me instead. “I thought you two are hanging out together after my meeting with him?”

“We did. But I couldn’t when I know you’re…sad…”

I popped up a small smile. “I’m okay.”

“Will it make you mad at me if I say I don’t believe that?”

I let out a single, loud laugh, realizing that in barely a month, he already knew me so well.

I bowed my head for a second, pondering, before lifting it back up to look at the skyscrapers from the bordering town. I inhaled a deep breath, taking in the breeze and the scent of flowers blooming everywhere in this season of spring.

“I—I just have no idea what to feel anymore,” I began, voice meek. “I’m excited and happy but nervous and scared at the same time.”

“Was it because of what Daesung posed to you earlier? About what if Hana was…” Seunghyun didn’t go on with uttering the word. Maybe, even he found “dead” to be awful, no matter how that circumstance may be true or not.

I was sure that anticipating for the worst is not a healthy thing. It pounds hopes and dreams. It leaves one to be wretched, dispirited and depressed. Then again it also pushes you to be wise and strong. It makes you prepared so when the worst thing indeed comes up, it won’t deflate you…or shatter you…and put you into an abyss of total destruction.

Although I strongly chose not to cross that line, and that I was made of stern stuff, I didn’t know the magnitude of impact of the most horrifying thing imaginable that could happen to Hana might bring to me. She was after all my sister, the only family I have left of me, the one who I have nothing but the most wonderful intentions for, and the only person who I will give up anything just to have the best in her life.

What will happen to me if I can never have her back?

“Yes,” I admitted, sadly. “But I’m also thinking that if she’s alive, what if she doesn’t really want to see me. I mean if she did, she had a year to do that, right?”

Seunghyun fell silent, not that I minded. I was sure the question I raised was pretty difficult to answer. And because I didn’t want him to feel like he needed to respond, I quickly added, “But I will never find out until Mr. Kang finds her, right? So until that day turns up, I could only stay hopeful…and excited…and nervous…and clueless...and—”

Seunghyun gently laid his hand on my shoulder, stopping me mid-sentence. I snapped my head up to look at him and I was met by a warmhearted, sincere smile. “Whatever happens, Bom, know that I’m here for you.”

And that reassurance was enough to crush all the different emotions from consuming me. I was rid of every little or big worry I had about my sister. I was at peace. And it felt wonderful.

The only thought that remained in my head at that moment? Was the realization of how I think I fell more in love with him.

“Uh, Seunghyun…” I said, not tearing my gaze away from his warm, dark brown ones. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

~*~

I'm so sorry for a delayed and short and hanging update. The past few days hadn't been marvelous for me, writing-wise.

Thank you so much for following this story. I don't know why, but really, thanks a lot.

And what do you think Bom was going to confess about to Seunghyun?