Chapter Nine – Human

“You don’t really want him. You only want something that he can give you.”

Jongdae often wondered about that day. The day he went to warn his friend about his wayward boyfriend, only to have things go horribly wrong…

Jongdae had barged into his laboratory as usual, but instead of his usual smile, his face bore the expression of a scowl. “Why are you letting your boyfriend use you like that?” He yelled.

Yixing merely looked up, dropping his pipette. “What do you mean?”

“Yixing, for a genius you are unbelievably STUPID!” Jongdae went on to rant about the horrible ways of Wufan, and how he was obviously taking advantage of his dear friend’s kindness and unassuming nature, and how unbelievably stupid Yixing was in not noticing it and how much it was driving him crazy. “I can’t just sit here and watch you humiliate yourself!”

He had conveniently left out the part where a few weeks ago he had thought this Wufan character was normal, of course. It was hypocrisy at its best, but Yixing didn’t need to know that. When he had calmed down, he carefully studied his beloved friend’s face. What he saw made him want to kick himself. Yixing’s dimpled smile had turned into a long frown, his analytical scientific eyes reduced to dewy glass orbs, his composed shoulders drooping like a wilted flower. He sighed.

“Please, go on.” Yixing’s whispered request was so silent that it was like it was never uttered.

Suddenly, Jongdae wasn’t sure he wanted to say what he came to say anymore. He allowed himself a mental berating, knowing that he should have used more tact. Yixing, after all, was more sensitive than he allowed himself to admit. With eyes cast down in shame, he gripped the side of the table. Idle hands never amounted to anything, anyway. “I’m not sure you want to hear what I’m about to say…”

“No.” Came the hushed voice of his best friend. “You’re already here, so you might as well say it.”

Yixing always had an expressive voice. Sure, he tended to talk in an awkward fashion, and his face was usually unreadably calm (save for today, of course), but his voice always betrayed his calm façade. When it was strained, that meant he was annoyed, such as the time Jongdae first barged into his newly renovated laboratory. When it was fast and light, it meant he was excited, such as the time he discovered his first species of bacteria. When it was hushed and hollow, like it was now, it meant that he was sad.

“Ok. I’ll tell you, but first, I just want to ask you a question.” He looked up, scanning his face for approval.

Yixing made a light humming sound and nodded.

“Why are you with him?”

Yixing had given him a blank stare. Jongdae held his breath. Yixing’s face then contorted slightly, his eyebrows scrunched together while his lips pursed a little. He shrugged.

“Come on hyung, please think about it.”

Yixing continued to scrunch his face, tapping his finger to his lips, then sighed. “I don’t know Jongdae.”

Jongdae blinked. He had honestly not expected that answer. He had been expecting a “he’s a god and he chose someone like me” or “someone finally thinks I’m good enough to be with” or even “he’s hot”. But he hadn’t expected Yixing to be so honest and upfront about it.

“Do you want me to tell you what I think?”

Yixing made another humming noise and nodded.

Jongdae bit his lip, seating himself on one of Yixing’s uncomfortable lab chairs. “I think it’s because he makes you feel human.”

Yixing’s eyes flickered. “You…” He pointed at himself. “You think I don’t think I’m human?”

“Yes.”

Yixing had looked so shattered when he heard that. He honestly didn’t know what had possessed him to say that, but he knew that when Yixing’s face crumbled, it was true. Jongdae hadn’t meant to sound cruel, like he had thought that lowly of his best friend, it just sort of slipped out. He had meant to word it more carefully, too. How does one gently tell another that his opinion of himself was so low that he saw himself as sub-human? He didn’t think there was a way.

“I think it’s because he’s so perfect.” He continued. “You’ve been so convinced that nobody would like you because you’re special, and then he comes along in all his glory and chooses you of all people. He could’ve chosen someone that matched him better, but he chose you.”

Yixing’s mouth was pressed into a thin line, but he went on anyway. “He looked like a god and everybody wanted him, but it was you, Yixing that he wanted! You must’ve felt so shocked and confused and happy. Because never once had anyone paid special attention to you before. You were convinced it only happened to good-looking people. But here he was, saying he wanted you!”

Yixing’s eyes were squeezed shut, yet he continued still. “But why would a beautiful creature want an ugly machine, you thought. After all, you were just born to calculate and analyse, right? Maybe he saw something in you! A spark of humanity perhaps?”

Yixing raised his trembling hands to his ears, but he still went on. “Maybe he will see that I’m an ordinary boy, just like the others, you thought. Even though I’m different and I’m special–”

“STOP!”

Jongdae stopped.

Yixing was gripping forcefully at his hair, pulling at it as he shook violently. His breathing came in ragged gasps as his eyes blinked away tears. “Stop, Jongdae, please!” Yixing begged. “I don’t want to hear any more.”

“You were taught to be a machine from the very start.”

Amidst Yixing’s muffled cries, his sentence hung in the air, cold, crisp and whispered. Jongdae knew it had hit the spot when Yixing’s knees gave way and he dropped to the ground, sobbing like he didn’t care anymore.

Jongdae looked on. “Well, maybe you should let him you. You can’t a machine right?”

Yixing had always expressed that he and Wufan’s relationship seemed to be drifting apart. There was a distance, he had said, an emotional detachment that quite often left him wondering if he could keep going. Jongdae had wanted to know why he should. His answer was that it felt good to be wanted. So of course Jongdae had assumed that they had engaged in ual activity.

They had not.

Yixing had said he wasn’t ready. Therefore, it had been pretty obvious to Jongdae why there was such a long distance between them. But he had never wanted to egg them on. He had wanted Yixing’s first time to be special, with someone who had the capacity to love his uniqueness and who would treasure it as time spent well, not with this Wufan guy, who had obviously wanted to… well he had no idea what he wanted. But he knew that it could not be good.

How had it come to this?

Yixing slowly raised his head and stared at his friend. “What are you saying, Kim Jongdae?” He growled.

Jongdae shrugged. “The only reason he’s losing interest in you is because you haven’t given it to him yet. You want him back? Give him .”

“Kim ing Jongdae.” Yixing spat, wiping the last of his tears. “Are you telling me that my boyfriend is–?”

“A addicted bastard, yes.”

“I will kill him.”

___

Author’s notes: HIATUS LIFTED! I am back with (a slightly longer) Chapter 9, and have a better general direction of where this story is going now. Thank you ALL for waiting ever so patiently and sticking with me even after all these times, and a special thank you to mikazuki_angel and BerrieDust for your constant commenting, support and encouragement!

Please look forward to Chapter 10, which will probably be posted three weeks from now. ^w^