My head bobbed and my eyelids felt 100 times harder to keep open than usual

I sat up straight and fixed my blanket that was covering me

Yoseob had sat himself in a small couch of some sort across the room while i sat in the chair beside Myungsoo's bed

My eyelids grew heavy once more and i was beginning to sink back into sleep until i heard a faint voice that murmured my name

"Hyemi. Hyemi!"

Myungsoo is calling my name?

"Myungsoo" i whispered, lightly tapping his arm

"Love you..." He coughed

His words sent a pang of guilt and shock through me

After a couple more minutes passed everything was calm and quiet 

I was already awake

knowing that one of the most important people in my life is hurt right now... haunts one's mind

I stood up and began to clean up just to clear my mind

I sighed and carefully placed a new glass of water on the stand for Myungsoo just in case he wakes up

When I least expected it..when i thought my life couldnt become more twisted and confusing

It hit me right in the face

When my hands ran through Myungsoo's jacket, something weird in his pocket caught my attention

I fumbled through the jacket and when my fingers slowly opened revealing the object in my palm

there it was... a little blue journal with wings on the cover

Curiousity sparked my mind and so i flipped to the next page

The date was the day that girl...hit me..and we broke up

My present to Hyemi 

Hyemi ah you know whats funny?

I found out that i'm going to fly to heaven before you

Did you ever know that i had a disease? 

Today to save myself from having to tell you this I had a friend help me out

I should have became an actor... I sure did fool you

I would never betray you. I wished that you knew that

Is this what really happened? I flipped to the next page and continued to read

The words slapped me across the face and my stomach twisted into sour knots

Maybe I deserved it…i wasnt a good enough for you

I have been fighting the urge to call you for the past few days

Because i know theres no point when I wont see you anymore

Just know that I always cared and loved you truly

I couldn’t tell you this in person…sorry

Forget everything about me and live a happy life

-Myungsoo

Desperately, i tried so hard to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall

why's there so many entries? all about me?

I see him with you everyday

You'll be happy with him. I just know it

It's good that you have already forgotten about me

But when i watch you from afar, along with him

I cant help but feel like i have been stabbed several times and is hanging onto the rope alone

Dangling by myself in the midst of nowhere, useless without you

-Myungsoo

I clasped my hands together, closing the journal in the process

I couldnt take it..i cant read any more of these

It hurts..

I slumped down in my chair looked around the room

I didnt know what to do..

All i could do was sit there, tightly caressing the small journal

~

A/n: awwhh yup this is what i planned from the start..

the most cliche and touching chapter of all (so far)

soo i hope i still have some readers

SORRY for not updating in a while

I hope you will still comment anyway~ XDD