Whats your name?

Description

Runing from the police in Rekord is the perfect setting for some KuroFai <3

Foreword

A beautiful woman sat silently in a dimly lit room. I couldn't see her very well but she sat as still as a stone with her head bent down hands folded over each other. She was like a statue until .... A dark void had appered behind her just as quickly it came it had done its work. A long sword impailed the sitting priestess and retuned to its owner and the black void. The woman fell silently but not before looking at her son as her life fell with her. This small boy with ruby eyes would grow to become the only person able to see through me, but how? How did he grow to be the way he is? 

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
CharismaticFlameB-3
#1
/just read all 4 chapters.

Well.
It definitly improved ( A LOT ) after each chapter!
There some grammar mistakes like comma placement and akward sentences...
BUT.
I still think this did pretty well.
/cute sly-Kuro-poo gettin' Fai all mad! xD

You should write more! Like if you have another draft laying or a present idea you think is cool! ^^
MintyTop
#2
Well... I'm not entirely sure how this fandom is, but it is very short. Each chapter that it. You could always use a little more descriptive words. How does the atmosphere feel? What are the main characters thoughts? What color is the skies, grass, buildings? Gloomy or bright and nice? You should work on the grammar a little bit more.

Grammar, being descriptive and the length of each chapter.
That's all I think.

ouo; Other then that it's good!