a week later

When we met at home

          Narrator's POV

a week into vacation, at the Carolina Carowinds, they were on a speedily rollercoaster ride.

"this is one of the best rides EVER!!!!" screamed Onew

"maybe to you but i think I'm about to be sick!!!" answered/screamed back Key

"oh Key, you're wrong about that!!! this is sooo the most fu- WEEEEEEEE!!!!" screamed Rachel to him, "as i was saying-"

"Rachel be quiet and enjoy the ride." said Taemin with the most dignity of everyone there

          Rachel's POV

ok Taemin, ill do what you said... wow.... i just realized that this is THE shinee's lee taemin I'm talking about, i wonder....never mind... i must enjoy the time i am having with them.... so far this is the best time of my life. i mean Taemin is sitting next to me, and he is holding my hand, and he seems to be having a lot of fun, between all of us, he is acting the most mature... look at them, Onew is literally screaming his head off of joy, while Key is crying and apparently trying to NOT puke. Jonghyun is holding his head... or his hair, whichever way you look at it. and Minho... Minho is just laughing and looking for someone, or something, whatever. and me, I'm having the time of my life, this is better than the first time i preformed for the President.... or is it... never mind.

after the ride Minho, who was the leading our group, asked me, "where do you want to go?"

but Onew answered for me, "lets go to the bumper cars rides!!!" i was laughing so hard the other guys didn't know what to do.

"yea, lets go to the bumper cars, and after that we can go play lazer tag. good idea?" i said

so we went and Key, told the guy to ring the buzzer after 5 minutes, but Onew said after 30, they started bickering, and i was laughing really hard, but managed to say that we could play for 15 minutes, and they all agreed. so for the next 15 minutes, we bumped into each other, raced, (Key screamed at us), and, of coarse,  laughed!!

when we were finished, we walked to the lazer tag place where we walked to the line, where, OH MY LORD, that cannot be him, i suddenly stopped moving, i couldnot move anymore...

          Taemin's POV

i wonder why she stopped moving, or for that matter, breathing... and who is that shes look at? "Key? who are those people there? and does Rachel know them?"

"what people? oh.... um... i have no idea, lets ask Jonghyun... woah... whats up with him??" said Key, "he looks like he saw a gost..."

          Rachel's POV

it is him "Marcus, hi" i said with the most dignity i could muster up... which wasn't a lot... i couldn't take my eyes off the couple, then i heard a strained laugh, i look up and Jonghyun was trying really hard to smile, woah, why is he doing that, but then again why was marcus here??? and with an asian girl.... oh, maybe jonghyun knows her...has he really been that much of a playboy for the begining?? i cant stand this any more!! why??

          Jonghyun's POV

why of all the places on this wicked earth is she here???? why????!!!!! no!! its maybe someone else that looks like her... but then.... why is she so shocked to see me.... unless she is cheating... but i thought Jess would never do that to me!!! did she only date me for the fact that i was more like, and famous then her, and when i left, she doesnt want me anymore??? are those footsteps i hear, i turn around to see Rachel crying and runing, and tripping over her feet, trying to get away....

         Narrator's POV

everyone was staring at eachother, but when Rachel started to run, Onew, Minho, Key, and Taemin started running after her, while Jonghyun, just stared at them and then turned around....

"Jess... playboy.... get your ugly bottoms out of my sight.... and Rachel's" he said then he went to find the boys and Rachel, which he found at the food court.

          Jonghyun's POV

she told us she had a story to tell us. we all gathered around her, and waited for the story to begin.

"well that man you saw earlier, he was my first love, and well we have been dating for 6 months, to be exact, 6 months and 5 days.  we always went to the night club in NYC. Well you see, one night we went he said he was going to tell me something after we ate, what i didn't know was that he set up a beautiful romatic dinner place, i ate really fast so that i would know what he was going to tell me. but right after i swallowed down my last bite...." here she sighed and i felt extra pity for her, "well,... a girl with nothing more than a bra and thongs came walking in, and grabed him and he didn't try to come back to me, they went into a room, locked the door, and i left, for my own good...i thought he set that up to tell me doesnt want me but..... i learned that that was the night he beacme New York City's best playboy.... that night he forgot all the promises me made to me, and he forgot about his love to me." here she sighed very loud. 

"what?!!!" we all screamed out, which caused us ugly glances from othe people there. but i just stayed there silently, then i said, "thats exacly what happened to me and Jess... the girl with him earlier."  "oh..." everyone else responded. after a little bit i said, "well we should be going, i dont think this should ruin our day, we should go and meet up with your friends.... the ones you told us about earier... yea?" "yea lets go!! whos going to drive the car?" she said. "I'll do it!!! LETS GO!!!!!" i said.

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Comments

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oliviardo
#1
Chapter 5: your poster is fabulous! its so pretty! continue the story, because I think your central idea is interesting and should be expanded on. practicing and other's input is what gets you to good writing.
big-bang-SHINee-SNSD
#2
Chapter 5: Update soon!
Kjerena
#3
Chapter 5: What HaruSensei said about the plot is sort of true, I think. Who will she get entangled with? Maybe Jonghyun? Or Taemin?
But I like it! :D so PLEASE update!
PS: Raul is not her first love, right? The guy who they saw at the amusement park together with Jongyuns 'girlfriend'?
HaruSensei #4
These are just my opinions though. I hope it helps and if not, sorry :)
HaruSensei #5
Well hi! I read the story. I think the problem is the character introduction that you haven't done well. I'm pretty confused about what the plot even is about. There's not such a really clear setting either. Maybe you shouldn't change the font when you're trying to state the POV either but that's just my opinion.
kpoploverlee2
#6
SO, when I was reading this to my sis, and she said all this was uncoordinated...... can someone else give me their opinions