Listen to "Graze" by SHINee

---One year later---

“Hello?” I tucked my phone between my shoulder and ear and opened the door to my apartment building with my free hand.

“S-soojin? Is that you?” A hesitant voice asked in Korean.

Surprised, I nearly dropped my keys.

“Yes, that’s me. Who’s this?”

“Soojin-ah, it’s me. Eunhye.”

“Eunhye! Omo, it’s been such a long time! What made you call so suddenly?” I asked as I placed my groceries onto my dining table. I hadn’t talked them in a long time, so I was surprised at the sudden call.

“I-it’s Sunggyu.”

“Sunggyu? What about him?” I could hear the panic creeping into my voice as I tried to calm myself down.

It wasn’t my position to worry about him.

“He...he...Soojin-ah. You should...come back to Korea soon. To see him for the last time.”

My phone slid from my hands and clattered onto the floor. I could still hear Eunhye call my name through the receiver, but I ignored it. Through the hazy mist in my brain, I was only aware of the words Eunhye had just said to me.

To...see him...for the last...time...

---

I saw Eunhye at the front of the church with a bunch of tissues in hand. I quickly walked over to her and hugged her. She seemed surprised to see me but immediately hugged me back.

“Soojin-ah, I missed you,” she murmured quietly.

“I missed you too. I’m so sorry,” I said, pulling back and looking at her.

She shook her head. “It was expected.”

“Expected?” I asked, shocked. “W-what do you mean?”

“He had melanoma,” she said softly, not meeting my eyes.

I was silent for a moment, digesting the information.

“When was he diagnosed?” I asked, surprised by how icy the words came out.

“A-about 18 months ago,” she stuttered, apparently also startled by my cold voice.

“And you guys didn’t tell me?” I accused, my voice raising a notch.

“I’m sorry!” She exclaimed, her eyes filling with tears again. I immediately softened.

“Oh, Eunhye. That was stupid of me...” I pulled her in for a hug again. “It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize.”

I let her sob into my shoulder for a while and waited as she calmed herself down.

“Here,” she said as her tears finally stopped. She was holding out a slightly crumpled envelope.

“What’s this?” I asked, turning it around in my hand. On the front of the envelope was my name. My breath hitched as I recognized the handwriting.

I looked up at Eunhye questioningly.

She nodded. “Yeah, Sunggyu wrote it. He...he told me to give it to you the next time I see you. I figured you’d be here so...” She ended with a shrug and patted me on the shoulder before walking away to entertain the other guests.

I tore open the envelope and extracted the letter, quickly unfolding it.

Dear Soojin,

By the time you read this letter, I’m probably gone. I’m sorry if I didn’t get to see you for the last time, but you know I would’ve held on for you if I could.

Soojin-ah, do you still remember the first time we met? I had just moved to the new neighborhood and you were the first friend I made. The time we spent together then was nice, wasn’t it? Even though that was so many years ago, I still remember it as if it was yesterday. I must say, that is one of the most precious memories to me. How about you?

When I met you again in high school, I could hardly believe it. Even though you had changed a lot, I could tell that you were still my best friend, Lee Soojin, underneath. You were still the sweet, kind little girl that used to follow me around. Do you know how happy I was when I saw you in the classroom that day? I honestly don’t think I’ve been so happy in my life before. I’ve never forgotten about you.

You may not believe it, but I was in love with you ever since we were four. Never once did I forget my feelings to you. Even through the time we weren’t together, I still loved you. Even after you rejected me, I still loved you. Even...even after Eunhye and I began dating, ...I still loved you.

Eunhye probably did not tell you, but the relationship and marriage between us was actually because of our parents. She loved me, and I loved her, but only as friends. We were never in love. We went through all of this because of our parents’ wishes. And I probably consented to do this because I wanted to forget about you. But I couldn’t.

Lee Soojin, you are like a parasite in my life. I can never forget about you, no matter how hard I try. No matter how much I want to hate you, dislike you, forget about you, ignore you, I always end up realizing how deeply in love I am with you.

Do you remember our promise back then to get married when we were older? I’m sorry I couldn’t fulfill that promise, but please remember that I love you. I always did, and always will, no matter where I am.

Remember that somewhere in heaven, I will be looking over you. I hope you’ll be happy forever and always.

Love,

Kim Sunggyu

By the time I had finished the letter, the church was bare. I was sitting in the back row by myself. Tears dripped from the tip of my nose and chin onto the paper I was clutching tightly in my hands. The envelope slid off my lap and landed on the floor with a clang. A shiny object that slid out of it caught my eye and I bent down to pick it up.

I pressed my fist against my lips to silent my sobs as I realized what it was. I picked up the note that came with it and read it, trying to make out the words through my tears.

You’re probably not wearing the wish bracelet anymore, but I hope you’ll wear this ring forever.

I choked on my tears as I slowly slid it onto my finger. I placed my head in my hands as I began crying earnestly.

Kim Sunggyu, I love you. I’ll remember you forever.

I fell in love with a person that had fallen in love with me, but I realized my feelings one step too late. I missed my chance and someone swept him away from me. However, I feel no resentment and no regret.

One day, I will find true love and grasp the chance when it comes to me.

One day, I will tell my children about this first love.

One day, I will look back at the wish bracelet and remember the wish I made, smiling as memories take me on a trip back in time.

One day, the pain in my chest will disappear.

One day...One day...I hope this day comes sooner.

______________________

There's one more chapter guys :)

When I first wrote this story, I was actually not planning on anyone dying, but I felt that if someone did, there will be more finality lol. So. Yeah. Sorry Sunggyu ;_; I love you~

"I missed my chance and someone swept him away from me. However, I feel no resentment and no regret."

This part over here could mean two things. The "someone swept him away from me" could mean Eunhye taking Sunggyu from Soojin or it could be Death taking Sunggyu from Soojin, whichever way you like.

Just clarifyin' :)