The fear of losing you…

Now transformed into real, and I could not escape.

“Where are you going, Jess?” Tiffany asked me.

“Just visiting Sooyoung, she said that there’s something she wanted to talk about with me” I smiled to my girlfriend.

“Alright, don’t come home too late… I’ll be waiting for you…”

“Okay, honey…” I pecked her lips and made my way out from my house.

Maybe our love is really over now…

She kissed my lips softly… I kissed her back. I held her waist and her hands now lingering my neck. I deepened the kissed into a passionate one.

Then I heard something was dropped behind me.

I looked at that direction.

There was a girl with a long red hair standing, with a dropped bag on her feet. She wore a brown coat that really looked like mine.

“ you, Jess!” the red haired girl yelled at me. “You said you wanted to visit Sooyoung, huh? Instead you met that and kissed her!”

That was my girlfriend, Tiffany.

The word ‘sorry’ couldn’t make up for a mistake I made.

You felt betrayed, and decided to go…

“I’m sorry, Tiff… I’m really sorry” I really didn’t know what to do. I mean, my girlfriend caught me cheating behind her back! ! I’m too stupid! I have the most beautiful and kind hearted girl beside me, yet I still cheated with another girl. I bet she’s tired to hear me saying sorry.

She kept silent and continued to pack her things into a big pink bag. I saw tears in her eyes. My heart’s hurt to see her like this.

“Please, Tiff… I’m begging you, please, don’t go…” I held her hands, stopping her from packing her things.

Finally, her tears ran down her cheeks. She lowered her head so I couldn’t see her face. But I could see her body’s trembling.

“I’m sorry, Tiff… I promise, I won’t ever do that again. I promise. I love you so much, Tiff… Please, don’t go…”

“I can’t, Jess… I can’t live with you anymore… Knowing what you did to me earlier, I, I…” she sobbed, couldn’t continue her words.

“I swear I won’t do that anymore! I swear!”

“I’m sorry, Jess. Maybe we better off this way… Maybe I’ll be better without you…”

I wanted to hug you for the last time, before you go.

But I feared I was unable to hold my tears…

She’s finally getting up after she packed her things as much as possible that fit in that pink bag. She walked to the front door, and suddenly she stopped. She turned around and looked at me.

“You know what? I felt so stupid, crying in front of you, when you don’t even have single tears in your eyes…”

I was shocked to hear her saying that. It’s not that I didn’t feel sad, I just couldn’t. I promised in front of my mother’s grave that I would never cry anymore. She knew that!

“Tiff, you knew that I…” she cut me.

“Yes, I know. I just thought, maybe… Maybe you could… Never mind” she lowered her head.

“Goodbye, Jess…” she smiled to me with those red eyes.

And that’s her last words she said to me.

I tried to smile as you go. Although my heart’s crying heavily.

I hoped you know,

How much I still love you…

“Goodbye my love…”

And that was… The coldest December in my life…

***

@STPHNHWANG