“Please don’t stand so close to me.

I’m having trouble breathing.

I’m afraid of what you see right now.”

Day 12

18 days left

“Is this… your sanctuary?” Seohyun asked when they reached the place. Lush greenery accentuated by variety of perfectly arranged and vibrantly colored flowers welcomed the two lonely pair. Tall shade trees were spread out in the garden park offering respite for any exhausted walker. This was all so familiar to Seohyun. A surge of nostalgia came upon her as they ambled down the cobblestoned footpath toward an empty bench.

“Isn’t this place so beautiful?” Kyuhyun asked as they settled down the wooden bench and got a full view of the entire garden. “Several months ago, our company had a charity event at an orphanage nearby. That’s when I first encountered this place. I easily fell in love with it. This place was just new, they said.  That time, I was clouded with suspicions about Zhou Mi and Victoria. Not to mention, our company having some internal problems. However, when I went here, it seemed like all my troubles fade away. This place reminded me that despite all the troubles in your life, there are still a lot of beautiful things out there… that it is still a beautiful world after all.” Kyuhyun paused and took the moment to appreciate the beauty and the stillness of the place.

Seohyun’s eyes wandered around the place. It was still as serene as she remembered it to be. Tears started to well from her eyes as she imagined her past self in this garden. “You know what you said, that’s exactly what I felt too,” she said, trying to swallow her feelings.

It was almost a year ago when she accepted the job of being a landscape decorator for this park. This was her first project after her unfulfilled wedding. She did not trust anyone. She began building her walls and shut people out.  It was such a wonder how a lonely soul can create such an admirable masterpiece. That’s because that lonely soul found her company with her job. The flowers and the plants became like her friends who always cheer her up. This was the reason she dedicated most of her time in tending the plants and developing this park. She made sure that it was surrounded by the brightest-colored flowers.

“I guess, it is still a beautiful world after all,” She would often tell herself in the past as she watched the foliage of trees and the blooming flowers sway with the wind. It had been her sanctuary during the times when all she wanted was to stay still for a while. However, as the park becomes more popular, it became harder for her to deal with the change… to deal with more people and to deal with the feelings storming inside her.

From a place that provided her a tiny glimpse of hope, it became a constant trigger to her self-pity. Everyday, she saw happy couples and happy families strolling around the park and she watched them with envy.  She wanted to experience that feeling too. The emptiness in her heart is slowly taking its toll. She became more lonesome. But no matter how much she desired to be loved and cared, she could not bring herself to break down her defenses. She felt safer being lonely even though that loneliness was killing her. That was such a depressing thought so she decided to quit. She did not see that she’ll be back here again, this time, she was no longer that dejected girl. She smiled at that thought and she wiped the tears that were about to fall from her eyes. There are indeed a lot of beautiful things out there that she was just too afraid to experience before.

“You’ve been here too?” Kyuhyun asked, looking at Seohyun.

Seohyun nodded. “Always.”

“Do you know how much I wanted to meet the person responsible for creating this place? I wanted to thank that person for bringing hope and happiness to anyone who passed by this garden park. But I heard that person is –“

“ – aloof with people.” Seohyun ended the sentence for him.

Kyuhyun stared at her shockingly. “Do you know that person?”

“Very well.” Seohyun replied.

“Jinja?” He asked with a tinge of doubt in his voice. Seohyun chuckled at his reaction. “Well, I shouldn’t be surprised. As a landscape decorator, you probably have met some of your colleagues. So where is that person now?”

“That person is sitting beside you right now.” Seohyun declared. Kyuhyun’s gaze lingered at her for a moment. 

“I have always known that you got a big talent to show but you caught me by surprise,” Kyuhyun said. “Looks like I’m the one to return the favor then. You’re the one who always cheered me up even before we met.  Thank you for that.”

“I was initially inspired to create a garden park that will move anyone who sees it. It’s just ironic though that as more and more people were made happy by this park, I felt more miserable. I felt left out in the world so I decided to quit being part of the maintenance team,” Seohyun shared. “I am glad though that it has been well-maintained even after I left. I have to also thank you for bringing me back here.”

 “I think you should go back to work here.” Kyuhyun advised. “You belong here.”

Just then, a group of youngsters came rushing down to their location from the park’s open play area.

“Do you happen to be the newly-wed couple who will take a pictorial here?” asked one of the children whom Kyuhyun recognized to be one of the children in the nearby orphanage.

“Are you from the orphanage?” Kyuhyun asked.

“Yes,” the children chorused. “Sister told us that the couple is one of the sponsors of the orphanage and she asked us to meet and usher them to the orphanage after the pictorial,” the oldest of them explained.

Seohyun was just about to say that they weren’t the couple they looking for when Kyuhyun suddenly spoke up. “What makes you say that we are the couple? Do we look like a couple?” Kyuhyun quizzed the children. Seohyun glanced at him, wondering why was he acting like that all of the sudden. He could have just denied it and not play riddle with these kids.

“Yes,” the youngest answered right away. “Because you look good together,” the young one added innocently. Seohyun fidgeted in her seat at the way the conversation was turning out. She looked at Kyuhyun but he did not seem affected at all. He laughed and turned to her. She was caught off-guard when he sidled closer and linked their arms together. “Do we really look good together?” Kyuhyun asked them again. The children nodded altogether.

Seohyun felt her heart beating in that familiar anomalous rhythm yet again. She knew this was a warning signal. She should not feel this way. She really should not feel this way. She has to stop this. She should not fall…

“Yah, stop fooling around kids.” Seohyun told him off. She freed her arms from him and moved at the edge of the bench. “Don’t believe him. Oppa and unnie are just friends,” she clarified.

“Then why is unnie blushing?” one of the kids retorted.

“Huh?” Seohyun’s eyes widened and she touched her face. It felt warm. Children don’t lie. She was indeed flushing. She covered her cheeks with her hands while trying to either deny it or reason out.

“Tomato-Unnie! Tomato-Unnie!” the children teased.

“I told you I’m not blushing! It’s just… it’s a little warm today.” Seohyun defended.

“May I see that tomato face?” Kyuhyun asked, trying to peer at her face hidden behind her hands. After several struggling and wrestling, he was able to catch a glimpse of Seohyun’s face. “So you’re indeed Miss Tomato.” Kyuhyun joined the teasing. Embarrassed, Seohyun glared at him and ran away, setting off a chase around the park.

 “Quit it, okay! This isn’t fun anymore!” Seohyun turned irritably at him but was surprised to see Kyuhyun halted on his track and was staring straight ahead. She turned around and saw a white coaster parked in front of the park’s entrance. The door was open and a whole crew was unloading pieces of equipment to use for photography. Next to the coaster was a bridal car from which the bride and the groom got off, still in their wedding garbs. They were walking slowly hand-in-hand toward the garden park as Kyuhyun watched them intently.

Seohyun could fairly guess what Kyuhyun was thinking about at that moment. He was probably thinking of his dream wedding with Victoria. He was probably thinking about his fiancée, about the person he loves so much.  Kyuhyun could easily set her heart fluttering with the tiniest act of affection but he could also cause her heart to break a little at times when she could see that there was already someone in his heart. That it was still her that he’s thinking of. It will always be her. It will always be Victoria. She has to keep that in mind, and better yet, she has to keep that in her heart.

She could not bear to watch this scene any longer. “Let’s get out.” Seohyun said, calling the attention of Kyuhyun. She tried to sound cheerful. “Do you want some ice cream?”

Kyuhyun gave her a short smile. “Okay then… as long as it is your treat.”

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Kyuhyun has been looking at Seohyun for more than a minute now and she was getting self-conscious. She paid attention to finishing her ice cream just to avoid his gaze. Why was he staring at her? Was she still blushing? She stole a glance and saw Kyuhyun’s dessert left almost untouched. She wanted to break the silence and ask him what the matter was. Seohyun wiped her lips with a table napkin and prepared to speak but Kyuhyun beat her to it.

“What if I just quit this mission? I’ve already seen Victoria and it seems like Zhou Mi is there to take care of her. So I shouldn’t be worried anymore, right?” Kyuhyun asked.

He wanted to quit this mission? Seohyun asked herself. If that would be the case, then that would mean he was thinking of leaving soon. She knew he could not keep him forever but why so soon.

“Seems like someone is jealous of Zhou Mi,” Seohyun chirped, masking the marked sadness in her voice.

“It’s not really like that. It’s just me.” Kyuhyun denied. In these past few days, I’ve been thinking a lot of things…”he continued. He heaved a sigh before asking another question. “Is it selfish for a person to stay on someone’s side despite knowing that he will leave that person in the end? Might as well leave ahead so no one will get hurt.”

“Are you planning… to leave earlier?” Seohyun asked, finally gaining the courage to ask the big question.

“Knowing Victoria is in good hands is enough for me. Besides, I have caused you enough trouble already. I don’t want to bother you anymore.” Kyuhyun replied. Seohyun knitted her brows. She knew there was something else going on.

“Don’t miss me when I’m gone.” Kyuhyun reminded her.

“What are you talking about?” Seohyun erupted. “You… you still have a lot of time so why give up? If you’re thinking that showing up to Victoria then leaving her again will hurt her more, you can always explain it to her.  I’m sure she’ll understand that.” She said persuasively to the point that she was almost pleading. It may be heartbreaking for her to see the coupe reunite but it was the only way for Kyuhyun to stay longer. It’ll be okay even if it hurts as long as she could still see him.

“I’m sure she will understand. She really will – “

“How about you? What if you are that person?” Kyuhyun asked her.   

“Well,” Seohyun’s breath hitched. “Not all things last forever… but we could at least try our best to have them longer.”

“Is that so?” Kyuhyun said, a bittersweet smile drawn upon his face.  “May I excuse myself for a while?” He stood up and walked away from the table and proceeded to the exit of the ice cream parlor.

Seohyun was left alone on the table, looking at the empty space left behind by Kyuhyun. Her lips started to quiver as she tried to contain her emotions. Her eyes were already misty with tears. She closed her fists tightly on her lap and bit her lip to control herself from breaking down as she breathed these words at Kyuhyun’s receding figure.

“Kajima… jebal… kajima…”

“Don’t go… please… don’t go.”

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Kyuhyun walked aimlessly until his feet brought him at the back of the ice cream parlor. He leaned helplessly on the brick wall. His back slid down the wall until he was sitting on the ground. He buried his head in between his legs and ruffled his hair in frustration.

I don’t want to draw you closer to me.

But I can’t fight it.

I am falling for you.