My stomach growled but i had to fight it

no way am i leaving his side

I noticed that my phone in my pocket was vibrating

OH?! 13 missed calls?

"Hello?"

"It's me Yoseob"

"oh...where have you been?" 

"I had to go to work. I'll be over soon and i'll bring you food"

"Mm Thanks"

I sighed then clasped my hands together, wishing this was another normal day

For almost two days i havent gotten even a few minutes of sleep

Everytime i closed my eyes i was afraid

The darkness got to me

but the most frightening of all was the voice of the doctor

His voice repeated in my mind countless times and i couldnt get it out

"be prepared. He could Leave at any second"

any minute. any second.

Myungsoo's coughing brought me back to reality, out of my useless thoughts

"does it hurt? want water?" I asked him as i patted his chest

Myungsoo nodded his head then flashed a weak smile at me

"Blue journal"

"Oh i'll get it for you!" i grabbed the journal then placed it in his hands, along with a pen

"I'm going to get some food real quick. Will you be okay being alone for a bit?"

Myungsoo smiled at me then sent me an OKAY sign 

But each step I took, You know how sometimes you just sense that somethings wrong

Like right in the gut

this bad feeling lingered over me as i listened to the resonating sound of my heels against the tile floor

"Yoseob!" we smashed into a hug "I'm so sorry. Just these past few days have been...crazy"

"I know" He answered plainly, he handed me a paper bag full of food

"Thank you so much. I'm so hungry"

"No problem. Are you okay though? You look tired"

"huh? oh i'm totally fine" 

As i took another bite of my sandwich i couldnt help but feel this weird eerie feeling, causing me to worry abotu myungsoo even more

"Can we go eat in Myungsoos room?"

Yoseob didnt question me and followed me up to the hospital room

When i reached the doorway and opened the door gently 

I was in for the biggest shock i have ever recieved in my life

"MYUNGSOO!!"

The bag i was holding dropped as i gasped

Just behind me I heard Yoseob shout "OHMYGOD!"  

There he was, Myungsoo laying in his bed

he was unconcious now, his right hand was filled with a red liquid 

The floor was stained with red puddles as was his chin

Yet even though his blood was everywhere he still managed to keep the blue journal clean, it was being safely caressed in Myungsoo's left arm

"DOCTOR!! DOOOOCTORRR!!" I screamed bloody murder

"I'm sorry. He's not going to survive past tonight" The doctor turned around to walk away

"wait doctor! there must be something you can do! Anything!"

The doctor sighed "I've told you many MANY times before. THeres nothing i can do for him now. So let him leave painlessly by taking his oxygen away"

Yoseob rubbed my arms and comforted me as i bursted into tears

"This is all my fault" i whimpered

"This is not your fault. You never wanted this to happen. You've been trying so hard to take care of him. I know he really appreciates it"

"he's in this state and all i can do is cry"

"But he knows you love him. Which is probably why he loves you so much. You should be happy that you got a chance to know him. No one else can ever replace the memories of you and him. You wont forget him. RIght?"

I sniffed then nodded my head

"Hyemi yah"

"He's awake!" yoseob chimed

I quickly wiped away my tears then lightly held onto his hand

"You're awake? Feeling any better? Hurting anywhere?"

 "Before i go I need to tell you" Myungsoo whispered

His voice was so gentle and sof i could barely hear 

"You're not going anywhere! But just tell me..."

From here on, once Myungsoo started talking

I felt as if there was no one around us, only us two in this world, talking quietly among ourselves

Something i'm afraid that would never happen between us two anymore

"Be happy and dont cry. I want you to always smile"

The corners of my mouth felt heavy but nonetheless i smiled weakly at him

I didnt even try to waste energy trying to fight my tears back

Another teardrop ran down my face as i nodded along to his voice

"Find your happiness when i leave. I'll be happy enough to know that your happy"

He paused then coughed

"i'll go get the doctor!"

"stop" he whispered hoarsely "I'll always look over you from above, protecting you"

Myungsoo began to heave and gasp for air

"Myungsoo!!"

With his last breath of air, he said the words "I'll always love yo-"

He closed his eyes and fell asleep with a smile across his face 

"MYUNGSOOO!" i sobbed "come back! You didnt finish talking!"

"Stop shaking him!! He's..gone!" Yoseob yelled as he pulled me back 

I sobbed and sobbed 

Before i left the room that night

I placed one last kiss upon Myungsoo's lips

Our last kiss

I stood there in that room, dressed in black

Pale faced with nothing left to say, i had already cried till i had no more tears

Yoseob led me out the door 

I dont konw when...but when i left that day i found myself going home caressing a small blue journal

The light blue journal filled with Myungsoo's writing and pictures

Since he had left 

I spent my days in tears, scarred by him

I miss him so badly

~

A/N: ehhh not as sad as i imagined...but its a chapter..

Comments please!!