Chapter Seven - Dichotomy

After that particular incident, Jongdae avoided him for three weeks. They would sit as far as possible from each other in lectures and seminars, talk to each other only when forced to, and leave in a hurry once the lectures and seminars were over. As for their assignment, Jongdae had vehemently refused to go over to Kris’ house, for fear of a repeat of that incident, preferring instead to exchange notes via instant messenger and email. It wasn’t ideal, but what could Kris do? He had moved too fast too soon, now he had to suffer the consequences. No amount of apologising and begging could change that man’s mind.

Green.

It was a particularly vile shade of green, not unlike that of vomit, and it devoured him like a monster. What made it worse was that it was his monster, for he had created it when he acted rashly. He should have known that a man with two colours had two personalities – two distinct and contradictory personalities, he might add – and he should’ve kept them both separate. Red persona Chen was only seen on stage while blue persona Jongdae was the one he should’ve dealt with on the night of that incident. Instead, he did the worst, and mixed them both up. It created a big, ugly purple mess.

Upon more contemplation, a sudden realisation struck him. He had never felt like this before. Not even with Yixing, who he was sure he had once loved. The way his heart fluttered at every chance they met, as opposed to the way his groin flamed when meeting each potential one-night-stand. The way he always went to his performances no matter how far the club was, always wanting to be involved in his life, as opposed to adamantly staying out of each one-night-stand partner’s life. The way he felt so bad and guilty and nauseas for moving too fast with him, whereas none of that mattered to him before.

Could it be love?

He certainly thought it was possible. Jongdae was a perfectly nice person to have in his life, and he wouldn’t mind keeping him around longer. Unlike his various purely-ual partners, he challenged him on an intellectual level without coming off as too-learned. He also seemed to be a person who could satisfy him carnally without the often overbearing scent of desperation that many of his flings emitted. He also really enjoyed the two personalities Jongdae had to offer, both different and contradictory, yet refreshingly pleasurable. He wasn’t “two-faced” in the sense that it was derogatory.

But most of all, he enjoyed the fact that he could be himself with him. He always pretended to be the perfect symbol of masculinity with his flings, because he did not trust them enough to reveal his insecurities. With innocent, fragile Yixing, he felt that he had to put on a gentlemanly façade, lest he scare the latter away. And he couldn’t scare Yixing away, because then he’d have nobody to care for him. He’d be back to drowning in a sea of pitch black.

Sudden realisation number two – he was only with Yixing for the convenience.

And everything was so distant. Their weekly dates had become so rooted by routine that it became mundane; it was a “just another day” moment for him. Just another date night, just the same Yixing in the same old clothes and same old hair speaking in that same old awkward manner, the same old “happily-ever-after” ending that is grey. The same old heart reaching out for his own heart but not quite getting there, the same old smile that doesn’t quite convey the sheer amount of emotions that it used to, the same old laugh that is just there for the sake of it.

Sometimes, he thinks that his relationship with Yixing is akin to an old married couple’s routine. Minus the bickering, of course, because arguing with Yixing was like piercing a needle through his heart, and he didn’t want to do that. But the only difference was that Yixing was complacent enough to grow old, whereas Kris himself was young at heart. And Jongdae was just the type of encouragement he needed to defy age.

Sudden realisation number three – his life was a soap opera and he was a train wreck.

He didn’t even like soap operas, but he could match the roles with the actors with ease. He himself was the main character, the one who everyone gravitated towards, the one central in every scene. Yixing was the faithful, loving wife who everybody is positioned to love, because he’s so naïve and trusting. Jongdae on the other hand, would be perceived as the heartless, home wrecking , purely because he entered the scene later than Yixing did.

Sudden realisation number four – Jongdae was the third wheel.

He frowned. He didn’t want to think of Jongdae as the third wheel. But no matter how he looked at it, the fact was true, plain and simple. He was the last to enter the scene, and thus it was only fitting. But couldn’t they see how happy Jongdae makes him? He sighed, rubbing at his temples. He was thinking about this too hard, for he could feel a headache coming along.

Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door. With a scowl, he strolled over to open it.

Yixing stormed in angrily, his hands clenched into tight fists.

“Jongdae told me everything.”

Author's notes: A rambling Kris! How did you guys like him? Update was a little slow today, and I can't promise it'll be any faster, because uni just started. I've reached the 100 subbies mark! I know it's not much compared to other authors, but for someone who is here on AFF to improve her writing skills, it's a whole bunch. Thanks to all you readers/subscribers/commenters for taking the time to read this, and waiting for my updates! <3 Without you guys, I don't know how I could've continued this. Before this chapter was written, I've been having a mild case of writer's block and I just didn't want to continue with this anymore, but just reading your comments helped me a lot. So THANK YOU so so much! <3 <3

More drama coming up in chapter eight, so stay tuned! ;)

[Edit]: AFF deleted Chapter 7 as well as the comments! I also lost a few subscribers, so if you have subscribed to Third Wheel after Chapter 7 was posted, feel free to re-subscribe!!! Luckily I save all my stories on Word. Chapter 8 will be coming shortly :D