Chapter 5: Her Past

The truth hurts but lies create the deepest scars.

“Why are you insisting to know more about Seohyun? It is none of your business.” Yesung said.

“I’m just a little curious.” Kyuhyun answered.

“Do you know what little curiosity can bring? It can lead you to anywhere. It can lead you to danger.” Yesung replied.

“What if it leads to something better?”

“Aish! I told you before, I don’t know everything!”

“But you surely know something.” Kyuhyun said, casting suspicious look at Yesung.

“I’m not supposed to tell you anything. Divulging aspects of our subjects’ personal lives is not included in my job description. Prying other people’s lives, isn’t that also against the rule of the living world?” Yesung reasoned.

“I am just concerned. I want to know I there is something that I can do for her in return.”

“Seriously there is really a thin line between being nosy and being concerned,” Yesung muttered. He glanced at Kyuhyun who had all his attention at him, waiting for his tale. “Aish he really won’t give up,” Yesung thought. “Okay, here it goes.” Yesung gave in reluctantly at Kyuhyun’s request.

“It was one rainy evening a year ago. I was a new timekeeper by that time and the cemetery had been my refuge since I felt like it’s the only place where I belong. I was roaming around and then I saw a girl in her wedding dress wearing a devastated look on her face. She walked towards a tomb. I hear her call them sisters. She started crying hard about how life has betrayed her. Even though she was already drenched from the rain, she still continued crying. An accident stole the lives of her sisters and then her groom left her in front of the altar. That was the story I heard from her. Honestly, I knew nothing else more than what I have already told you.”

Kyuhyun arrived back home and he passed by Seohyun’s bedroom. There she was sleeping again with a disturbed expression drawn upon her face. The lines on her forehead were creased. Her hands were tense and a tear was glistening on the borders of her closed eyes. He walked toward her and sat beside her.

A tear rolled down her face and Kyuhyun just caught it in time with the back of her hand. “I never thought you have been suffering this much. However as long as I am here, I will take care of you. I’ll help you get back on your feet once again.  I know this is what your sisters Eunseo and Yoona wanted for you.”

Kyuhyun walked around the house and an abandoned cupboard aroused his curiosity yet again. As he d for the light switch, he could feel the dusty wall of the small storage room. He flicked the switch on and it illuminated the once dark room. Cobwebs were already starting to form at the ceiling. Numerous boxes and were piled up carelessly on the floor like it was just dumped there. It also seemed like it had not been cleaned up for ages too. He stooped and entered the small room. He browsed through the content of the boxes and at once, he found himself amidst of Seohyun’s past. It’s like he entered a treasure room of all the memories of Seohyun and unlocked a secluded access to all the secrets and pain that she had been hiding and enduring all this time.  

Letters, several birthday cards, and postcards were stocked inside the boxes. There was also a crumpled invitation to supposedly Seohyun’s wedding. Several photographs were also present. He picked a particular one which caught his attention. He read the back of the photo.

Seo Sisters forever: From left to right, Eunseo, Yoona, and maknae Seohyun.

He flipped the photo and he chuckled at the striking resemblance of the three. Eunseo, being the oldest (Kyuhyun assumed) has a serious demeanor with a reserved smile. On the other hand, Yoona has the widest smile out of the three and a wacky pose. Seohyun, meanwhile had bright eyes while smiling timidly at the camera.

When would he be able to see that side of her? Kyuhyun wondered. “I’ll try to paint that smile back in your face.”

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When Seohyun woke up the next day, she found the house squeaky clean. Gone were the cobwebs and the dusty walls and floors. She walked down the shiny wooden floor. She walked to the kitchen and saw Kyuhyun in an apron cooking something.

“Did you… do all these?” Seohyun asked.

Kyuhyun turned around. “Oh, you’re already awake!” he greeted her smilingly. “Good morning! Did you like it? Here I prepared breakfast for you. Here, it helps you recover the energy you lost- Ow!” He scooped the hot soup a little too excitedly and some of it spilled on his arm.

“Be careful!” Seohyun exclaimed worriedly.

“It’s just little.” Kyuhyun assured her. He placed the soup at the table and pulled the chair for Seohyun to sit.

 “Why are you doing these? You don’t have to do these.”  Seohyun said.

“Just take it as my token of gratitude. Come on, eat it already.” Kyuhyun replied but Seohyun still did not touch the food.

“Have you seen her? I mean, Victoria,” she asked.

“No…” Kyuhyun saw the guilt flowing back on Seohyun’s face again so he quickly interjected. “But don’t you worry, I still have a lot of time… 98 days isn’t it?

“Sorry. I promised myself that I will help you in every way possible.”

“Argh! Why do you always keep saying sorry? Instead of saying sorry, why don’t you just eat this?” Kyuhyun said, pushing the bowl forward.

“How much do you love Victoria?” Seohyun asked.

Kyuhyun was shocked at her question. “Why are you asking that?”

“Just answer it.”

“Victoria… I love her with all my heart… with all my life.”

“If you love her that much, then it means that you wanted to be with her as much.” Kyuhyun listened intently at Seohyun, wondering where she would lead this conversation.

“Is it possible to give up my whole time?”  Seohyun suddenly asked with a determined look in her face.

“What do you mean?” Kyuhyun asked, though he completely understood what Seohyun meant. In the very first place, he was already decided on not taking Seohyun’s time so he did not disclose that option to her when he explained the conditions of the Host and Vessel. So he was surprised that Seohyun asked about the possibility of it.

“Let me die in your place.” She said shortly, her determination unwavering. Kyuhyun tensed.

“Why do you want to die so much?” Kyuhyun asked.

“Why don’t you want to live?” Seohyun retorted. “There are many people who are missing you. There are your colleagues, friends, your family. There is Victoria. Why don’t you want to live for them? Me… I have no one. I have been lonely enough. If I die, there will be no one to cry for me –“ Seohyun was cut off when Kyuhyun slammed the table.

“Why do you think I’m here for?! If I did not want to live so badly, what do you think I would be here? I dared to violate the rules of time just to get back here. Is that what you call not wanting to live?!”

Seohyun kept quiet.

“Victoria is very fragile so I bid for more time to see her. But in the end, when my time comes, all I can do is to wish her well. So that’s why I want to tell her that she should not be lonely and to continue to live even when I’m gone because I will be watching over her and I do not want to see her sad. I do not want to see her life being wasted in the depths of grief. I am sure that’s what your sisters wished for you too.” Kyuhyun said.

“Sisters? How did you know about them? Did you get inside the cupboard?” Seohyun asked. “Even if I am your Host, you still have no right to pry into my life!”

“So what if I got into the cupboard? The point is, Seohyun, you know what their wishes for you are. They wish for your happiness. You may have been hurt but it’s not enough reason for you to give up.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Seohyun said, standing up. “Do you think it is as easy as that? I doubt you have ever experienced the pain that I have felt before. You’ve always lived in comfort and surrounded by people who love and care for you. Have you ever experienced being betrayed by the person you trusted and loved the most?! Or being let down by the person you thought was your refuge?!” Tears started streaming down Seohyun’s face. “Do you know how difficult it is to stop yourself from being too attached with people in fear that they will leave you in the end? And do you know how much it hurts to know that the persons you can always lean to were the same persons that you will not be able to see anymore?” Seohyun’s voice quivered and cracked to the intense emotions that revisited her.

Kyuhyun reached out his hand to her but-

“Don’t act like you know what I’m felling because you have no idea what it feels like!” Seohyun stormed out of the dining room and enclosed herself inside her room. Kyuhyun stood there with his hand remaining outstretched. He pulled it back and placed it on his side.

Give her time, Kyuhyun. Give her time.

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Behind the shut door of her bedroom, there was Seohyun sitting and hugging her knees. Glimpses of the past flashed in her mind as she continued to cry a river. With each passing memory, she felt her heart being crushed.

“Such a poor girl. She lost her two sisters and then her fiancé cheated on her.”

“I saw him with the girl several times before the wedding day but I am afraid to tell her because he is the only one that she has. It would be such a pity for her. I thought he would change his mind on the wedding day but he still chose the other girl.”

“Why did you not tell me beforehand?! You! All of you! WHY?!”

“Because the truth will hurt you.”

“Then what do you call what I’m feeling now? AM I NOT HURTING?!!!”

“Unnie! They just watched me fall in despair…”

The truth hurts but lies create the deepest scars.

Seohyun covered her ears trying to not to hear the voices of her past haunting her. “Stop, stop, please stop…” she muttered. She then buried her head in her arms.