Chapter 3

Arising From The Deep

 

 
 
 Hey!
Short update today but hopefully it's ok.
Please let me know if there is anything you don't understand.
I've never tried this writing style before either so I'm sorry if it sounds a bit weird or choppy in some places. 
I'm on summer vacation at the moment, how about you guys?
I go back though on Spetember 4th. I'm dying. I hate my school.
Anyway, please enjoy~
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Kyungmi’s pov
 
Kwang-Su, I’m scared.
 
Perhaps I was asleep and when I woke up, I would be in my bed at home, warm and safe, eyes tight shut, waiting for the shrill sound of my radio alarm clock at 5:30am.
 
Omma, hold me please. 
 
Perhaps I was dead. Doomed to swim forever in a black, soulless ocean. No, I couldn’t have bought that. I was always kind to animals and old people, like Mrs Lee across the road, who has arthritis and can’t bend down without farting. I didn’t have time to get my head round the God thing, so maybe this was where people go who haven’t signed up to anything.
 
If this was eternity, I didn’t think I wanted to stay there long….Omma said it’s up to us to to make up our own minds about religion; she described herself as ‘spiritual’. Kwang-Su said he was into spirits as well, particularly Soju and some other American alcohol.
 
I saw images of my family in this place, but when I reached out to them, they faded away. Kwang-Su’s Omma looked like she was praying then, she must have been really into it. EunSun was there which surprised me, she was putting flowers by a shrine with my picture inside it. Omma was there too, she was pale and looked like she hadn’t slept in years. Uncle Choi was there too, comforting my Omma. It was strange how I could picture them and how I felt their pain, in my darkness…I imagined them speaking but their voices were like whispers on a passing wind. 
 
Omma was saying it was her fault – if she hadn’t of given me the extra cash, none of this would have happened. 
Kwang-Su please help me, take me home…
Uncle Choi was blaming himself for not taking me to a different pool to train, so I wouldn’t have been crossing the road at all. And probably at that moment, neither would have Kwang-Su.
Strangely, the driver of the lorry blamed the person on the end of the phone that he held to his ear when he ran over us.
 
I won’t ever forgive you.
 
Blame is an interesting thing. It seems to bring out the worst in people and it doesn’t change the reality of what has happened. Calling it ‘the accident’ is more comfortable for everyone, because that way, no one is to blame. 
I could have blamed chocolate sundaes and strawberry smoothies. They should carry a government health warning. ‘Do not cross the road for this drink. They can kill.’ 
 
I’m afraid, I  can’t feel my body. Kwang-Su Oppa are you there?
 
I think God, like blame, means different things to different people. There is no right or wrong about it; in fact, the idea of God is so huge that whole continents rely on a book full of rules, depending on where you live. Does that mean there are different Gods? How do you know which is the best one? And how do you know that the rules weren’t made up by people a long time ago? 
 
I felt panic rise like a tidal wave, gathering strength, gaining momentum, me up into its monumental mass..
In this dark place, I know that whatever God is, it’s a feeling thing, not a book thing. And I don’t feel dead. On the other hand, I don’t feel very alive either. Whichever way I turn, there is darkness. Even in the deepest ocean, light filters down to certain depths. As hard as I tried to swim upwards, the blackness never became blue. No way out Kyungmi, we’re defeated. And the wave was breaking, rolling me over and over, filling my lungs with fluid, crushing me with its force. I felt nothing, except a faint vibration, like a distant drumbeat, on and on. Perhaps it was my heart.
Or a memory of my heart. 
 
I didn’t hear the voices of my family for a long time. I was even forgetting what they sounded like. Maybe I would have forgotten who I was and would just drift through this underworld into oblivion. How long had I been there? No one could answer that. Time was so important in my life – I was always on the clock, watching, making sure I got everything done so that I could get to training. In that place, there was no such thing as time management. I was an irrelevance. My desires were of no consequence. I had given myself up to time. It was managing me. 
 
Some people believe you can be born lots of times. Was that what was happening to me then? Kwang-Su and I had talked about this last week when it was our movie marathon night. He said he’d like to come back as cat, he loved cats. Or perhaps I was being drawn slowly down to the engine at the centre of the earth that recycles souls and I was about to be born again to a new family in an unfamiliar part of the world. 
 
I hadn’t even said goodbye to Omma and Uncle Choi, I wasn’t ready to leave. I wanted to stay, I wanted to feel them holding me and hear their laughter. 
 
 
 
You can’t make me go if I’m not ready, whatever you are,
whoever you are.
I am Kim Kyungmi and I need to go home…
 
 
 
I had a strange sensation in my chest- it felt like anger. And I was in motion doing stroke. Far above me, there was a bright white light which was lying on top of the black which was merging into blue.
 
The water was warm by then and my chest was loosening after the effort of swimming so hard; with a just a little more effort I could break the surface and see the sun. My eyes are taking in the dazzling brightness and acclimatising to the air…
 
‘Oh my god!’ Spluttered EunSun, part of a banana was protruding from her open mouth. 
 
I wanted to tell her that she looked a lot thinner but I couldn’t as there was something hard down my throat. I lifted my fingers of my right hand to give her a wave; she started crying. Omma grabbed my hand and kissed it while Uncle Choi ran out to get the doctor.
 
 
 
 
Sorry for any typos, I'm too tired tonight to check it,
I'll check it tomorrow or at the weekend and fix any mistakes. 

Cherrycupcake
16th August 2012
09:50pm
 
 
~
 
 
Checked and fixed the typos! 
20th August 2012
06:51pm
 

 
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Comments

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amandamaree #1
it's hard to make me cry but this chapter turned me into a crying mess. Can't wait for the next chapter.
loveamyX33 #2
Did she like... Die and come back to life? Lol~ great story btw, I like this style of writing ^^
TofuMafia #3
What just happened?! O.O She needs to be ok!
amandamaree #4
first chapter was really good :)
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