I sat down on the chair opposite him and picked up something to read. The room felt cold even with my jacket on yet Yongguk was sat there in a vest top. I shivered and hugged myself. I couldn’t feel any tension in the room so I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just call out to him and tell him everything was ok between us. From the corner of my eye I could see him leaning forward in his chair, looking at me.

I faced the other way trying to get the right words to come to me.

‘Yunj-‘ he started.

I stood up throwing the magazine down, ‘why would you let me believe that you were driving the car’

He leaned back against his chair. My sudden question obviously catching him off guard.

‘I mean I could have hurt you and yet you didn’t say a thing not one about the fact that you weren’t driving. You led me on, you know Yongguk some girls look down on that. I shouted at you… and said… things. Why would you voluntarily go through that’

‘Would you have rather me tell you Daehyun did so you could have shouted at me?’

‘Don’t do that; don’t answer my question with a question. Why would you want me to hurt you!’

‘Because it meant you weren’t hurting Daehyun!’ he stood up and walked towards me so I pushed up against the wall.

‘As soon as I knew… that… that there was something wrong with Zelo I made a decision to take this upon myself. I knew Zelo’s all you have left and that you would be crushed to see him like that. I didn’t want you to take your angry out on Daehyun. That guys a wreck.’ he breathed in and sat back down. I saw tears falling down his face.

‘These guys are my responsibility. They’re families trust me to take care of them, you trust me to take care of them and I ed it up. I ed up big style. Daehyun looked tried, I should have seen that. A leader is supposed to see that. Why didn’t I see that Yunjae?’

‘Yongguk you’re just a person’ I shook my head at him.

‘No I’m a leader. They’re leader’

‘But you’re a human being before your anything else!’

‘Yunjae listen-‘

‘No you listen. I’m sorry’ my voice cracked but I continued speaking, ‘it’s not your fault’ I shook my head again and looked at the floor.

‘Yunjae…’ Yongguk reached out to me from where he was sitting but I stepped backwards.

‘Just shut up for a minute kay… that kid means everything to me and seeing him… like that…’ I pointed to the room next door. ‘…hurts. I need him and something inside me takes over when I see him in danger or when I see that he’s hurt… it was unfair of me to blame you because I know you’re a good person and an even better leader. And yes he is all I have and I think about that fact every single day. I think about how much work he’s doing. How much dancing. Wondering whether he’s getting enough sleep or if he’s eating enough food but you know what makes me feel better? You! You take care of him when I can’t and I’ll always be grateful for that Yongguk’

He nodded but stayed silent until I was done.

‘I had no right saying that to you and…’ I wiped my eyes, ‘I don’t hate you Yongguk. I never have and I don’t think I ever will. I’m sorry’

‘I don’t want your apology Yun-‘

‘Take it. Just take it… please’ I walked towards him and sat down on the chair beside him, cupping his face in my hands.

‘Ok but only if you forgive me’

‘I already have’ I smiled and kissed his lips softly.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder. I squeezed his shoulders with my arms and insisted that nothing was his fault.

‘What if he doesn’t wake up?’

I cringed at the words but up enough courage to reply.

‘Then I know I’ll have five amazing people to help me through it. He’s not the only family I have Yongguk. Unfortunately I seemed to have taken a liking to you and the rest of the guys’ I sniggered and wiped my eyes.

‘Don’t carry the burdens of 6 guys just because you’re the oldest. I’m sure they’re strong enough to know the way by now Yongguk’ I smiled at him and his cheek.

I saw a faint smile on his lips before he brought his face closer and kissed me. It was warmer then all the others and seemed to completely the air out of my lungs.

He pulled away and rested his forehead on mine.

‘Saranghae’

‘What?!’ I pulled back and stood up, ‘…you’ve never said that before’

‘That’s because I’ve never felt it before’ he smirked.

‘We’ve only been dating for 3 months’ I looked at him confused.

He stood up and wrapped his arm around my waist.

‘I’m sorry if it shocks you but it’s how I feel. After tonight I don’t want to spend another minute away from you’

‘That’s going to be difficult considering we’re both-‘ I couldn’t finish the sentence because Yongguk’s lips touched mine again.

He looked at me again with a sincere look in his eyes.

‘What your feeling is pity Yongguk. It’s not love. You feel sorry for the fact that Zelo is hurt and I’m upset’

‘This has nothing to do with Zelo. It’s just me and you’

My eyebrows knitted together and I breathed in and released it slowly.

‘What if I don’t feel the same’

‘I’ll wait’ he insisted.

‘What if it takes me a while?’ my bottom lip trembled.

‘As long as it takes’ he smiled fully so it touched his eyes and I realized how much I loved that sight. Maybe it wouldn’t take me as long as I thought it would.

***

Yongguk had fallen asleep in the waiting room again and about 30 minutes later Youngjae and Himchan appeared.

Youngjae had some broken fingers and two bruised ribs but from the way he was talking and laughing you wouldn’t have thought anything was wrong underneath.

We were laughing at some story Youngjae was telling about when he was in school and his teacher used to throw stuff at his pupils.

‘I got a marker to the head once’ he nodded looking strangely proud of that fact.

‘Wow and there I am thinking it takes more to be a man. Youngjae over there gets hit with pens! Real tough guy this one’

Himchan was holding his stomach.

‘Here Jamie throw one at me. I wanna become a man too’ he laughed.

I threw my head back laughing and realized Yongguk was in the room.

‘Oh dudes keep it down. Yongguk’s sleeping’

‘Aww are his bones hurting ha-ha’ Himchan insulted and laughed before ting himself when Yongguk answered back.

‘Keep talking Channie and you’re not gonna have any bones left’ I heard his husky laugh and started giggling at Himchan’s face.

‘Don’t offend the leader Himchannie, you’re live to regret it’ I pointed at him with a serious expression on my face before laughing with Youngjae.

Himchan burst out laughing before looking at the door when someone walked in.

I was still sniggering when I looked up and saw everyone had stopped and were looking at the door.

‘What?’ I looked round and saw Daehyun standing in the doorway.

‘Yunjae can I talk to you for a minute?’ his voice was low and his eyes were puffy as though he’d only just stopped crying before walking through the door.

I nodded suddenly not feeling confident with my voice.

He walked out into the corridor and I closed the waiting room door behind me. He turned around and I could see he was on the brink of tears.

‘Err how are you?’ he asked in a low voice.

‘I’m fine. How about you? Nothing serious I hope’ I tried to show him how concerned I was about him but he’s expression didn’t change. It scared me a little. Like some part of him had given up. I could see what this had done to him, I was stupid to even think Yongguk had been driving. He didn’t look even close to how Daehyun looked. He had stitching across his collarbone and some more on his face.

‘They told me I fractured my wrist and I have some cuts and bruising in places. I might have to stay in over night but they said I should be good after that’ he nodded and looked down again.

‘Daehyun… say what’s on your mind’ I insisted and touched the side of his face.

His body started shaking as he gave up on holding back the emotional rollercoaster that was going on inside him. His eyes closed as streams of tears fell down his face. He was a mess and I didn’t know what to do. When I tried to touch him he seemed to cry more. My heart broke seeing him like this, it’s something my eyes had never seen before and it made me feel uncomfortable. Not in a selfish way like I wanted him to stop because it was embarrassing but in a way that I felt it was somehow my fault he was so heavy-hearted.

I put my hands on both of his arms and started rubbing them. Small whimpers escaped his lips and each one was like a kick in the stomach.

‘I’m so sorry Yunjae’ I heard the words but it didn’t sound like Daehyun saying them.

Heart filled with concern I placed both hands firmly on his face and spoke to him clearly without pause.

‘None of this is your fault Daehyun. At first I thought I wanted someone to blame but now I realize that was just stupid of me. I’d never alienate one of you because of something you did or did not do. Understand?’

I looked him in the eyes and his crying ceased a little.

‘I love Zelo but it’s no more then how much I love you or Yongguk or Himchan or Youngjae or Jongup’

‘I should have told Yongguk I couldn’t drive. I’d been up for 42 hours straight. It’s my fault Yunjae’

I sighed, ‘Your not listening’

‘The road was dark. I could barely see anything my vision had gone blurry but I carried on driving. I should have pulled over and told Yongguk I couldn’t drive. But I didn’t and we crashed. I was able to pull myself from the over turned car but I couldn’t see any of the other guys. I was calling they’re names but they weren’t answering’

Images flashed up in my head and I flinched at every single one. Daehyun had started crying again. I didn’t think a single human could produce so much fluid.

‘Daehyun-‘

‘And then I saw Jongup and there was blood everywhere. His pants were soaked and Yongguk was trying to get Zelo out from under the car. I just carried on watching’

‘Daehyun stop-‘

‘I heard the ambulance and didn’t even realize anyone had called one. Yongguk was holding Zelo in his lap, trying to wake him up. There was so much blood Yunjae. It was everywhere’

‘Daehyun! That’s enough. I don’t want to know anymore’ I insisted as I felt fresh tears start filling my eyes.

‘Just calm down. It’s not your fault. Someone crashed into you not the other way around ok. Try to remember that’

‘But I didn’t try to swerve’

‘Doesn’t matter. You could have been injured worse if you swerved. But look at you. Your ok and the guys are fine’

‘But Zelo-‘

‘Is fine. He looks fine. Everything’s going to ok. I promise. I won’t let anything happen’

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tighter. He cries muffled by my t-shirt. He’d grabbed fistfuls of my jacket and was squeezing my back.

I continued hugging him until his crying had subsided. He pulled his body away from mine and wiped his face.

‘I feel better’ he said and sniffed up.

‘Come on. We’re all waiting in here’

I pushed him into the waiting room and saw Yongguk had gotten up now and was sat opposite Himchan. He patted the sit next to him and I dropped my body down onto it. I yawned and they all laughed, including Daehyun.

I rolled my eyes at them and grabbed a magazine again.

‘Maybe you should go home. Take Daehyun and Youngjae with you’

‘I’m staying’ all three of us shouted. Youngjae adding a ‘no way’ at the beginning.

‘Your tired’ he said looking at me.

‘I’m staying where I am Yongguk. I’ll sleep when I’m dead’

The guys gasped and I covered my mouth with my hand, ‘OMG I can’t believe I just said that’

Yongguk started laughing a bit which was followed by sniggers coming from Himchan.

‘You’re only human Yunjae’ he answered and forced me to lean against his shoulder.

‘I feel horrible now’ but a laughed escaped my lips.

‘Go to sleep. We’ll wake you if anything happens’

I was about to close my eyes when the waiting room door swung open.

‘Miss Park. I think you might want to come and see Mr Choi now. He’s asking for you’