His name's 'Key'?

Key's POV

I won't say that her sudden smile didn't surprise me. I was glad to see her smiling. When I followed her into the lift, it got quiet. After the lift's door dinged closed, music started to play. I started to squirm a bit as the very familiar song of WOWOWOW started to play.

That was then I remembered about that someone.

I grinned to myself. If that person had even followed them in the first place, the person wouldn't even have known where he went.

Hopefully.

Mae So's POV

What is this horrid song that is playing? Can't they play the usual classical music? Kpop seriously dosen't do any good for anyone. Idols don't last forever. And yet, people always spend hundreds, maybe even thousands, of money on them. I find those that listen to them are okay, but those who really go all-out are really.. wasting money. What happens when something happens and you don't like them anymore? Sell the things that you bought? Maybe. But it really shouldn't be bought in the first place.

"Do you know this song?" The guy asked.

"No." I tried to put as much hate and contempt into that single word as I can.

"Woah. Do you hate Kpop or something?"

"I just hate it. It isn't really constructive."

"Why not?"

Realizing that I might be insulting a K-Popper, I quieted down and looked at my shoes.I don't like looking for trouble. And if this guy gets angry, there goes my chance of being friends with him and he might even--i don't know--insult me and leave on bad terms?

I worry about things like that.

~Ding~

The lift door opened and I went to my door. The guy followed me. I got reminded of the day where those 5 salesmen were standing outside my door. The guy stopped suddenly and looked down the balcony. I ignored him and smiled. I thought about it.. Has it been 2 or 4 days? Can't remember. Really busy nowadays. Well, I don't really need to keep track of the time anyway. My schedule has always been flexible.

As I stood outside the house door, I shifted all the bags into the left hand. I fumbled with my right hand to stick the key into the keyhole.

"Key... --"

"Who called?" The guy's head snapped back.

"--won't ente--who called you? Don't tell me.." Is his name 'Key'? Weird. Who names their child 'Key'? "Is your name K--"

"Aniyo, aniyo," 'Key' said back awkwardly.

Whatever. He really looks like someone called 'Key'. So I shall call him that from now on, instead of 'that guy'.

Key's POV

I wondered if I could see that person from up here... So I stopped abruptly and looked down the balcony, trying to spot the person.

"Key--"

Don't tell me that that person had followed us?! I looked around and to make sure, I called out, "Who called me?"

"--won't ente--who called you?" She looked like she saw light for the first time. Oh crud. She had better not be able to recogni--

"Is your name K--?" She asked innocently.

"Aniyo, aniyo," I cut in awkwardly, I was panicking. I couldn't think rational thoughts. But.. I dosen't think that my cover was blown.

Mae So dropped the subject and quickly hurried into the house after the door was open. I followed her in. "Please leave the food in here." She called out. I left it as where she instructed and excused myself to make a call.

I went outside and made the call.

>dgrrrrr dgrrrrrr< The phone was picked up after two rings.

"Annyeonghaseyo?"

"Onew-ah," I started. "Where are you?"

"I'm... near.. uh. Thefoodcentre." Onew said the last part too quickly, but Key caught it.

"Oh, really? You should know that I'm the umma of the group. Nothing escapes my notice. SO OWN UP AND TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE."

"You're too sharp for your own good," Onew teased. "I'm actually near the renter's apartment."

"Yea, I know, I saw you. You lurker. You looked like you were lurking around in the Hello music video at one point, in fact, it's like you lurk almost every chance you get," I grinned.

"Why you--" Onew got cut off by someone.

By someone? I thought Onew was here alone! I frowned. "Yah, who's there with you?" I asked.

"Everyone. Taemin, Minho, Jonghyun. What? You didn't know? I thought nothing escapes your notice?" Onew said the last part sarcastically.

"... It doesn’t. I knew that. I was testing whether you were lying or not." I grimaced.

Key heard Onew chuckle on the other end and I heard him say, "I called them when I figured where you were going." Onew paused. "We also came by this person named 'Juna'. We introduced ourselves. It was received... I shall not talk about it."

I could hear his pain. I can't wait to hear about it soon.

"Anyways," he continued. "We're coming up now. With Juna.." With that, he hung up.

Juna and the members are coming? NOW?

Oh boy.

---------------------------------------------

End of Chapter 5~ XD It's like.. omo, 3 am O.o Oh well. I guess that what happens when I write while waiting for Vampire UKISS to load XD I end up writing a whole chapter.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter =)

~Aimeki o^o

Edited. ^^

~Jin Ae (ONEWLOVE)

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Rini6189 #1 Mar 16, 2011 18:18:41

Being a former mafia leader, Juna can be intimidating when she wants to be. I wonder what kind of scheme Juna has up her sleeves. xD In US dollars, a million two hundred thousand is a ridiculous amount for just a pair of designer pants. Onew seems overly frustrated about having to part from his "beloved" chicken. The thing that leaves me puzzled is who could be the culprit if Key is not responsible for the theft. I am curious about Minho's relationship with Juna. Maybe they've know each other since childhood? Past nextdoor neighbors? There are so many possibilities to consider. Even more mysterious is that he probably had a dark past that somehow involves Juna. xD I may be overthinking it. I'm just throwing in this idea for fun. 
 
@ ONEWLOVE: Of course I'm not thinking of unsubscribing. I am getting into this story. ^^ It's too good to miss out.

Rini6189 #2 Mar 16, 2011 17:41:11

Chapter 9 mistakes (Part 3): 
 
20. Onew continued to devour his fried chicken, it’s just that this time, it’s like somebody had pressed the fast-forward button on him. 
Correction: Onew continued to devour his fried chicken. Though, it’s just that this time it’s like somebody had pressed the "fast forward" button on him. 
 
21. Taemin pounced on manager hyung, pestering about his 5 bottles of milk daily. 
Correction: Taemin pounced on Manager hyung and pestered him about his daily five bottles of milk. 
 
22. Key jumped on the manager, nagging about his allowance for new clothes. 
Correction: Key jumped on the manager and nagged about his allowance for new clothes. 
 
23. I dashed to him, concerned with what exactly happened. 
Correction: I dashed to him, concerned about what exactly happened. 
 
24. Manager hyung nodded and tried to say something, but whoever was it at the other end had hung up. 
Correction: Manager hyung nodded and tried to say something, but whoever it was on the other end had hung up. 
 
25. He scowled at Taemin and Key as he pulled them off him, “Why do you only care about yourself?” 
Correction: He scowled at Taemin and Key as he pulled them off him and questioned, "Why do you only care about yourself?" 
 
26. Rules are rules though.. 
* Comma before "though" 
 
27. Onew’s voice thicken with anger. 
* It's "thickened" since you're writing this fic in past tense. 
 
28. I had been wondering if he was a 100% cucumber. 
* "hundred percent" 
 
29. I saw Juna nodding her head in sympathy but she caught herself doing it and stopped immediately. 
* A comma is needed before the conjunction "but." 
 
30. She gave me a cold, calculating look before leaving. 
* The comma is not necessary here since it disrupts the smooth flow of the sentence. To sort out this confusion about whether the comma is needed, try replacing the comma between two adjectives in your mind and think of whether it sounds awkward that way to you as you say it aloud. (Example: stupid brown chicken)

Rini6189 #3 Mar 16, 2011 17:39:45

Chapter 9 mistakes (Part 2): 
 
10. “Give some thought. Whatever personal thing that’s bothering you, solve it first before you start to hurt somebody,” he gave me a pat on the back before exiting the kitchen himself. 
Correction: "Give it some thought. Whatever personal thing is bothering you, solve it first before you start to hurt somebody," he advised. Then he gave me a pat on the back before exiting the kitchen himself. 
* Refer back to #9 regarding separate paragraphs. 
 
11. “Stop right there,” a voice shouted from behind me. 
Correction: “Stop right there!" A voice shouted from behind me. 
 
12. “Hey, Juna. Long time no see,” surprise laced my voice as I smiled at her, memories came flooding back. 
Correction: “Hey, Juna. Long time no see,” I greeted her. Surprise laced my voice as I smiled at her and memories came flooding back. 
*Dialogues are always separate from paragraphs. 
 
13. I can still recognize your face, but somehow, you changed… 
Correction: I can still recognize your face, but somehow you've changed… 
 
14. her voice changed from the fake ectasy to a sarcastic and deep tone. 
Correction: Her voice changed from a fake ecstasy to a sarcastic deep tone. 
 
15. You eavesdropped on us eh. 
Correction: You eavesdropped on us, eh? 
 
16. I’m still better though. 
* A comma should be put before "though." 
 
17. suspicion deepen my already low voice, 
Correction: I questioned with suspicion deepening my already low voice. 
 
18. Onew’s face dropped with the chicken halfway into his mouth, Key stopped flipping through a fashion magazine, Taemin stopped poking Onew to give him some chicken. 
* You forgot to add the conjunction "and" before "Taemin." 
 
19. I was just staring at manager hyung. 
* "Manager" should be capitalized since it's the title they refer to him as though it's a name.

Rini6189 #4 Mar 16, 2011 17:38:18

Chapter 9 mistakes: 
 
1. And since they were idols, and they are obviously under my control, why not grab the chance to make money? 
Correction: Since they are idols and they are obviously under my control, why not grab the chance to make money? 
 
2. “I need you guys to work for me. If you say no, I’ll kill you. If you say yes, well, you won’t die. You’ll just be in hell,” I requested sweetly; a sweet, innocent smile plastered on my face. 
Correction: “I need you guys to work for me. If you say 'no,' I’ll kill you. If you say 'yes,' well, you won’t die. You’ll just be in hell,” I requested sweetly. A sweet innocent smile was plastered on my face. 
 
3. “So… Shall we say yes or no?” 
Correction: “So… Shall we say 'yes' or 'no'?” 
 
4. “No,” me, Jonghyun, Minho and Taemin replied in synch, firm on our stand. 
Correction: “No,” Me, Jonghyun, Minho and Taemin replied in synch; firm on our stand. 
 
5. “Good,” her head bobbed up and down in approval. 
Correction: “Good,” she uttered as her head bobbed up and down in approval. 
* Bobbing is not a verbal action. 
 
6. How much problems are you going to give us? 
Correction: How many problems are you going to give us? 
* "Much" is used to refer to a certain amount or number of something and a limit or a restriction of the amount is implied. (How much money do I owe you?) "Many" is a broad term that doesn't refer to a specific amount of something and there's no limit involved as though it's immeasurable. 
 
7. I smiled sheepishly as I remembered that heartstopping10 million dollar pants. 
Correction: I smiled sheepishly as I remembered that heart-stopping ten-million-dollar pants. 
* Numbers should be spelled out in writing. 
 
8. “Okay, okay, we get it. Stop nagging,” Onew grinned a cheeky smile before escaping with Taemin. 
Correction: Onew responded to cut me off. He grinned a cheeky smile before escaping with Taemin. 
* The second sentence should be written as a separate paragraph from the dialogue.

Rini6189 #5 Mar 13, 2011 05:59:49

@ ONEWLOVE: The poster looks nice. It seems that you friend must've done a good job in putting it together. Way to add your "color" into the story. Colorcoding things do make it nice to look at and it also makes the page less dull. Yellow is hard to read on a bright or clear background. Any color except yellow should be fine.

Rini6189 #6 Mar 2, 2011 11:08:30

@ Aimeki: I see. Foreigners do tend to have a hard time speaking English fluently. Whatever you need help understanding, I'll do my best to explain it to you. Quotation marks ("") are placed before and after the dialogue, the part that the character is speaking. In that sentence, a question mark is an example of a punctuation mark. The other known punctuation marks are periods, exclamation points, apostrophes, commas, hyphens, colons, and semicolons. Not all punctuation marks are used at the end of sentences. The third Chapter Four mistake that I pointed out should be invalid. In a dialogue or a quote, the punctuation mark at the end should always be placed before the second set of quotation marks. It's something that my an English teacher of mine in high school mentioned. You'll also notice this in English books/novels where the authors wrote the dialogues and quotes. 
 
Since Mae So doesn't know anything about guys from not being in school, she won't be able to judge them before getting to know them. Having a nonprejudiced mind, she seems to be a carefree person. 
 
I hope you're learning from the mistakes that I pointed out. 
 
Studying is first on your priority list when you have upcoming tests. Good luck! ^^ 
 
Yep! Your co-author definitely did a good job on it. 
 
@ ONEWLOVE: Hi! I don't mind the change in style. Different can be good. The combination of your efforts make for some good and better chapters to look forward to reading.

Rini6189 #7 Mar 2, 2011 11:04:12

After reading this chapter, it turns out that my previous perception of Juna is wrong. She actually wants to help Mae So with improving her image. It is nice of her to go through such lengths for her. From the intimidating aura that she gives off around Key and the rest of the guys, she acts like an overprotective big sister towards Mae So. It gives me the impression that Juna might be threatening the guys with something if things don't end up well between Mae So and them. That's something I'd expect coming from a former mafia leader.

Rini6189 #8 Mar 2, 2011 02:09:59

Chapter 7 mistakes (Part 3): 
 
16. She trimmed it to reach my shoulders, compared to my old long waist-length hair. 
Correction: She trimmed it to reach my shoulders, which is a contrast to my old long waist-length hair. 
* "Contrast" refers to how one thing is different from another. 
 
17. I pulled a what-the-hell-are-you-serious look as she pointed to the fitting room. 
Correction: I pulled a "What the hell! Are you serious?" look as she pointed to the fitting room. 
 
18. "You look like you died and got revived through a very painful method." Key joked. 
Correction: "You look like you died and got revived through a very painful method," Key joked. 
 
19. He plastered on an enthusiastic smile when he saw Juna standing near the kitchen entrance, tapping her feet on the marble floor. 
* The comma is not necessary here. 
 
20. "Don't make me wait." She muttered loud enough for Key to hear with a dangerous edge and entered the kitchen. 
Correction: "Don't make me wait," she muttered loud enough for Key to hear with a dangerous edge and entered the kitchen. 
 
These are all the mistakes I've found for you, Aimeki. It's a little less than what I saw last time. You're getting a little better at writing. Maybe you have your co-author, OnewLove, to thank for it.

Rini6189 #9 Mar 2, 2011 02:04:44

Chapter 7 mistakes (Part 2): 
 
10. "I think a change of apartment is necessary." He continued. 
Correction: "I think a change of apartment is necessary," he continued. 
* In this case, the dialogue should've ended with a comma instead of a period because there's a subject (he) after it. 
 
11. She'll be so different that no one can recognise her at all. 
* In American English, it's spelled "recognize." If you're writing in Australian English, then the spelling is correct. 
 
12. Something stuck around my mind the whole time we were "shopping". 
Correction: Something stuck around my mind the whole time we were "shopping." 
 
13. The hair stylist pulled and snipped my hair into many different angles. 
Correction: The hairstylist pulled and snipped my hair in many different angles. 
 
14. For someone so small size, she really do have a lot of energy. 
Correction: For someone so small in size, she really does have a lot of energy. 
 
15. When the stylist held the mirror in front of me, I took a look at my hair and I have to say, Wow. 
Correction: When the stylist held the mirror in front of me, I took a look at my hair and I have to say, "Wow."

Rini6189 #10 Mar 2, 2011 02:03:11

Chapter 7 mistakes: 
 
1. I complained, as I struggled against her strong hold on my wrist. 
* The comma is not necessary here. 
 
2. "A Makeover," Juna unnie said non-chalantly. 
Correction: "A makeover," Juna-unnie said nonchalantly. 
 
3. Juna loosen her hold on my wrist as she stopped. 
Correction: Juna loosened her hold on my wrist as she stopped. 
 
4. Polka-dots with a frumpy granny dress? 
* It's written as "polkadots" without a hyphen since it's a noun in this sentence. 
 
5. I didn’t have time to read her expression; she grabbed my wrist once again and dragged me behind her. 
Correction: I didn’t have time to read her expression. She grabbed my wrist once again and dragged me behind her. 
* These phrases are better written as two separate sentences because of different subject pronouns ("I" and "She"). 
 
6. I stared into her back as she dragged me, nervousness emitted from her back. 
Correction: I stared at her back, which emitted nervousness, as she dragged me. 
* To combine this into one sentence where you don't repeat the same words, you add the phrase after the repeated words in the second phrase ("her back") and insert the commas to make it seem separate from the first phrase since it's serving as an interruption from the main point of the sentence. 
 
7. Worry started to fill me but she looked back and gave me a smile. 
* A comma is needed before the conjunction "but." Without a pause there, the sentence doesn't seem to flow smoothly and that makes it a run-on. The phrase starting from "but" to the end of this sentece is called a dependent clause. 
 
8. It just that… 
Correction: It's just that… 
 
9. "For me to know and for you to find out," he chided. 
Correction: "That's for me to know and for you to find out," he chided.