First|Chapter
Brother

My shoulders shook as a hand wrapped itself around me, and pulled me closer to the person. I couldn’t help but cry on the male’s shoulder as I saw the small coffin lowering, until it touched the dirty ground.

“I… I can’t believe he’s dead.”

I wasn’t sure if this current situation was a nightmare, or if it was reality and well if it was a dream then I wanted to wake up. I wanted to wake up right now, and forget about it.

I wanted to wake up beside my husband and forget that this whole situation had happen.

But everything just felt so real to be a dream.

The wind blowing in my face.
The rain trickling down the umbrella that covered my husband and me.
The feeling of dread passing through my body.

Everything just felt so real.

I didn’t want him to be actually dead.
I didn’t want him to die young like this.

“I can’t believe Taemin’s gone.” I mumbled, my hand splaying against my husband’s shirt and then I clenched my hand into a ball, without any concern. I felt his hand my back in a comforting manner.

“I know… I know...” I didn’t know what he meant by that, but I guess he was nervous. He didn’t know what do in this current situation, and I didn’t blame him.

What was he supposed to do?
He couldn’t bring my brother back.
He couldn’t bring my brother back to life.

It wasn’t possible.

“It should have been me, Minho. It s-should have been me.” I mumbled against his now tear soaked shirt. I felt him cradle my face with his free hand, whilst the other still held onto the umbrella above our head. He lifted my head up ever so slowly.

“Don’t say that. Do you know how many people would suffer if you died?” I forced myself to look down at my feet, as my eyes began to overflow with fresh new tears, and my vision began blur.

“He was just so young; he didn’t deserve to die.”

“He was only a couple of months younger than you.” Minho tried to convince me that even if I had died instead of Taemin everything would have been the complete same; My whole family crying over my death.

Taemin crying over my death.

He lifted my face up again, he wiped the tear that was trickling down my cheek and bonked our heads together, our noses brushing against each other.

“I love you. I love you so much, okay?” His lips pressed against my chapped ones.

I tried to smile. I tried to smile at him for being here for me but I didn’t succeed.

“I love you, too.” I said, before placing my head against his chest, and began sob again. And once again I had felt his hand my back in a soothing manner.

Minutes, possibly hours went past, until the sobs and wails of sorrow slowly faded. “Liliana, we should go, it’s getting quite late.”

I nodded against my husband’s chest languidly.

I let Minho’s fingers entwine with mine, he ushered me through the dirty pathway, until we reached our car. He opened the door for me, and I climbed, letting him close the door for me too.

I sighed, and rested my head on the side window of the car and just stared at the rain pouring down the windshield.

I felt weak.
I felt like complete and utter .

It felt like everything was my fault.
It actually felt like that I was the one to blame.
It felt like I was the killer of my brother’s death, even though I hadn’t been anywhere near the location of his death.

The ride home was silent. I didn’t say anything; I just let the rest of my tears cascade down my cheeks, silently. From time to time, Minho would glance at me, to see if I was alright, because he knew that I was never that quiet, but in that current situation, he understood what I was going through.

He didn’t try to start a conversation and I was relieved, and somehow content.

I just liked the way he placed his hand over my thigh and rubbed it whilst driving. He was trying to make the pain a little less painful and in all honesty, he was helping. He was helping me quite a lot.

I placed my hand over his one that was resting on my thigh. We both looked at each other, and I forced a little smile on my face, but then my eyes rested back on the road.

There was no need for communication in hard times like these; we just needed each other. We needed to be close to each other, and that was it.

 Minho parked the car on the curb in front of our house. I stared at the rain droplets splashing against the windshield of the car; I sighed and got out of the car.

The rain fell on my face, as I stared up at the dark clouds that hovered over the city.

I was mentally asking God, why had he chosen to take Taemin’s life? God could have given Taemin a chance to live. He could have taken the killer’s life instead of my brother’s.

“It just not fair.” I mumbled mostly to myself.

I felt Minho’s hand on my shoulder; he squeezed it lightly.

We made our way to the door of our house, stepping up the porch. Minho fished out the keys from his pocket, and it jingled together.

A memory of my brother had flashed before my eyes.

“I got my driving license.” I was so happy for him, because he had achieved something he had dreamed for a long time.

“Congratulations!” I had said, and hugged him.

I missed his embrace.

Minho pushed the door open, and I got in first, removing my high heels and replacing them with my slippers before stepping onto the wooden flooring that belonged to the rest of the house.

“I’m taking a shower.” I stated.

I heard footsteps that didn’t belong to me; I knew Minho was going to hop in with me in my shower. I turned the doorknob of the bathroom, pushed the door open and flicked on the lights.

What I saw first was my face; My eyes were bright red from all that crying, my cheeks had tear stains, and my lips were chapped.  It was all being reflected back to me by the mirror.

God, I looked awful.

I sighed, and removed my clothing one by one, until I was . I the faucet of the shower and pulled the glass door, so I could enter.

Minho followed behind me, our bodies getting wet from the water that came from the shower hose.

We just washed each other’s bodies; we didn’t do anything lustful, but Minho did place a few chaste kisses on my shoulder blade and that was about it. I helped him wash his hair, which was rather difficult considering my height. I was average, and Minho was just too tall, but I loved him even so.

As we showered I let my tears fall, it was a great way of not causing attention, because the water was similar to the tears running down my face.

I still couldn’t believe Taemin was dead.
It was going to pain me for the rest of my life. 

After the shower, we went straight to bed, even if it was quite early.  We cuddled up in the bed, I rested my head on my husband’s chest and gripped onto the nightshirt he had on, whilst his hand s its way around my waist and pulled me closer to his body.

I still couldn’t believe my brother was dead.

I couldn’t believe Taemin was dead.