in New York City

When we met at home

"Yes, mom, I'll be coming home in a few days!.............yes, of course I'll bring some of the flowers to you.........why do you think that? do you really think I have that many fans in Hickory?...........Ok, I'll keep an eye out, thanks, love ya bye!"

She shut the phone leaned back on her bed and thought, "I wonder what my mom meant when she said that I have a lot of fans in Hickory... well at least i know I'll be home for a few weeks."

She started packing her clothes, when her computer beeped, "Messages! I repeat! Messages!"  

She started laughing  and thought to her self, "What a funny ring tone i put to my computer!!.....well i might as well look to see what it is."

When she opened it, she saw a message from her Best Friend, "Rachel, guess what! Well I don't have the patience for you to write back, but OK, so SHINee, you know? the group we used to be fans of? Well they're coming to a city in America, for a break, and when are you coming home?  Well they're coming in 5 days!!!!! Less then a week!!! BTW when are you coming home? I never heard!"

She took a deep breath..."SHINee in America? To take a break? What was that about? How long will they be taking a break?"

(five days later)

"I'll miss you Rachel!!" said her friend.

"Yea, I'll miss you too, Carla, remember, if I don't get back, tell monkey face I miss him... but only if I tell you to say that... OK?" said Rachel.

"Ok, Rachel,...sigh...I wish you did'nt have to go.... you're my one and only friend." said Carla.

"Thats why I'm leaving....so you can make friends other than me! It will do you good in life, bye!" said Rachel

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Comments

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oliviardo
#1
Chapter 5: your poster is fabulous! its so pretty! continue the story, because I think your central idea is interesting and should be expanded on. practicing and other's input is what gets you to good writing.
big-bang-SHINee-SNSD
#2
Chapter 5: Update soon!
Kjerena
#3
Chapter 5: What HaruSensei said about the plot is sort of true, I think. Who will she get entangled with? Maybe Jonghyun? Or Taemin?
But I like it! :D so PLEASE update!
PS: Raul is not her first love, right? The guy who they saw at the amusement park together with Jongyuns 'girlfriend'?
HaruSensei #4
These are just my opinions though. I hope it helps and if not, sorry :)
HaruSensei #5
Well hi! I read the story. I think the problem is the character introduction that you haven't done well. I'm pretty confused about what the plot even is about. There's not such a really clear setting either. Maybe you shouldn't change the font when you're trying to state the POV either but that's just my opinion.
kpoploverlee2
#6
SO, when I was reading this to my sis, and she said all this was uncoordinated...... can someone else give me their opinions