i. Hana

After all these years, she still doesn't know what to label them.

Sehun steps out and shields her because she's a crybaby and the maknae.
Jong In gives her silent support because he knows she's stronger than that.

Sehun opens doors and puts himself last because to him she's a lady, so he must be a gentleman.
Jong In pulls pranks and laughs in her face because he's confident that she'll still be there.

Sehun reserves his feelings for careful letters and warm, secret glances.
Jong In yells it out to the world.

"I love Hana."

After all these years, she still doesn't know what to label them because she loves them both, and she secretly wishes they could fly to another planet where this -- them -- are acceptable. But in this world, where three is always an odd number, she knows that one day, she will be forced to choose.

Until that day, she's content with what they have.





ii. Sehun

He loves the look of concentration on her face whenever she reads.
He loves the sarcastic comments, the infectious yawns.
He loves the tight hugs that knock the air out of him.
He loves how she makes him feel as if money and school and family expectations aren't there to cage him, because there is still grass ahead before he must climb the mountains.





iii. Jong In
He doesn't know understand why or how he loves her, 
He just does.





iv. Hana
Four hours of flipping through textbooks and not even the air-conditioning in the library is enough to keep her awake. She pinches the back of her palm to stop herself from resting her head on the table and taking a nap.Final exams are a pain in the neck, and the pain is quite literal when she is twisting her body in strange angles so she doesn’t get comfortable.

"You're going to fail."
Hana glares up from the page at the smirk that decorates his dark face.
"Not in the mood for this, Kim Jongin. Get out."
"Funny. That's actually why I came here."
"Huh?"
"To get out of this place, and take you with me."
"What are you talking about?"
His eyes are mischievous as he cups the sides of his mouth with his hands.
"HANA WOULD YOU STOP FARTING?"
His voice echoes past the shelves, and the entire library turns to the red faced girl next to him with curious disapproval. 

Jong In always gets what he wants.





v. Sehun
There's only one more day of senior year left, only one more day of high school (of reckless youth, of irresponsible dreams), and Sehun sits by the window and counts the lights from buildings faraway because there are no stars in this part of town. His eyes scan the blurry cityline until they stumble upon the dusty photo at the edge of the windowsill.

They're 3rd years in junior high, on a school trip to Kyungjoo. Hana had been singing about getting her hands on a box of Kyungjoo cakes all through the bus ride, but the unexpected rain had delayed the tour, and the teacher had firmly said no to shopping. Everything was wet and rushed and gloomy, and Hana had been near tears when she took that photo with Jong In to her left, grinning like a Cheshire Cat at the turn of events, and Sehun to her right, trying to bite back a smile (but failing) at the reluctant peace sign she held up because the kid with the camera refused to take the photo without it.

Sehun looks at his reflection on the glass. His hair is now chestnut brown and longer than it was in the photo, his cheeks slimmer. He's gotten taller, too, and he'd like to believe that with those changes he's also gotten wiser. A lot of things have changed.

But at the end of it all, the only thing constant is Hana, and suddenly, he wonders if he means the same to her. Suddenly, he needs to hear it.

He runs to her apartment, and he knows she's still studying for finals, but he'll wait, he's used to waiting anyway. He waits all night at the steps of her gate, practicing the conversation and playing scenarios in his head listen, you don't have to give me an answer right away, but do you like me as much I like you because I think I like you a lot and say yes because there's nothing to stop us except maybe our insecurities and--





vii. Jong In

70 mph. The highway is all a blur of headlights against 10 o'clock blackness, and Hana shivers violently against the back of his fake leather jacket as the fast winds try to rip her away from her hold.

"Slow down!" she hollers through the helmet. He smiles as he pictures Hana behind him with her eyes squeezed shut, on the verge of a heart attack.

"You see that truck?" he yells. He feels Hana nod as she spots the dilapidated navy blue orchard truck with a few cardboard boxes in the dumping bed.

"On the count of three," he says, zipping past cars until the motorcycle is near the truck, "you're going to reach over and grab an apple from the back, okay?"

"What?" she screams, her voice climbing three octaves. "You're freaking crazy--"

"One!"

"You're kidding me, why are you getting so close--"

"Two!"

"I can't, Jong, I might die, we might get sued--"

"Three!"

It's like instinct. One moment she's cursing under her breath and the next she has a round red apple in her palm while laughter vibrates through Jong In's body.

"Oh, crap," she stares wide-eyed at the fruit, the apple they had just stolen. "Crap, crap, crap!"

The motorcycle glides over to the side of the truck, next to the unaware truck driver, and Hana's body heats up in fear.

"I think he saw us!" she panics. "Oh my god, go faster!"

"What did you say?"

"I SAID FASTER, YOU BABO, FASTER!"

80 mph. They're high on the speed of the ride and an unexplainable thrill pulsing in their blood that has them both laughing like fools at the endless stretch of pavement ahead. It’s probably not legal, he thinks, to be so goddamn happy when he doesn’t even know if her heart is pumping out of her rib cage (like his is) whenever she tightens her embrace.





viii. Sehun

At a little past one in the morning, he sees her figure emerge from the bottom of the hill.

"Sehun," she blinks. "What are you doing here?"

"I--" he starts. His voice sounds booming loud in the muteness of the neighborhood. "Hana."

"Hey, what's wrong?" she steps closer to Sehun, and they lock eyes.

"Nothing's wrong," he says steadily. "I’m here because I just-- I think I'm in love with you."

Something flickers behind Hana's eyes. He briefly recognizes it as surprise, but he feels that she's known that for a long time now.

"No, it's not I think," he continues. "I've been certain of it for years already, and I should have told you back then when we weren’t so close to being grown-ups, I'm sorry, but please. Just tell me that I’m not the only one who feels this way, like I’m going to lose you this very moment...”

She stares at him as if he said all of this in a different language. He tries again.

"Hana. Hana, do you love me?"

She nods. "Yes," she whispers, "but I--"

Sehun does not (chooses not) to hear the rest because she loves him (but not only him) and the rest of her sentence (--can't let go of Jong In) doesn’t (shouldn’t, but does) really matter. He seals with his and tries not to notice her frozen lips, the smell of Jong In's cheap vinyl jacket, the taste of apples and adventures he doesn't (want to) know about.





ix. Jong In

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Jesus Christ, Sehun, do you know what time it is?"

"I confessed to her."

"..."

"She probably knew it all along, though."

"Of course she knew. You...and I... "

"Hm?"

"Nothing. What did she say."

"She said yes."

"Oh."

"Jong In."

"Nice, dude. I mean, one of us had to do it, and you grew the balls first."

"She's mine."

"I get that."

"Good night, hyung."

And when Sehun hangs up, Jong In sits cross-legged in front of his mirror and practices smiling, glancing at the reflection of the stuffed Eeyore across the room.

“This is a gag gift, right,” he had groaned as Sehun and Hana hauled the massive blue animal upstairs to his bedroom.

“No, man,” Hana said philosophically. “It is a sincere, heartfelt present that Sehun and I sacrificed big money for. It represents our perception of your humanity, yo.”

“In other words,” Sehun helpfully translated, “you’re an .”

Hana high-fived Sehun with a gleeful cackle. Jong In pretended to fume as he threw a playful punch at the doll. Hana gasped dramatically.

“Happy birthday,” Sehun said, and Jong In punched the donkey again, just because he could.

He returns from his memories and glares back at his own reflection in front of him, all of his smiles too bitter and angry and forced. He stays up all night perfecting the curve of his mouth, and for a brief, brief moment, he almost wishes that the three of them weren’t friends.

x. Hana

She sees him at graduation.

How were finals, it's finally over, this whole high school business, and I don't know if you've heard from Sehun but we (me and him) and us (me and you) should hang out during the summer before we have too many commitments to risk--

The words are caught in when Jong In simply offers her a tired smile.

"I heard about you and Sehun," he says in a voice she hardly recognizes. "Congrats."

And all she can do is nod.

Later, she'll think of every single possible double entendres of his words in order to console herself that no, Jong In isn't sad, isn't hurt, because he's Kim Jong In and he always ends up okay.

xi. Sehun

Their first date is perfect, too perfect, and it scares him. There is no embarrassing tripping or stuttering to laugh at afterwards. It's all wrong, wrong, wrong; she's supposed to blurt out something cheesy and then force him to laugh, she's supposed to make a mess when she eats, she's supposed to make fun of his awkwardness. A piece of her is absent when it's only the two of them, and he knows somehow that the piece must be in Jong In's hand, even though Jong In has been in hiding all summer.

Maybe she reserves that side, bad jokes and clumsiness, for a certain Kim Jong In only. Maybe all this time, he's hasn't been in love with Hana, but Hana-who-is-in-love-with-Jong In.





xii. Jong In

He doesn't mean to pick up the phone. It's one of those random mental slip-ups and only after he hears the familiar laughter on the other line does he realize that he's made a mistake.

"Hey, ."

"You sound sober."

"I am. I never drink, you know that."

"How much did you have."

"I don't know, who cares about me, anyway? My best friend won't even see me for a month and my boyfriend always looks depressed and it's all my fault."

"Where are you. I'll call Sehun to pick you up."

"No. Don't call him. He's already having a hard time because I'm...don't call him, okay? I just wanted to hear your voice, you jerk. Don't go looking for me either because I'm not worth it."

He still does.

He's always rolled his eyes at the sappy dramas she watched, how the guy knows exactly where the girl is without her even telling him, and the drama fairies work their magic tonight. She's at the tables in front of the convenience store, not exactly intoxicated but half asleep.

She's hideous, he laughs, and since his motorcycle is probably useless with a drooling baby on his back, he sits across from her and watches her hideous face until she wakes up.

"I'm an idiot," she moans.

"You are. But so am I."

He wishes he had realized this earlier so she wouldn't have to break herself and choose.

"Park Hana, you're really, really ugly right now, you know that?"

"Get lost. God, my head..."

Jong In laughs sadistically, and the faint trace of her old smile returns.

"Stop riding your motorcycle so fast," she mumbles. "And stop avoiding Sehun...he's always looked up to you and even though he doesn't say it, it's killing him inside."

He clenches his jaws.

"What If Sehun hadn't asked," he says, eyes dark. "What If I had asked you first."

"No, Jong In, don't..."

"Shut the hell up. You're still in love with me."

"You're wrong."

"Then don't call me out in the middle of the night and ask me to save you because I'll always come, you know that! Why do you do this to me? Isn't Sehun - breaking this messed-up friendship or whatever the hell the three of us had - enough?"

He turns away before she can answer, before he can see her tears drop, before she can set fire to what remains of his heart. There are already enough ashes to color the world black, as black as the night before graduation on that highway, when they were still young and free.

He wants to drown everything in that darkness until he forget the stupid urge to wipe the tears threatening to fall from her eyes because he still doesn't know why, or how, but he loves her.